Type 1 Is it my fault I have multiple chronic illnesses?

[WreckTangle]

I was diagnosed with type one diabetes in 2016, for 4 years (2016/2017/2018/2019) I didn’t look after my diabetes or myself. I was a mess. Refused to prick my finger, didn’t take insulin, for the first 2 years I did suffer with diabulimia, as I had a lot of issues with my weight but soon got over that.

In 2019 I was diagnosed with EPI (Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency) which is a stomach/bowel condition which causes chronic diarrhoea when I eat food.

And in August 2019 to early 2020 I started having bladder issues which caused me to be hospitalised with a swollen bladder that made me look pregnant and had to have a catheter which I still have as they don’t know what’s wrong with my bladder. Everything is normal (urethra is normal, bladder neck is normal and bladder is normal) everything is healthy and clean and no problems.

And now in May 2021 I started getting diabetic retinopathy and now having laser eye surgery.

I’m 24, I haven’t had the best life from birth to now. Is it my fault? I’m tired of people beating around the bush because they think I can’t take it due to mental health being very low and close to the edge. It’s not going to push me over the edge. I already know that it’s probably my fault and I deserve everything I get. Just wanted to know what everyone else thought?

 

[Antje77]

How would getting those illnesses be your fault? I don't see the logic in that at all.

 

[sleepster]

It's not even remotely your fault @WreckTangle

 

[WreckTangle]

How would getting those illnesses be your fault? I don't see the logic in that at all.

Because every time I look up causes of epi and bladder issues it’s always “diabetes” or “uncontrolled diabetes” except for diabetic retinopathy which is obviously caused by diabetes

 

[Antje77]

Because every time I look up causes of epi and bladder issues it’s always “diabetes” or “uncontrolled diabetes” except for diabetic retinopathy which is obviously caused by diabetes

And how is getting diabetes and having a hard time with it your fault?
How was having diabulimia your fault?
How is it your fault you got all this stuff on your plate?

Both diabetes burnout and diabulimia are well known conditions, no less your fault than getting a cold or breaking a leg in a car accident.

What about it being a very impressive achievement to be in recovery from a serious eating disorder?
It was you who did that!

Side question: Are you getting enzymes to help with your EPI now?

 

[Jaylee]

I was diagnosed with type one diabetes in 2016, for 4 years (2016/2017/2018/2019) I didn’t look after my diabetes or myself. I was a mess. Refused to prick my finger, didn’t take insulin, for the first 2 years I did suffer with diabulimia, as I had a lot of issues with my weight but soon got over that.

In 2019 I was diagnosed with EPI (Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency) which is a stomach/bowel condition which causes chronic diarrhoea when I eat food.

And in August 2019 to early 2020 I started having bladder issues which caused me to be hospitalised with a swollen bladder that made me look pregnant and had to have a catheter which I still have as they don’t know what’s wrong with my bladder. Everything is normal (urethra is normal, bladder neck is normal and bladder is normal) everything is healthy and clean and no problems.

And now in May 2021 I started getting diabetic retinopathy and now having laser eye surgery.

I’m 24, I haven’t had the best life from birth to now. Is it my fault? I’m tired of people beating around the bush because they think I can’t take it due to mental health being very low and close to the edge. It’s not going to push me over the edge. I already know that it’s probably my fault and I deserve everything I get. Just wanted to know what everyone else thought?

Hi,

I suppose it's actions & consequences. When you look at it logically.? I'm over twice your age & remember feeling indestructible in my mid 20s. (Yeah, I done some "stuff.")
But how do you wish to personally move forward from "here.?"
Beat yourself up when others around you support & will the best. Or negatively push it away..

The trick is to stop history repeating. Not only for yourself, but to learn & impart experience regarding others too?

My thought with the best will in the world, is "punch bags" just hang in the same spot gathering dust.
My advice would be push back & own what life has thrown in your direction.

 

[Gracie204]

Hi, what has happened has happened. Forget about the past, and move towards a healthier lifestyle. I feel sure lot of us have reached low points, perhaps not as low as yours, but we make a conscious decision to change. It's not always easy, but it can be done. It has to be done. I wish you well on you journey.

 

[KK123]

I’m 24, I haven’t had the best life from birth to now. Is it my fault?

No, it's not your fault. The issues you describe are hardly your fault, the diabetes, the bulimia, etc. Who of us can point to any one factor and say 'Ah, that's where I should've done this or that', we all have different stuff going on in our lives at different times and our reactions and responses at those times are done for a reason, good or bad. It would be nice to be 100% physically and mentally perfect wouldn't it but we're not, don't forget it's not just about the physical ailments/illnesses either, it's about the mental affect they can have on us plus unconnected mental health issues, all combining to make us think oh ** it. In other words we are human. I think that you are clever enough to realise that there is a lot you can do to improve the hand you've been dealt and are doing so by coming onto this site. That's all any of us can do really, recognise the challenges and face them as well as you can. That's my answer to you, and I'll say it again, there is no blame attached to you, in fact I think you are brave by coming on here and putting yourself forward for comment! xx

 

[KK123]

uncontrolled diabetes

Just to add, when the term 'uncontrolled diabetes' is used, it does not mean that the individual personally hasn't managed it well or that there is any blame to be attached to them. It means that despite every or any effort a person has made, it is not within the 'controlled' targets, whether a person put in 100% effort or none. It's just a rather clumsy medical term. x

 

[MrsA2]

And did you know that having high blood sugar can cause negative thinking? So it can be a vicious cycle.
If, however you do start to lower your bg your mood is likely to improve, and so therefore will the motivation to keep it lower... I'm not sure what the opposite to a vicious cycle is called, a positivity spin maybe?
But when you do manage to get your sugars down you will be surprised how well you feel, both mood and body. It has to be worth doing doesn't it?
Because wherever it all came from doesn't mean that's how is has to be moving forward
Don't look back, look forward

 

[nutribolt]

I already know that it’s probably my fault and I deserve everything I get.

You are too harsh on yourself there. Don't be.. for your sake and that of your loved ones.

You have my utmost sympathy for all the hard time you face at such young age but I sincerely hope and pray that you will find it in you to have the will power and strength to make changes that can help with your health and not see any of these hardships as your own failure but as a personal challenge to get towards the best version of yourself. The way I see it, person with any health issues is a victim not the perpetrator and surviving that health issue in my eyes makes that person a hero. There are many people I know who make far less healthy choices yet they have perhaps a much better genetic pool and suffer with nothing serious and I hope it continues for them such that they enjoy their life to the fullest but it does not mean if at some point they do get some sort of problem they deserved it or brought it upon themselves.. it just means party is over for them and its time to grow up and face the real world... unfortunately for you that happened way too early which can under no circumstances be considered your fault...

Have faith in yourself and don't doubt or blame yourself... not now, not ever.

[Mod edit.]