Struggling

[Lulu9101112]

So I’m bassically struggiling. It’s not just what I’ve explained before the recent incidents in town and well with them being young I’m afraid of this week as it’s half term. I’ve stopped controlling my diabeties because it’s my way of self harming. Im also. Yesterday I ended up damaging peoples cars because I had to do something physical. The thing is every time I get an incident and struggle to just ignore it unless it’s cycling because it reminds me of when in my childhood in other counties before I moved to England. I used to get called names and hit by my dad. Even though I’m not living with him when someone calls me a name it does anything physical it reminds me of that and why my older brother doesn’t speak to and i just have to do something otherwise I’ll end up getting physical. Things is also worry how he’s treating my half brother in the Netherlands as he’s 6 the same age it started to me. Even still when I occasionally see him. My half brother wants to spend more time with the dog my dad has or me and only with my dad when he has too. My dad has apologized but I don’t think he means it because he still complains at everything I do when I’m not doing anything wrong.
I just can’t stop myself doing soemthing physical because of reminders. I’m afraid if I don’t stop this I’ll end up doing something stupid or get arrested.

 

[Brunneria]

Hi Lulu

I am really sorry to see you are having such a hard time at the moment.
I would urge you to contact the Samaritans https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
It doesn't have to be by phone. Nowadays they are happy to be in contact by email or letter too.
You could even copy and paste your post above into an email, since it says what you are going through.
They are a great organisation, and you will get a much faster response than trying to get support via your doc surgery.

In the meantime, please consider doing what you can to control your T1. Testing. Basal. Bolus if you feel able.
I don't feel able to contribute on the subject of self harming, but you have my every sympathy, and I really do feel that opening up anonymously to the Samaritans might help you.

 

[Jaylee]

So I’m bassically struggiling. It’s not just what I’ve explained before the recent incidents in town and well with them being young I’m afraid of this week as it’s half term. I’ve stopped controlling my diabeties because it’s my way of self harming. Im also. Yesterday I ended up damaging peoples cars because I had to do something physical. The thing is every time I get an incident and struggle to just ignore it unless it’s cycling because it reminds me of when in my childhood in other counties before I moved to England. I used to get called names and hit by my dad. Even though I’m not living with him when someone calls me a name it does anything physical it reminds me of that and why my older brother doesn’t speak to and i just have to do something otherwise I’ll end up getting physical. Things is also worry how he’s treating my half brother in the Netherlands as he’s 6 the same age it started to me. Even still when I occasionally see him. My half brother wants to spend more time with the dog my dad has or me and only with my dad when he has too. My dad has apologized but I don’t think he means it because he still complains at everything I do when I’m not doing anything wrong.
I just can’t stop myself doing soemthing physical because of reminders. I’m afraid if I don’t stop this I’ll end up doing something stupid or get arrested.

Hi Lulu,

Firstly, not managing your diabetes will not help with these emotions. Out of range BGs don't help at the best of times.
You may not control the name calling, but you can manage your condition.

Secondly, please stop damaging people's cars. This cycle of agression will not help.
What you are committing is known as "criminal damage" to the person's property. There can be prosecution by the police regarding these actions.
Also, if you were caught by the vehicle owner? You could get hurt...Some people are very protective of their car.
I would hate for you to find yourself in a situation with an over reacting motorist.

Please seek professional counselling..

 

[Juicyj]

Hello @Lulu9101112 Please don't damage people's property because of how your feeling, as @Jaylee has said it is a crime to do this so you could easily end up on the wrong side of the law also it's not fair on other people. How your father has behaved towards you is not your fault, it's his fault but abusing your diabetes will harm you more than any human can, so you need to get on top of your control and take care of yourself, running high blood glucose levels will make you tired and depressed, it will only make your mental health much worse. Get that meter out and start testing again Lu.

It is hard to help you from this side of the keyboard as we can't have a 2 way conversation, but you do need to seek help and explain how your feelings are affecting you. You're lashing out because of your emotions, so find a vent to express yourself without the negative thinking is vital, counselling, exercise, meditation and being more kind to yourself is so important right now, please speak to your team and explain what's going on and let us know how you get on ?

 

[Diakat]

How easy is it for you to contact your support team? You need a safe place to express all this.

 

[Lulu9101112]

Hello @Lulu9101112 Please don't damage people's property because of how your feeling, as @Jaylee has said it is a crime to do this so you could easily end up on the wrong side of the law also it's not fair on other people. How your father has behaved towards you is not your fault, it's his fault but abusing your diabetes will harm you more than any human can, so you need to get on top of your control and take care of yourself, running high blood glucose levels will make you tired and depressed, it will only make your mental health much worse. Get that meter out and start testing again Lu.

It is hard to help you from this side of the keyboard as we can't have a 2 way conversation, but you do need to seek help and explain how your feelings are affecting you. You're lashing out because of your emotions, so find a vent to express yourself without the negative thinking is vital, counselling, exercise, meditation and being more kind to yourself is so important right now, please speak to your team and explain what's going on and let us know how you get on ?

I know but the thing is I have to do something physical and that’s what I can’t control as I have a deleted chromsone. Meaning I can’t control my anger. I am seeing a pcycologist every 3 weeks but that’s not till 3 weeks times.

