Diabetes with depression (trigger warning)

[Tyiaka]

Most my life I've only wanted to be dead or in prison, so let's say 7, and I'm in and out of hospital 3 times a year at best. Now I've been a diabetic for a year now and I've been really struggling to look after myself, even putting myself in more danger than usual, I starve myself, I avoid taking my insulin and I really wanna solve this problem, does anyone have advice to give or recommend medication.

 

[Resurgam]

As it is so late you might not get many replies - I am assuming that you are insulin dependent, so you need to have insulin in the same way that you need water, or fresh air as you would come to a nasty end without them.

 

[Nicola M]

I feel your pain with the depression side of things and I wish I could say there's a quick "fix" to the problem but there isn't. Your best bet would be to talk to your diabetes team and mention your struggles so they are aware and can help you out more, something I've found useful is going to more regular appointments especially with my nurse as it helps to keep me on track better, also being on the forums is useful for the support side of things. Without your insulin, you could end up in DKA (been there done that couple times over) and it's not a nice way to end up. It's more pain than its worth, some hospitals also offer group sessions where you meet up with other diabetics, I'd say asking about this at your hospital would be useful.

 

[Brunneria]

Hi and welcome @Tyiaka

I think your thread got lost and fell down the Recent Posts list, because it was posted late at night. Hopefully you will come back and see these responses.

Am in total agreement with @Nicola M that this is something you need to talk to your diabetes team about, and get some ongoing help - far and above what this forum and its members can offer. Having said that, please come back and post here. Let us know how you are feeling today, and what is going on for you. You definitely are not alone in how you feel, and there are many members who have either had similar feelings, or who have watched family and friends go through this. One of the best things about this forum is realising that we are not alone.

Are you in the UK or another country? Sometimes your location makes a difference and people can suggest different support or services relevant to your country.

 

[Tyiaka]

Hi and welcome @Tyiaka

I think your thread got lost and fell down the Recent Posts list, because it was posted late at night. Hopefully you will come back and see these responses.

Am in total agreement with @Nicola M that this is something you need to talk to your diabetes team about, and get some ongoing help - far and above what this forum and its members can offer. Having said that, please come back and post here. Let us know how you are feeling today, and what is going on for you. You definitely are not alone in how you feel, and there are many members who have either had similar feelings, or who have watched family and friends go through this. One of the best things about this forum is realising that we are not alone.

Are you in the UK or another country? Sometimes your location makes a difference and people can suggest different support or services relevant to your country.

Thank you and I'm from the UK, and I ain't seen my diabetic team for a while now, I've seen the crisis team just over a month ago but They not got back with me yet.

 

[Brunneria]

Thank you and I'm from the UK, and I ain't seen my diabetic team for a while now, I've seen the crisis team just over a month ago but They not got back with me yet.

It is sooo infuriating that these things take so long, meanwhile you are left hanging.
You could also try going to your doc, and asking for an urgent referral for counselling. That will take time too, but at least it would be a two pronged attack, as it were.
And then, for those awful late night black pits of despair, there is always The Samaritans. They offer a good non judgemental ear, even if they won’t be able to tackle insulin related stuff.

I hope you didn’t think that my post above was trying to bounce you out of the forum and into the slo mo arms of the NHS. I just re-read my post and thought it sounded a bit like I was. Not my intention! I was just trying to explain the limitations of a forum like this. It is a great place to connect, share experiences and not feel alone, but we can’t offer any professional, qualified advice, especially medical advice.

We have members from all over the world, but thinks do get quieter during the UK night, so please don’t worry if it takes a while for people to respond.

Something you may find the forum very useful for is seeing the discussions that insulin users have, with differents tricks and techniques they use to make the daily grind of testing, calculating doses, and injecting. If you have only been diagnosed a year, then there is probably still a lot to learn. We have members who have been living with it for years, who have experienced every stage from diagnosis to acceptance, with every degree of frustration, boredom, helplessness and rebellion in between. And back again.

I will tag in a few type 1s to see if they have anything to offer you.
@Diakat @Juicyj @himtoo @Jaylee @Scott-C @Mel dCP

 

[Juicyj]

Thanks for the tag @Brunneria

Welcome to the forum @Tyiaka sorry to hear of your struggles. It is so important to take better care of yourself and to take your insulin, not managing our blood glucose levels will contribute to your low mood so please tomorrow call up your team and ask for an appointment to get some support.

My mindset when I was feeling low was to just take one day at a time, not look at the big picture but to do what I needed to do each day to control my diabetes, which was to literally test up to 6/7 times a day and inject my insulin when I needed to.

