Feeling ashamed

[Lily 2]

hi everyone
I was diagnosed type 2 diabetic two months ago I am 30 years old, overweight and Have a strong family history of type 2 diabetes. In them two months I have got my hba1c from 64 to 48, I was re tested early because I have lost 2 stone and my nurse wants to see about lowering my metformin ( 500x 2 ) my blood sugars are usually 5 ish before food and 5-6 2 hours after. I know all this stuff is good if it was my family member telling me this I would be saying how well they are doing and keep it up. But I don’t feel that way towards myself like I have done this to myself through bad diet, I’m 30 and i know it’s young to become type 2, I just feel totally ashamed of myself and defective. I don’t view any other diabetics this way just myself, I’m really struggling to accept this not In a denial way but more of a emotional way. I spoke to my dad who is diabetic and he feels This is maybe more of a general low self esteem than just diabetes but I just feel so down about it, I think it’s mainly my age that seems to be making me feel worse, has anyone else felt this way? Does it get better in time? Thank you

 

[EllieM]

Your have a genetic susceptibility to not being able to process sugar correctly. Modern supermarkets and diets are full of sugar and one of the results of T2 diabetes is weight gain, as your body struggles to cope with the carbs you're eating. Would you blame an undiagnosed person with coeliac's disease for getting sick because they regularly had sandwiches for lunch before diagnosis? There are plenty of young people your age with T2, and I firmly blame the prevalence of sugar in supermarket food, rather than some unlikely idea that today's youth magically have no will power and deliberately make poorer food choices than their parents.

You've taken control of your diabetes and as a result your weight has reduced and your blood sugars are down. That shows strength of character, not weakness. Be proud.

(T1 here, so I've never felt that my food choices have caused my illness, as I've known that it was just a bit of genetics and a lot of bad luck. You're just unlucky in that your body doesn't process carbs well.)

 

[Rachox]

You’re doing brilliantly in such a short time Lily. Try and focus on the positives, your fantastic blood sugar control and your weight loss. When I tell people I have type 2 I often wonder if they are thinking I brought it on myself but no one has ever stated that to me luckily. However I look forward to the day when I’m no longer overweight and I don’t have that thought about people anymore.

 

[Alison54321]

hi everyone
I was diagnosed type 2 diabetic two months ago I am 30 years old, overweight and Have a strong family history of type 2 diabetes. In them two months I have got my hba1c from 64 to 48, I was re tested early because I have lost 2 stone and my nurse wants to see about lowering my metformin ( 500x 2 ) my blood sugars are usually 5 ish before food and 5-6 2 hours after. I know all this stuff is good if it was my family member telling me this I would be saying how well they are doing and keep it up. But I don’t feel that way towards myself like I have done this to myself through bad diet, I’m 30 and i know it’s young to become type 2, I just feel totally ashamed of myself and defective. I don’t view any other diabetics this way just myself, I’m really struggling to accept this not In a denial way but more of a emotional way. I spoke to my dad who is diabetic and he feels This is maybe more of a general low self esteem than just diabetes but I just feel so down about it, I think it’s mainly my age that seems to be making me feel worse, has anyone else felt this way? Does it get better in time? Thank you

Your dad sounds great! Everyone has an internal critic, a voice, or voices, in our head that criticises us. That internal critic can be fed by what is said by other people. All these campaigns warning people that diabetes is linked to obesity, maybe turbo charging your inner critic.

Try and switch off the external voices. The reality around why people get diabetes is far more complicated, genes do play a big part, and if you have a family history that's clearly the case.

It's probably worth exploring your inner critic as well though, to try and quieten it a bit, but whatever you do don't let it be fed by unhelpful campaigns on diabetes, and obesity.

 

[Lily 2]

Thank you, most of my life Ellie I have been on a diet ( slimming world ) eating pasta rice potatoes and just getting bigger and bigger, and I didn’t know why, I started lchf and the weight is just dropping off and I’m eating all the foods I avoided thinking they would make me fat. You’re definitely right with food I didn’t realise how much sugar is hidden in food, i feel the same rachox, I haven’t told anyone except family because I feel I will be being judged, i do feel sad how it makes me feel because I wouldn’t feel bad like you said if it was something else, I know the media doesn’t help with the image.

 

[Resurgam]

I have been doing LCHF since the early 1970s to control my weight, but all sorts of strategies have been used to convince me that I should be ashamed of doing something so dangerous rather than going to the gym for hours, running about the streets despite my dodgy knees - I was even accused of putting my unborn child at risk - despite having a perfectly healthy baby a few years earlier on the same regime.
Anyone with a diabetic tendency simply can't eat the modern diet and maintain their weight.
I could eat more carbs and keep my BG good - but I would increase my weight day by day.

 

[JohnEGreen]

Please remember this short sentence No Blame No Shame.

Please absolve your self you are in no way to blame.

