Am I being unreasonable

[kaylz91]

I'm having a tough time at the minute and I saw a post about how helpful people's partners were for them

Last week I woke up hypo and my partner was at work, I felt **** physically and emotionally the rest of the day made worse by him coming home, having his tea and then going out to the pub to play darts like nothing was wrong

I just feel like he doesn't give a stuff anymore :'(
xx

 

[LooperCat]

I'm having a tough time at the minute and I saw a post about how helpful people's partners were for them

Last week I woke up hypo and my partner was at work, I felt **** physically and emotionally the rest of the day made worse by him coming home, having his tea and then going out to the pub to play darts like nothing was wrong

I just feel like he doesn't give a stuff anymore :'(
xx

Diabetes is a lonely path, even with a supportive partner, sadly. Sending big hugs

 

[MeiChanski]

I’m sending you lots of hugs. I’d just roll up into a pancake roll and recover, like me time. I have less patience when I’m running low or high.

 

[kaylz91]

I’m sending you lots of hugs. I’d just roll up into a pancake roll and recover, like me time. I have less patience when I’m running low or high.

yes I do too and my partner or mum don't understand that I cant help it so just get angry with me which frustrates me even more
xx

 

[MeiChanski]

yes I do too and my partner or mum don't understand that I cant help it so just get angry with me which frustrates me even more
xx

Tbf I don’t expect people like my family and bf to understand. I’ve said it clearly that if I need help when I cannot assist myself, then please help me. That’s all I ask of them. But I do want them to show that they care, sometimes it doesn’t happen so I just shut off and recover. It’s a waste of energy asking them to understand and care because they all have assumptions about diabetes. My dad still thinks I shouldn’t be eating anything sweet, although he has been to my appointments in the past.
Has your partner been to any appointments with you? My bf has been to a few appointments with me and one DAFNE session which has helped him to understand a bit more.

 

[Diakat]

If he stayed home, what would you have liked him to do?

 

[kaylz91]

Has your partner been to any appointments with you? My bf has been to a few appointments with me and one DAFNE session which has helped him to understand a bit more.

yes he has been at appointments and was with me at my review last month, he's also been to my regular eye appointments etc, unfortunately there isn't a DAFNE course where I am xx

 

[kaylz91]

If he stayed home, what would you have liked him to do?

Just be there for me and take the strain off having to look after his cat (which I've done for 5 weeks now) when I wasn't feeling the greatest myself

 

[Indy1282]

Just be there for me and take the strain off having to look after his cat (which I've done for 5 weeks now) when I wasn't feeling the greatest myself

What do you mean look after his cat?

Also you said that you woke up with a hypo and he was at work - did he know you had a hypo? Or was he already at work. I've had fairly bad hypos but felt fine after half hour or so, maybe a bit tired but that's all.

 

[kaylz91]

What do you mean look after his cat?

Also you said that you woke up with a hypo and he was at work - did he know you had a hypo? Or was he already at work. I've had fairly bad hypos but felt fine after half hour or so, maybe a bit tired but that's all.

I've been looking after his cat after he needed a tail amputation and he hasn't bothered to look after him by staying in at all, he knew about it an hour after the event, I suffer really badly with hypo hangovers and they can last 2 days and I know I'm not alone there so you are one of the lucky ones

 

[Jaylee]

Hi @kaylz91 ,

Hypos can be a real challenge to the start of the day.

Who cooked his tea?

 

[kaylz91]

Hi @kaylz91 ,

Hypos can be a real challenge to the start of the day.

Who cooked his tea?

Me as I was doing my own xx

 

[Marie 2]

I have a extremely helpful spouse, but he can be oblivious sometimes. So sometimes you have to ask (nicely, not when you're mad) for help or for them to do the things you are normally doing.

