Diabetes T1

[JJWM]

Hi All,
I'm a diabetic type 1. I have had it since I was 13 but I'm really not coming to terms with it. I have tried on a number of attempts to try and come to terms with it and control it well..... it does not seem to work.

Ever since I was diagnosed with it, All I have had people do is remind me if the side affects and say your gonna lose your eyes, legs and die etc and this being said by HCP too. This has not helped me one bit trying to control it, in fact it makes it worse.

The amount of suicidal attempts is off the list. My family don't like me reading forums like this because it's making me look into all the bad things about diabetes... even though they have all been repeating the side effect ever since I was diagnosed.

I cannot control it anymore and need to do something. Pay for a transplant or something. The hospital have said I can have a pump but I have to do 4 bloods a day which to me seems impossible.

I'm 21 years of age and people keep saying diabetes will get better..... but it doesn't. The more and more I have to deal with it, the more I get furious I get.

My family are willing to pay for anything to help. Transplant, Pump.

I have a lot of time off from college due to being ill. I had a gap year from college and got a job and had a lot of time off from the job due to being ill. I'm guessing I'm never going to be able to keep a job with the amount of time off I have off.

Diabetes infuriates me so much, I want to live a normal life without being ill all the time and taking **** injections.

 

[totsy]

hya and welcome,
im so sorry u are feeling so bad, i wasnt diagnosed till in my 30s but can imagine what being a teenager with diabetes is like, it really must interfere with what teens are meant to do,
there are many people on here who have had diabetes nearlly all their life and have no complications so complications are not set in stone..
there are also people on here your age that manage well too, you dont have to be ill all the time, you need to get your bloods under control and then theres nothing stopping u having a normal life, if this means testing 4 times a day then so be it,
there is only you who can get your diabetes under control but we are all here to help, this forum isnt about going on about complications, it is about supporting and offering our own advice about what works for us as individuals so your family need not worry,
have you seen anyone about your suicide attempts? depression is an horrible illness too and if you feel better mentally then you may feel more in control,
i can understand the hating diabetes as since my early twenties i have had nothing but bad health, i seem to get a new lifelong illness every year and yes it does p.ss you off,
i have two choices...look after myself or die (knowing my health it prob wont matter lol) but i have kids and really want to see my grandkids born and spend years with them so i will try anything
to survive,
have a good look around the forum and remember we are all here for support, there is a chat room although it doesnt seem to be very popular,
if we can help we will

 

[JJWM]

Thanks totsy.

Yes I have spoken to people about the the suicide and depression. They have given me anti-depressants. My life has got a lot better and I'm more happier...... until it comes to my diabetes. I have a block wall. If anyone mentions diabetes then the wall goes up and blocks everything out.

I have tried so hard to control and stable my bloods but I just can't seem to stable. It has got to the stage where I'm saying "I would rather live a shorter life but happier than a longer life and be miserable"

My diabetes does not make happy. As long as I live my life happy then I'm not bothered if I live a short life. I do not want to suffer a long life trying to control something which wont control, as it will just make me unhappy for the rest of my life.

Everywhere I go I have people "sl****ing me off and judging me saying that I should look after myself and do this and that. It is so easy for them to say, I honestly have tried to look after myself and control my type 1 but I cant. I don't get much support from my family apart from the odd person.

If I had diabetes from birth then maybe I would not be how I am now, OK having a sweet tooth does not help either.

I just want a rest from it. I thought of a transplant and even though it may only last 10 years at least it gives me that chance to be a normal person without problems. I could then start diabetes from fresh.

 

[leggott]

Hi. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this bad. Good advice so far in getting some help about how you feel, especially as you say that you have no family members that really care. I would also suggest speaking with your diabetic team about a DAFNE course, if you haven't already been on one.

I myself don't have diabetes, but my husband does (diagnosed age 14) and 2 of my children do as well. As I manage my kids I can totally understand how you feel about all the testing and so on. I reckon I do around 10 test a day between the two of my kids and that doesn't count the ones they have at school. I carb count and that involves weighing all their food and working out their ratios which are different from each other and vary at each meal times! It does get me down at times I will admit and I obviously worry about their health too. It also concerns me that they will also get to your age and struggle to come to terms with the illness . Having said that, I don't want them to suffer the long term complications of poor control. Death doesn't worry me as much as them losing their eye sight of having kidney problems. I know that having these complications WILL alter affect their quality of life and this is something I want to avoid. At the moment they do lead normal lives, having diabetes has never stopped them doing anything, it just can sometimes make things a little harder and I have to be a bit more organised.

My husband who is now in his late 30's, like you hates having the condition and probably will never accept it. Having said that, he treats it like a pain in the ar.., something which he has to get on and deal with. Again, it has never stopped him having a good quality of life. He has a good job and through his work has travelled all over the world. He does look after himself much better than he used to, but that in the main is down to the improvements in diabetic management. When he was diagnosed, the devices for blood testing were 'medieval' in their design and you had to take your insulin about 30 mins before you ate!

