My awesome friend (or, why you should tell people you're diabetic)

[NoKindOfSusie]

There's no weakness in telling people this.

I can't control what other people think of me. Tell someone you have some sort of long term condition and for the rest of time they will think "oh she's fine but..." or "she does pretty well considering" or "under the circumstances I guess she's OK."

I do not want people thinking about me like that, I do not want everything good anyone ever thinks about me to be modified with "eh well but it's all a bit sad really" especially as it really is pretty sad. It's bad enough that I have to live with that reality, I do not want anyone ELSE to have to, and I do not want anyone thinking that I am some sort of broken second rate human being. I AM a second rate human being, but what they don't know won't hurt them. I do not have a full time job, if people think I am basically rubbish I will be seen as unemployable.

Yes it is illegal, no there is nothing you or I or anyone else can do about it. Sorry but that's the truth.

 

[NicoleC1971]

I can't control what other people think of me. Tell someone you have some sort of long term condition and for the rest of time they will think "oh she's fine but..." or "she does pretty well considering" or "under the circumstances I guess she's OK."

I do not want people thinking about me like that, I do not want everything good anyone ever thinks about me to be modified with "eh well but it's all a bit sad really" especially as it really is pretty sad. It's bad enough that I have to live with that reality, I do not want anyone ELSE to have to, and I do not want anyone thinking that I am some sort of broken second rate human being. I AM a second rate human being, but what they don't know won't hurt them. I do not have a full time job, if people think I am basically rubbish I will be seen as unemployable.

Yes it is illegal, no there is nothing you or I or anyone else can do about it. Sorry but that's the truth.

That's your truth. I tell people on a need to know basis which means I do not wear my Diabetes t shirt at a job interview (not unless its to be a chimney sweep/lorry driver) as I feel it has zero impact on my ability to do my job and bringing it up would give an interviewer pause for discriminatory thoughts but do explain why I am testing blood sugar. They are curious and I have never felt pitied plus I feel its important to educate people. I did meet a lady who did a DaFNE course withe me, was newly sinlge in her 50s and worried about bringing diabetes into the dating conversation! Totally puzzled by how negative some people feel about this condition although I get that type 2 carries some undeserved stigma...

 

[Draco16]

I did meet a lady who did a DaFNE course withe me, was newly sinlge in her 50s and worried about bringing diabetes into the dating conversation! Totally puzzled by how negative some people feel about this condition although I get that type 2 carries some undeserved stigma...

I think the start of your second sentence there explains the lady’s reticence to disclose.

Generally my view is it’s a negative so to tell as few people as possible, but in riskier situations (sports, motorcycles) to wear a wristband.

On dating specifically I’ve experimented from saying on date 1 to waiting a month. In my experience I’d say half think it’s a negative to varying degrees, half don’t mind.

I would accept that my view / weirdness about telling people is somewhat clouded by the fact that the very first person I told about my diagnosis was my girlfriend of the time... we’d been dating for about 7 months... told her on the phone... never heard from her again! And to add an extra layer to this she is a GP (obviously not my GP but a GP all the same!).

 

[LooperCat]

I married both the blokes I dated since diagnosis - consecutively rather than concurrently, I should add. It’s never been an issue, luckily.

 

[Phoenix55]

'I do not want anyone thinking that I am some sort of broken second rate human being. I AM a second rate human being, but what they don't know won't hurt them.'
There is no way that you are a second rate human being unless you make yourself one. There are times when you have to let your employer know that you have a problem, but that you will deal with it with minimum effect on the post that you are employed to fulfil. My manager knew soon after I was diagnosed type 2, that I would be taking a short break to test my blood sugars a couple of times a day but that I would try to ensure that it had minimum impact on my colleagues, who also knew about my diagnosis. I am not a second rate human being, and hopefully by being open about my diagnosis other people will find the courage to be open about their diagnosis. I advise and help, attend courses, do the work, have a social life etc the same as anyone else. By being open about my diagnosis people have seen that it can happen to anyone and is not limited to the chronically overweight, neither is it any excuse for not exercising. As for dating, why should it not be part and parcel of a conversation? It is a part of you and anyone who can not cope with that small part of you can not cope with the whole you. A type 1 diagnosis is no different, you are special, not broken, unless you choose to view yourself as such. Diabetes is no excuse for a pity party for one which is never a pretty or helpful sight. Depression is another matter and it takes courage to go out, face strangers but it can be done. When diabetics go out and grab the world by the throat and say 'This is me. I am more than my diabetes, I am a person of interest and worth knowing.' things will change but cowering below the parapet does not change anything.