It's vital you get support though, your not alone lots of t1 struggle with this, but the more in control you are the less it impacts on your mental welfare, so it does help to keep taking your insulin and as Nicola has said avoid dka at all costs if you can, please speak up here too, lots of friendly folk about who can support you.

 

[Tyiaka]

It is sooo infuriating that these things take so long, meanwhile you are left hanging.
You could also try going to your doc, and asking for an urgent referral for counselling. That will take time too, but at least it would be a two pronged attack, as it were.
And then, for those awful late night black pits of despair, there is always The Samaritans. They offer a good non judgemental ear, even if they won’t be able to tackle insulin related stuff.

I hope you didn’t think that my post above was trying to bounce you out of the forum and into the slo mo arms of the NHS. I just re-read my post and thought it sounded a bit like I was. Not my intention! I was just trying to explain the limitations of a forum like this. It is a great place to connect, share experiences and not feel alone, but we can’t offer any professional, qualified advice, especially medical advice.

We have members from all over the world, but thinks do get quieter during the UK night, so please don’t worry if it takes a while for people to respond.

Something you may find the forum very useful for is seeing the discussions that insulin users have, with differents tricks and techniques they use to make the daily grind of testing, calculating doses, and injecting. If you have only been diagnosed a year, then there is probably still a lot to learn. We have members who have been living with it for years, who have experienced every stage from diagnosis to acceptance, with every degree of frustration, boredom, helplessness and rebellion in between. And back again.

I will tag in a few type 1s to see if they have anything to offer you.
@Diakat @Juicyj @himtoo @Jaylee @Scott-C @Mel dCP

No I didn't see it that way, so don't worry to much and I keep looking at the Samaritans number on my white board but I can't even stay on the phone to my mother for longer than 20 seconds, I wouldn't know how to chat to a stranger on the phone, it's only taken me 6 months to try this forum app out

 

[Scott-C]

Hi, @Tyiaka , yeah, T1 is a bit of a headf**k in the early days but there are ways of coming to terms with it.

I've been in some pretty dark places with it, wouldn't say depression as such, more being seriously narked off.

This might sound a bit new age hippy, but one mind game I play is not to think of T1 as an enemy. I accept that a bit of my body has stopped working, so I think about it as me now having to look after a nephew or puppy which need a bit of attention. It can be demanding at times, but it's my responsibility to care for them. I enjoy it when things are going well, and I don't get too narked when it's misbehaving, because I know that T1 does that sometimes.

One of the things which has helped me hugely is getting the freestyle libre glucose monitoring system. With bg testing alone, you're just getting little snapshots in time and you have no idea whether a 5 bg test is stable or rising or falling.

With just strips, the first I'd know about a messy high or low was after it had happened and that takes a lot of sorting out.

With libre (and a cheap 3rd party transmitter on top which turns it into full on cgm) I can see how my levels are moving in real time, so I can take small steps to keep things in line long before they go way off.

It takes a lot of the uncertainty out of T1. That's a good thing, because it's the uncertainty of getting hit with random hypos out of the blue which causes a lot of burnout.

Being able to see what bg is doing gives a huge sense of control back. Pretty much everyone who uses cgm ends up happier because we're getting a heads up on developing situations and can stop them before they become a nuisance.

We find that instead of fighting T1, we're co-operating with it, and that's a much better place to be.

I know nothing about depression, so sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but I think it might be worthwhile talking to your docs, both the diabetes ones and the depression ones, see if you can get them talking with each other, and see if they can be persuaded to put you on script for cgm. It really does make a difference. Some areas are already doing libre on script, others not, but I reckon if you go to them with a good argument about how being able to see your bg with cgm might help you deal better with the depression, you might improve your chances.

Best of luck!

 

[himtoo]

Hi there @Tyiaka
when we get diagnosed with a lifelong chronic illness it is mentally as though a part of us has died , so perhaps have a google of "the 5 stages of grief " -- reading through this might help you to understand the why that you are feeling like you do

even after 46 years of living with this Type 1 i get periods where i feel "diabetes burnout" -- so deffo ring up your DSN ( diabetic nurse ) today and have a chat and explain how you are feeling

when i feel like this i go back to basics and try to just do the main things to get me through the day -- testing before meals and taking my insulin

 

[Diakat]

Morning @Tyiaka
Life throws all sorts of stuff at us, sometimes we sail through and sometimes our minds/bodies struggle. Diabetes and depression can be linked so working where possible to improve sugars may help with making the move to reach out to others.
You have already taken a big step by talking to us, you are not having an easy time but things can get better for you with the right help. Talk to your diabetes team or ask the GP for a new referral. Keep chatting here.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

Most my life I've only wanted to be dead or in prison, so let's say 7, and I'm in and out of hospital 3 times a year at best. Now I've been a diabetic for a year now and I've been really struggling to look after myself, even putting myself in more danger than usual, I starve myself, I avoid taking my insulin and I really wanna solve this problem, does anyone have advice to give or recommend medication.

