A parent with a teenager in denial.

EllsKBells

Well-Known Member
Messages
362
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
@Resurgam makes an excellent point @James321 - an insulin dependent diabetic is required by law to test 15 minutes before driving, and be above 5, and then every two hours whilst driving. Is her instructor aware of your daughter's T1D? If not, it is imperative that they be told - I don't know what the legal position regarding their responsibility would be, but I am guessing that there would be consequences. Although there is no 'legal maximum' to drive, as I think was discussed on another thread, your cognitive fuction is impaired when you are in double figures. Obviously it is a discussion you need to have, but I know if I was a driving instructor, I would not want someone who wasn't testing in my car - it's their safety, and also their livelihood.
 

James321

Member
Messages
23
Perhaps the boyfriend leaving didn't help. Type 1 marks you out as 'different' and can affcet your confidence hugely. So I think general reassurance might be good as well - things that are nothing to do with her diabetes, but just about how proud you are of her in general. It sounds silly and trivial, but I remember sometimes feeling inferior because of the Type 1. When you're a teen, it can sometimes be easy to undervalue yourself and feel you're not good enough. Type 1 only adds to those feelings.

We often recommend the book Think Like A Pancreas to Type 1s because it has a lot of information about managing the condition, but when I read it what I also felt was relief as I read the author's account of Type 1 and what a pain in the bum it can be. It's written in a chatty, amusing way but I found it made me feel good to read the words of someone who totally got it.

You seem to be implying she's still not accepted her diabetes. If that's the case, perhaps talking about advances towards a cure and easier/better care might help? That might give her an incentive to look after her health - ie stay healthy to be ready for these advances.

Sorry I hadn't message before, I'm in the tec world very old. I didn't even realise I had other messages.
She has lost all confidence with her boyfriend leaving her and yes although not a parents first choice he was my daughters. I will try to suggest the book and continue to believe in herself. She failed her exams at school what with being diagnosed at fifteen and missing plenty of schooling. I will continue to support her, and love her dearly. Mood swings, ups and downs, who cares, she's my daughter, and thick and thin and a few kind people helping dad though the diabetes site, well we can't fail.
Yes a few quiet tears away from the world but we will get there.
Thanks for your time,
Old bloke, with sausage fingers.
Jim.
 

James321

Member
Messages
23
@James321 I'm not a parent, but I was a teenager with diabetes. I was 16 when I was diagnosed five years ago, and when I got to about 18 (so about two years in) I... rebelled. To put it mildly. Being asked what my blood sugars were made me really, really angry. I hesitate to call it an eating disorder, but I developed a very unhealthy relationship with food, where I would binge eat and not inject, then inject and not eat for days.

I'm on a better track now, and something that really helped me is getting a Freestyle Libre, which my grandmother very generously pays for. You can scan with a phone, and whilst it doesn't replace finger pricks, it's better than nothing if she isn't testing at all. At first the novelty of it had me scanning, and then because I could see what I was actually doing to myself, that encouraged me to start trying again. For some reason, the graph seems to have more meaning to it for me than the number on the metre.

As a parent I am sure you want to constantly ask about blood sugars to know how she is. I can't speak for her, but for me it just felt not only like my parents didn't trust me, but also it became a subject of immense anxiety every time my sugars weren't perfect, which sometimes they just aren't. SO maybe try to restrict yourself to asking once a day. Instead, why don't you try asking her how she is - show her that you are interested in her, not just the diabetes, or if there is anything that you can do for her. When I am really struggling, my boyfriend asks if he can make me a cup of tea. It reminds me that I am loved, and that even though it feels like it, there is a world beyond diabetes.

I know you've said she would be resistant to it, but I have found this forum to be a great support. Alternatively, does she do twitter? I don't, but I believe there are several rather good accounts of diabetics, and I'm sure the same is true of other social media sites. This is a very lonely disease, and I would guess that she feels that you don't understand. Which you don't. But that doesn't mean you don't care, or feel for her. Perhaps she doesn't want you to feel sorry for her. I'm not a psychologist, and I'm not in her head, I can only relate from my own experiences.

Sorry for the essay!

Hi, yep it's me, the person you very kindly sent your well worded in your words essay. Moving, up lifting, and kind and thoughtful.
Your boyfriend sounds great, and I have had five or six different contacts, what a fantastic bunch of people you are.
I get a great feel of humbleness and contentment by all the kind words.
Being a parent is an impossible privilege, and a life changing experience.
Having a child nearly an adult, who wants a cuddle but to grown up to except one in a stand off situation when she gets emotional is awkward but teenage life.
I loved your boyfriends cup of tea release valve, and I'm sorry to hear you struggled yourself so much with your dietary needs.
I think we are coping with the diabetes and this morning and we had a low reading of 3.8 this morning, Out came the one minute beans on toast topped with cheese and a glass of water,
One of my fastest yet.
Life can seem very tough at times, and there's no rhyme nor reason to what happens.
It's a very unpleasant journey for so many people, young and old, big or small,
A few kind and reassuring words from other people touched by or living with diabetes is a massive help.
Thank you so much for taking time to share your thoughts with me, it's been uplifting and reassuring.
Take care of yourself, you will also have people who care for you, and maybe also not no how to approach this subject.
Now there's two essays.
Jim.
 

