Newly diagnosed - reality has hit - vent

[Zande]

A woe is me vent.

For nearly 6 years I have put my girls first in absolutely everything. I have busted my butt to rebuild a secure life for them after my ex-H left me. I have worked less hours than I want to at a job I don’t love so I can make their lives easier, I haven’t even thought about dating so that I’m all theirs, I give absolutely everything of myself to them, and it’s been worth every hard day & sacrifice - they’re great girls and I love them to bits.

This year was going to be the year I clawed something back for myself. DD2 started high school and with both girls at high school, they could bus home & be that bit more independent (DD1 has been for a while), which meant I could work more hours, earn more money and think about a better job/career for myself as well as giving some thought to what things I want for myself.

But that’s not going to happen now. Two weeks ago my DD2 was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, which means instead of having a bit more time for myself I have far less I haven’t had a minute to myself for three flipping weeks I can’t work more hours as DD2 can’t be on her own, I’m doing all the school runs again, it’s like she’s suddenly become 5 again I am thankful she’s healthy and it isn’t worse, but this was going to be MY year I haven’t done a single thing for myself in weeks - I can’t even chill out in front of the tv at night because I have to go to bed early because I’m up during the night doing glucose level checks I’ve been with my DD2 every single minute for days - she now has to come everywhere with me, I can’t even grocery shop in peace It’s do not fair. My ex only has to deal with diabetes 4 days out if 14 - I’ve got to live it every flipping minute, I feel like I’m ever out of the kitchen preparing food or cleaning up. Any spontaneity on our weekends is gone, our diet is now so restricted

I’m hanging out for next weekend when the kids go to my ex’s finally and I can chill for a couple of days, but it’s a brief respite and it’ll be back to the slog again

 

[Colin Crowhurst]

@Zande My heart goes out to you both, but its not a life sentence, hopefully things will settle down quickly (mine took about 6 weeks!) and then you can start letting/making her take control for herself as she will have to eventually anyway. It is a scary situation at first but need not be all encompassing, and there is much advice here. Assuming she is not ignoring/refusing to accept the diagnosis her own research on here and other places may give a boost to moving forward. Have you considered asking her school if there is a mentor on the staff that is Diabetic and could perhaps prove to be an ear to both support and assist?

 

[Antje77]

Hang on, it'll get better. It's still very early days for you.
Can your daughter do a blood check and eat something when lowish by herself? Has she ever passed out from a hypo? Would you be ok with grocery shopping when your other daughter is at home to alarm should things go wrong?
Wishing you the best of luck!

 

[mariavontrapp]

Zande it's good to vent our feelings when things like this happen. My heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to have a sick child and have to put your life on hold, and the constant worry about them is overwhelming. I can see from your post that you are a strong woman who has worked hard to make things work for your family. You're doing just the right thing to express your frustrations, and I get the feeling that when you've finished your meltdown you're going to pick yourself up and get on with whatever you need to do to make things right for your kids. Get as much help as you can. You will come through this x

 

[Dexterdobe]

A woe is me vent.

For nearly 6 years I have put my girls first in absolutely everything. I have busted my butt to rebuild a secure life for them after my ex-H left me. I have worked less hours than I want to at a job I don’t love so I can make their lives easier, I haven’t even thought about dating so that I’m all theirs, I give absolutely everything of myself to them, and it’s been worth every hard day & sacrifice - they’re great girls and I love them to bits.

This year was going to be the year I clawed something back for myself. DD2 started high school and with both girls at high school, they could bus home & be that bit more independent (DD1 has been for a while), which meant I could work more hours, earn more money and think about a better job/career for myself as well as giving some thought to what things I want for myself.

