my daughter amy is a type 1 she was diagnosed at age 4,she is now 14yrs old,she has never been the easiest of diabetics to keep under control,things were easier when she was little,my worry now is that being a 14yr old she likes to go out with her friends a lot,and over the last few months she has become impossible,she refuses to go to her diabetes clinic appointments she goes out with her mates instead,i know for a fact shes not checking her bloods when shes out because i find her machine hidden in all sorts of places,she has also been skipping her insulin injections ,i confronted her about this and she just says shes not doing it when shes out with her mates,carb counting has completely gone out of the window she just wont do it.iv tried everything,from grounding her to talking to her .we have had many rows about it but she just seems to think that nothing bad will happen to her and im just being stupid.iv told her diabetes team but im still waiting for them to get back to me,i am kept awake at night worring about whats going to happen to her,amy wont except that she can get very ill or even die,im at my wits end now ,shes even come home on 2 occasions drunk ,one night i had to sit with her as she was sick in her sleep and choked,she seems to think its funny and im just a pain for going on at her all the time,what do i do,
what do i do now ????
- Thread starter yerkish
- Start Date
I can't comment about her diabetes because I've never been a teenager with diabetes and I don't have one yet, my daughter is still only 9. But that aside, when I was 14 if I'd come home drunk I would have been in serious trouble with my parents. Freedom was traded for responsibility in our home, if I acted in a responsible way then I got my freedom to go out with my friends. If I did things, like getting drunk, which my parents didn't approve of then I'd lose my freedom to go out with my friends. This arrangement worked well for me and my parents, not sure if it would work for everyone but it's a thought. Perhaps trade responsible behaviour, diabetes responsibilities and other issues like alcohol, for freedom to go out with her friends. If you choose to do this then you really need to stick to what you say. No point setting up this arrangement only to find you back down too easily and quickly, mean what you say and stick to it. 14 year old children should not be going out getting drunk, whether they have diabetes or not. Good luck 
Yerkish - I can't imagine what you're going through. Have you tried chatting to her mates about it? I saw a TV prog not so long ago and there was a girl on it doing much the same as you've described your daughter doing because she wanted to be "normal". When I was her age we had someone who was Type 1 in our year at school and her parents had exaplained the dos and don'ts, cans and can'ts to her friends too so everyone was aware of it. It helped her so much as it was then "normal" for her and her friends. She could go out for a drink but her friends would rally around to make sure she wasn't hammered but also wasn't alienated. I know you'll be aware of risking embarrassing your daughter but presumably she'll have a "best mate" who may not even know the complexities of diabetes that you can talk to.(?). Facebook maybe useful for this.
I'm not a parent and have only been recently diagnosed myself so can only imagine how she feels and what you're experiencing so wish you and your daughter well.
Best regards
Dave
I'm not a parent and have only been recently diagnosed myself so can only imagine how she feels and what you're experiencing so wish you and your daughter well.
Best regards
Dave
jopar
Well-Known Member
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It’s hard to suggest which way to go...
Hopefully your team will be in contact soon with you, as it seems you’ve tried most things already with out much success sadly it’s going to be a hard one to sort out..
I can understand to be seen ‘Normal’ in the eyes of her friends, perhaps having a insulin pump might help her back to the straight and narrow, it does give so much more flexibility than injection, if she’s interested then you could use it as a bargaining tool with the drinking side of things, she’s got to either cut out or cut down drastically otherwise no pump! And she got to go to clinic to get it etc...
You say that you had to stay up all night to keep on eye on her to do being vomiting with drink, perhaps if this happens again I would get her into A&E via an ambulance let the hospital deal with it, the impact of being admitted into hospital may give her a wake-up call, do the same with any signs of DKA get her into A&E. Let her face the medics and explain herself..
I appreciate that for you ringing an ambulance etc is going to be very hard, as you will have the feeling of a parent in failure etc, but try not to think of it in that context, you’ll aren’t a failed parent just a very caring parent whose trying to the best for their child. As hopefully this will help provide the biggest wake-up call going as she will have to face something she really don’t want to face... Her actions.
Hopefully your team will be in contact soon with you, as it seems you’ve tried most things already with out much success sadly it’s going to be a hard one to sort out..
I can understand to be seen ‘Normal’ in the eyes of her friends, perhaps having a insulin pump might help her back to the straight and narrow, it does give so much more flexibility than injection, if she’s interested then you could use it as a bargaining tool with the drinking side of things, she’s got to either cut out or cut down drastically otherwise no pump! And she got to go to clinic to get it etc...
You say that you had to stay up all night to keep on eye on her to do being vomiting with drink, perhaps if this happens again I would get her into A&E via an ambulance let the hospital deal with it, the impact of being admitted into hospital may give her a wake-up call, do the same with any signs of DKA get her into A&E. Let her face the medics and explain herself..
