Disillusioned As Time Goes By / Type 2

[bkr]

Hi Folks,

One I wanted to run past you if I could?

Its along perhaps a similar thread re the more burned out mindset, and 4 years on from diagnosis, I can feel myself losing interest in the detailed level of care I once had, although my eye screening etc.. produces good results ad my hba1c is ok. I think its great that folks on here maintain a positive outlook towards their conditions, the diet & day to day challenges we all tackle in our own way, yet Ive somehow lost my mojo & 'zest' that I once had. Is there a mindset or key to feeling upbeat despite all?
Its strange and not a cry for help, but more of a realistic observation. The burnout/ground down feeling does make sense to me at this time, where I didnt quite understand why or how that could happen.

I recently went for an MRI at Sheffield private hospital, to ascertain the levels of visceral fat in my pancreas/liver (Im type 2, so figure that the loss of this would give me back function and give me something to work towards, I was excited at the prospect) although it turns out thankfully Im fat free and in good shape around my internal organs. This is good news yet frustrating as I had my focus set on this being the reason for it all, I feel quite confused & lost regarding my health, although in good health, I do eat well, and run, cycle etc.. being trim 6.1" and 14st, with a hba1c of 45 (was 143 when diagnosed)

Sorry for the barrage of info, Ive had this one treading water in my head for a while, Im unsure how best to make sense of it all, if there is any to be made. No changes in readings at the docs over the past year or so, just a strange one I cant put my fingers on and wanted to run it past you all if you get a moment please, as the combination of expertise, experience and genuine care on here is always something I find uplifting when stuck in a rut.
Have a great weekend everyone

Edited by Mod

 

[Fenn]

I understand how you feel, in the beggining and we are fearful of death (in my case anyway) its very easy to be motivated, I used to find unmotivated people very frustrating, I lost the weight, ate the food (or didnt rather) and ran a marathon, I achieved every goal, then what?.... a lifetime of moderation..... whoop whoop!

Sorry not very inspiring hehe

 

[bkr]

Thank you for commenting, I agree whole heartedly and thats kind of it I think. The head of steam isnt so great and I worry things could slip. Frustrated to think that the clearing out visceral fat option isnt an option, as it works so well for many. A nurse thought it could have been caused by stress, higher releases of cortisol over extended periods (my dad passed a few years before diagnosis, although I didnt think they were connected although it did make some sense)

 

[Muddikins]

This will be a very interesting thread indeed. I am six months in and riding on the crest of a wave having turned 112 into 36.
I appreciate that this bit is the easy bit, I had a target to aim at and motivation was no problem but I cannot know what another three and a half years will do to that if I continue to win. I fear both complacency and burnout and no amount of current momentum can last forever, at some point I have to just do it.
I know what I want to happen but, what I will work on happening, but what actually happens is something else entirely.
What happens to your motivation if I say, 'Wow! four years? that's awesome control, well done! I hope I can live up to your example!'?

 

[mazza 2]

Hi Folks,

One I wanted to run past you if I could?

Its along perhaps a similar thread re the more burned out mindset, and 4 years on from diagnosis, I can feel myself losing interest in the detailed level of care I once had, although my eye screening etc.. produces good results ad my hba1c is ok. I think its great that folks on here maintain a positive outlook towards their conditions, the diet & day to day challenges we all tackle in our own way, yet Ive somehow lost my mojo & 'zest' that I once had. Is there a mindset or key to feeling upbeat despite all?
Its strange and not a cry for help, but more of a realistic observation. The burnout/ground down feeling does make sense to me at this time, where I didnt quite understand why or how that could happen.

