If you have complications - do you blame yourself?

[the_anticarb]

How many of us out there blame ourselves for any diabetic complications they have? how many do not?
I can't help blaming myself even though I know the odds were stacked against me in some ways, I was in denial over my diabetes for many years (getting diagnosed as a teenager didn't help, I was far too young to take on the responsibility and once I had experienced a period of time 'getting away with it' it got harder and harder to pick that responsibility up as the years went by).
However I also had an eating disorder which pre dated the diabetes and felt totally out of control where food was concerned. This lead to under injecting (a form of diabulimia I suppose) which although I was perfectly aware was very wrong, I felt powerless to stop.
This lead to retinopathy, which ironically when my blood sugars were at their lowest (when pregnant) combined with pregnancy hormones, lead to the need for laser treatment.
I do feel guilty, although I also feel the medical profession did not do enough to help me either with the eating disorder or with the diabetes (eg when first put on insulin was told to take set amounts of fast acting, not to carb count or match to meals) and still I feel that I am on my own in many ways as I don't have much faith in the medical profession to understand how hard it can be to manage this condition

 

[PastaShape]

No matter what, I feel guilty for becoming diabetic in first place, I am certain that had I done things different in my life I would not have ended up with this diagnosis.

However I have learnt since then, I am a lurker, a daily lurker of this forum, I do not post, for the simple reason that I feel that I have not got anything clever to say really.

But oh boy, thank goodness we have this forum available to us.

A big thank you to all you clever and courageous people.

 

[Sid Bonkers]

Blame, like self pity is a very destructive, negative emotion.

I prefer to be more positive in my outlook and focus on not letting things get worse, I have background retinopathy which I have had since diagnosis, so far it has not got any worse and hopefully If I keep my bg levels down to NICE recommended levels it will stay that way for many years. If it gets worse I will cross that bridge when it comes but I wont waste breath blaming Tom, ****, Harry or myself.

Positive Mental Attitude - so important IMHO

 

[noblehead]

I did blame myself when told I had diabetic retinopathy some 12 years ago, and sure I beat myself up and knew that this could have been avoided to some extent had I controlled my bg more carefully in my youth, but as Sid says blame and regret can be very destructive and isn't going to resolve anything and I would rather use my thoughts and energy in controlling my diabetes much more tightly now. We can never undo what has been, but by learning from mistakes in the past we can delay or prevent further complications in the future.

Nigel

 

[donnellysdogs]

I think in every single part of our lives that if things go wrong, it is natural to blame ourselves-even if it hasn't been proven.

So far I haven't got any complications (25 years type 1), but I would undoubtedly blame myself, BUT I think in one way or another people blame themselves for getting cancer, for giving relatives horrible genes (I know my Mum still blames herself for giving me diabetes!!!)

Until the scientists definitely find out the cause for diabetes, we will always be blaming ourselves, and therefore we will always be thinking that we could have improved on our care or ourselves....

We have 1 life and we have to make the most of what we are given, complications or not-and blame doesn't make anything better-ALTHOUGH, it can be a learning cureve for others!!!!

 

[the_anticarb]

I think in every single part of our lives that if things go wrong, it is natural to blame ourselves-even if it hasn't been proven.

So far I haven't got any complications (25 years type 1), but I would undoubtedly blame myself, BUT I think in one way or another people blame themselves for getting cancer, for giving relatives horrible genes (I know my Mum still blames herself for giving me diabetes!!!)

Until the scientists definitely find out the cause for diabetes, we will always be blaming ourselves, and therefore we will always be thinking that we could have improved on our care or ourselves....

We have 1 life and we have to make the most of what we are given, complications or not-and blame doesn't make anything better-ALTHOUGH, it can be a learning cureve for others!!!!

I know what you mean DD, in my case the diabetes is 50% heritable, (monogenic mody) so my mum really struggles with blaming herself for 'passsing it on' (to me and my brother) and once said if she'd known she wouldn't have had any kids -so I wouldn't be here. I have just had a little baby, and he has a 50% chance of inheriting it (won't show til adolescence) but I won't blame myself if he does (well I say that now, no idea how i'll cope if it happens) ,but hopefully medical treatments will have advanced by the time he's my age.

