Worried about husband

[Ruby2shoes]

Hi, I think almost all of the previous posts state what I would say to you. Your situation is so sad, you want only the very best for your husband and as in many situations when this is our goal we are accused of nagging, we can’t win can we?

Your husband is definitely in denial and maybe a little bit of embarrassed. He needs to come to terms with his diagnosis and find his own way of excepting it, I know I cried tears of frustration, sadness and pity when I was diagnosed and I needed to grieve for the loss of my “good health” however it now seems that my perseved good health notion was a false one, I cannot tell you how much better I feel since changing my diet. I’m rarely hungry, have more energy, improved skin, better sleep, the list goes on but the biggest impact has been on my weight loss and reduced blood sugar levels. To date I have lost 3 and a half stone and my levels have more than halved, I was lucky enough to not have high blood pressure or cholesterol but both have reduced anyway as a result of my changes to diet and lifestyle. Your husband has nothing to fear and so much to gain,

The advice about changing your diet to low carb might start the win win situation for you, I don’t think there are many men who would turn their nose up at egg and bacon for breakfast everyday as apposed to a weekend treat now and then, it would be a good starting place, my partner loves this bit of my new eating regime, he is often found in the kitchen now with bacon under the grill and omelettes cooking for “us” at breakfast time.

I hope your husband comes to see that what you are trying to do is because you love him and don’t want to loose him, hopefully he will see that his resistance is hurting you and that might be his turning point. My main motivations were my partner, the thought of being ill or a burden on him was too much to comprehend and my 3 beautiful grandchildren, I want to see them grow up and for that I need to be alive with the best health I can have and with my sight.

I wish you luck, don’t give up and hopefully your love for him will give him the courage to face this new future.

Thank you so much Jayne I really appreciate your comments

 

[Ruby2shoes]

@Ruby2shoes

Hello Ruby and welcome to the forum Here is the Basic Information we give to new members and I hope you will find it useful. Ask as many questions as you need to and someone will be able to help.


BASIC INFORMATION FOR NEWLY DIAGNOSED DIABETICS

Diabetes is the general term to describe people who have blood that is sweeter than normal. A number of different types of diabetes exist.

A diagnosis of diabetes tends to be a big shock for most of us. It’s far from the end of the world though and on this forum you'll find well over 235,000 people who are demonstrating this.

On the forum we have found that with the number of new people being diagnosed with diabetes each day, sometimes the NHS is not being able to give all the advice it would perhaps like to deliver - particularly with regards to people with type 2 diabetes.

The role of carbohydrate

Carbohydrates are a factor in diabetes because they ultimately break down into sugar (glucose) within our blood. We then need enough insulin to either convert the blood sugar into energy for our body, or to store the blood sugar as body fat.

If the amount of carbohydrate we take in is more than our body’s own (or injected) insulin can cope with, then our blood sugar will rise.

The bad news

Research indicates that raised blood sugar levels over a period of years can lead to organ damage, commonly referred to as diabetic complications.

The good news

People on the forum here have shown that there is plenty of opportunity to keep blood sugar levels from going too high. It’s a daily task but it’s within our reach and it’s well worth the effort.

Controlling your carbs

The info below is primarily aimed at people with type 2 diabetes, however, it may also be of benefit for other types of diabetes as well.

There are two approaches to controlling your carbs:

• Reduce your carbohydrate intake
• Choose ‘better’ carbohydrates

Reduce your carbohydrates

A large number of people on this forum have chosen to reduce the amount of carbohydrates they eat as they have found this to be an effective way of improving (lowering) their blood sugar levels.

The carbohydrates which tend to have the most pronounced effect on blood sugar levels tend to be starchy carbohydrates such as rice, pasta, bread, potatoes and similar root vegetables, flour based products (pastry, cakes, biscuits, battered food etc) and certain fruits.

Choosing better carbohydrates

The low glycaemic index diet is often favoured by healthcare professionals but some people with diabetes find that low GI does not help their blood sugar enough and may wish to cut out these foods altogether.

Read more on carbohydrates and diabetes.

Over 145,000 people have taken part in the Low Carb Program - a 10 week structured education course that is helping people lose weight and reduce medication dependency by explaining the science behind carbs, insulin and GI.

Eating what works for you

Different people respond differently to different types of food. What works for one person may not work so well for another. The best way to see which foods are working for you is to test your blood sugar with a glucose meter.

