Depression and diabetes nightmare

[Natalie1974]

First and foremost...diabetes.co.uk...you should be ashamed of yourselves...I was a regular visitor to this site for a long time and now you don't recognise me at all??? Really? And your app is utter rubbish....it won't direct me to anything I ask...it's only because I know better that I've persevered.

Anyway...I'm sure there are many of you who will remember me...and probably lots of new people who won't. I'm not looking for specific people...I just know I need some help right now and I know that there are people here who might understand.

2017 was...without doubt...the worst year of my life yet...in so so many ways. I won't go into the finer details here but for whatever reason I took myself away from the diabetes community....in hindsight...a really stupid move but at the time it made sense. Diabetes is nothing in comparison to Cancer...I felt I needed to support those closest to me...and I did...but somewhere along the line...I stopped caring about me and now that everyone else is at least kind of ok...me and my diabetes are suffering and I don't know for the life of me how to refocus my attention on what I should be doing...my bloods are stupid at best...laughable at worst and everything else is failing me so fast I can't keep track. All that hard work I put in seems to have gone to pot. I'm struggling with more issues than I care to admit to and I don't know where to turn. I'm going to counselling sessions etc but they don't really understand. I'd love nothing more than to get back to meetups but my confidence has taken such a major battering...that although I always try...on the day...I just cant...panic attacks and anxiety make it virtually impossible..but if anyone I know is reading this...it's not you...it's me lol. I don't know what I'm asking for...I think I'm just at the end of my tether and don't know which way to turn...any kind of help or support is welcome right now.
But please also know...this is the hardest message I've ever sent...I find it really hard to ask for help and I hate doing it but I really don't know where else to turn right now...if I can just get my bloods ok...maybe everything else will follow...?

 

[therower]

@Natalie1974 . I remember you. Always liked the smiley avatar.
I have a family commitment at this very moment but I'll be back for a chat.
Feel free to pm if you need.
Speak soon.

 

[EllieM]

Sounds like your diabetic woes are fuelling anxiety and depression which is then making it difficult to manage your diabetes, a vicious circle which is hard to break.
Asking for help may be hard, but it's the right thing to do, and the first step to getting back on track, and into a virtuous circle where your anxiety/depression diminishes and your blood sugars improve.
Many (most?) of us have had periods where are diabetic control has been on the back burner/ less than ideal/ out of control (take your pick, I certainly have) which then tends to make us feel guilty/depressed (oh, the complications, it's all my fault etc etc). Sometimes you have to be kinder to yourself, recognise that you can't be perfect all the time (or even some of the time?), but usually (with blood sugars anyway), you can improve things.
Are your panic attacks about poor control possibly leading to complications, or are they about hypos? (Or both?). Can you contact your clinic for advice on basal rates (usually the first thing to look at if your sugars are out of wack), or are you confident to do it all on your own? (As a T1 since 1970 I'm still receiving occasional help from my clinic, though I do mostly adjust my insulins on my own.) It's good that you're getting counselling, but I can well believe that they may not understand about diabetes (I've often thought that all diabetic specialists who advocate ultra low blood sugars should be forced to experience a hypo just so they know how awful it makes you feel), and if you're seeing a general counsellor rather than a specialist diabetic one (are there any specialist diabetic ones?) they may well not understand much about diabetes.
I'm relatively new to these forums so I don't remember you from before, but I'm sure there'll be some help coming when the UK gets back into action for the day. Good luck, sending you some virtual hugs.

 

[zand]

Welcome back, it's good to see you again.

Not much in the way of advice really, except that maybe you could find a different counsellor? I wouldn't have thought that the feelings you are describing were that uncommon really under the circumstances. I certainly understand the need to withdraw for a while, the inability to focus on your own health and the panic attacks.

Keep trying to try because you are worth it.