I recently went for an MRI at Sheffield private hospital through Dr Soon Song, to ascertain the levels of visceral fat in my pancreas/liver (Im type 2, so figure that the loss of this would give me back function and give me something to work towards, I was excited at the prospect) although it turns out thankfully Im fat free and in good shape around my internal organs. This is good news yet frustrating as I had my focus set on this being the reason for it all, I feel quite confused & lost regarding my health, although in good health, I do eat well, and run, cycle etc.. being trim 6.1" and 14st, with a hba1c of 45 (was 143 when diagnosed)

Sorry for the barrage of info, Ive had this one treading water in my head for a while, Im unsure how best to make sense of it all, if there is any to be made. No changes in readings at the docs over the past year or so, just a strange one I cant put my fingers on and wanted to run it past you all if you get a moment please, as the combination of expertise, experience and genuine care on here is always something I find uplifting when stuck in a rut.
Have a great weekend everyone

I completely understand how you feel. I think with lots of things in life, when you need to reach a goal, you are really motivated, but once you've reached that goal, what next? Once you've got your levels to what they should be, and even though you hopefully feel good, you suddenly realise this is for life. As you say, you haven't any visceral fat and nor have I, but I'm still diabetic. It sucks lol. I think the best way for me to handle this realisation is to take it one day at a time. I don't try to think about next week or next year. Apart from the fact I have to eat a different diet to someone without diabetes, this is my choice. lots of people ignore it. I know it doesn't help you or me but there are so many different conditions people have and they have to live with certain restrictions just to keep alive and well. Although, you and I will always have diabetes, if we try 99 percent of the time to be good, eg. diet, exercise, I personally, don't see why we can't have occasions where we can be a little naughty, as long as it's only seldom. In a way it's best to try and see the upside of this condition such as for some people, they've lost loads of weight, they have become active, they have reduced other problems like high blood pressure due to the change in their diets and lastly, they are happier in themselves. Sorry, I'm probably not that helpful, but I do know how you feel and that's fine, everybody feels like this sometimes, it will pass and you'll find your motivation again. Take Care

 

[Member496333]

My motivational compass remains pointing true north owing to the fact I’ve already experienced - and fixed - extremely depressing and life changing complications. There is zero chance I am ever going back down that road. My resolve is absolute. I guess in a twisted sense I am fortunate to have already experienced the consequences of poor control. You’d definitely only want to experience them once.

 

[Muddikins]

Can I ask what happened between your last 34 and the 71?
I know that I could be 112 again within three months and I know exactly how to do it, It feels like I have a choice right now but accept fully that life is not that simple.
I am relying on an inbuilt stubbornness, a simple refusal to accept that I can't do it to save me but that doesn't sound very robust even to me.
Talking this through is important stuff in my opinion.

 

[Fenn]

Im sorry, do you mean the post i deleted? I deleted it because it made this thread about me and its not

Nothing happened really, i went from 126 to 34 (from memory) in 1 year exactly, achieved perfect numbers, perfect bp, perfect cholesterol, then stopped testing, I was cured, carried on low carbing just because it was a good diet for me, perhaps not as strict as 25-30g but not much different, stop true exercise but I am a manual worker, 70 hours a week and played golf alot, the docs chased me to get blood test which I avoided, eventuallyhad a hba1c and was 71, started taking more care, next one was 81, and here we are, doing mostly the right stuff but getting worse (from a bg point or view) and got the background retinopathy letter.

Since discovered this amazing substance called insulin, now I Have perfect control pretty much, but still learning, motivation is the hardest part after so many years, sorry to ramble but you asked

 

[hankjam]

Not too dissimilar to yourself with the numbers. I'm finding the challenge to be external ones, being made redundant in five months, site closed today, retained to transfer skills to France, wife struggling with work DWP/UC and aged mother, autistic son. Looking at my food diary I've probably eaten the same meal on each day of the week for the past 3 years and that has probably kept me on an even keel. Had my bloods yesterday, diabetic, lipids and now PSA... and I would not be surprised if they show some sign of heading north... it's not that easy, harder to even admit. I wish you well.

 

[lucylocket61]

Thank you for commenting, I agree whole heartedly and thats kind of it I think. The head of steam isnt so great and I worry things could slip. Frustrated to think that the clearing out visceral fat option isnt an option, as it works so well for many. A nurse thought it could have been caused by stress, higher releases of cortisol over extended periods (my dad passed a few years before diagnosis, although I didnt think they were connected although it did make some sense)

I remember in my early days, 7 years ago, being told Its Not a Sprint, its a Marathon. And it is. And sometimes i fall of the wagon, and the forum members help me get focused again and back on track. Its hard to keep going, and you are doing well with the relentlessness of it all.