I'm "just" a T2, but I've wanted to die for most of my life. Chemical imbalance in my brain, but meds have too many side-effects that clash with my other conditions/meds. The one time I did reach out for help, the Dutch system forgot about me, and I was hanging on by my fingernails for a year. (And only picked up because I asked exactly how long their bl**dy waitinglist was!) It's hard to ask for help, when you're feeling like you're not worth it anyway, and then to be forgotten, slip through their cracks? I hope the UK's got it sorted better than that. In the end, I had to do it myself, like basically the past 40 years.

If you've been having thoughts like this from early childhood, you most likely, like me, have a chemical imbalance that makes happiness a sparkly, fictional unicorn. And if you're NOT like me, antidepressants may work neigh on miracles for you if that is the case. Go to your GP, and discuss the matter. He or she might be able to perscribe, or refer you to someone who can do it for you. The first antidepressant might not be the right one, or the second, but the third? So don't give up on it. Just know this isn't your fault, and you're not the only one struggling with this.

For me, it helped to go out every weekend with my husband, and do stuff I knew I'd enjoy, if I'd only felt better. Don't feel forced to like anything, or feel you should enjoy it, just... Be. Give yourself a chance. For me the joy crept in gradually. Photography is my thing, it takes me to historical festivals, forrests, comic cons and zoo's. (Anxiety gets in the way, without a camera as a crutch I wouldn't even be able to leave the house). Just be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, and try to get help.

I've been having a tough time the past few weeks, or this whole year, really... Yesterday I laughed, and the sound startled me so, I shut up immediately. Hadn't done it in a while. It's not something that lasts long, maybe, but every moment is a victory. And I know it'll get better than this again, as the depression comes in waves, and I know it'll alleviate some, sooner or later. My bucketlist helps, a list with things to look forward to (and being able to look foward to things again), and I make one every year. I dunno... Just... Do what you need to do to survive. Be kind to yourself.

Hug,
Jo

 

[JoKalsbeek]

Most my life I've only wanted to be dead or in prison, so let's say 7, and I'm in and out of hospital 3 times a year at best. Now I've been a diabetic for a year now and I've been really struggling to look after myself, even putting myself in more danger than usual, I starve myself, I avoid taking my insulin and I really wanna solve this problem, does anyone have advice to give or recommend medication.

And as for meds, the only one that actually made me feel better was amytriptiline, (sp?), after seroxat and prozac failed, but it clashed with my Sjögren's. Otherwise I'd be hugging those pills still.

 

[Tyiaka]

Thank you for all the advice everyone, I understand that I'll never be okay and I've made peace with that and I know I need to go to see doctors but I just don't trust or feel safe with them, I will book to see someone today but I know there's not alot that can be done for me, as they don't listen to me and keep changing diagnoses every new doctor.

 

[JAT1]

Hi Tyiaka; Very much sympathy. I suffered from constant depression many years ago from age 17 to approximately age 24. I wasn't diabetic back then. The cause was something totally different but I know the awful feelings that come with depression. Once depression grips you, it doesn't want to let go. I hope you find a way out. Once I got out of depression, I never had it again even though alot of really bad things happened to me since then (worse than type 1). What got me over it was I kept a diary and whenever I needed relief, I wrote in my diary. I even recorded my dreams. I would reread what I had written sometime later and make additional entries responding to what I had written on a certain day. I used a small binder so I could insert pages. I started to draw and gradually I found something to live for, that was really worth the effort to learn. As the expression goes "just keep banging your head against the wall and eventually you'll get through". Please keep in touch. I am sure there are many others here who will want to know how you are doing because we care.

 

[archersuz]

Hi @Tyiaka and welcome. Have you tried Elefriends? Obviously they can't advise on T1 but you will find lots of friends to chat to about your depression and feelings.

 

[bmtest]

In cases such as this thinking dead or in prison you have to ask yourself why ? and answer yourself honestly. When you have done that make a list of what you like and build on that. Helping others and being out in community can helps prison is restricitive and dead is nothingness, if i have them thought I always think of being buried alive and I think **** no I take my chances with life its not that bad.

Doctors use them for your medication supplies and a professional opinion listen to what they have to say right or wrong you have the internet to do any further analysis, diabetic nurses are usually good and remember anyone can get low even a doctor if you set the conditions to be the same as yours.

Look after No1 and the rest will fall into place, I remember walking to sign on and letting car hit me at junction it surprised me driver did not give a **** also and why should he if i did not.