Type 1 My partner does not look after his Type 1 diabetes, it makes us argue when I remind him?

[Rachael95]

My boyfriend was diagnosed 2 years ago with type 1. He does not look after himself and rarely tests his sugars or injects. His sugars are often in the 20’s! Every time I remind him I am seen as nagging and it just makes us fight. My dad is also type 1 so I know what he should be doing. His mum is also type 1 so he also know what he should be doing but also acts like he knows his body inside out like he has had it for 20 years. He already plays up to the diabetic nurses like he know what he is doing as he doesn’t have to go back for another year!
I don’t think he has come to terms with it yet and I don’t want something drastic to happen before it does. Has anybody else been through this or have any suggestions please?

Thanks

 

[NicoleC1971]

I think you're right about him not coming to terms with it; must be daunting when you have childhood memories of what type 1 involves so it is understandable that he is in denial. I was throughout my 20s and only got serious when it came to having a family.
Is he serious about you? Are you serious about him? If he's a life long partner then an honest non confrontational chat about how you see your future together might put it into perspective.
If he has issues with type 1, it is great that he has got family who understand. I would suggest he has an open conversation with his mum about how he feels about diabetes because it sounds as if there is a lot of negative feelings there which may come from whatever he's witnessed when younger.
My husband knows not to nag now but is supportive in other ways e.g. dropping everything to fetch hypo treatments or cooking low carb at dinner for example. He will also occasionally chide me for being too defensive and sorry for myself and although it doesn't show I do listen to his words and get motivated to try harder so what you are saying will be going in, its just that there are clearly barriers there that stop him looking after himself.
Surprised he is fooling the nurse given that his hba1c must be quite high!

 

[KK123]

Hi @Rachael95, you sound like a lovely girlfriend BUT you are not his Mum and from my perspective, if anybody told me they knew 'what I should be doing' it would send me into a rage. Of course he knows what he should be doing, he is the one living with it after all. Have you given thought to the fact that the reason he is not looking after the condition properly is because he is struggling with the mental aspect of it all for example? If that is the case then no amount of nagging will make any difference and it could even make him more stubborn. It is hard to stand by and essentially watch someone 'self harm' but there is a balance between you micro managing him and letting him deal with his own condition. He hasn't had it long and he may be in denial. Maybe you could try to get him to see a Professional in relation to his mental wellbeing? I know that there is some support for people with diabetes who are not coping. You obviously care but you are not his carer, you are his girlfriend and it could be he needs professional help. Also, NOBODY knows what it can be like to deal with a condition such as this unless they have it, it is constant and draining and even though you clearly have more knowledge than others, you are not walking in his shoes. x

 

[Tramk]

My wife became so interested in my diabetes, that I often say to friends that she has taken over my diabetes. Every so often I had to remind her that it is my diabetes, not hers. She often reminded me about times to measure, what I am allowed to eat, and what is forbidden. I say that I can eat anything, but to keep in mind how it may disturbe the values. I became upset when she suggested that it was time to go biking in order to get my bloodsugar down, and I resisted many good advices because they came from anybody but myself.

We made a joking about this, and she understood that the best way to cooperate about my diabetes, is that she shows interest and gives a helping hand. So we are planning our meals and exercises together, and if I don't remember to measure before a meal, it's not a disaster. I can do it next time. Maybe easier for us with type 2.

It seems to me that your boyfriend feels that you a little overwhelmingly have taken over his diabetes, and that he has lost some of his ownership to his own disease.

 

[Juicyj]

Hello and welcome to the site @Rachael95

It's difficult trying to convince someone who is in denial that he needs to do something he doesn't want to do, no wonder it's ending up in a row.

I am fortunately like Nicole, in that my partner will support me and ask if i'm ok if I am running high/low but doesn't tell me what to do, however I am not in denial. It's been 2 years for your partner so he does need to start taking notice of the impact of what long term damage can be caused by ignoring it, he needs help, but he needs to ask for it, getting to the root cause of his denial and finding out why he's not taking care is important, any ideas ? Could he join up here and chat to other type 1's, we have a friendly chat thread going on 'Type 1 stars' which could help him to open up more. Also see if JDRF have any events near to you where he can talk to others, i've just started a type 1 support group in Worcs with Diabetes UK, so see if there's any groups near to where you live ?

 

[novorapidboi26]

Its a difficult one but he is only two years in so will almost certainly still be coming to terms with it......

You should still nag him, but learn to do it subtly and in a way that doesn't start an argument.....put a nice spin on it and learn when to pull back a bit.....

I say this because nagging really does help in hindsight in my own personal experience....

 

[Jaylee]

My boyfriend was diagnosed 2 years ago with type 1. He does not look after himself and rarely tests his sugars or injects. His sugars are often in the 20’s! Every time I remind him I am seen as nagging and it just makes us fight. My dad is also type 1 so I know what he should be doing. His mum is also type 1 so he also know what he should be doing but also acts like he knows his body inside out like he has had it for 20 years. He already plays up to the diabetic nurses like he know what he is doing as he doesn’t have to go back for another year!
I don’t think he has come to terms with it yet and I don’t want something drastic to happen before it does. Has anybody else been through this or have any suggestions please?

Thanks

Hi @Rachael95 ,

Welcome to the forum.

Relationship dynamics, there will be disagreements. There can be discussions. & yes, a passionate argument..

"just makes us fight." hopefully is just your figure of speech broadly outlining the above.?

I would consider very carefully walking any ideas of longevity "up the aisle," regarding the relationship if your referring to some thing more physical.