 

[DawnOfTheZed]

Hugs to Bkr and Fenn for your current situations. Am a noobie here and to diabetes (dx Oct 2018), so not had burnout yet. I understand that many get vit B12 deficiency after long term intake of metformin - not sure what the biological mechanism of that is. But my reason for posting is to make sure you're not deficient in an essential vit or mineral. If you're happy to go for a private mri, how about a blood test? Wish you well.
(PS Love Bkr's jump photo!)

 

[bkr]

Thank you for your responses everyone, I really appreciate them.

Great work Muddikins on your hba1c, its not easy although I found once I dropped the porridge oats and bread things altered for the better, I know it can be different for other folks. Your words of encouragement are well received (thank you) although you're right about what you want to happen and something else happening instead, as that's where I think I am. Its a 'what happens now' moment, not full burnout more frustration & dragging of the daily health routines.

Mazza your post really resonated with me, I agree 100% about reaching destination, its a little like climbing a ladder that was lent up against the wrong wall. One day at a time does take the pressure off, I try mindfulness and looking lifestyle minimalism where I can to tone down other areas of life that are 'loud/intense' as it calms down the mind chatter (or is meant to) I like the idea of having a treat from time to time, as it sometimes feels like everyone else is at a party we haven't been invited to, the advertisments for naughty products, seeing people wandering about eating things we mainly cant etc.. I'm sure we all feel this a lot of the time. You've been really helpful, bless you.

Well done on the reversal Jim & for addressing the issues that were causing you upset. (Did you log your reversal process on here I wondered, its a wonderful achievement)

You've worked hard too Fenn, its a similar jump like the one I made, all systems go upto the point of the retinopathy letter (I had one of those too, very to the point and upsetting to read even though they try not to be, its the reality that something I'd either done or in my body had caused a level of damage) Im looking more into fasting, its a fascinating subject, even one meal a day & time restricted eating. I saw Michael Mosely live a few weeks back & he was very informative on the subject and touched on many areas he hadn't in his books.

Thank you Lucylocket, I like the sprint/marathon way of looking at it. Part of me thinks it was a reaching goal/fix I was looking for and when I got there it wasn't applicable, pancreas definitely not working as it should and no fat in there to blame.

Hugs back Dawn, hang in there, everyone on here I've found to be a wonderful source of inspiration and comfort, a godsend I could say. I hadn't considered the vitamin deficiency through metformin although I do have a multivitamin, magnesium etc.. anyhow along with all the veg & whatnot that I eat in the week. What sort of blood test would I ask for just out of interest? Im keen to explore any avenues that may help educate ps the jump was amazing, the rush on free-fall is like nothing else, one of the the best things I've ever done! Recommended!

 

[Katiesgran]

Hi Folks,

One I wanted to run past you if I could?

Its along perhaps a similar thread re the more burned out mindset, and 4 years on from diagnosis, I can feel myself losing interest in the detailed level of care I once had, although my eye screening etc.. produces good results ad my hba1c is ok. I think its great that folks on here maintain a positive outlook towards their conditions, the diet & day to day challenges we all tackle in our own way, yet Ive somehow lost my mojo & 'zest' that I once had. Is there a mindset or key to feeling upbeat despite all?
Its strange and not a cry for help, but more of a realistic observation. The burnout/ground down feeling does make sense to me at this time, where I didnt quite understand why or how that could happen.

I recently went for an MRI at Sheffield private hospital, to ascertain the levels of visceral fat in my pancreas/liver (Im type 2, so figure that the loss of this would give me back function and give me something to work towards, I was excited at the prospect) although it turns out thankfully Im fat free and in good shape around my internal organs. This is good news yet frustrating as I had my focus set on this being the reason for it all, I feel quite confused & lost regarding my health, although in good health, I do eat well, and run, cycle etc.. being trim 6.1" and 14st, with a hba1c of 45 (was 143 when diagnosed)

Sorry for the barrage of info, Ive had this one treading water in my head for a while, Im unsure how best to make sense of it all, if there is any to be made. No changes in readings at the docs over the past year or so, just a strange one I cant put my fingers on and wanted to run it past you all if you get a moment please, as the combination of expertise, experience and genuine care on here is always something I find uplifting when stuck in a rut.
Have a great weekend everyone

