Hi
@banana2000, I feel for you. I went through a somewhat similar process some 46 years ago, before glucose monitors, fancy insulins, pumps etc -
and it is survivable !! And as a male in Australia there were also social pressures, stress and expectations.
I feel different, isolated, and stubborn about being independent rather than needy but needing to pull myself up by my own bootlaces !!! Who else was there to blame but myself ??
In hindsight it was probably
sticking to an exercise regime, long walks to the train station, regular swimming in the pool near the school (and later the one near the university),
use of self humour and being prepared
to really adjust my insulin to allow for the stress of exams ( stepping up to 3 times normal doses at times),
cultivating a few close friendships and
minimising comfort eating, which is a natural response to stress I found.
Through my University course in Medicine I learnt about the hormone cortisol, released from the adrenal glands as a response to chronic stress and which makes insulin less effective (or in more modern parlance, increases insulin resistance). I appreciated that I was lucky in the sense of not having the added stress of coping with menstrual cycles. Although I did notice seasonal changes in my diabetes and sensitivity to insulin.
I learnt of experiments suggesting that
URTIs were less common if safe doses of Vitamin D supplements were taken through winter and that influenza vaccination was a good idea (although insulin requirements went up 30% plus for 4 to 5 days after the vaccination in my case). In one study the proximity of sleeping bunks in a military garrison correlated with the spread of flu, in another with the presence or absence of hand washing. Why do health professional courses in universities cram people together in lectures and emphasise hand washing just in hospitals and not at university, particularly in wintertime ? And in schools, the same thing?
Having at least one friend was a great help, he was from Mauritius and shared a feeling of isolation. As can happen a group formed, male and female, over time which helped. There was one other person that year with T1D, we actually lived several streets away as we found out, but we developed our own support networks whilst still being in touch.
Hypos in public are an incredible source for embarrassment. I can still recall some and being grateful that others learnt to look out for me. One occurred whilst waiting for a practical exam. Fortunately the nurse on duty, who was minding the patients we were to see, recognised me from eye clinics (I was attending clinics at the hospital as an out-patient) and intervened.
Outpatient clinics back then were cruel. Doctors seemed to resent me, still battling with the slings and arrows of adolescence and contrary hormones, with not having perfect BSLs - and informing me that I was heading for diabetic complications. The nurses were much more understanding. I expect that attitudes have changed markedly. My private endocrinologist advises all his new TID patients to ensure they obtain a good normal age retirement plan.
Bottling up feelings would lead me to feeling anxious. My exercise routine provided an answer (with a much needed power surge to my brain to turn on the light) -
Breathe ! If I slowed my breathing, not too shallow and rapid, not too deep I could breathe out the worry which my holding of breath had trapped. It works, steady even breaths wherever..., whatever..., however..... And exercise helped my diabetes control. I was doing something to help myself and I learnt that I, with T1D, was trying my best to pilot a particular function of what my pancreas had abandoned -
Not My Fault - and being one of those unusual males who taught himself to machine sew, I know what it is like for a sewing machine to malfunction and you end up trying to hand sew - it takes time and effort to get the stitches right. With persistence one learns how to re-use the sewing machine in a fashion, but it is no longer an automatic affair.
Self humour allowed me to not take things too seriously. I found I became very obsessive about controlling my BSLs and in planning forward - to avoid being without insulin, missing lunch etc. These things all helped but took time for the anxiety to ease. Taking things step by step, use steady breathing, avoiding over-thinking, allowing what worked to become automatic, inventing an imaginary person, Muggins, my self-reflection - "Now what would Muggins do in this case, or with what happened ??" "Muggins, do I really need this Chocolate Sundae cone ?" And finding a dsn and counsellor who understood enough about diabetes to empathise.
I often tell the story of having accidentally given myself my evening dose of insulin twice (short and long-acting). What to do?
I thought about the out-dated Aussie practice for snakebite of cutting down to the end of the fang bites (injections) and sucking out the venom (insulin) but this was anatomically impossible. ( and i chickened out anyway, it was was a whimsical and outrageous idea anyway! ) Instead i 'punished' myself with judicious doses of ice-cream through the night.
Love yourself - I am a person who happens to have diabetes, yes it does shape me in some ways but I am still a person with feelings, passions, thoughts and opinions. I can become interested in pastimes, hobbies etc, could participate in school clubs or outside school if I wished. Facing challenges can make me stronger in ways, more confident ( and self-humour prevents me from going over the top !!). I can be pleasant, humourous without having to drink alcohol (and real no-no on insulin, I believe) or flirt. I can be a designated driver, a teller of jokes and whilst diabetes may be a turn-off for some, the people who are really friends and who are genuine will not be put off by my diabetes. The same applies to you.
Please keep posting. share your thoughts, your victories and where things have gone less well. Welcome, fellow warrior.