 

[Mike d]

I AM a second rate human being.

Wasn't aware of ratings unless they emanate from within

 

[Bogie]

As I recently saw on a coffee mug, "Diabetes is my superpower, what's yours?". Awareness is very important. I am not ashamed of it and openly talk about it. Yep, it makes some people uncomfortable as they don't want to hear about "ailments" or many that say "Oh my, no. Are you OK?". It is estimated that 30 million Americans have Diabetes in the US and 25% of them don't know it. This website says that 6% of the UK population has Diabetes (1 in every 16 people). I think the numbers are very conservative as pre-Diabetes is very likely a much higher number due to people that rarely get blood tests or visit doctors for proper checkups. How many people do you hear that talk about getting a buzz from too much sugar? Are they Diabetic or pre-Diabetic? Many are scared to find out or are in denial.

 

[phdiabetic]

As I recently saw on a coffee mug, "Diabetes is my superpower, what's yours?". Awareness is very important. I am not ashamed of it and openly talk about it. Yep, it makes some people uncomfortable as they don't want to hear about "ailments" or many that say "Oh my, no. Are you OK?". It is estimated that 30 million Americans have Diabetes in the US and 25% of them don't know it. This website says that 6% of the UK population has Diabetes (1 in every 16 people). I think the numbers are very conservative as pre-Diabetes is very likely a much higher number due to people that rarely get blood tests or visit doctors for proper checkups. How many people do you hear that talk about getting a buzz from too much sugar? Are they Diabetic or pre-Diabetic? Many are scared to find out or are in denial.

Totally agree about awareness. I am very open with my diabetes and enjoy educating others about it.

With regards to the "sugar buzz" I feel like this is mainly psychological. We are taught that sugar makes kids more rambunctious and troublesome for example. I believe somebody did an experiment where parents were told their kids had some sugary drinks but actually they hadn't, and the parents said their kids were acting up even though in reality they hadn't had anything! Sort of like a placebo effect.

 

[daemoncor]

What a sweet friend! I feel like more people would behave this way if we were honest & open about our diabetes. "I'm a little low and would appreciate your help" would probably be taken as a huge, huge compliment!​

 

[NoKindOfSusie]

Totally puzzled by how negative some people feel about this condition

I have tried about 100 ways to answer this but here is the best I can do.

Am I the only person here who thinks this is just totally crazy, and I mean obviously crazy so that anyone of any normal level of brainpower would say er, that is just absolutely insane? Do you actually believe what you are saying or is it just part of this "Be positive" thing we are required to do where everyone just endlessly says comforting stuff without paying any attention to whether it is true or even convincing?

It has never been more obvious that I will never be one of you guys, I am sitting here watching my life slowly circling the drain and on some forum someone basically says "I don't know why you think it is bad."

There is obviously some very special inner circle thing going on here which I will never be a member of because I am never, ever in a million years going to think like that.

 

[Bogie]

Totally agree about awareness. I am very open with my diabetes and enjoy educating others about it.
With regards to the "sugar buzz" I feel like this is mainly psychological. We are taught that sugar makes kids more rambunctious and troublesome for example. I believe somebody did an experiment where parents were told their kids had some sugary drinks but actually they hadn't, and the parents said their kids were acting up even though in reality they hadn't had anything! Sort of like a placebo effect.