Nobody can force you to take care of yourself and at the end of the day the buck stops with you. I know that there is so much more help available out there now, so it sounds to me like you do want to get this sorted and you've taken the first step by posting here. I know you said that most of your family don't care, but I'm sure that deep down they do and I'm sure your friends do as well. I also think that by the replies that you are getting on here show that people on this forum care as well. I know I certainly do. All the best. Leggott

 

[noblehead]

JJWM,

Good advice by totsy and leggott, all I can add is to try and discuss your diabetes control with your consultant or dsn and ask to be enrolled on the DAFNE course if they are available in your area. On the DAFNE course you will meet other diabetics perhaps in a similar position to you, once the week is over you will have the knowledge to begin to regain your control and improve your health overall. Good luck!

Nigel

 

[Sookie]

Hi JJWM!

I spent the last 7 years not injecting, eating the wrong foods and being ill all the time with my diabetes. I didn't want to know, everytime I thought about my diabetes I would remember my mother who died when i was 11 when she had no control of her diabetes.

I would lie to Doctors, to family and friends about my BG levels and even though they would confront me about it clearly pointing out that I was not under control, i still lied. I denied everything. AND i hated the lectures! Constantly being reminded about what would happen to me, constantly being asked if I had injected and what my BG's were...it drove me crazy. I felt like I was drowning in my diabetes.

Until one day the eye specialist asked me if i was planning to have children, when I said yes I plan to one day, he said to me that judging from my eyes I was not under control and that I needed to sort myself out now or having children would be out of the question. I could actually make my diabetes 3 times worse if I fell pregnant at my level. That scared me so much that it gave me the kick I needed, I never thought of myself before and didnt care but now it would affect my husband, my family and our future. Not that it didn't already...

So far I am working on controlling my diabetes, I am nowhere near a decent level and I struggle everyday with it. It has improved, my BG's are getting lower and I hope in the next few years I can speak to my Doctor about children and not hear any lectures.

What I can say is seek help and advice like your life depends on it (which it does i guess... hehe) If you're Doctor is driving you crazy, switch until you find the golden one. Stay up to date with a Diabetic community like this and expand your knowledge on how to improve your health and not constantly look at the negative points about Diabetes. Definately look into DAFNE like the above posts have suggested and in the mean time use this link that I was given http://www.bdec-e-learning.com . It explains the Carb to Insulin ratio and also has mini info articles which leads to a mini quiz.

Injections, get smaller needles and inject quickly, reduces pain (imo). BG meters, I personally use freestyle lite for the fact that you don't need a lot of blood for it to work, a pin prick size will do and in time you can test your blood in different areas, in the beginning I would suggest fingers.

Try to face the fact that the Pancreas is not working like other folk and we need to take insulin to survive. Once you come to terms with this, everything else will become easier to do.

You're not alone

 

[JJWM]

Hi Sookie,
Thanks for that. You know reading your post was like looking in a mirror, everything you have put is exactly the same way I am and have been. Call me stupid and selfish but Doctors / Nurses and even family have tried to give me a kick but all of them have seemed to make me worse rather than actually get better.

No matter what I try to do to control my diabetes, just will not work. If it does work then it lasts only a week or two before something goes wrong, It really is infuriating.

Like yourself I'm eating all the wrong kinds of foods and drinking whatever I want. I really love the sweet stuff and just cannot stay away. I suppose it's like trying to stop smoking, I don't smoke myself but I have heard it is so hard to stop.

JJ

 

[Sookie]

What about taking it slow, not going cold turkey with it all? Whats the reason it goes wrong after a week or 2 is that when you have the craves for something sweet or to drink the wrong stuff?

Take it slow in my opinion, it appears that everything goes pots up and you struggle to keep it balanced or give up entirely. What about eat 1 or 2 sweet stuff a day for about a week, then cut down to 1 a day, then 1 every 4 days and so on...follow the pattern to once a week Or whichever method you prefer, just reduce it and eventually your body will no longer want it as bad. I know people who smoke and try to give up immediately, it fails 80%, unless you have the willpower of a Lion on a veggie diet! They normally cut down their cigarettes until one day they stop.

Thats what I did, I cut down my carb intake in October to prepare for a new year of eating low carbs. I've gotten so used to it that I only eat around 30-55g of carbs a day and boy that is not a lot 1 slice of my seedy bread is 11g and a bar dairymilk is 27g...you can imagine :shock: However initally I craved like crazy and wanted to cry when I wasn't able to stuff my face with my fave foods, but I would have some and eventually once a month (payday to be precise, nothing like the feeling of being paid and ordering takeout). Anyway i've gone off on one about me...sorry!

What I am trying to say is, yeah its hardwork but don't add to it by making your goals harder to reach, be realistic, you know yourself more than anyone else, what can you cope with?

Always remember to take insulin to the carb ratio of what your eating, no matter what you are eating! ALWAYS take your insulin, give yourself a chance atleast. Use the link I gave you to help you get your ratios. It basically helps you work out your CP points, which means how many units of insulin is required for 10g of carbs you eat. I have 3 CP points + my 10 units of base insulin.

