Very early morning roll call.
Back into "work inner alarm" mode it seems.
Yesterday started ok, fbg 6.3, which was nice n low, over recent months numbers
But day went downhill after that
Rather maudling post & Longish,
(More cathartic for me, really.,)
So feel free to skip to end for tl;dr details.
Recently began a new relationship.
She's bright, caring & way too good for me,
At first it was great, all smiles and lots of attention.
Ok I'll admit it........I was smitten.
The way she'd listen to me,
that hint of accent as she explained what she wants to do to me.......
....i was like a puppy, all wide eyed & desperate to please her
Those words of encouragement, her smile as she praised me...
( Did I say I was smitten )
But just lately it's all gone wrong.
Somehow that little bit of "Magic" has gone out of our relationship
God knows I've tried, but I can't hide it anymore...its time to call it a day.
She was calling yesterday morning
So I practised my lines..
"It's not you, its me.. you've been great, I don't deserve you " type thing
Anyway, she calls.
A little chit chat, then she blind sided me.
SHE'S finishing with ME
"It's not you, it's ME, you've been great, but I don't think there's any more for us now...."
*** ....SHE'S finishing with ME.
I nodded and said it was ok.
I'd be fine without her.
An utter lie,
as I felt the abandonment already as she cast me adrift
And it all started so well
Best physio I ever had
But I know she's right....we have little more to say to each other...it's time
Doesn't make that loss any easier to bear.
Yes, yes..I KNOW I was ending it anyway
But did you miss the headline bit..?
SHE broke up with ME...
It really was great to a point, but the last few weeks recovery has stalled.
All exercises I can do bar one, and it's impacting me physically and mentally.
Realistically I wonder what's left for us to talk about..we've gone as far as we can
So, pre yesterday's appointment, I was rehearsing my lines and plans, like it was the ending of a relationship...( Which to be fair, it was really)
So sat listened & waited my moment ...
Doc broke up with ME, before I got the chance to say my piece.
Ends up she thought we'd gone as far as we could as well..I agreed before and at the time.
But afterwards, I felt bereft.
No more hand holding as I sail on alone.
It's the right thing to do, I know...but still...
Right ankle still swollen a bit, that flexing of moving knee over foot, with heel flat on floor, NOT gone to plan.
Still too difficult to do, due to swelling I feel
Impacts most when descending stairs,
and while not even trying anything approaching running, I did have to break into a trot crossing the road the other day, as oncoming car went all "Death Race 2000" as he sped up to try n clip me, it seemed
Right ankle yelped in pain
it's just SO not ready for my Olympic bid just yet
Bottom line was, these things can take time, she suspects it may be months more, if even then, I can get the full movement back.
Time, patience and my dedication to exercising that ankle, holds the key. seemed to be her key pointers for me.
The reality is I am so much better off then I was in January, and way better off then so many others with real difficulties.
But it's still dragging me down, that almost 5 months later, I'm still having difficulties doing some daily tasks .
But hey ho...is what it is, and now I've got that off my chest, I feel a little better.
Thanks for listening.
Tldr.
Right ankle still dodgy
Discharged from outpatients physio
The ship of life, sails on regardless
Wide awake at zero dark 30, it seems .
Dawn's lightened the sky,
Hope you all have the best
Day you can.
