Paraprosdokians

Pura Vida

Well-Known Member
Messages
746
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Paraprosdokians:


First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).


1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Sadly this is true!!!
 

Grant_Vicat

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,178
Type of diabetes
Don't have diabetes
Treatment type
I do not have diabetes
Dislikes
Intolerance, selfishness, rice pudding
Paraprosdokians:


First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).


1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Sadly this is true!!!
You might like these as well!:


• If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
• I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
• Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• Take my advice — I'm not using it.
• Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
• Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
 

BillB

Well-Known Member
Messages
633
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
Impolite people, yobbish behaviour, pretentious people.
Sadly not my original joke but from a Goon Show many years ago - The speaker was a man with a military bearing, which he tossed in the air and caught.
 
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D

Deleted member 308541

Guest
I used to say to spiders inside the house "Wait there, I will kill you later".

I now relocate them outside in to shrubbery.
 

alf_Josiah

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,922
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
People that point out my spelling mistakes

bsandie

Member
Messages
17
Type of diabetes
Type 2
These are great...i never knew there was a proper name for them....
Another One from Tommy Cooper...I backed ahorse at 10 to 2. It came in at 10 past4.

Not sure where this one came from...I wanted to learn to tap dance, but I kept falling in the sink!
 

BillB

Well-Known Member
Messages
633
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
Impolite people, yobbish behaviour, pretentious people.
Just remembered another one: I used to be conceited but then I realised it and now I'm the nicest fellow you could ever meet.
 
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BillB

Well-Known Member
Messages
633
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
Impolite people, yobbish behaviour, pretentious people.
Just remembered another one, from a film but I can't remember which one. "The only exercise you ever get is jumping to conclusions."
Well, it made me laught.