I know how it feels with damage and I regret it now because one of the incidents was where a guy just randomly decided to kick my bike out of my hand and tried to ride off with it but saddle was too high and then threw it at lampost and that costed £181.99 (and more becuse I need to get a new a saddle due it having a rip from that day) for me to get repaired and that’s a lot for a bicycle and then drove off. (I did report it but the police were useless as they said they would file it as there were no witness and as I don’t know the person unless any other further info comes) even though I got it all on my helmet camera and the cars number plate. So I had to pay for soemthing I didn’t cause. I’m afraid if there’s any damage to the cars The owners would of reported it. I know I should stop but I can’t and then I regret it after.

 

[Lulu9101112]

How easy is it for you to contact your support team? You need a safe place to express all this.

What support team?

 

[Diakat]

What support team?

Given the health issues you describe do you not have therapists or a care team?

 

[Lulu9101112]

Given the health issues you describe do you not have therapists or a care team?

I only see my phycologist every 3 weeks and he only answers emails when he’s at work which is not now

 

[Lulu9101112]

I know but the thing is I have to do something physical and that’s what I can’t control as I have a deleted chromsone. Meaning I can’t control my anger. I am seeing a pcycologist every 3 weeks but that’s not till 3 weeks times.

I know how it feels with damage and I regret it now because one of the incidents was where a guy just randomly decided to kick my bike out of my hand and tried to ride off with it but saddle was too high and then threw it at lampost and that costed £181.99 (and more becuse I need to get a new a saddle due it having a rip from that day) for me to get repaired and that’s a lot for a bicycle and then drove off. (I did report it but the police were useless as they said they would file it as there were no witness and as I don’t know the person unless any other further info comes) even though I got it all on my helmet camera and the cars number plate. So I had to pay for soemthing I didn’t cause. I’m afraid if there’s any damage to the cars The owners would of reported it. I know I should stop but I can’t and then I regret it after.

Given the health issues you describe do you not have therapists or a care team?

Also what I mentioned ^ with damages I’ve got feeling they’ve probably reported it (because saw a police van earlier near to where it happened no sirens) should I email the local police to explain? Or will this just cause more trouble

 

[Diakat]

I only see my phycologist every 3 weeks and he only answers emails when he’s at work which is not now

Email him so he reads it tomorrow.

 

[Lulu9101112]

Email him so he reads it tomorrow.

Ok

 

[Mike d]

You admit that what you're doing is completely wrong. Take the 5 minute rule of time out. If you don't consider the consequences of your impending actions, then your control passes to others. The LAST thing you want.

 

[Lulu9101112]

You admit that what you're doing is completely wrong. Take the 5 minute rule of time out. If you don't consider the consequences of your impending actions, then your control passes to others. The LAST thing you want.

I realise after not during but by the time I go back out to apologize and explain everyone’s gone as I said I couldn’t help if it

 

[Mike d]

I'm all out of advice. You cannot always atone with an apology.

 

[Peaches20]

Hi Lulu. You can always go to your nearest A&E Dept or an Urgent Care Centre. They will be able to arrange for you to be seen by the mental health team who in turn might be able to arrange an urgent psych appointment for you. But please, like others have said do not go damaging others property. Seek some medical help before you do serious damage to someone else or to yourself.

 

[Rokaab]

I realise after not during but by the time I go back out to apologize and explain everyone’s gone as I said I couldn’t help if it

To be honest the only way I would accept an apology would be if it came with the offer to pay for the damage to be fixed (and btw cars ain't cheap to fix even if it looks like not much - about a decade ago some vandal snapped my back windscreen wiper off, it cost about 75quid to replace - and this was on a Corsa so not even an expensive car).

If you don't stop yourself from doing the damage you will end up owing a lot of money for fixes, get in trouble with the police or an enraged property owner.

 

[Jaylee]

Also what I mentioned ^ with damages I’ve got feeling they’ve probably reported it (because saw a police van earlier near to where it happened no sirens) should I email the local police to explain? Or will this just cause more trouble

It's not a "murder scene."

However.
The law don't use sirens or blue light when someone reports that their car has had damage. (I believe a police report number is needed when making an insurance claim of damage such as this.)
What you have done is cause a massive amount of sorrow & inconvenience, as well as financial burden. Yes they may be able to claim damages on the insurance, but an innocent person's premium will increase..

Email the police to confess..? You probably can't pay the damages in court. However wearing a comunity service high vis & painting a few railings in a park may help you think this through.

You can't get any lasting satisfaction out of your kneejerk actions on people with no association with your issue.

Seek professional help. Before it totally gets out of hand..

 

[Lulu9101112]

update: guys I get where your coming from. I recently had a person do damage to my road bicycle. I think it’s unfair they costed me most of my work earnings as it almost costed £200 to get that repaired. I did report that but that turned out to be useless.

anyway i did apologize as I thought one of the cars might of been one of the store owners. When I went back that owner happened to be their. As soon as I started apologising he said everything’s fine. Turns out it wasn’t police that turned up it was the local PCSO’s. I didn’t even notice the van said Neighbourhood team on it and turns out there wasn’t any damage it was just mud. It was the owner that called them and not the others which is why the others weren’t there and why the van left quickly as I littreally went back after 10 mins.
It’s stupid I just realise I should stop becuse If I kick veichles too hard or they suddenly start moving i could end up hurting myself which is why I never have done anything when cycling. So I guess this was luck


So apologozing can work. I would accept an apologize from the man who damaged my bike a few weeks back however never have.

 

[Mike d]

Life is not always fair. I live by the strict code that if I don't hurt anyone, then maybe the favour will be returned. Your "victims" have NOTHING to do with your bike incident or the person responsible for damaging it. For heaven's sake, you could win the lottery next week while others way more deserving than you remain penniless!!!

No point me sugar coating any message. Have some perspective.