Type 2 friend on high carb diet

[TriciaWs]

I am in remission, and still successfully on low carb after 15 months. But I’ve been spending time with the diabetic wife of a friend - he died very suddenly and she is struggling to cope.
The main reasons she can’t live alone are all down to her uncontrolled diabetes - severely sight impaired, serious neuropathy, has already had a toe amputated and her feet are so bad that they don’t know if she can save them.
But she eats bread and cheap higher sugar jam for breakfast.
When it is my turn to visit, I provide low carb meals, ie the ones that I can eat but without foods she isn’t used to (she won’t even try chia and doesn’t eat eggs except in cakes, doesn’t eat fish, etc, etc.). She eats most of the meals I cook, but won’t adjust her diet the rest of the time.
It is so frustrating to watch a friend destroy what is left of their sight and mobility.
I am very tempted, to be very blunt about her diet=sight loss, etc. even though I know it won’t help. That would be to release my frustration not help her!
Any ideas?

 

[mojo37]

I am in remission, and still successfully on low carb after 15 months. But I’ve been spending time with the diabetic wife of a friend - he died very suddenly and she is struggling to cope.
The main reasons she can’t live alone are all down to her uncontrolled diabetes - severely sight impaired, serious neuropathy, has already had a toe amputated and her feet are so bad that they don’t know if she can save them.
But she eats bread and cheap higher sugar jam for breakfast.
When it is my turn to visit, I provide low carb meals, ie the ones that I can eat but without foods she isn’t used to (she won’t even try chia and doesn’t eat eggs except in cakes, doesn’t eat fish, etc, etc.). She eats most of the meals I cook, but won’t adjust her diet the rest of the time.
It is so frustrating to watch a friend destroy what is left of their sight and mobility.
I am very tempted, to be very blunt about her diet=sight loss, etc. even though I know it won’t help. That would be to release my frustration not help her!
Any ideas?

Be as plain speaking as possible without hurting her feeling.Tell her about your remission then if she does nothing it's her choice.

 

[KK123]

Hi there, what type is she and what medication is she on?

 

[Antje77]

If you know it won't help, don't. If she has the information it's hers to do something with it, or not.
To keep saying it, it may have a strong nagging mother effect and may cost you a friendship.

I smoke, which may cost me my health or my life and I know it. If I had a friend who started about I should quit and smoking will kill you etc. time and time again I would start to avoid them.
I don't mind people telling me once, but when they know that I know, why keep going on about it?

I suppose you've already told her about your food, and how it helps.

Good luck, must be hard for you to see what's happening and not much you can do.

 

[Diakat]

Could there be emotional issues here? Does she miss him so much that she no longer cares about herself or is unable to picture a future?

 

[TriciaWs]

Hi there, what type is she and what medication is she on?

Type 2 on Metformin, and insulin added as well now.
She couldn't tolerate the other intermediate meds.
Her bloods are spiking up in the 20s, and sometimes dropping below 4 when she can't/won't get meals.
I know she can't just go low carb while on insulin without medical support, and I give her a little more carbs than I eat if I am there and cook for her, but the sight of her feet and watching her trying to see where she is going horrified me.

 

[TriciaWs]

Could there be emotional issues here? Does she miss him so much that she no longer cares about herself or is unable to picture a future?

She hasn't had good BS control for years, although from the sound of things his ideas of suitable meals made her worse.
As for grieving, I wish she would stop long enough for that - he left things in a real mess and she is obsessively cleaning and checking the heaps of unread bills, etc (I have a temporary power of attorney to sort out the bills).

 

[MeiChanski]

Hello, I’m sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like she is on a self destructive path and I’m wondering if she has been referred for help? Diabetes has taken a toll on her body and it’s not helping her mood and blood glucose levels. Do you know what she likes to eat? Any possibilities to replace certain things in the fridge? I know it’s very frustrating and you want to say it how it is, however it can feel like you are attacking her since she is in a vulnerable state. She needs you at the moment and all you can do is be there for her. Bake her a keto cake with a cup of tea? Please do give her extra hugs from all of us.

 

[Tophat1900]

If you know it won't help, don't. If she has the information it's hers to do something with it, or not.
To keep saying it, it may have a strong nagging mother effect and may cost you a friendship.

I smoke, which may cost me my health or my life and I know it. If I had a friend who started about I should quit and smoking will kill you etc. time and time again I would start to avoid them.
I don't mind people telling me once, but when they know that I know, why keep going on about it?

I suppose you've already told her about your food, and how it helps.

Good luck, must be hard for you to see what's happening and not much you can do.

I think this is true. At times, I find myself avoiding certain people when there is food involved simply because I'm tired of having what I eat scrutinized. I don't tell anyone I know what to eat, but I sure get an earful of it when I eat what I want. And it gets old real quick.

To the OP: I'd state my case and ask if the person wants to give it go. If they do not, then there isn't much you can do. Quite often you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. A very tough situation and a very sad one.

 

[Pinkorchid]

Could there be emotional issues here? Does she miss him so much that she no longer cares about herself or is unable to picture a future?