 

[KK123]

Hi there Natalie, I note someone has mentioned getting back into 'low carbing' but I note also you are type 1 so presumably aware of matching up your insulin etc. Can you tell us what your numbers have been like and how many hypo's or hyper's etc? Are you an advocate of low carbing for yourself anyway? As others have said some more specific info would be helpful. I am certainly no expert but I do think that it must be very hard to manage a health condition if your mind is all over the place and you are depressed. What comes first I wonder, the chicken or the egg? Does diabetes cause depression or does the depression stop you caring about your diabetes.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi Natalie, I know it's hard at times to ask for help, sometimes the stuffing get's knocked out of us. You were such a bubbly and a positive person. I do hope you will get your sparkle back and things will greatly improve for you.
Take care X

 

[therower]

Hi @Natalie1974 . It's so good to see you back with us. Agree that the forum can be infuriating at times but like most things in life one bad experience overshadows ten good experiences.
I'm so sorry to hear of all your recent struggles. Your ability to put others before yourself is a wonderful thing and can only be done for the right reasons, reasons that obviously speak volumes for the person you are. Maybe a reflective moment to think about that person and how strong and marvellous individual you are. When things are bad it's difficult to see the good.
As an experienced diabetic you already know how to control the beast but like a lot of things in life we fall off the track. It's only when we try to get back on track that things go wrong. Because we know so much we try to get back on the tracks at full speed and half way along. Try to forget what you know, go back to the start of the track and very slowly start a new journey. There's a lot of people here who can help you.
No one understands type 1 diabetes like a type 1 diabetic.
Little steps, 30 good minutes a day is better than none, one or two good readings is all you need today.
Keep up with the counselling but stay with us as well.
Hopefully we will get you back to where you deserve to be sooner rather than later.

 

[Diakat]

Ah sweetheart, I hope the messages above have helped.
1. You know the stress of looking after others will affect numbers.
2. You know that testing and treating are the only way to go.
3. If others need you then you have to stay healthy.
So, can you get back to the basics of test/treat and let us know now and again that you are safe?
Speak to the medics and be honest. You are more than just blood sugar numbers and they should be able to help with the emotional side.
Huge hug. X

 

[jjankh]

Natalie 1974
Sounds like you need a break from it all to regroup and start again. Remember that this is your journey, live it as you desire yet enjoy every step.
Sending thoughts. Inhale Exhale and breath.
All the best.

 

[Liam1955]

Hi @Natalie1974 - Have you thought about Mindfulness ?
Some local Councils run these group sessions.

 

[Phoenix55]

Hi @Natalie1974 Welcome back to the forum. Normally I would not offer advice to someone with type 1, but you have already taken the first step to getting a grip back on diabetes by coming to the forum. You know what needs to be done so take a breath and start somewhere, just a small step. You can do it, you did it before, so make a start tomorrow, pin on a smile and take care of yourself.

 

[Adrian1981]

Hi Natalie
I’m an occasional user to the forum so unfortunately don’t remember you but your topic title caught my eye .
I can empathise with your situation, not exactly but on many levels. My wife left me in October and my life fell apart. None of my friends understood and blamed me and I have spent the last few months in isolation . Prescribed anti depressants too which helped but my diabetes is on the back burner and I’ve put my head in the sand .

Anyway enough about me, I know from past experience this forum has many a positive person to offer support and is what is needed by us at this time. It is nice to talk to people to understand the finer detail that make our sugars , moods and general welling fluctuate daily as apposed to non diabetics that often glaze back.

I like many are here to chat and support people the best we can and offer this as part of the community so accept where you feel comfort.

I wish you all the best through all you are going through and hope all here including myself can offer the support that you need.
Take care
Adrian

 

[bootyful0]

Natalie 1974 I don't know you but I do know that you will get your bloods back in control. I know this because the way you have written your post tells me that you are a strong person and a fighter. You have got everything you need to take control again. We all fall down, but when we have the strength to get up again its a blessing and it only makes us stronger. Good times are coming your way. I wish you well sweetie.

 

[Steviechurch74]

Natalie1974 I hope you are feeling better soon and I know being positive can be extremely difficult. It's understandable that you feel low and tired having put other people's issues first, and you've put yourself to the back of the queue.

Its time to pamper yourself and put yourself first and we all need some TLC from time to time.

