Snarky Hypo

nessals

Member
Messages
15
Earlier on this evening,I had a hypo which made me very cranky and irritable.I picked an argument with my OH about not getting the washing in off the line or cleaning the dog's bowl out.Petty stuff.
However,he has taken this to heart and despite me apologising after I was feeling better,he now says "We need to talk".We don't live together but he is here most days.Im not sure how to react to this,I'm a bit ticked off that he's behaving this way towards me.My personality does change sometimes when I'm very low,it's not something that happens every time but when it does I feel he should understand the reason why.
We have been together for 9 years,it's not as if it's a surprise.
He has aspergers and his behaviour isn't always rational.
 

Jenny15

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770
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Type 2
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Jazz music, science denial, and running out of coffee.
Earlier on this evening,I had a hypo which made me very cranky and irritable.I picked an argument with my OH about not getting the washing in off the line or cleaning the dog's bowl out.Petty stuff.
However,he has taken this to heart and despite me apologising after I was feeling better,he now says "We need to talk".We don't live together but he is here most days.Im not sure how to react to this,I'm a bit ticked off that he's behaving this way towards me.My personality does change sometimes when I'm very low,it's not something that happens every time but when it does I feel he should understand the reason why.
We have been together for 9 years,it's not as if it's a surprise.
He has aspergers and his behaviour isn't always rational.
I feel for you. I hesitate to comment specifically about anything in your post as it's not my place to. I've long considered that the only people who really know what goes on inside a long term relationship/marriage are the people in it.

Speaking only from my own experiences, I just want to raise the possibility that "we need to talk" could turn out to be a good thing, or at least not a bad thing, if you get my drift. More communication is often better than less communication. I have an Aspie family member whose behaviour isn't always rational and who would usually react negatively to being reminded about previously agreed tasks. A talk together, as long as it doesn't get out of hand, could be mutually beneficial. It gives you a chance to calmly raise your concerns and reach some level of agreement.

In my experience an Aspie can often act irrationally but let's face it so can everyone. They have a specific issue with their thought processes that can make it harder to act rationally, especially when under stress, as I'm sure you've observed. It's always so tricky determining when to cut them slack because they can't help it and are almost always doing their best, versus when they need to take responsibility for their choices as an adult.

I wish you well! Remember the reasons you like and love him and that we are all capable of making mistakes. Remember that you have a right to be treated reasonably, too.
 

ickihun

Master
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I think @Jenny15 makes the point better than I.

Don't stress about it but talking is good as along as both parties listen.
He might be getting too stressed from your hypos. He cannot understand 100%. None of us can.
Remember you can eat glucose and resolve the hypo whereas he hasn't that control. Do you think giving him that control it may help him and help him focus on your glucose tablets rather than you narky mood? You know him better. What does he need when you're narking at him?
You both need support coping with moody hypos eh?
I know I'm not perfect in my relationship so I don't expect perfect back. Give the guy some slack. He may need a break. I know I need one from my ill hubby or I go mad.

Work things out to suit you both. Explain that you now realise how much pressure hypo nonsense put on him too. Maybe?
 

nessals

Member
Messages
15
He wont talk to me,says I've ****** him off.There is nothing I can do about having diabetes and he should know me well enough to know it was out of character for me.I feel hurt that he is ignoring me over something that I couldn't control.
 

LooperCat

Expert
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5,223
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I’m an Aspie myself and can be utterly irrational at times, especially when I feel I’m being criticised. Even if I’m not really. Nine times out of ten I’ll see reason in a couple of hours, overnight at worst. Maybe he just needs to sleep on it to realise he’s been a bit of an ar5e, and will apologise in the morning. My husband has a brain injury, and I know what his issues are - but because I don’t live in his body, I’ll never fully understand what it’s like for him. A person who hasn’t had a hypo has no clue how it affects you, and we Aspies aren’t desperately good at putting ourselves in another’s shoes or empathising.
 
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nessals

Member
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I’m an Aspie myself and can be utterly irrational at times, especially when I feel I’m being criticised. Even if I’m not really. Nine times out of ten I’ll see reason in a couple of hours, overnight at worst. Maybe he just needs to sleep on it to realise he’s been a bit of an ar5e, and will apologise in the morning. My husband has a brain injury, and I know what his issues are - but because I don’t live in his body, I’ll never fully understand what it’s like for him. A person who hasn’t had a hypo has no clue how it affects you, and we Aspies aren’t desperately good at putting ourselves in another’s shoes or empathising.
He takes things so personally and we joke about his overeactions but this has made me quite upset.We don't live together and although I have apologised a few times already,he hasn't acknowledged any of them.I put up with a lot from him because he has aspergers and he can and has ignored me for weeks.
I'm not impressed with his behaviour towards me for a hypo and im too old for this kind of sulky **** from a grown man.
 

LooperCat

Expert
Messages
5,223
Type of diabetes
Type 1
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He takes things so personally and we joke about his overeactions but this has made me quite upset.We don't live together and although I have apologised a few times already,he hasn't acknowledged any of them.I put up with a lot from him because he has aspergers and he can and has ignored me for weeks.
I'm not impressed with his behaviour towards me for a hypo and im too old for this kind of sulky **** from a grown man.
I’m not surprised your upset, I would be too. Sulking for weeks just isn’t on though. I can only manage an hour or two! Hope you can sort things out x
 

Jenny15

Well-Known Member
Messages
770
Type of diabetes
Type 2
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Other
Dislikes
Jazz music, science denial, and running out of coffee.
He takes things so personally and we joke about his overeactions but this has made me quite upset.We don't live together and although I have apologised a few times already,he hasn't acknowledged any of them.I put up with a lot from him because he has aspergers and he can and has ignored me for weeks.
I'm not impressed with his behaviour towards me for a hypo and im too old for this kind of sulky **** from a grown man.
Now that you've provided more info my view has changed a little. This comes under the "you have a right to be treated reasonably" point I made at the end of my post.

A sincere apology should be accepted the first time it's made. He doesn't have to like it or agree with it but the least he could do is accept your apology in the spirit in which it was given.

Ignoring someone for weeks is not on. There are some basic rules of behaviour and he has broken them.

My way of coping with difficult decisions is to think of the worst case scenario and ask myself if I could live with it. For example, when I've had a partner "play no speaks" for more than a day, I ask myself could I live with it if the relationship ended. If not, I work on it some more, if yes, I let it go. Even after many years.

He said "we need to talk," I presume you said you would, but now he has backed down? That sounds unreasonable.

I guess your options include - wait for him to contact you then negotiate some new ground rules (which may result in a breakup), treat him like he treats you and just ignore him until he makes the first move, or contact him once only with the changes you'd need in order to continue the relationship. I suspect he would sulk about that, too.

If you have any enmeshed financial or practical ties I would start thinking about what happens if you break up. If necessary you might need to play along while you sort those out then tell him once you're ready. Please always put safety first because statistically if someone is inclined to be abusive, the time of greatest risk is when a relationship ends.

It's always sad when it comes to this, regardless of where the fault lies. After leaving my ex who was not just sulky but abusive in an ongoing and increasing way, I allowed myself to have a smaller circle of people in my life, in order to weed out those who did not treat me with basic respect. This included some family members.

"What you allow is what will continue" became one of my mottos in life. I am so much happier and less stressed now that I set and enforce reasonable boundaries.

I wish you the best of luck with the sulky guy and any others in your life like that. xx
 
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