Edited by Mod

We all feel like this at some point I think. I would imagine every single person with a chronic lifelong condition does too. But this too will pass and you will just get on with it because really there is no choice. I went through a pretty dark stage last year and saw clinical psychologist who taught me mindfulness. I’ve got to admit my first thought was what a load o& new age rubbish but I have found it to be a useful coping mechanism to stop the all consuming negative comments in my head. As for being disappointed you showed no sign of visceral fat? Well take that as a huge positive because I for one now have cirrhosis as a result of developing Non alcoholic fatty liver disease and that really is devastating as although I am normal weight I do have fat around Middle I can’t get ri£ of. So celebrate every positive no matter how small, count your blessings and I bet 6 months from now you’ll be back to your usual positive self. Good luck.

 

[DawnOfTheZed]

Yes, everyone here is amazing and so helpful and encouraging. If you want to discuss it with your GP s/he might have already done these tests recently for you or is happy to arrange them. Vit B12, D, folate and minerals Magnesium and Iron. If you want to go private, medichecks have an offer on for man (or women) ultravit test which covers a lot more. https://www.medichecks.com/health-checks/well-man-ultravit. This link goes into the various tests in more detail.

I've only done static jumps and several years ago - not pulled my own rip cord. I will try the giant fans for free fall experience I think before considering jumping again.

 

[KK123]

Hi @bkr, here is what I think might be going on. For a long while you have been tackling an 'issue', you have poured all of your efforts into it, probably thought about it all day and every day, strived to get your numbers down, your eating habits on track, etc. It has become a full time 'hobby' if you like or a 'work project' that has been going on for years....and then, finally it has come to fruition. That work project has been successful, your Line Managers think you are a star, that house renovation is over, you can finally think about something else, your diabetes is under control and no longer requires such high levels of intensity, and now you are left bereft...what to do next?

It is surely the same for all of us, this burnout when you reach a point were you have 'cracked it' and now it's become a way of life. No person can keep up a high level of intensity on one project for their whole life, they have to relax. It's like retiring after 50 years of a job, it sounds desirable but most people need to fill that gap. YOU have done such a good job that there is nothing more you can do other than to maintain it. You have been SO successful that you know it no longer requires the same level of attention thus you are left adrift.

My suggestion is to pat yourself on the back, think about your lifestyle as a normal thing now, carry on living it, don't (almost subconsciously) let things slide just to get that sense of achievement back, ie that 'mission' that was giving you satisfaction in tackling. Get another hobby if you like, don't become complacent but put your diabetes on the back burner. Stir it when you need to so it doesn't get burnt. x

 

[JAT1]

It's interesting about motivation. Some people have everything there is to want and suffer depression, others have diseases, are unemployed and getting by on incomes that require financial genius to survive on - no wonder many have come to the conclusion that motivation is a physical brain-chemical-type thing. That leaves the question which came first, the chicken or the egg? There are many things way worse than diabetes these days.

 

[Member496333]

It's interesting about motivation. Some people have everything there is to want and suffer depression, others have diseases, are unemployed and getting by on incomes that require financial genius to survive on - no wonder many have come to the conclusion that motivation is a physical brain-chemical-type thing. That leaves the question which came first, the chicken or the egg? There are many things way worse than diabetes these days.

To be honest, my understanding of clinical depression is that it’s a medical condition rather than necessarily brought about through circumstance. Plenty of folk these days are talking about depression in the same sentence as dietary deficiency and metabolic disorders. Obviously I cannot speak for the veracity of any such claims.

 

[lucylocket61]

It's interesting about motivation. Some people have everything there is to want and suffer depression, others have diseases, are unemployed and getting by on incomes that require financial genius to survive on - no wonder many have come to the conclusion that motivation is a physical brain-chemical-type thing. That leaves the question which came first, the chicken or the egg? There are many things way worse than diabetes these days.

Clinical depression is not to do with lifestyle, although Situational depression can lead to clinical depression. According to my psychologist, it is a chemical imbalance regardless of the situation one is in. It is not motivational, and someone cannot motivate themselves out of it, any more than one can motivate oneself out of a broken leg.