But that’s not going to happen now. Two weeks ago my DD2 was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, which means instead of having a bit more time for myself I have far less I haven’t had a minute to myself for three flipping weeks I can’t work more hours as DD2 can’t be on her own, I’m doing all the school runs again, it’s like she’s suddenly become 5 again I am thankful she’s healthy and it isn’t worse, but this was going to be MY year I haven’t done a single thing for myself in weeks - I can’t even chill out in front of the tv at night because I have to go to bed early because I’m up during the night doing glucose level checks I’ve been with my DD2 every single minute for days - she now has to come everywhere with me, I can’t even grocery shop in peace It’s do not fair. My ex only has to deal with diabetes 4 days out if 14 - I’ve got to live it every flipping minute, I feel like I’m ever out of the kitchen preparing food or cleaning up. Any spontaneity on our weekends is gone, our diet is now so restricted

I’m hanging out for next weekend when the kids go to my ex’s finally and I can chill for a couple of days, but it’s a brief respite and it’ll be back to the slog again

Take heart from the fact that most D1 sufferers get things under control pretty quickly and then go on to love near normal lives. Keep posting on this site when you feel down. Lots of members have been where you are now and they can give support and understanding. good luck.

 

[EllieM]

I’m hanging out for next weekend when the kids go to my ex’s finally and I can chill for a couple of days, but it’s a brief respite and it’ll be back to the slog again

Just keep telling yourself that this will pass once your daughter learns to look after herself (she's 11 or 12 presumably?). Once she's learnt how to cope with hypos, count carbs and adjust insulin doses for herself she'll take control and probably be desperate to get away from you and hang out with her friends.

Two weeks is nothing in the scheme of a T1 diagnosis - there's too much to take in and it can be totally overwhelming. But she isn't going to be living like this for the rest of her life - yes, she'll be testing and counting and adjusting, but that'll be something in the background, and it shouldn't stop her (or you) living the rest of her/your life.

I've been T1 since I was 8. Maybe I was lucky in that my Mun was T1, but I've never felt that I couldn't do anything because of my diabetes, (luckily I've never wanted to join the army or be an astronaut) and I don't feel that it's interfered with my social life or career choices. And I didn't have my mother watching me 24/7 once I was over the age of 10....

Good luck, it will get easier, and there are lots of people ready to give you sympathy, support and advice if you need to vent on here.

 

[Zande]

Apologies for the multi posts. Thank you for the support in my other thread.

The one thing I am struggling with is whether I can treat my 12 yo daughter how I did before diagnosis? Ie. she used to beat me home a couple of afternoons a week and would be on her own (with her 15 yo sister) for a half hour until I got home from work. She would hang at home if I had errands to run (up to an hour). I don’t know if that’s all possible now? I haven’t been told whether I have to be with her all the time or not? She does her own injections, her own blood checks and knows what snacks she can have (and can carb count). She knows what to do if she has a hypo.

Obviously it’s early days, and we’ll be building up to these, but is this level of independence possible? I am a single mum and I need to work and it’s going to be difficult if I need to be with my daughter st all times.

[topic merge to single thread by forum moderator.]

 

[Jaylee]

Hi @Zande ,

Welcome to the forum.

I can't help much with your current position, other than the experience that I was a T1 son diagnosed young to working parents..
We kind of adapt to "normal."
Here i am 42 years later with one parent left standing & the "role" reversed.
Balance & stability is the foundation of what is built.

I'll tag in @mahola , who is a T1 herself and also the mother of a T1 child about your kid's age...
Hopefully she can give some insight when she comes online?

 

[mahola]

Not a woe is me post at all. More of a *** happened to my "normal" life post?! I was diagnosed as T1, DD2 was diagnosed T1 5 days later so I can more than relate to what you are going through but can I just say this... Don't try to change too much. Just adapt to the circumstances. Continue to give your daughter the freedom she had before. Let her go home before you. Leave her at home whilst you nip to the shops or whatever.

I am a single mum too. I have to work and if I couldn't leave my kids on their own I'd be royally screwed. My girl was diagnosed just before her 11th birthday and I do nothing for her except order her prescriptions. She could probably do that too but I have to order mine at the same time so meh!

The more freedom you give her now, the more you can let go and be your own person instead of mum 24/7. Plus, it will make her more independent in the future. Don't let her become reliant on you. It sounds harsh, I know.

Don't make it harder than it has to be and be kind to yourself!

 

[Zande]

Thank you to all and particularly mahola!! Really appreciate it. I had been making it hard for myself by trying to wrap my daughter in cotton wool!! I’m not normally that parent but I’ve never dealt with a medical condition before! We had our first outpatient clinic today and the consultant reiterated the same thing - no cotton wool, she can bus it and be independent - phew! It’s what she wants as well. Thank you again, has been very reassuring