 

[donnellysdogs]

I'll remind you of that in 30 years if we are both still posting!!!!!! By then I will be a true silver surfer!!!!

I always find it strange that my Mum blames herself, as I don't. It may well go down the line in our genes on my Mum's side of the family, but I don't see anything at all that my Mum could blame herself for. I know for a fact that she is a lot more 'giving' towards me than my 2 brothers. She always says, it's what your dad would want etc, or you have had things harder because of your illnesses (ie higher premiums for life insurance etc)....but I don't see my diabetes as her fault at all.

Glad that I am not the only one with a Mum like this!!!!!

 

[Gappy]

I'm with Sid about positive thinking-I know it works! As for blame what does that achieve? I'd rather think of credit for how well I'm doing in changing life (for the better) and controlling things

 

[mehdave]

I dont blame myself for getting diabetes or the kidney issues it has brought with it. To make myself feel better I blame it on the mystery illness that nearly killed me in canada on my first ever holiday nobody knows what it was but was in hospital for 5 days. 6 months later and bam diabetes and kidney issues :lol:

 

[leggott]

I do worry about complications in my children. I can never quite shake the notion that if my children ever suffer any complications later in life it will be my fault. Every time I get a higher than expected reading these thoughts enter my head and I blame myself even though I am meticulous in their care. I know these thoughts are irrational as I do all that I can to ensure their control is as tight as I can achieve and sometimes high readings aren't necessarily down to human error.

I'm just hoping for a technological leap in the development of the artificial pancreas not only for my children but everyone else suffering from this illness.

 

[ShyGirl]

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[sugar2]

I don't blame anybody for my diabetes, but it is completely my own fault that I have retinopathy.

Stil, like Sid says, no point wallowing in it,, and I try and do evertthing I can do now to avoid any deterioration..so far, so good. I try to be forward thinking, and not waste my time with the what ifs...I was really stupid, but I know that now, and will never let that happen again. If I go down, I will go down fighting!

For some reason, and this may just be me, if I am ill, and I have to go to the Drs, and they say, oh no, this is nothing to do with your diabetes.... that always cheers me up a little, as this means that it almost a guilt free illness.

 

[adele]

I feel that my diabetes is a part of me now, I was diagnosed when I was 13, so have had it now for 13yrs. I have luckily so far not had any serious complications but have had borderline complications, where medication has sorted everything out nicely. I do partly hold myself responcible for complications as untill the last few years I haven't put as much effort in as I feel I could have. However a long term medical condition will have an effect on the body eventually, but I don't dwell on it and focus on a long happy future. On a definate positive side I would say that due to having diabetes I probably live a lot healthier lifestyle than I would've done.

 

[SugarPlums]

So far no major complications (37 years- Type 1), more through luck than judgement. Apart from the last 3 years under DAFNE, I always felt the treatment for Diabetes was way wrong, even with the limits of the past. Would never blame myself for the result of medical treatment shortcomings.

 

[cjw]

Without wishing to sound harsh, if you don't control your diabetes/blood sugar then YES it is your fault if you get complications. We all know that high blood sugars cause complications so as far as I am concerned we are all responsible (or our parents/guardians if you are a child) for maintaining good control to avoid complications. Simples.

I also strayed as a youngster but have since been doing everything in my power to get good control to counteract that.

 

[ebony321]

i think if you add 'TRY' infront of control your post would be spot on.

Some people try VERY VERY hard to control their diabetes and through no fault of their own struggle to do so, sometimes resulting in complications.

Also looking after a child/teenager with diabetes is very difficult at times due to hormones and growing up really..

Aslong as you give it your all, whatever happens you can't/shouldn't blame yourself.

that's simples.

 

[Unbeliever]

Sorry cjw but I think you must recognise hat it is not so simple. Certainly , as Ebony points out TRY to control your levels to give yourself the best chance of avoiding complications This is all any of us can do but mainyaining good control does not guarantee that you willl be complication free.

That is a fact. Difficult to accept and uncomfortable but once again, it is offensive o those who do suffer complications o assume that it is their own fault. If only life were so simple.