James321

Member
Messages
23
It must be so worrying to be in your position - I wondered if there was any leverage you could exert - in a gentle way - with the driving lessons - there are legal requirements which diabetics must observe before driving, so it would not be fair for the driving instructor to be going out with your daughter if her levels had not been checked, and corrected before setting out. Once she has a licence to drive then it would be even more important to check and correct, as she could be going out alone or with people who's safety was in her hands -

Yes, Ive offered to buy her a vw polo if and when she passes her test. You are of course right about her safety and everyone else's on the road, and as the weeks go by towards her test I'm hoping she comes to terms with her responsibilities not just for herself but all around.
Thanks for the advice and taking the time to message.
Jim.
 

James321

Member
Messages
23
If she does twitter, then the hashtag #gbdoc is worth a look. There are a fair few young T1 women of a similar age who are part of the group and very open. They would be very supportive.

Hi Tim, thanks for the info, I will pass this through to my daughter it's all a question of timing.
Thanks for sparing your time, it's very kind.
Jim
 

Resurgam

Expert
Messages
9,849
Type of diabetes
Type 2 (in remission!)
Treatment type
Diet only
Yes, Ive offered to buy her a vw polo if and when she passes her test. You are of course right about her safety and everyone else's on the road, and as the weeks go by towards her test I'm hoping she comes to terms with her responsibilities not just for herself but all around.
Thanks for the advice and taking the time to message.
Jim.
Both our next door neighbours are type 1 - we had to have our front wall rebuilt as they came home one night and the driver passed out just as they approached the houses - the car was a write off, but luckily neither person was seriously injured. More recently we had the paramedics at the house, as he was away, had phoned home and realised that she was going hypo. Luckily another neighbour was able to persuade her to open the door - she was unwilling to let strangers into the house and did not realise she needed help. We do worry about them.
 

DiabeticDadUK

Well-Known Member
Messages
336
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Any advise from parents. Struggling to see there child ignoring diabetes. She's seventeen, recently diagnosed two years just gone.
Always been headstrong however screams at me if I approach the subject or ask her anything about it.
My name is Jim, 52, I want to support my daughter as all parents I'm sure do.
Thanks Jim.

Hi Jim. Wow this is tough to read, for you it must be very hard to cope with day to day. It is tough for me because I WAS that teenage kid. I was diagnosed aged 8. I reckon between age 13/14 and 19 I was a ridiculously bad T1D. For that I probably paid the penalty in 2011 with severe eye problems (now stable). I was the head strong kid in denial. I'm sure others were too.

I had nurses, docs, consultants and parents try to put the fear of God into me and it didn't work. I wish now that they'd dragged me around a few wards to see the consequences and complications and enforced me seeing a few nasty things. Followed by some support in how to cope with T1D things may have been better for me. Sadly in the 1980s that wasn't much of an option. I'm sure that today the newly diagnosed get proper support and even counselling. Once she accepts that this isn't going to go away she should begin to work with diabetes rather than fight against it.

I'm not trying to scaremonger you but without good control she is very likely to run into problems later on in life. You probably already know that anyway. Could an ultra soft approach work? Perhaps if she sees how worried/upset you are it might strike a chord with her and you can work on improvements. She will get head straight sooner or later, she's still relatively newly diagnosed so it might just take persistence.
 

Amy993

Well-Known Member
Messages
127
Type of diabetes
Type 1
I am also 17, and have been diagnosed just over 7 months. In some aspects i understand her. I hate being asked and annoyed by my parents all the time, I sometimes like to be left alone in private to do it by myself. I have been in a rough patch for the start of the year, where i have been ill and other things, and am just coming out of it and regaining control properly. I was really ill through my exams hence why I didn't get the best results that i could of, and was diagnosed halfway through the summer holidays.
 
S

serenity648

Guest
Yes, Ive offered to buy her a vw polo if and when she passes her test. You are of course right about her safety and everyone else's on the road, and as the weeks go by towards her test I'm hoping she comes to terms with her responsibilities not just for herself but all around.
Thanks for the advice and taking the time to message.
Jim.
does the driving instructor know your daughter is type 1 diabetic? and also her insurance company? It is a legal requirement to tell the DVLA https://insidedvla.blog.gov.uk/2016/11/14/driving-with-diabetes-the-facts/

I may be sounding hard and be unpopular for this, but if she doesnt tell them, I believe that you have a responsibility to tell them, she may be a hazard to herself and other drivers. And invalidating her car insurance if they have not been told.

https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/article...r-other-medications-which-carry-risk-inducing
 

Juicyj

Expert
Retired Moderator
Messages
9,017
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Pump
Dislikes
Hypos, rude people, ignorance and grey days.
Hi @James321 welcome to the forum, I have to admit you sound like an amazing dad, so well done for all that you do.

I would second the advice about her using the freestyle Libre, if you can afford to, it's an incredibly useful piece of kit and may open her eyes to become more of an 'expert' in managing her condition. It does sound she's in denial and to be fair I think many type 1's experience this, it's an over whelming, consuming condition, if you let it be this way. Sadly the NHS doesnt seem to be very well equipped in psychologically supporting those who are newly diagnosed or who are struggling, in some respects that's why support forums are so important as its somewhere safe to speak to others so if she could open up and talk to others that would be help her a lot. See if she would consider joining up ?
 

leslie10152

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,110
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
Ignorance
Some of these 'perfect people' are diabetic too!
Diabetes, in a rather peculiar manner - is a badge of honor. I have very rarely seen a diabetic end their life because if the condition. We become Monsters and Conquerers! We are monsters when the BGL's wander off the track, yet we conquer the obstacles thrown in our path. We see the problems of others, and respond, regardless of our own miseries. We band together and form a bond like no other. Let the world know we are here. Be proud, know you are someone's hero.