One of our daughters, as a child, would get very hyperactive if she got into sugar (candies, pop, etc.). LOL, we said that we would have to get her down off the ceiling. Now, she was an energetic kid anyway but adding sugar was like adding fire to gasoline She is 43 now and while still high energy she is not diabetic or even close. Her husband is though. Our son was a Disaccharide baby and we almost lost him shortly after birth as the hospital and doctors did not recognize the problem and kept feeding him Soya baby formula and when that failed gave him Pedialyte (sugar, sodium, potassium and water). The intolerance causes severe gastric problems and he still has to avoid sugars, milk, etc. He is mid 40s now and not Diabetic. In fact his reading are in the 3s and 4s and has lots of energy. Everybody has their own "combination lock" and a good doctor should treat everyone as an individual. If we wouldn't have intervened when our son was a month old, he would have died. It was only fate that introduced us to a woman whose grand-daughter had the same symptoms and told us what to do to help. That involved a carbohydrate-free baby formula that we had to import from the US (we are in Canada).

Awareness is the key. Spread the word. Tell people you are a Diabetic to start a conversation so that they can be informed. There is always a story to be told.

 

[AloeSvea]

This is a type two treating with diet and exercise pov: I have a friend that I REALLY regretted telling I had T2D. She invited us to her house for dinner, which is and was - lovely. She asked me about my food restrictions - and I said not to concern herself with them, that I would eat whatever everyone else was eating, and make my own decisions about the carb content, but an fyi, I eat all food very happily that does not have sugar added to it, so meat, fish, poultry with non-starchy veg. Not difficult (in my naieve stupid opinion!)

At her table I was served separate servings of all courses, in their own baking dish, complete with weight watchers jelly (with the high carb grapes in them) for the dinner. I watched as she added a jar of sugar added sauce to an otherwise perfectly wonderful fish dish. (I had my own little unsauced dish of fish.) There were lots of people at this dinner party, and I absolutely hated being given 'Mrs Special' treatment like that. I know, please know, that she thought she was doing right by me. She had the best of intentions. I still think she is wonderful, and lovely. But I hated what she did, as in disregarding my answer to her question on how I would feed myself as a type two diabetic at her table.

I do also see that NOT having added sugar in every course was impossible for her to comprehend.

 

[Bogie]

I have tried about 100 ways to answer this but here is the best I can do.

Am I the only person here who thinks this is just totally crazy, and I mean obviously crazy so that anyone of any normal level of brainpower would say er, that is just absolutely insane? Do you actually believe what you are saying or is it just part of this "Be positive" thing we are required to do where everyone just endlessly says comforting stuff without paying any attention to whether it is true or even convincing?
It has never been more obvious that I will never be one of you guys, I am sitting here watching my life slowly circling the drain and on some forum someone basically says "I don't know why you think it is bad."
There is obviously some very special inner circle thing going on here which I will never be a member of because I am never, ever in a million years going to think like that.

Like any bad situation, and having Diabetes is not a blessing but a curse, being positive and pro-active helps us cope with our condition. There is no cure but there is management through meds, diet, exercise, and doing the best that we, and our medical advisors, can do to try and halt or slow down the progression and damage that Diabetes can cause. There is no magic pill and we are not fooling ourselves by thinking that there is ... maybe someday, but not likely in our lifetime. Diabetes is not our fault but we can be a critical part of the management and reduction solution. Having a positive mindset is a great start

 

[rom35]

Diabetes is not our fault

eeerrrr .. in my case it was my fault - to much colas, no excercise, sitting all the day, "healthy" snacks all the day, 125kg (should be max 88). For a long time - no surprise my body failed... It was big changing moment for me to accept my fault and do something about that.

But T1D is another story...

 

[porl69]

I have tried about 100 ways to answer this but here is the best I can do.

Am I the only person here who thinks this is just totally crazy, and I mean obviously crazy so that anyone of any normal level of brainpower would say er, that is just absolutely insane? Do you actually believe what you are saying or is it just part of this "Be positive" thing we are required to do where everyone just endlessly says comforting stuff without paying any attention to whether it is true or even convincing?