Diabetes wise I'm brand new to this and know absolutely nothing.....

Depression wise... I've been to that dark place more than once. If it wasn't for a few very good friends who practically dragged me to the doctors I wouldn't be here now. I now know the warning signs and it sounds like you do to. If your councillor isn't right try another, speak to your doctor.

You're on to a winner anyway by being a woman. Talking helps and us blokes are terrible at this, important stuff that we should share and discuss we simply don't and bottle everything up until it's too late, any mention of a problem and we run for the hills.... yet we can discuss 1980's & 90's soccer all day long.

You know what to do

One day at a time, one thing at a time. But again being female you'll be excellent at multitasking.

Try to remember you've been through a lot and come through the other side. It's been hard work but you've done it.

And 1974 was a great year to be born so you're clearly awesome!

(I'm not going back to the dark place..... and am trying to laugh even though within a week I was diagnosed as diabetic, and have a heart problem and the icing on the cake.... I need hearing aids. I'm physically falling apart and having an angiogram tomorrow)

Stevie

 

[urbanracer]

@Natalie1974 , - nice to see you're back with us, I had been wondering where you had gone.

I cannot say anything that hasn't already been said in the previous comments, so I'll state simply that I hope you find a way to get back on top of the (diabetes) situation soon. You know we're all rooting for ya !

Best wishes
Urb'

 

[NewTD2]

Depression and Diabetes go hand in hand and I managed to cope by -

- listening to easy, relaxing music on YouTube
- having a warm bath
- swimming
- watching funny movies
- keeping in touch with friends, family
- gardening
- I'm a devout Christian so I pray, go to church service and read the scriptures

 

[Digger48]

Hi guys I'm brand new on here I'm really suffering at the moment, I have just had an appointment with the veterans NHS all the military charity refused to help as I was physically and mentally challenging, this all effects my diabetes I read all these low carbs this and that but I don't eat proper meals I take 54 tablets daily plus the insulin injections, I can't do any fitness and it really gets on my you know that's when I watch these programs by skinny cooks assuming we can all make these meals, does any one else have similar issue some advice would good cheers guys.

 

[leahkian]

Natalie1974 i understand where you are at and it is a really dark place where you can see know light. I will give you a brief overview of my life. Got diabetes 1979 got through junior school fine went to comp hypos everyday, at 18 eyes needed laser treatment but then had to have 5 ops hand. Mental heath was needed from that day up to present just gone 21 and was told i would need a transplant by the age of 30, had quite a lot of spells in hospital with kidney infections and to top it off had 3 ops on hands and 1 on elbow. I was then told i was a brittle diabetic so my BS would be hard to control with been in my 20:s thought i would drink my way through it. I was given a insulin pump and after 6 months my readings were worse than before, so changed to Newcastle and it was sorted in 3 weeks so i moved all my care there. In 2013 i was put on the kidney and pancreas transplant list and in 2015 i had my transplant which was and still is working great but with my BS dropping down to normal range the effect of the diabetes came. I have pain all over my body and all my nerve ending were damaged, i have just been to hospital today and they are going to refer me for mental health treatment and all so to the pain management team Newcastle. Over the last 2 years i have had over 120 medical appointments and that is without being in hospital. Along with this my father has polio, my mother had to have her tummy removed and i am a single parent of 2 teenagers which i have been for 6 years. Plus my parents want me to find a girlfriend which i have told them you would not buy me if i was a used car, So were would you like to start?

 

[Digger48]

Hi guys I'm brand new on here I'm really suffering at the moment, I have just had an appointment with the veterans NHS all the military charity refused to help as I was physically and mentally challenging, this all effects my diabetes I read all these low carbs this and that but I don't eat proper meals I take 54 tablets daily plus the insulin injections, I can't do any fitness and it really gets on my you know that's when I watch these programs by skinny cooks assuming we can all make these meals, does any one else have similar issue some advice would good cheers guys.

Cricky ok sorry I just asked for some ideas but I will leave it and find the way to unsubscribe.

 

[Mike d]

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