To be able to see what effect a particular type of food or meal has on your blood sugar is to do a test before the meal and then test after the meal. A test 2 hours after the meal gives a good idea of how your body has reacted to the meal.

The blood sugar ranges recommended by NICE are as follows:

Blood glucose ranges for type 2 diabetes

• Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 8.5 mmol/l

Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (adults)

• Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 9 mmol/l

Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (children)

• Before meals: 4 to 8 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 10 mmol/l

However, those that are able to, may wish to keep blood sugar levels below the NICE after meal targets.

Access to blood glucose test strips

The NICE guidelines suggest that people newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes should be offered:

• structured education to every person and/or their carer at and around the time of diagnosis, with annual reinforcement and review
• self-monitoring of plasma glucose to a person newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes only as an integral part of his or her self-management education

Therefore both structured education and self-monitoring of blood glucose should be offered to people with type 2 diabetes. Read more on getting access to blood glucose testing supplies.

You may also be interested to read questions to ask at a diabetic clinic.

Note: This post has been edited from Sue/Ken's post to include up to date information.
Take part in Diabetes.co.uk digital education programs and improve your understanding. Most of these are free.

• Low Carb Program - it's made front-page news of the New Scientist and The Times. Developed with 20,000 people with type 2 diabetes; 96% of people who take part recommend it... find out why
  
  
• Hypo Program - improve your understanding of hypos. There's a version for people with diabetes, parents/guardians of children with type 1, children with type 1 diabetes, teachers and HCPs.

Thank you Daisy I've got a lot to read through here thank you for sharing

 

[Ruby2shoes]

Hi. You've had a lot of good advice from posters so far. Ignore any stupid NHS advice to have carbs with every meal - you don't need any. Ref Metformin, it's independent of any food you have. If you've been prescribed the standard version it's best taken with food. If you've been prescribed the SR (Slow Release) version it can be taken with or without food. The SR version is better if you have continued loose bowels with the standard version. Metformin is not a miracle cure and never helps much but it's always worth taking to help a bit and it does have some other protective properties.

Thank you I'm getting lots of good advice here

 

[Ruby2shoes]

https://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalculator.aspx

If I have used this correctly (don't know your daughter's age so I plugged in 18 years and 7 stone) than she appears to be under weight by quite a bit. She could probably do with putting on some weight. BMI seems to be the same target from 18 to 25 (just experimenting).

You do appear to be in the wars. Have you talked to your daughter about her weight? If she is shown as under weight by the calculator then she might need a little help to put some weight on. Muscle instead of fat, if possible.

You are smack in the middle of the green for a healthy weight. Well done you!

Thank you! She's 16 and we weighed this morning and she's now 7 stone 6 so is coming out at just in the healthy weight bracket. It is hard but I'm getting outs of good advice on here thank you for your input.

 

[Ruby2shoes]

Hi. You've had a lot of good advice from posters so far. Ignore any stupid NHS advice to have carbs with every meal - you don't need any. Ref Metformin, it's independent of any food you have. If you've been prescribed the standard version it's best taken with food. If you've been prescribed the SR (Slow Release) version it can be taken with or without food. The SR version is better if you have continued loose bowels with the standard version. Metformin is not a miracle cure and never helps much but it's always worth taking to help a bit and it does have some other protective properties.

Thank you for the advice

 

[Ruby2shoes]

You really are a sweetheart. Holland and Barrett to Slim rice/pasta/noodles. You and your daughter eat the normal stuff, he gets the other and it all looks the same and he won't know the difference unless you tell him. Plenty of sauce.

Thank you Sue

 

[Ruby2shoes]

Bigs ((hugs)) @Ruby2shoes you are in a very difficult situation but don't worry about being here and not diabetic yourself (I joined when Hubby was diagnosed T2 last year as he doesn't like forums/social media)...it's a very supportive place. I can only echo what others have said, do buy a blood glucose meter and get your Hubby to test himself 2 hours after eating to see what effect different foods have on him. If he makes an effort with low carbs he will soon see effects and the weight will start decreasing xx

Thank you Sam I hope so

 

[Ruby2shoes]