It has never been more obvious that I will never be one of you guys, I am sitting here watching my life slowly circling the drain and on some forum someone basically says "I don't know why you think it is bad."

There is obviously some very special inner circle thing going on here which I will never be a member of because I am never, ever in a million years going to think like that.

Dear me!!! You are T1D!!! Will agree with you it is VERY difficult BUT not the end of the world. I have been T1D for 46 years, started off with glass and metal syringes with needles as thick as pins but not as sharp! Try and get good management from testing your pee instead of your blood. Things are moving on at a rapid pace with diabetes now, I don't even feel the injections any more. Diabetes is not an easy thing to live with BUT it is totally manageable.
PMA Positive Mental Attitude

 

[LooperCat]

T1 isn’t a death sentence, but (for now at least) it is a life sentence. Sometimes you can be quite positive and pragmatic about it, but sometimes it’s so, so hard to come to terms with it. We have to be considerate of those who are unable to see any positives in their situation. Some people are absolutely devastated by their diagnosis and no amount of “geeing up” and being told to be positive will help with that. I don’t know what the answer is, I wish I did.

 

[Sue192]

@NoKindOfSusie - I have been reading your posts in various threads, and at first I was hoping that the wonderful positivity on here would help you. But @Mel dCP is right: sometimes the rage and absolute devastation cannot be healed by positive comments and support from those who have had the same diagnosis. I am T2 so I cannot 'feel your pain', 'walk in your shoes' and other platitudes which are well-meant but will do nothing to ease your rage. However, I have a small understanding of that rage and devastation. For years we tried to have children - this became all-consuming and involved unpleasant investigations, wild mood swings caused by all sorts of drugs, including those I used to mix up in a spring-loaded syringe and jab in various places (somehow the 'practice on an orange' advice wasn't helpful....), and ultimately caused the end of a long marriage.

I was lucky: I could call time on the endless sadness and disappointments of failed attempts - you can't call time on T1 like that. Infertility is obviously not a serious illness. But when I finally admitted defeat the unfairness of it all, surrounded by friends having children without any problems, the emptiness and bleakness of life ahead (as I thought) hit like a ton of bricks. Nothing anyone said helped, and there was an awful lot of 'well children aren't everything', 'you'll find other things to fill your time' and of course the best one: 'get a pet'....! And yes, it made me feel like a second-rate human: after all, I had failed at a fundamental part of being a human. It took a very long time for me to get to a stage where, actually, the darkness was lifting and that ton of bricks was disappearing one by one. But it did arrive. And I am not a second-rate human; neither are you. No-one is who has to battle against any number of illnesses or conditions, or any sort of 'flaw' that judgemental society deems is less than perfect.

I can hear you reading the above and saying "what on earth has all that got to do with me. She is not fighting T1, just not being able to have children - totally different." True. But that rage is very familiar. Raging against the vicious hand that fate has dealt you has no timescale - you need to work through that rage, however long that takes, until you find you can turn it around and let it work for and with you and you begin to see light at the end of that dark tunnel. Because it is there, that light. And you will in time, I fervently hope, see that life can be good.

 

[mountaintom]

There is no inner circle as far as I know. If there is I wonder is it a pale blue circle.
I would rather not have T1D but this is just the way the story goes. My story. And it’s just tough ****. Either deal with it or don’t deal with it. Everybody has s*** to deal with. Some people deal with it. Some don’t.

Moderator edit of swearword

 

[NoKindOfSusie]

Dear me!!! You are T1D!!

I am an awful lot of things before I am some sort of fashionable acronym.

I do not need that to be special.

 

[Phoenix55]

You say you are a lot of things, so focus on what you are; what you can be; what, with a bit of work, you might be. We all have negative moments, we all have things that are 'wrong' with us, but even if it we have to plaster on make up to give us a mask to face the world we still get out there, fix a smile on and face the rest of the world even though inside our heart is breaking. Dig deep and good luck.