Unsupportive Spouse

Eliz76

Member
Messages
11
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Thank you KK. I do sometimes wonder whether life apart would be easier. We have been married for 12 1/2 years but the past 10years have been up and down for many reasons. I became a stay at home mum, so money was tight. My kids are my world and come 100% first, which again causes tension (often). I have worked part time for the past 5 years which isn't a great wage but means I do the same hours whilst the girls are at school and have all school holidays off. This again causes arguments as I should earn more. I do 99% of chores in the home, my husband has twice picked the kids up and once taken them to school. I feel like I'm a slave most days picking up after him (clothes, cups, sweet wrappers etc). By the time bedtime comes I'm exhausted and have little-no desire to make love.

He has occasionally shown an interest in my diabetes, but doesn't understand it. When I go low he asks if I need to inject, despite me telling him a hundred times no need food. He doesn't get how urgent these situations are and leaves me to get on with it. (My eldest daughter thankfully is amazing and can assist).

I'm thinking next time I'm at the clinic they could give me the leaflets so that he can read the information.

On the plus side we do mostly enjoy each others company. Sorry for the long post and negativity.
I could almost have written this post myself. Only 12 years diagnosed and three kids married 19 years. Can’t see it getting any better any time soon. If they want to understand they will leaflets or no leaflets. While we just continue to plod on and it doesn’t affect them they won’t bother!! Good luck. Let me know if u have any success
 

TJR56

Well-Known Member
Messages
79
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
You poor thing. Diabetes affects us because we have to live with it but also affects our partners who live with it in a very different way. I was diagnised at 56 and after 20 years of stable, loving marriage but my husband struggles with it. I recognise a lot of what you are saying as my husband does some of those things too. I try to view it as "on a good day" vs "on a bad day". So on a good day my husband has moved to low carb meals, found alternatives to rice and pasta, and bought a diabetic cook book (he does the cooking). And on a very good day, when we are walking and I have a hypo (often) he asks if I want to go home rather than continue and stands waiting for my sugar levels to pick up. On a bad day he becomes a self-endorsed diabetes expert, makes unfair comparsions with managing T2 and implies. or even says, I am not doing things right.

When I was diagnosed he told everyone, without asking me if that was okay, and I got on a bus one day and the driver said "sorry to hear about the diabetes"! But if I mention it in public he tells me to stop talking about it

I think he struggles to know what to do. He can't do much on the practical side - we have to do that ourselves - and he can see it affects me. What I need is emotional support but he's a hubbie, they don't always give us that, only on a good day.

what I did? Got talking to my close friends. Started laughing about the ridiculous things we have to do and the effect it has on us. Cried on the shoulder of a caring friend/ family member. And accepted my husband for what he is - we all have our limitations and maybe inside he is angry that I have this wretched disease?

Anne
 

TJR56

Well-Known Member
Messages
79
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
I truly sympathise. My own husband is a very patient person and though he finds my having to spend time on my condition (T1) and the highs and lows and and mood swings and everything else difficult at times he is supportive. That's the type of man he is and I know I am lucky. Your husband does not seem to want to or is not presently able to show such patience and I am no marriage counsellor so see where else you can source help - try your DSN, your GP, even, as you need some support. In my area we also have a Diabetes Patients Supporters group. See what is available to you, please. Good luck!