Struggling to cope and avoiding my insulin

[Catherine4188]

just read your post and i can already feel how heavy your current burden is... i am not a mom and have no family of my own yet but i can definitely understand your frustration and anger over trying to control your blood sugars. try to spring back little by little. fight back against that anger and sadness, use a bit of insulin as needed, and take some joy from each good reading that you might get. i know it is never stable, esp now i can imagine how much stress you are in. even that will affect your levels. think of it maybe like a slot machine, a bit of insulin can get you some good sugar level jackpots once in a while
also saw your post about your eldest daughter, maybe she is also feeling the upset in your home. if you can talk heart to heart you might even be able to help each other out. the smallest bond from tough times can mean lots for the both of you, even for the long run. how old is she? children have really good empathy, and coupled with understanding of the situation she might be able to bring some source of joy into your situation
glad to know you have a schedule with your team. hope you feel better soon. wishing you more control over your levels and hopefully recovery and sunshine for you, your husband and your kids. <3

Thank you for your kind words. My daughter is 4 but normally quite a mature 4. We have just told her that Daddy and Mammy are very tired when she has been us upset. We have honestly tried our best to keep it all final for her and even made a huge effort to make life even more full of happy things and experiences for her, keeping our own feelings locked away until the kids are in bed as much as possible. I’m going to try to establish a good routine with her after school this week and speak to her teacher about her behaviour with regards to protesting going to school, hopefully some of it is just adjustment to full time education.

I’m going to try some Glargine tonight but I can’t quite bring myself to carb count yet. Small steps. X

 

[Gran25]

Good work! You are communicating with us, your daughter and reaching out to your health care team. All so important. One day at a time, one step at a time. Are you still in touch with your perinatal team from your baby's birth? They may be able to help with recalibrating "what is normal" as a family grows and adapts to a new baby and the extra health challenges that you are facing as well as screen for postnatal depression (which is not just limited to the 1st 6 wks BTW) Set your standards for anything other than family health (housekeeping etc) as low as possible! There is plenty of time for a clean house...like after the kids graduate from school and leave home... now is the time for caring for yourself & each other. Please keep us posted here with your steps to recovery.

 

[kitedoc]

I’ve spoken to the DSN. I have an appointment to see them face to face on Monday next week. They have urged me to try to take my Glargine at least once every couple of days. It’s a step. Thank you all for your time. You’ve really helped .,

Great! First step done, Glargine next, please keep marching towards feeling better !!!

 

[Catherine4188]

I opened up to my friend last night. She’s told my mum. I told her not to as my mam has enough on her plate right now. Just waiting for a phone call from my mum, feel sick. I didn’t want her to know until I was recovering. All I’m going to get is told I have to take my insulin and a huge guilt trip that I do not need. I feel like I’m back to square one. Why can’t people just do what you ask and you need. I know my friend was desperate to help but she’s made it worse.

 

[KK123]

I opened up to my friend last night. She’s told my mum. I told her not to as my mam has enough on her plate right now. Just waiting for a phone call from my mum, feel sick. I didn’t want her to know until I was recovering. All I’m going to get is told I have to take my insulin and a huge guilt trip that I do not need. I feel like I’m back to square one. Why can’t people just do what you ask and you need. I know my friend was desperate to help but she’s made it worse.

I really sympathise Catherine, but sometimes when people love someone they have to do something for that person no matter the wrath they may get. I'm betting your friend didn't know what to do but doing nothing wasn't a choice. She probably thought your Mum could help. x

 

[kitedoc]

I opened up to my friend last night. She’s told my mum. I told her not to as my mam has enough on her plate right now. Just waiting for a phone call from my mum, feel sick. I didn’t want her to know until I was recovering. All I’m going to get is told I have to take my insulin and a huge guilt trip that I do not need. I feel like I’m back to square one. Why can’t people just do what you ask and you need. I know my friend was desperate to help but she’s made it worse.

Oh dear. Just some thoughts: The decision of how to tell your mum (eventually) has been taken out of your hands. It is not your fault that this has happened. You may need to be strong and consider reading the riot act to your mum if she starts on the criticism. As hard as that is you are doing something about the state of affairs and ask for her support and nothing else. You may need to put down the phone if she gets wound up. Meanwhile finding true friends is part of your recovery.
One insulin shot a day. takes some lurgies away.

 

[Diakat]

Hope your mum is supportive when the call comes. Just try to keep in mind how you might feel if your daughter was going through all the things you are - and not telling you.

 

[Catherine4188]

I completely understand how my mum feels. She actually didn’t even talk about the diabetes just our usual chat but then focus on my lingering cough and said I needed to see a doctor and stressed how important it is to look after myself. Think she might have known I didn’t want to discuss it.
I told my husband too. He’s ok and trying to be supportive.
I’ve taken another shot of Glargine today, upped the dose too. Small but positive steps. Thanks every single one of you for your time, advice and care. You’re like my own group of nurses and psychologists. Im sorry that I seem to swing wildly between positive and hopeless, it’s a crazy rollercoaster in my mind at the minute. X

 

[Catherine4188]

Hello, I thought I’d update you on my progress.