 

[Muddikins]

We used to distinguish between exogenous and endogenous depression. One was a depressive episode seemingly caused by 'stuff' happening to the person and one that seemed to have no obvious external cause. These terms are no longer used although 'reactive' depression has sort of replaced exogenous.
The prevailing opinion has been that, regardless of cause, depression is a biochemical imbalance and the suspect neurotransmitter has been serotonin after studies suggested that depressed people have less of it. The latest chemotherapy is usually aimed at increasing serotonin availability.
So far so sensible except that the drugs used are generally not a great deal more effective than placebo and it is common for people to try several drugs before finding the one that works best even though they are all technically doing the same thing in the same way and shouldn't really be very different in effect.
The variety of drugs available does seem to mimic the proliferation of diabetic medication, most of which either do the same thing or only partially work and you do have to suspect that drug company profit trumps actual research into causality.
Now don't get me wrong, depression is a terrible illness but it is far rarer than appears to be the case if you listen to the media. Most 'depression' is a reaction to circumstance and responds well to non chemotherapy based interventions, it is more akin to 'sadness' or lack of effective coping strategy. I think we use the term 'depression' too freely and by applying it that way we have lost a distinction which would have been better kept. I also think that the prescribing pad is reached for far too early because it is the only treatment readily available and doctors like to prescribe because it reinforces their status. The side effects can be hideous.
A clinical depression is absolutely not going to resolve with 'motivational speaking' or any amount of 'sock pulling up', it is a very serious and potentially terminal illness requiring an effective and immediate intervention.
A 'depression' based on an absence of, or refusal to use, a coping strategy to deal with 'life' may well respond to a 'get a grip', 'tough love', 'tea and sympathy', 'care and love' etc. approach without medicalising the problem or risking the stereotyping effect where if you are told you are depressed you will act depressed.
The joys of retirement eh? I can say it as I see it these days, no more toeing the party line. I apologise if this opinion ruffles feathers, I understand that it might not be popular but it is based on 25 years practical experience as a psychiatric nurse and even if it is wrong it is well intentioned but wrong and not meant to belittle anyone or how they feel.

 

[Brunneria]

@bkr

I want to thank you for posting this.
We get so many enthusiastic success stories, and threads from people actively pursuing knowledge, information, recipes, etc. Etc. This is wonderful. I celebrate every one. And i do mean EVERY One!

But very often, they are the newly diagnosed. Or people who were diagnosed earlier but have only recently (last week, month or year), decided to take control, whatever their type of diabetes.

But what happens after 5 years? 10? 20? 50? That is a whole different ballgame. Things change. We age. Carb creep, other health conditions, retirement, bereavement, family crises, career changes, redundancy...

Enthusiasm and determination will only carry you so far against the implacable cliff face of Real Life, and sooner or later (no matter how dedicated the resolve) things wear down. The new normal becomes mundane. Same old. Same old. The decades stretch out ahead. The daily grind. Every day, watching food, medication, activity, several times a day. Then there’s the question of ‘is this it? Is this as good as it gets?’

There is quite a lot of publicity and understanding about Burnout for T1s and insulin users, but it gets T2s and non insulin users too. In fact I think it gets most of us, sooner or later. It certainly got me. More than once.

Actually, Burnout is the reason I post here, and try to post regularly. It keeps me on point, in several ways.
By posting to help and support people, feel I actually help (in a way i can’t do with ppl i meet), and I end up learning and hearing about new management, treatment and research.
By posting on the What Did You Eat Today, Low Carb thread, i have a daily reminder to monitor what I eat, and hold up a mirror for myself.
By signing up as a moderator, i have a responsibility to keep signing in.
By reading the forum daily, i have developed a deep affection for many posters, have made friends with some, and learned what not to do from others

This forum is central to my Burnout Avoidance.
Oh, it will get me (again) eventually. Always does. I have learned not to kid myself otherwise!
But at the moment, I’m on track.
One day at a time.
Thanks to all of you.

Frankly, my normal daily life, work, friends, family often do more harm than good. It is good to check in here for the company and support, as a daily reminder that my life just ain’t ‘normal’ and never will be, but that is OK. It is what it is, and most of the time I am very content, and in FAR better health than if I didn’t keep on keeping on.