I appreciate that for you ringing an ambulance etc is going to be very hard, as you will have the feeling of a parent in failure etc, but try not to think of it in that context, you’ll aren’t a failed parent just a very caring parent whose trying to the best for their child. As hopefully this will help provide the biggest wake-up call going as she will have to face something she really don’t want to face... Her actions.
I was going to say the same as Dave about making her watch the TV programme that was on recently, it was on Channel 4 and called The Hospital I think so it should be on 4OD, it may just be that little nudge that pushes towards her taking an interest in her health.
I was diagnosed at 17 and the hospital I get seen at has a specific programme for youngh diabetics and also arranges social events where you can meet others with T1 and exchange experiences, it's worth looking around to see if there's one in your atrea.
I think Diabetes UK also used to run weekend 'camps' for juvenile diabetics where they are taught why it's important to look after themselves but also have a bit of fun too.
Also, there's a 'young diabetics' section on this forum could she be encouraged to post here herself?
I was diagnosed at 17 and the hospital I get seen at has a specific programme for youngh diabetics and also arranges social events where you can meet others with T1 and exchange experiences, it's worth looking around to see if there's one in your atrea.
I think Diabetes UK also used to run weekend 'camps' for juvenile diabetics where they are taught why it's important to look after themselves but also have a bit of fun too.
Also, there's a 'young diabetics' section on this forum could she be encouraged to post here herself?
hi i did ground amy for getting drunk and it did work as it hasn't happened since,im going to try what you suggest and see if it works im very good at sticking to what i say,and your right 14yr olds should not be drinking i agree with you on that one ,amy knows how i feel about it but she did it anyway..most of amys friends know shes a diabetic as they have know her since primary school.
amy watched the program you are refureing to i thought it would help but it didn't every time i speak to her about her lack of control she brings it up that the girls in the program isnt bothered about her diabetes and nothing bads happened to her,believe me when i say i have tried everything with amy from speaking to her to grounding her and taking her things away until she earns them back by doing her bloods and her insulin,this works for a while but she soon slips back into not being bothered.
hopefully there will be no more drinking from amy,i have told her that if she gets ill due to her lack of control i will take her to a & e and she can explain to the doctors why she has ended up there.
iv tried getting amy involved in some of the diabetic groups we have down here in torquay but she now refuses to go to them as she is normally the oldest one there,the thing is i can see her point on that one as the groups we have been to have been run by parents with toddlers..
amy watched the program you are refureing to i thought it would help but it didn't every time i speak to her about her lack of control she brings it up that the girls in the program isnt bothered about her diabetes and nothing bads happened to her,believe me when i say i have tried everything with amy from speaking to her to grounding her and taking her things away until she earns them back by doing her bloods and her insulin,this works for a while but she soon slips back into not being bothered.
hopefully there will be no more drinking from amy,i have told her that if she gets ill due to her lack of control i will take her to a & e and she can explain to the doctors why she has ended up there.
iv tried getting amy involved in some of the diabetic groups we have down here in torquay but she now refuses to go to them as she is normally the oldest one there,the thing is i can see her point on that one as the groups we have been to have been run by parents with toddlers..
Maybe she'd be more comfirtable in a young adults group then? They also might be able to tell her first hand about complications and the consequences of not looking after your control when you're young
iv looked around but we have no young adult groups in torquay,its either groups for the elderly of toddler groups,im going to have to keep trying with her,iv had a message from her care team and her nurse is going to come and see her to do a review hopefully she can talk to amy and get through to her.
Hi there,
i was diagnosed when I was 9 years so I grew up in my teens to be somewhat similar to your daughter. I started drinking about 16-17 and I didn't really want to know about diabetes, i thought if i pretended it wasn't there it would go away. It was a rocky few years as I just did what I want when I wanted. I only stopped my injections for 2 weeks as I got quite ill quickly and it did make me realise.
My mum was really supportive of me, checking on me and trying her best to get me to join groups and to start taking care of myself - I'm afraid it only really clicked in me as I got through the months/years and met some new friends. Even now nearly 6 years later I'm only just starting to join forums and talk to others with diabetes.
See if she will read some of these comments on the forums, maybe it will make her realise she is not alone and we've all been through something similar. I agree with everyone else too, see if you can get her in the 'young persons clinic' at your diabetes centre. it really helped me seeing other teenagers my age at the time. Also sometimes it may be cruel to be kind but yeah let her get admitted to hospital next time - it may be the wake up call she needs. other than that keep
Trying to support her as much as you can, i know you are already doing so, teenagers are bad at the best of times, never mind when rebeleous diabetes teenages kick in. If she would like to talk to me pm me - as I've been there at that age too
I hope things get better for you and your daughter particularly x
i was diagnosed when I was 9 years so I grew up in my teens to be somewhat similar to your daughter. I started drinking about 16-17 and I didn't really want to know about diabetes, i thought if i pretended it wasn't there it would go away. It was a rocky few years as I just did what I want when I wanted. I only stopped my injections for 2 weeks as I got quite ill quickly and it did make me realise.
