FBG yesterday and this am 5.5...Yay...good old codefree.
https://homehealth-uk.com/ sent me a new meter to replace the one i stupidly dropped on floor and broke..
great service too..ordered late afternoon on Tuesday..got on Thursday morning
so we are BACK in the GAME. baby....
xxxx
2nd session of counselling yesterday
a lot tougher then first.
reviewed a lot of things in my life, growing up years etc and later
Started off discussing the loss of Mum, and how i feel i let her down as i don't mourn her the way i did dad,
and i just choked..Lady was ever so good. went over the details, and that last day.
Short story
dad ill many years 2000-2009
Mum declined over same period.
dad terminal cancer, treatment to relieve only. passed away 20009
Mum senile dementia
Mum into a home 2005, just unmanageable.passed away 2016
dad suffered many illnesses and bouts of severe diarrhoea
with the poor quality of care at A&E we agree between us i should help nurse him at home,
Far too intimate for any son to do, but love pushes you over ANY line that is arbitrarily drawn in the sands for us.
Suffice to say the day he fell sick and we called docs.."fetch family " was NOT what i expected.
Doc then asked what hospital should do IF he failed to recover at any point ..(aka resuscitate)
Stunned dad then asked me what I thought ....F***
You can't ask that of someone else, can you.
but that was the measure of how close we had become
i stuttered .."i have no idea, what do you want to happen.? "
"NO..i've had enough "
at Hospital they said he was just dehydrated, he'd be fine...
so family insisted i went home
(shattered, long days, home to make food for him, visits at all hours when he was poorly clearly had taken it's toll)..and then little sleep the night before, so off i went to get a few hours.
Not to be..a call an hour later, dash back, unconscious, spent 15 mins saying good bye before he stopped breathing.
he was surrounded by Family so as nice as anything like that could be, so grateful for that.
Back with Counsellor, family history shows a few occasions when medical advise was poor or just insufficient...sister passed away aged 27, dad not diagnosed for years, simple test ..mum not checked despite numerous falls
drilling down it's not the fact i got type2..it's the RAGE inside me at the way it was delivered.
which doesn't explain it all, i still know it's something else inside me, that i am now becoming aware of, so the sessions are helping.
so i'm dealing with a few things that i wasn't aware were still bothering me, and finding ways to manage that mix of emotions and feelings.
On a positive note, i would say for anyone on the edge of deciding to get some counselling, from being a sceptic,
i'd say
Do it.
Turned out to be useful for me anyway, to discuss such personal issues with those who are not invested or might be disturbed by the discussions.
It's good to talk, but i am mindful, we only trust a few, and those we do, we also try to protect, By NOT talking.
( a rather poisonous circle feeding itself slowly in your subconsciousness.)
So a small weight off my shoulders today, a new day has dawned, so off to do a few bits to the Bike.
and hope for a replica of the great weather we had yesterday.
Arrivederci as they say in Italia..