Type 1 Diabetes

[vikc]

Dear all,

I know this is a bit of a random post but I was wondering if anyone can provide me with any help and advice. I have been reading several posts about various topics and has made me feel comfortable to post on this forum.

I have been with my girlfriend for two and a half years now and she suffers from type 1 diabetes. She is now 24 and has suffered since the age of 13. As I come from an Indian background it has been very difficult for me to introduce my gf to my parents, but then I took the courage and told them about her a few months ago. They met her for the first time last weekend and they were very happy and really liked her.

The issue I have is they were not aware she was diabetic, I told them two days ago and since then they have been very concerned. They are very concerened about her future and the concept of her having kids. My dad has been seeking advice from various friends at his workplace and they all have a very negative view saying she will loose her eyesight, she won't be able to have children, her health will seriously deteriorate as the years pass by, she will suffer a lot.

This has not helped them in the slightest and has created even more worry for them. I love my gf to bits and really want to spend the rest of my life with her and marry her in the next year or two. I know for a fact that she feels very much the same about me. But the fact that I have been raised in a traditional Indian family I have always aimed to please my parents and have put them first for everything and them accepting my girlfriend with open arms and treating her like she does not have diabetes means a lot to me

I am really stuck and really confused as to what to do, I feel like I am falling into depression and finding it really diffcult to cope as I love my gf anf love my parents too. I don't know how to explain to my parents and make them understand about diabetes.

I just want to make it clear that my parents have not been rude etc they have been trying to be supportive and be positive but they are very concerned and feel that if I marry her the future will hold a great deal of pain and unhappiness.

I would appreciate any advice that could help me with this situation.


Kind regards,

Vik

 

[ebony321]

Hi,

It must be difficult for you to be in this situation!

I think if your parents are worried then you need to gather information about diabetes so you can explain fully as to leave no gaps for these worries.

Explain that complications come from years of bad control and there is no reason why your girlfriend cant live as long as anyone else, with her eyesight intact.

People with Diabetes have children all the time, and those children never develop diabetes. It's also important to explain that parents without diabetes have children that develop diabetes.

I think your parents are worried, and maybe rightly so, but you need to nip these worries in the bud before they get more incorrect information and hear of silly myths that are said about diabetes.

The more time they spend with you and your girlfriend im sure they will see with their own eyes that diabetes can be lived with and well controlled.

Also would be a good idea if your girlfriend could talk to them herself, with experience of diabetes she may be able to put them more at ease.

Please don't worry about it too much, it must be worrying for you as you love your girlfriend and your parents, but until they are told the correct information they have no reason not to believe that your girlfriend will have these things happen and any children you may have, you need to set them straight and help them understand diabetes better then i'm sure they will be more comfortable with it.

all the best!

 

[AndyS]

Hi Vik,

I'll second a lot of what has been said. Diabetes is not the big scary monster it used to be. If you girlfriend has got a good handle on her condition and treats herself right then there is no reason she shouldn't have a long and healthy life.

As has been said the complications come from not controlling the condition properly. If your GF manages to keep her HbA1c (Long term measure of how well you are treating your Diabetes) below 7% then the evidence suggests that she will dramatically reduce her chance of future complications.

The number of Myths out there about this illness is just insane. If your GF Carb Counts and has everything in hand you may well find that she is a walking athority on the subject so would probably be the best person to answer a lot of the questions. I know that I get an aweful lot of questions from people these days.

Good luck and hope you and your GF manage to easy your Parents' fears.

/A

 

[SophiaW]

I agree with what has already been said by the others. If your girlfriend has good control of her diabetes then the other positive point is that she is probably more aware of staying healthy through diet and exercise than many other young women her age. It's quite possible that she leads a healthier lifestyle than many other people who do not have diabetes. This would be a positive thing for her own health and also the health of a family that you may raise together.

You could also argue the point with your parents that any other "healthy" girlfriend that you have is not guaranteed to stay that way, many people develop all number of conditions and at any age. Having diabetes is not a guarantee of doom and ill health, being healthy now is not a guarantee that the person will stay healthy, if you get what I'm saying.

My daughter has diabetes and no one in our family as far back in history that we know has had any form of diabetes. A couple who do not have a history of diabetes does not guarantee that their children will never get diabetes. I have friends whose children have autism and there is no family history of autism in either side of their family. It's just a chance you have to take, there are no guarantees in life. If your children were to inherit diabetes then your girlfriend at least is well educated about it and will know how to cope. For us it was a tremendous shock and huge learning curve.

I think the best way to win over your family is to educate them about type 1, reassure them that your girlfriend takes her health seriously and controls her diabetes well. They will need a lot of support in learning about the condition and I'm sure they'll see that it's something that can be managed and your girlfriend can lead a full and healthy life. Unfortunately people love to tell of diabetic horror stories and if your parents have heard this it won't have helped much but you can try to put that right.

 

[noblehead]

Vik,

Great advice so far!