Bigs ((hugs)) @Ruby2shoes you are in a very difficult situation but don't worry about being here and not diabetic yourself (I joined when Hubby was diagnosed T2 last year as he doesn't like forums/social media)...it's a very supportive place. I can only echo what others have said, do buy a blood glucose meter and get your Hubby to test himself 2 hours after eating to see what effect different foods have on him. If he makes an effort with low carbs he will soon see effects and the weight will start decreasing xx

Thank you Sam I hope so

 

[LooperCat]

@Ruby2shoes , I suppose if you want to try the “shock and awe” approach, request a paper catalogue from these people (https://www.clearwellmobility.co.uk/brochure-request) and have a look through it at the dinner table with your husband and daughter. You know, for when he’s lost his legs and you need to push him around in a wheelchair. You could get him to pick one out? Maybe one to keep in reserve, I’m aware it sounds a bit harsh. Sending love xxx

 

[jayney27]

Thank you so much Jayne I really appreciate your comments

Thank you. There is no magic answer to your situation but at least you know that here you have people who understand what your family is going through and can to a degree see why your husband is currently acting the way he is. Hopefully he will come to terms with the diagnosis, that doesn’t mean he will be happy about it, I’m sure most of us would prefer to not have this condition, but that said, there are benefits, yes it’s a wake up call for a lot of us but I would rather be in control of my future than not, when I think about what it could have been that’s when I’m scared but also thankful. Had this condition not been diagnosed I wouldn’t have had an opportunity to make adjustments and to have reaped the benefits from those changes.

Take care and don’t give up on him, I hope better days and a brighter future are just around the corner for you. X

 

[Ruby2shoes]

I'm sorry. I know you want to help him but you can only lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink.

Start cooking /eating low carb for yourself and your daughter, maybe with a small carb side for him. He can fill up on meat and veggies. You'll not change his mind with talk.

My husband is finally coming round on the low carb for himself (he starts today!) after trying some of the recipes I've made for myself.

Thank you Lou, did you use a particular website rom recipe book for low carb seem daunted by so many

 

[Ruby2shoes]

daisy1 will reply when she’s on line.
I drink diet fizzy drinks, a lot of diabetics do. Make sure you have the sugar free varieties of squash in the house. I too was offered gastric surgery at my GP first appt! I was shocked but it is a way to deal with weight loss and Diabetes. I declined straight away and am now at too low a BMI to qualify anymore!
I think the best approach at the moment is to make small changes to your home cooked meals, change the balance of high carb foods to lower carb foods. Try celeriac mash instead of potato mash, cauliflower rice in place of rice. Have a look at:
https://www.dietdoctor.com/low-carb
for more ideas.

Thank you and well done to you. I understand now why they offer gastric surgery but it's still not a route I want him to take ...yet unless he doesn't change his ways. I'm just so frustrated with him, I think one of his biggest failings is he tends to always have sandwiches at lunch at least 4 rounds of bread and crisps! He can't see, to think of alternatives to bread lunches if he says home he'll sometimes have soup or salad but for speed on the go it's always sandwiches!

 

[Ruby2shoes]

It sounds to me like he is embarrassed about his size and his diagnosis and possibly feels that he has brought it on himself. We know that isn't true but the media doesn't and prefers a bit of fat shaming. I know there is some.research around about insulin resistance causing obesity rather than the other way around. I agree with everything said so far about him needing to take control himself and as long as he keeps his head in the sand he's not helping himself. You can only do so much and it sounds like he gets quite irritable when you try to speak to him. Is there a friend or other family member who might have more luck, sometimes that works better. Is he depressed? I think your only answer for now is baby steps and like others said educate yourself around carbohydrate and begin reducing what you can bit by bit? It might help you to know roughly how many grams of carbohydrate he eats in a typical day so you have a starting point. If you or someone else could encourage him back to slimming world that may help him. Once he starts to lose a bit of weight he will see his blood sugars start to improve and will feel a bit better about himself which could be the trick to encouraging him to carry on. But he has to want to do this. Lifestyle is such a hard thing to change and so much depends on the person themselves. It is very early days for him so give him.time to get his head around his diagnosis too. Good luck!

Thank you great advice. He does get really irritable when I try and raise it with him it's so hard.