I’m currently taking 15 units Glargine daily and novorapid if I feel I’ve had s heavy carb evening. This use of insulin is honestly very mood dependant. For example most days I think I’ll take my Glargine and some novorapid before bed because I know my mood is better. But tonight I don’t want to take any (first time in about a week). I’m back at work after Mat Lea son Friday and work is very very pressured. Won’t explain the details but they haven’t covered me properly whilst I was off and when I get back I have the pieces to pick up. I’m feeling very anxious and not sure whether it will bring me focus or the opposite. I’m hoping focus. I’m going to miss my babies. My youngest is just so precious and my eldest and dropping her / picking her up from school and being the first to hear about her day before she gets too tired to talk about it. X

 

[DCUKMod]

Hello, I thought I’d update you on my progress.

I’m currently taking 15 units Glargine daily and novorapid if I feel I’ve had s heavy carb evening. This use of insulin is honestly very mood dependant. For example most days I think I’ll take my Glargine and some novorapid before bed because I know my mood is better. But tonight I don’t want to take any (first time in about a week). I’m back at work after Mat Lea son Friday and work is very very pressured. Won’t explain the details but they haven’t covered me properly whilst I was off and when I get back I have the pieces to pick up. I’m feeling very anxious and not sure whether it will bring me focus or the opposite. I’m hoping focus. I’m going to miss my babies. My youngest is just so precious and my eldest and dropping her / picking her up from school and being the first to hear about her day before she gets too tired to talk about it. X

Catherine - I'm sorry your still struggling to juggle everything you see before you. All of these things take time.

Please don't make too many judgements from your first day back after maternity leave. That's bound to have been a totally alien environment - a total step change from home to work, never mind your disruption to routine with your children. Give it a few weeks to form new routines. Once they are established things should become a bit easier.

Keep taking your insulin - even if you can only manage a sort of safety net routine for now. Reminders on your phone might help establish that sort of routine for say your basal at least, but it depends how you react to reminders. Some folks find they encourage them to comply, and others find them to be something to rebel against. Only you'll know that, but the great thing about repeating reminders on a phone is you can always snooze it for 10 minutes if your deep in baby bath or whatever.

Please try to recognise the incremental steps you are taking and what you are achieving in doing as you do. Your absolute priority seems to be the welfare and wellbeing of your children, and that is laudable, however, in order to ensure those things, you have to be looking after yourself too. Some routines of your own are at least as important as routines for your children. Getting your children into wonderful routines only goes so far if you aren't well enough to follow the routines through with them.

One day at a time.

 

[jacqfromdwed]

Hi @Catherine4188 I'm jacq and I run DWED. Your story is actually really familiar you are certainly not alone, it is really easy to let Diabetes become the low priority when you have other stuff going on in your life, even the most experienced of us go through phases like that. My feeling however is that as you are newly diagnosed you are to a certain extent 'getting away with it' this is quite similar to what happened with me, my consultant said that as I was diagnosed as an adult (I was 23) I probably had some residual pancreatic function which is why I could survive on such little insulin. This doesn't last for long however and pretty soon I was in and out of hospital and deathly ill. You are increasing your insulin in increments though which is what is recommended in the guideline. When I started getting better a friend gave me some great advice - take your long acting as soon as you get up, that way it's done you can get a 24 acting such as Lantus which will keep you safe.

From what you have written so far, you are definitely at high risk especially if losing weight is cheering you up - that becomes a very viscous circle.

You are doing the right things by reaching out and I would advise asking you DSN to refer you to the service psychologist if they have one and if not then ask them to get your GP to refer you to psychological services.

 

[Amandapodevin]

Hi
I totally understand what you’re going through. I got diagnosed at age 17 (type 1) and soon realised that withholding my insulin helped me lose weight. Nearly 30 yrs on I’ve suffered 2 heart attack’s, my eyes are getting bad and now there’s a worry with my kidneys but still I can’t bring myself to inject. I’m not scared of the injections but I’m scared of loosing control and getting “fat”. Im now seeking help as like you my family is my world and I don’t want to loose them. Please seek some help and put you first

 

[Resurgam]

Hello, I thought I’d update you on my progress.

I’m currently taking 15 units Glargine daily and novorapid if I feel I’ve had s heavy carb evening. This use of insulin is honestly very mood dependant. For example most days I think I’ll take my Glargine and some novorapid before bed because I know my mood is better. But tonight I don’t want to take any (first time in about a week). I’m back at work after Mat Lea son Friday and work is very very pressured. Won’t explain the details but they haven’t covered me properly whilst I was off and when I get back I have the pieces to pick up. I’m feeling very anxious and not sure whether it will bring me focus or the opposite. I’m hoping focus. I’m going to miss my babies. My youngest is just so precious and my eldest and dropping her / picking her up from school and being the first to hear about her day before she gets too tired to talk about it. X

Be sure to point out that you are have come back to a chaotic situation, you'll need all the help you can get under the circumstances.

 

[SueJB]

A big hug @Catherine4188 , you're moving forward and coming through, amazing lady. Please take care of yourself and don't let diabetes take control. You have the power to make it quake. Now you need to continue with the strength and positive moves you've made to look after you so you can have fun with your children and a glass of wine after work with your husband. Magic lady, you're doing so well. A final hug from me