 

[eggs11]

Hi @Lily 2 - don't beat yourself up. You mention Slimming World - I too used to do Slimming World and I now think the amount of carbs and fruit allowed is a disaster for those of us who are insulin resistant or diabetic. You have seen for yourself how easy it is to lose weight doing the opposite - if only there were LCHF diet clubs rather than all the low fat high carb ones - we wouldn't have gone down the wrong route to help ourselves or indeed put on weight in the first place.

 

[Cocobolo]

Hey Lily, what a great thing you have done by putting this feeling into words. It draws an echo in many, judging by the supportive replies. It has been one of the great scandals of our last 50 years how the 'diabetes epidemic' has been encouraged by wrong advice, guilt should be laid at the door of the diet food industry, the pharmaceutical companies and the health advisors who have clearly misled us all, and whose responsibility should have included correct reading, interpretation and challenge of the received 'wisdom' which led to the bad rules....TV advertising "6 slices a day is the well balanced way" and "A Mars a day helps you work rest and play", plus the cholesterol myth which led to replacement of fat with sugar in 'healthy' products such as 'Go-ahead'. The use of the word 'saturated' to describe the natural fats (giving us the idea of food saturated in fat...subtle link but highly effective and only recently de-bunked. Add to that the zero calorie fizzy, the use of chemical sweeteners, now unavoidable, ubiquitous in children's medicines - and adults'!.
I have very similar feelings too, having only recently come out of denial during which I rejected much good advice. Reading your post has helped me too. Thank you.

 

[Lily 2]

Thank you all so much for the reply’s, hopefully my mind set will change in time, I know I feel different each day, some days I am angry that the health system gives this poison of advice and then other days how utterly disappointed I am in myself, I know how bad carbs are to me now and anything over 15g in a meal and I’m in the 7s so my body really doesn’t like them. I do think the media is awful it’s almost like you are diabetic because you make bad food choices and eat to much now you will die early with no feet and blind. I can’t believe they would say that to a pregnant person, how is controlling blood sugars a danger to a baby, if anything on lchf I eat more salad and vegetables than I ever did before I just have it with meat and cheese. I’m glad it’s helped coco, I think it is a difficult time mentally and emotional then all the lifestyle changes to make it’s just overwhelming sometimes.this site has been absolutely amazing for me, iv had so much information and support I don’t know how I would have coped without it.

 

[Runica]

I'm sorry, I can't work out how to post a link on my iPad, but if you log on to YouTube and look up 'Dr Jason Fung The Calorie Deception' you may find it's the best 40 minutes you've spent this week. Forgive me if you've already seen it.

I have watched the presentation many times, particularly if I am feeling down, embarrassed, etc about my diabetes. It suddenly made very clear sense of why I was always overweight my adult life despite being a rather active, very low fat vegetarian. I wish I had seen it years ago.

Stand tall, Lily 2.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

Thank you, most of my life Ellie I have been on a diet ( slimming world ) eating pasta rice potatoes and just getting bigger and bigger, and I didn’t know why, I started lchf and the weight is just dropping off and I’m eating all the foods I avoided thinking they would make me fat. You’re definitely right with food I didn’t realise how much sugar is hidden in food, i feel the same rachox, I haven’t told anyone except family because I feel I will be being judged, i do feel sad how it makes me feel because I wouldn’t feel bad like you said if it was something else, I know the media doesn’t help with the image.

Main thing I'm taking away from this; you didn't know. But you tried.

Dietary advice for "normal" people is usually not correct anyway; for people likely to develop diabetes it's a disaster. And we often don't find out about LCHF until the D-train has left the station. You did what you could, but between genetics, bad advice and all the cr** the industry puts into food, there was little to no chance of avoiding this outcome. BUT.... Once you found out there was something that might work, you dove straight into it and made a huge difference! You did that! You moved mountains! Try to remember that eh...

 

[Goonergal]

@Lily 2

Agree with the others. You are doing brilliantly = the important thing is you have taken control and now have a way forward. Sending hugs and positive thoughts.

 

[Lily 2]

Thank you all for the wonderful support and advice, I think in time I will calm myself down, it is almost heartbreaking knowing that if the government just gave people the correct information so many people could avoid this situation, I was actually speaking to a pre diabetic lady today around my age and she said her doctor said just stop putting sugar in your cups of tea . I gave her some advice about lchf and told her to join this site. I Think I need to accept that I’m trying my best and doing all I can.

 

[zand]

I am sorry that you felt so low. I feel the media is partly to blame. Insulin resistance is what causes people to gain weight, usually many years before T2 is diagnosed. Insulin resistance is the main feature of T2, so of course there is a correlation between weight and T2. It isn't your fault that you didn't know the carbs were harming you. Be very proud of yourself for the results you have achieved so far.

 

[FantomPoet]

Hi @Lily 2 ,

You are two months into this and it's a roller coaster of emotions when you walk
away from the doctors with that diagnosis. I had the same feelings initially especially
as like you I pulled my HbA1c down by what felt simple changes. It had me questioning
why didn't I do it before? My family is full of T1's and T2's so I should have known
there was a good chance I was going down the same route.