 

[Ruby2shoes]

@Ruby2shoes , I suppose if you want to try the “shock and awe” approach, request a paper catalogue from these people (https://www.clearwellmobility.co.uk/brochure-request) and have a look through it at the dinner table with your husband and daughter. You know, for when he’s lost his legs and you need to push him around in a wheelchair. You could get him to pick one out? Maybe one to keep in reserve, I’m aware it sounds a bit harsh. Sending love xxx

Thank you Mel x

 

[Ruby2shoes]

If your husband really can't face eating first thing then coffee with cream is actually a low carb alternative - and would be far better than the weetabix banana or other high carb foods usually considered breakfast food.
I can eat a fairly normal amount of food - for me - whilst eating low carb. I can't see your husband ever doing a really restricted diet plan, but changing what there is available to eat could help your daughter. It would probably help your husband too, but he seems entirely resistant to making changes for the better, but low carb can sometimes help people who are underweight if they are restricting what they eat - either deliberately or subconsciously - to relax as they think it is diet food. It should perhaps be thought of as normalizing food.
I do sympathize with the situation you find yourself in - but you can only provide the right food, not force anyone to eat it.

Thank you

 

[Ruby2shoes]

Thank you. There is no magic answer to your situation but at least you know that here you have people who understand what your family is going through and can to a degree see why your husband is currently acting the way he is. Hopefully he will come to terms with the diagnosis, that doesn’t mean he will be happy about it, I’m sure most of us would prefer to not have this condition, but that said, there are benefits, yes it’s a wake up call for a lot of us but I would rather be in control of my future than not, when I think about what it could have been that’s when I’m scared but also thankful. Had this condition not been diagnosed I wouldn’t have had an opportunity to make adjustments and to have reaped the benefits from those changes.

Take care and don’t give up on him, I hope better days and a brighter future are just around the corner for you. X

Thank you xx

 

[lowedb]

It's worth looking at the success stories section of the website. There are so many of us here that have lost weight and reduced blood sugar through low carb eating. I used to take sandwiches to work. Low fat spread, wholemeal bread etc too. But I was always hungry. Now I take the equivalent of one small slice of bread, with butter and pate , plus some pieces of cheese or cooked bacon, or a chicken thigh. Cooked breakfasts are way more common, though I avoid the high carb stuff like beans, toast, has browns and swap them for things like an extra egg. Sometimes I have to be careful eating out, but burgers are great so long as you don't have fries and the bun. Pork scratchings for snacks.

And as far as weight loss, it's amazing how fast it can come off. In six months I went from waist 46, and now I wear 40s. Some of those are starting to look a bit baggy now too another six months on.

 

[PenguinMum]

Hi Ruby I found it was easier to try and adapt the meals we usually have. For example I serve our usual chilli or Bolognese with cauliflower rice (packs of 4 in Iceland easiest) or a bed of shredded greens of any sort, (shredded runner beans are very filling), Med veg baked on a tray in oven. Sainsburys do fresh packs of mushroom rice, cauli rice, courgette noodles and butternut noodles. If he eats most veg then it will be easier. A chicken breast wrapped in bacon roasted or two with say mashed swede and lots of brocolli. Stir fry veg and chicken mni fillets. Salmon fillets fried/roasted with a dash of soya sauce, chopped spring onions, chopped red pepper, chilli, ginger with spinach. Mushroom or spinach omelette with at least 3 eggs each. Your family will have your own favourites but these are just examples of how I ditched the pasta, rice and potatoes in the evening. Packed lunch might be more challenging but a cool bag with lots of cold meats, cold eggs, cheese, salad inc tomatoes might help. Google keto recipes for cheese scones, lemon muffins, granola nut and seed bars.

 

[PenguinMum]

Should have said dont forget lots of real butter on the veg. Include fats where you can eg. Full fat Greek yogurt, double cream, cream cheese. This will supply energy. I havent been doing this long and am no expert but I reduced my numbers significantly in a few months and have never felt better.

 

[Rachox]

Thank you and well done to you. I understand now why they offer gastric surgery but it's still not a route I want him to take ...yet unless he doesn't change his ways. I'm just so frustrated with him, I think one of his biggest failings is he tends to always have sandwiches at lunch at least 4 rounds of bread and crisps! He can't see, to think of alternatives to bread lunches if he says home he'll sometimes have soup or salad but for speed on the go it's always sandwiches!

Wean him into a Low carb bread if he won’t leave it alone straight away, though not ideal it’ll be better than normal bread. Substitute pork scratchings for the crisps, I couldn’t believe they are virtually carb free.