I agree with that I lost my husband last month and eating the right foods are the last thing you want to think about when the loss is so new. I was married for 61 years and now I am having to get used to living on my own with just our dog and it is really hard. I find actually cooking for one then eating alone is one of the most difficult things to do as we always ate our evening meal together and probably never missed that for more than a dozen times in all of our marriage My children and my grandaughters are good and spend as much time with me as they can . I have a daughter and her family who live in the same road as me so often now I have a meal with them but they have to go to work my daughter works in security at Heathrow so does shift work and they need to get back to as normal life as possible and I have to adjust my life to. I have plenty of craft projects stored up to do during my husbands illness everything went on the back burner including sensible eating for my T2 now I must make the effort to get back to low carb eating

 

[DCUKMod]

I agree with that I lost my husband last month and eating the right foods are the last thing you want to think about when the loss is so new. I was married for 61 years and now I am having to get used to living on my own with just our dog and it is really hard. I find actually cooking for one then eating alone is one of the most difficult things to do as we always ate our evening meal together and probably never missed that for more than a dozen times in all of our marriage My children and my grandaughters are good and spend as much time with me as they can . I have a daughter and her family who live in the same road as me so often now I have a meal with them but they have to go to work my daughter works in security at Heathrow so does shift work and they need to get back to as normal life as possible and I have to adjust my life to. I have plenty of craft projects stored up to do during my husbands illness everything went on the back burner including sensible eating for my T2 now I must make the effort to get back to low carb eating

Pinkorchid, I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. It must be such a difficult time for you. Please accept my condolences. I'm sure you must be clinging to memories of happier times.

 

[Brunneria]

I agree with that I lost my husband last month and eating the right foods are the last thing you want to think about when the loss is so new. I was married for 61 years and now I am having to get used to living on my own with just our dog and it is really hard. I find actually cooking for one then eating alone is one of the most difficult things to do as we always ate our evening meal together and probably never missed that for more than a dozen times in all of our marriage My children and my grandaughters are good and spend as much time with me as they can . I have a daughter and her family who live in the same road as me so often now I have a meal with them but they have to go to work my daughter works in security at Heathrow so does shift work and they need to get back to as normal life as possible and I have to adjust my life to. I have plenty of craft projects stored up to do during my husbands illness everything went on the back burner including sensible eating for my T2 now I must make the effort to get back to low carb eating

I am very sorry to hear this.
We lost my father in law 18 months ago, and my mother in law has experienced exactly what you describe, including the meals, the cooking and the lost of routine.

We try and support her, just as your family are supporting you, but we know how hard it is for her, and wish we could do more.

 

[Pinkorchid]

Pinkorchid, I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. It must be such a difficult time for you. Please accept my condolences. I'm sure you must be clinging to memories of happier times.

Thank you so much it is still very difficult I can only take it one day at a time but there is one bright star on the horizon I have a great grandson due to be born in about two weeks time

 

[Pinkorchid]

I am very sorry to hear this.
We lost my father in law 18 months ago, and my mother in law has experienced exactly what you describe, including the meals, the cooking and the lost of routine.

 

[Pinkorchid]

I now know exactly how your mother-in-law and the OP's friend feels about meals now

 

[Goonergal]

I agree with that I lost my husband last month and eating the right foods are the last thing you want to think about when the loss is so new. I was married for 61 years and now I am having to get used to living on my own with just our dog and it is really hard. I find actually cooking for one then eating alone is one of the most difficult things to do as we always ate our evening meal together and probably never missed that for more than a dozen times in all of our marriage My children and my grandaughters are good and spend as much time with me as they can . I have a daughter and her family who live in the same road as me so often now I have a meal with them but they have to go to work my daughter works in security at Heathrow so does shift work and they need to get back to as normal life as possible and I have to adjust my life to. I have plenty of craft projects stored up to do during my husbands illness everything went on the back burner including sensible eating for my T2 now I must make the effort to get back to low carb eating

So sorry to read your news. It must be a difficult and distressing time for you. Please accept my condolences.

 

[Pinkorchid]

I am in remission, and still successfully on low carb after 15 months. But I’ve been spending time with the diabetic wife of a friend - he died very suddenly and she is struggling to cope.
The main reasons she can’t live alone are all down to her uncontrolled diabetes - severely sight impaired, serious neuropathy, has already had a toe amputated and her feet are so bad that they don’t know if she can save them.
But she eats bread and cheap higher sugar jam for breakfast.
When it is my turn to visit, I provide low carb meals, ie the ones that I can eat but without foods she isn’t used to (she won’t even try chia and doesn’t eat eggs except in cakes, doesn’t eat fish, etc, etc.). She eats most of the meals I cook, but won’t adjust her diet the rest of the time.
It is so frustrating to watch a friend destroy what is left of their sight and mobility.
I am very tempted, to be very blunt about her diet=sight loss, etc. even though I know it won’t help. That would be to release my frustration not help her!
Any ideas?

I know exactly how your friend must be feeling food is not high on the agenda when someone dies. I lost my husband last month and never thought just how much cooking for one and eating it alone would be so difficult I don't even really taste food at the moment eating is just something I do which I badly need to because I have lost weight over the last months I have always been a skinny minnie and gaining it is always difficult for me to do.I have slipped off the low carb wagon and must begin to get back on it again as I am sure your friend will do eventually just give her time and support

 

[Pinkorchid]

So sorry to read your news. It must be a difficult and distressing time for you. Please accept my condolences.

Thank you

 

[ziggy_w]

So sorry to read about your loss, @Pinkorchid. It must be incredibly hard. Please accept my condolences.

 

[Pinkorchid]

So sorry to read about your loss, @Pinkorchid. It must be incredibly hard. Please accept my condolences.

Thank you