I learnt to control my blood glucose through food and became (reasonably) disciplined
with food. The diagnosis you cannot change but you have the power to knock T2 back
into remission. As you bring those numbers down take pride in them, there is no shame
just strength in overcoming this condition as you are indeed doing.

We have had a culture for more than your lifetime which stated Carbs are good Fat
is bad. You were born into it, there is no shame that you then lived within that culture
along with the rest of us. Followers of LCHF are the trailblazers of this culture changing to a
better way and you are one of those trailblazers be proud.

 

[briped]

Thank you, most of my life Ellie I have been on a diet ( slimming world ) eating pasta rice potatoes and just getting bigger and bigger, and I didn’t know why, I started lchf and the weight is just dropping off and I’m eating all the foods I avoided thinking they would make me fat.

I didn't know why either, but now I do, and I shudder to think of how many T2s suffer from low self esteem due to being blamed for this "self induced" condition. You're not alone. As a matter of fact I believe most T2s will recognise your feelings, and that most certainly includes me. Deep down I still get pangs of self hatred, but spending time on this forum has helped me a lot already, and I'm sure it'll help you too. I find that converting those negative feelings about myself into some kind of positive anger, if you know what I mean, is far more constructive than the self pity that I'm prone to. If I need a little kick I just take a look at the 'food pyramid' I tried to follow in my younger years. I kept gaining weight, so I must not be following it correctly, I thought, and thus I ate even more from the bottom.
This 'food pyramid' is the Danish version from '76, but I suspect it's very similar to UK recommendations ...? Turning it upside down would have been so much better for me, but I wasn't to know back then.

 

[Freema]

hi everyone
I was diagnosed type 2 diabetic two months ago I am 30 years old, overweight and Have a strong family history of type 2 diabetes. In them two months I have got my hba1c from 64 to 48, I was re tested early because I have lost 2 stone and my nurse wants to see about lowering my metformin ( 500x 2 ) my blood sugars are usually 5 ish before food and 5-6 2 hours after. I know all this stuff is good if it was my family member telling me this I would be saying how well they are doing and keep it up. But I don’t feel that way towards myself like I have done this to myself through bad diet, I’m 30 and i know it’s young to become type 2, I just feel totally ashamed of myself and defective. I don’t view any other diabetics this way just myself, I’m really struggling to accept this not In a denial way but more of a emotional way. I spoke to my dad who is diabetic and he feels This is maybe more of a general low self esteem than just diabetes but I just feel so down about it, I think it’s mainly my age that seems to be making me feel worse, has anyone else felt this way? Does it get better in time? Thank you

It does get better in time and if You do the very low carb eating style you might get your overweight off too

Be kind to yourself we are what we are , all we Can do is doing the Best we Can from now on , it really also help to learn to make all the very low carb treats and other delicious low carb treats , stay here with all of us and keep getting support and answers to your questions

 

[shelley262]

hi everyone
I was diagnosed type 2 diabetic two months ago I am 30 years old, overweight and Have a strong family history of type 2 diabetes. In them two months I have got my hba1c from 64 to 48, I was re tested early because I have lost 2 stone and my nurse wants to see about lowering my metformin ( 500x 2 ) my blood sugars are usually 5 ish before food and 5-6 2 hours after. I know all this stuff is good if it was my family member telling me this I would be saying how well they are doing and keep it up. But I don’t feel that way towards myself like I have done this to myself through bad diet, I’m 30 and i know it’s young to become type 2, I just feel totally ashamed of myself and defective. I don’t view any other diabetics this way just myself, I’m really struggling to accept this not In a denial way but more of a emotional way. I spoke to my dad who is diabetic and he feels This is maybe more of a general low self esteem than just diabetes but I just feel so down about it, I think it’s mainly my age that seems to be making me feel worse, has anyone else felt this way? Does it get better in time? Thank you

Hi @lily2 it will get better. All of us diabetics who were overweight at or before diagnosis have been used to all those dreadful feelings of somehow doing something wrong no matter how we tried. It erodes your self esteem big time so when you get a diabetes diagnosis you do blame yourself but as you find out more about how all the official advice is what helped you get to this place hopefully you'll feel more justified anger about the lack of information that could be out there for diabetes prevention. Try and stay in the present you're doing incredibly well to date and what matters now is how you continue to move forward. As you change things round improving your numbers etc you'll find your self-esteem coming back too. There's also often a feeling of loss on diagnosis of all the things you can't have so I've worked quite hard over past few months working on developing a wide array of foods that I enjoy and can have especially low carb treats. It will feel better over time takecare.

 

[Crocodile]

@Lily 2
I don't know you but reading your musings it feels like your ol' man may hold the key. He says that it is not just a young diabetic but an overall feeling of being low. Is he right ?

Not saying he is right but if so that is the issue to get on top of. My dear wife sees this a lot in her work ( school teacher ) with students feeling low, lost and desperate. What seems to work is to find something that you're good at. Do it well and achieve and you will once again feel good about yourself.
Glenn