EXAMPLE:
So if i had scramble eggs on toast for breakfast, I would take 16 units of insulin. (Eggs have little carbs nowhere near 10g for scrambled eggs, 2 slices of bread is 22g of carbs, thats 3CP per 10g = 6 units + base insulin. Base insulin is what insulin you need to breakeven/remain balanced if you didn't eat, CP insulin is for the carbs you eat.

There are many out there that are on much lower insulin, guess that comes in time with proper control, however right now thats what I need to survive. Don't quote me on the medical analogy here, this is how I understand it, i'm sure others will say "What the...you wrong"

I have a spreadsheet for mine; Start off with a grid of all your BG readings at 4-8 intervals, before and 2 hours after eating (up to you, i would suggest before for definate, so you know what to take). Also have a column for how much insulin you're taking and if possible have an average of BG's and insulin at the end of it. It will give you an insight into how your body is working and focus on that, its interesting to look at and think oh yeah my bad moments are in the morning (example) so maybe if i cut out so and so/reduce it or take more insulin I can hit my target BG's.

It will take a while to get under control and to hold it. You'll experience high BG's and think whats the point, don't! Just think about what you need to do to reduce the level and do it! If you experience low BG's, you'll feel the symptoms, be aware of them, let others around you be aware of them, carry lucozade stuff with you and take measures to make the level go higher. Eventually you'll take BG checks and in your head you will know what to do and you'll feel like you're a super hero! Shamefully I did, its funny that normal people live their lives completely oblivious to it, whereas I am thinking Oh the shakes have started, BG check, eat something; oh I feel hot and im thirsty, BG check, insulin dose, eat something, up and away!

It's trial and error in the beginning because you just don't know, but this exercise will help you gain the knowledge. Create a system that doesn't make you want to rip your hair out and move with it.

I'm so sorry for my wall of text, I wanted to help but its hard when you're writing it down :wink:

 

[JJWM]

Thanks Sookie,

I will give it a go. Plus don't worry about the amount of text. I have still read it and understand. I just cannot understand why I cannot come to terms with the thing?

but thanks for your post / advice. I shall give it a try.

 

[TheSparkyPony]

Hi All,
I'm a diabetic type 1. I have had it since I was 13 but I'm really not coming to terms with it. I have tried on a number of attempts to try and come to terms with it and control it well..... it does not seem to work.

Ever since I was diagnosed with it, All I have had people do is remind me if the side affects and say your gonna lose your eyes, legs and die etc and this being said by HCP too. This has not helped me one bit trying to control it, in fact it makes it worse.

The amount of suicidal attempts is off the list. My family don't like me reading forums like this because it's making me look into all the bad things about diabetes... even though they have all been repeating the side effect ever since I was diagnosed.

I cannot control it anymore and need to do something. Pay for a transplant or something. The hospital have said I can have a pump but I have to do 4 bloods a day which to me seems impossible.

I'm 21 years of age and people keep saying diabetes will get better..... but it doesn't. The more and more I have to deal with it, the more I get furious I get.

My family are willing to pay for anything to help. Transplant, Pump.

I have a lot of time off from college due to being ill. I had a gap year from college and got a job and had a lot of time off from the job due to being ill. I'm guessing I'm never going to be able to keep a job with the amount of time off I have off.

Diabetes infuriates me so much, I want to live a normal life without being ill all the time and taking **** injections.

I am EXACTLY the same as you. EXACTLY! I'm a bit younger at 18 and was diagnosed at 7. I was reading this post and you've summed up everything, from the whole finding 4 BMs a day inpossible to get a pump (this is what I've been told to do too) to being threatnened with complications. I already have complications but this still isn't the kickstart I need. Been in hospital with DKA 5 times this year too.
In a twisted way, it's a relief to find someone else who feels the same. I thought I was the only one. Apparently because my feet have gone numb, I'm supposed to have had some epiphany and U-turned my life around. It hasn't!

Not much advice I can give really, except if you ever want to PM me, feel free. I can't do much but I can sympathise and chat about it.

 

[cancerian87]

i put in a seach for depression.
this is what it brought me to.

i'm 23, had it for 14 years. and i to hate hate hate it. i'm on anti depressents though they don't work. i don't test. my dr told me to take a break as i'm too depressed about it. and stressed out. my dad's a dr, and he see's the worst cases. so when i was diagnosed he kept telling me the things that would happen, which in the end has made me paranoid. i don't want to lose my eyes, kidneys, liver, heart, legs etc. i haven't tested once in a year but doesn't make it go away. i've seen countless people, they don't help as talking about it does not make it go away or make me like it any more.

to be honest i don't know what to say. i understand how you feel, but don't have any advice as i'm also in a rubbish place with it. try not testing. maybe just try to pretend you don't have it. obviously do the injections, but just don't test, or write down or carb count. just do a rough amount. that's what i do. i don't have hypos, though i'm probably high i don't know. but at least i can pretend i don't have it.

i'm sorry, i'm just hoping that because we drew such a rubbish straw when it comes to health that maybe we'll get karma from something else, like a great career or boyfriend. so far my career is failing. and my boyfriend broke up with me because i'm so depressed about this and other stuff, but hopefully sometime in the future it will work