 

[kitedoc]

DAPHNE is not the only kid on the bloock diet-wise for your own diabetes health.
But i get the impression that you are doing all the caring in a currently uneven relationship, one where give and take seems out of proportion. Whether counselling as a couple is feasible or just for yourself if he is not interested might be something to consider.
For your own sake a diabetes management plan which might help to reduce your risk of hypos and thus allow you some more independence is a thought. PM me if you are interested in some suggestions.
Whether you meet the criteria for an assistance dog is another thought, both for the dog's hypo awareness and emotional support. Of course one might need to ask the cat's opinion, but your needs are important and not to be subsumed under someone else's indifference.
Best Wishes.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Me as I was doing my own xx

Because Diabetes is a 'hidden' condition, and I am like you, just get on and do things, even if we are still unwell or not feeling that great ( from a hypo or a hyper) unlike a broken arm or leg, which can be seen, so people are more inclined to help and ask how you are. People can be selfish at times, some don't realise it and then it becomes a vicious circle.
Have you thought of showing your partner this thread ?

 

[JoKalsbeek]

yes he has been at appointments and was with me at my review last month, he's also been to my regular eye appointments etc, unfortunately there isn't a DAFNE course where I am xx

You're not unreasonable. Talk to him. Let him know he left you feeling rather neglected/hurt with his lack of concern. Hypo's are b***dy scary, (Am a T2 but had them while I was still on gliclazide) and even if you handled it yourself without an ambulance and whatnot, they do have an impact. It'll never be run-of-the-mill. Maybe he doesn't realise just how much of a knock you get from them, not having them himself. So... Let him know.

 

[kaylz91]

Because Diabetes is a 'hidden' condition, and I am like you, just get on and do things, even if we are still unwell or not feeling that great ( from a hypo or a hyper) unlike a broken arm or leg, which can be seen, so people are more inclined to help and ask how you are. People can be selfish at times, some don't realise it and then it becomes a vicious circle.
Have you thought of showing your partner this thread ?

He can relate to 'hidden' conditions though, he himself has epilepsy and I've lost count of what I've done for him after he's had a fit, I've also helped him a lot when he's ended up with self inflicted injuries (drunk and fell and hurt his hand) I tied his shoes, helped him put his t-shirt on, helped him wash his hands etc so I really don't think asking to take the strain off me for one evening was too much to ask

I wouldn't dare show him this thread as it would just end up in a massive argument and I really cant be doing with that lol
xx

 

[kaylz91]

I have a extremely helpful spouse, but he can be oblivious sometimes. So sometimes you have to ask (nicely, not when you're mad) for help or for them to do the things you are normally doing.

I have asked for a bit of a hand and I just get there's nothing I can do or the famous I've been working all day (which often isn't hard as they are going through a quiet spell atm)
xx

 

[JoKalsbeek]

He can relate to 'hidden' conditions though, he himself has epilepsy and I've lost count of what I've done for him after he's had a fit, I've also helped him a lot when he's ended up with self inflicted injuries (drunk and fell and hurt his hand) I tied his shoes, helped him put his t-shirt on, helped him wash his hands etc so I really don't think asking to take the strain off me for one evening was too much to ask

I wouldn't dare show him this thread as it would just end up in a massive argument and I really cant be doing with that lol
xx

... "And I really can't be doing with that". Honestly, if the relationship's that uneven/skewed... Time to consider if it is still worth it. Bit blunt, but... Is this healthy for you?

 

[kaylz91]

DAPHNE is not the only kid on the bloock diet-wise for your own diabetes health.
But i get the impression that you are doing all the caring in a currently uneven relationship, one where give and take seems out of proportion. Whether counselling as a couple is feasible or just for yourself if he is not interested might be something to consider.
For your own sake a diabetes management plan which might help to reduce your risk of hypos and thus allow you some more independence is a thought. PM me if you are interested in some suggestions.
Whether you meet the criteria for an assistance dog is another thought, both for the dog's hypo awareness and emotional support. Of course one might need to ask the cat's opinion, but your needs are important and not to be subsumed under someone else's indifference.
Best Wishes.

I can and do carb count, I'm self taught and the team were happy with that a month after I was diagnosed as set doses were too strong and I was constantly hypo and a full unit correction was also too much so I have the benefit of a half unit pen too, my levels are just playing up at the minute and there is no pattern whatsoever so it's just a case of reduced boluses and keeping an eye on things, I do generally have good hypo awareness (although I did lose it for a while in 2017) but who doesn't feel a bit funny jumping out of bed at 6:05 every morning anyway lol
xx