As for the negative views your father received from his workplace.......well this is so untrue and provided your girlfriend keeps good control of her diabetes and attends regular clinic appointments there are no reasons why she shouldn't go on to lead a full and healthy life together with you.

Nigel

 

[vikc]

Hi all,


Thank you very much for your replies, they have been very supportive and positive.

I will be showing them to my parents and hopefully they will realise that what they have been told is rumours and that as long as my gf keeps control then there is no reason why we cannot live a long and successful life together.

Once again thank you for the replies, I cannot express how much it means to me.

If anyone else wants to paste any replies then please feel free to.



Kind regards,

Vik

 

[scoyyt57]

Hi

I was diagnosed Type 1 in 1964 age 7 years old. I have 2 children, now aged 27 and 22, no problems with my eyesight and have worked since I was 19 years old taking 9 months maternity leave when I had my children.

Please reassure your parents that just coz your girlfriend is T1 that she will not be able to live a long and happy life. Treatment of diabetes has come a long way since I was diagnosed

 

[sugarybibs]

Hi vikc,ive been type 1 since 1970 im now in my 50s have four kids (well adults)25 24 22 20.my parents got told i wouldnt live a long life and probably wouldnt have children!!ive got perfect eyesight,work very hard,the only complications ive got are things like frozen shoulder and trigger thumb but people of my age without diabetes get this anyway.I know its hard but most people with diabetes take better care of themselves than people without diabetes.i eat more healthy food than most of my friends and ive always stayed slim and healthy looking.I hardly ever get colds or illness like most of my friends and even family. Tell your parents to look at this site and see your replies and it may make them get a better outlook on what type 1 diabetes is and most of us do lead normal lives.Good luck anyway and i hope you and your girlfriend stay together forever

 

[Snodger]

vikc, it may also be worth while making sure your parents know the difference between Type 1 and Type 2. They are probably much more likely to be aware of Type 2, which is far more common (about 85% of diabetics are type 2), and also more common in certain ethnic groups, including those from India.

Type 2 is more likely to be genetically linked than Type 1. So if someone has told your parents that diabetes 'runs in families' it is probably Type 2 they are talking about. English people of South Asian ethnic origin are six times more likely to get Type 2 than people of White ethnic origin.

Type 1 doesn't really 'run in families' in the same way. There is no ethnic link. It might help them to know that the risk of your gf passing Type 1 on to any children she has is only about 1%. It's a very small chance.

I would also echo what everyone else says - it's possible to be diabetic and healthier than everyone else around you. I really do hope things sort out fine for you.

 

[josie38]

Hi vikc

MAybe you could ask your gf if she could get some leaflets from her dsn that your parents could read and ask your gf if they wanted to ask any questions would she mind. Also explain to your parents that she may be able to have children if she wishes and that she would be monitored very closely.

Are they worried that if something happened that you would not be able to cope with it? My husband says that it is a constant worry with my diabetes but he learnt to deal with it. Could be that is what they are worried about?

I can understand their worries if they haven't come into contact with people with the condition. Maybe letting them know that your gf is willing to answer any questions and would want to share any information about the condition may ease their worries.

Hope all goes well

josie

 

[Geri]

Hi Vik,
I read your post with interest because a former boyfriend, who I was seeing in the 1980s, was told by his parents not to marry me because I had diabetes.

Thankfully I later met and married a lovely man who has supported me and my diabetes throughout the ups and downs. He has also found support in me regarding his working life as well as life in general.
Regarding my diabetes care - I have counted carbs since being diagnosed in 1970, although I went through a rebelious time during my early 20s.... and I am now 50 years old and still turn heads!

Unlike many of the posts so far, I have had trouble with losing my sight for a while. However, it returned and I went onto higher education and a good job afterwards.

I have often found that the negative things in life, like the complications of diabetes, as well as other general illness's and knock backs, can actually toughen a person up and can create a very rounded individual who is kinder and much more understanding and mentally stronger than most.
Understanding diabetes makes a person not only an expert in survival, but also helps a person to be better equipt with the things that every human faces throughout the journey of life.
All in all, it makes a person more understanding and stronger.

The boyfriend who went with his fathers wishes eventually married a women with no illness, but, unfortunately they had 2 children with severe autism. This has been very hard for them to deal with, especially because they expected to have a nice easy life.

Although complications may, or may not occur, your girlfriend is probably someone who has added strength to her soul, and I bet she will be a strong tower of strength for both you and your future children. My child is now a secure, bright, tall, handsome 15 year old who has no diabetes, and who belongs to a strong and loving family bond.
The boyfriends father who didnt want me as a daughter in law stares in disbelief at my son......
So, I hope you can help your parents to understand that a wife or partner with diabetes can be a very good thing to have.
Best Wishes, G x

 

[daisy1]

Geri, that was an absolutely wonderful post Very moving.

 

[vikc]

Hi Everyone,

Thankyou for your replies, once again I can't show how much I appreciate them.

I am still stuck in the same situation and finiding it extremly difficult to explain to my dad. He is not being very understanding. I really don't know what to do!


Kind regards,

Vikram