My mum was really supportive of me, checking on me and trying her best to get me to join groups and to start taking care of myself - I'm afraid it only really clicked in me as I got through the months/years and met some new friends. Even now nearly 6 years later I'm only just starting to join forums and talk to others with diabetes.
See if she will read some of these comments on the forums, maybe it will make her realise she is not alone and we've all been through something similar. I agree with everyone else too, see if you can get her in the 'young persons clinic' at your diabetes centre. it really helped me seeing other teenagers my age at the time. Also sometimes it may be cruel to be kind but yeah let her get admitted to hospital next time - it may be the wake up call she needs. other than that keep
Trying to support her as much as you can, i know you are already doing so, teenagers are bad at the best of times, never mind when rebeleous diabetes teenages kick in. If she would like to talk to me pm me - as I've been there at that age too
I hope things get better for you and your daughter particularly x
I really feel for you about this. I was diagnosed type 1 a few weeks before my 15th Birthday and throughout the rest of my teenage years, in fact until I was about 23, behaved exactly as your daughter is doing. Looking back now I really regret the way I behaved, luckily I never did myself any major harm at the time and have not developed any serious complications YET, but who knows the future damage I may have caused. My Hba1c was regularly in the 10s or 11s and I stopped going to appointments at the hospital as I got fed up of them saying the same thing every time I went as I knew I had no intentions of listening to them!
The trouble is that you can get away with not properly looking after your diabetes with few immediate consequences, ok there's the chance of severe hypo or DKA, but if you can get away without either of these things happening it's easy to feel like you're not doing any major harm. The majority of consequences are all long term and as a teenager it is very difficult to look that far into the future or think 'it won't happen to me'. When I was being lectured I used to jokingly say 'Oh well, who wants to live past 30 anyway, I don't want to get old'. I just turned 30 this year and believe me that attitude has definitely changed!
It all hit home for me when the first sign of eye damage showed up on my retinal screening, along with the fact that I had reached 23 and 30 wasn't seeming so far away anymore, and that I was in a stable relationship so started thinking that I would like to have children one day. Unfortunately you can't force your daughter to take her Diabetes seriously, she needs to realise how important this is for herself. All you can do is try to get her to realise sooner rather than later, would it help for her to meet older diabetics who may have acted the same as her as teenagers and now have complications and regret acting the way they did? I don't mean pensioners, as she will never be able to relate to someone so much older, but it would probably help to meet someone in their late 20s or early 30s. I have been very lucky so far, but I heard only last week of someone aged 37 who has just been registered blind, and a good friend of mine has nerve damage to her feet and has trouble getting around and doing as she wants. Also the sticky post on here about 'diabetes kills', the lady who so badly wanted to help her husband but he just wouldn't help himself and it ended so tragically, that scared the life out of me. It seems a shame to scare your daughter and not something you would really want to do, but it may be the only thing that makes her realise.
Anyway, I hope that I have been of some help and good luck xx
The trouble is that you can get away with not properly looking after your diabetes with few immediate consequences, ok there's the chance of severe hypo or DKA, but if you can get away without either of these things happening it's easy to feel like you're not doing any major harm. The majority of consequences are all long term and as a teenager it is very difficult to look that far into the future or think 'it won't happen to me'. When I was being lectured I used to jokingly say 'Oh well, who wants to live past 30 anyway, I don't want to get old'. I just turned 30 this year and believe me that attitude has definitely changed!
It all hit home for me when the first sign of eye damage showed up on my retinal screening, along with the fact that I had reached 23 and 30 wasn't seeming so far away anymore, and that I was in a stable relationship so started thinking that I would like to have children one day. Unfortunately you can't force your daughter to take her Diabetes seriously, she needs to realise how important this is for herself. All you can do is try to get her to realise sooner rather than later, would it help for her to meet older diabetics who may have acted the same as her as teenagers and now have complications and regret acting the way they did? I don't mean pensioners, as she will never be able to relate to someone so much older, but it would probably help to meet someone in their late 20s or early 30s. I have been very lucky so far, but I heard only last week of someone aged 37 who has just been registered blind, and a good friend of mine has nerve damage to her feet and has trouble getting around and doing as she wants. Also the sticky post on here about 'diabetes kills', the lady who so badly wanted to help her husband but he just wouldn't help himself and it ended so tragically, that scared the life out of me. It seems a shame to scare your daughter and not something you would really want to do, but it may be the only thing that makes her realise.
Anyway, I hope that I have been of some help and good luck xx
