Explaining your condition to others

MB1995

Newbie
Messages
1
Hi everyone, I’m new to this chat. I am a 26 year old female with type 1. My question is, have any of you guys been accused of not doing a good job of managing your condition by loved ones, even when you are doing everything you can? I had a low blood sugar episode yesterday morning and immediately my bf started complaining about how I suck at having diabetes and that I need to work harder. Granted, it was a bad low… he had to give me pop etc before I was coherent but the thing is… my insulin sensitivity just changes very rapidly and not for a particular cause. Before going to bed I checked my blood sugar and it was high as in 313. So knowing that I took my night insulin but also two units of my fast insulin to help correct. By the time I went to bed it was not by any means immediately after eating which was strange why it was so high to begin with. Generally speaking, I feel like I was being cheap with just two units. If one unit could potentially bring your levels down by 50 when you have high blood sugar, then two units would only bring it down by 100. So that would be 213 and then with the night insulin helping correct. Somehow I still ended up with a dangerous low and when I tried to explain that for some reason my sensitivity changed, he refused to accept it and just started berating me. In his mind, having good control means never having a low. But after reading some of everyone’s post who have had type one longer then me (I was diagnosed at 20) and are more experienced, I’m guessing this happens to people even if they do all the textbook things. I honestly thought that I was just doing everything wrong when I have a low and he consistently blames me… mind you, this does not happen often by any means. How should I better explain this to him? Has this happened to anyone else?
 

EllieM

Moderator
Staff Member
Messages
9,209
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
forum bugs
Hi @MB1995 and welcome to the forums.

T1 for 52 years here and sometimes hypos just happen. (There are so many things that affect insulin sensitivity that you just can't get it right all the time.)

I am very very lucky that my husband/partner has always supported me in my diabetes and rescued me on the rare occasions that I need rescuing. He has never criticised me for hypoing. (And I've had some epic ones,particularly when pregnant with our now adult children.)

Do you have a cgm? (dexcom or libre?) My hypo awareness isn't as good as it used to be when I was younger and having an alarm when I get to 4.4 (level can be adjusted) means that I greatly reduce the chances of severe hypos.

It sounds to me that you are doing everything right and your partner is less than helpful. (Maybe he should try being T1 for a while and see how he does.)

And you will sometimes make mistakes (oh the joys of injecting bolus instead of basal) but we are all human and that is no reason for criticism.

Lots and lots of virtual hugs.
 

In Response

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,374
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Pump
I found my partner started to understand when I got him to calculate my insulin doses.
He would do some carb counting and then be surprised when my diabetes didn't behave as he expected.
He then learned that doing the full time job of a major organ in our body (which most bodies do automatically) whilst carrying on with a full life is tough.
 

Antje77

Oracle
Retired Moderator
Messages
19,284
Type of diabetes
LADA
Treatment type
Insulin
I had a low blood sugar episode yesterday morning and immediately my bf started complaining about how I suck at having diabetes and that I need to work harder.
That's just wrong!
Managing diabetes is not easy, and diabetes doesn't always behave predictable. All T1's have hypo's.

I like @In Response 's approach, that would clearly show him it isn't as simple as doing the math right and then having perfect numbers all the time.
 

Jaylee

Oracle
Retired Moderator
Messages
18,214
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Hi everyone, I’m new to this chat. I am a 26 year old female with type 1. My question is, have any of you guys been accused of not doing a good job of managing your condition by loved ones, even when you are doing everything you can? I had a low blood sugar episode yesterday morning and immediately my bf started complaining about how I suck at having diabetes and that I need to work harder. Granted, it was a bad low… he had to give me pop etc before I was coherent but the thing is… my insulin sensitivity just changes very rapidly and not for a particular cause. Before going to bed I checked my blood sugar and it was high as in 313. So knowing that I took my night insulin but also two units of my fast insulin to help correct. By the time I went to bed it was not by any means immediately after eating which was strange why it was so high to begin with. Generally speaking, I feel like I was being cheap with just two units. If one unit could potentially bring your levels down by 50 when you have high blood sugar, then two units would only bring it down by 100. So that would be 213 and then with the night insulin helping correct. Somehow I still ended up with a dangerous low and when I tried to explain that for some reason my sensitivity changed, he refused to accept it and just started berating me. In his mind, having good control means never having a low. But after reading some of everyone’s post who have had type one longer then me (I was diagnosed at 20) and are more experienced, I’m guessing this happens to people even if they do all the textbook things. I honestly thought that I was just doing everything wrong when I have a low and he consistently blames me… mind you, this does not happen often by any means. How should I better explain this to him? Has this happened to anyone else?

Hi,

My wife just sees it as "one of those things."
I'm pretty passive while low but can talk esoteric garbage.. lol. I once found myself out of the blue during cordial pleasantaries chatting about Norwegian death metal to my wife's boss at a work thing.. Before I made my excuses to fix the low.. not my specialist subject.
How did I do? Yah did well..

I feel your chap needs to losen up? :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: EllieM

Geordie_P

Well-Known Member
Messages
849
Type of diabetes
Type 2
I found my partner started to understand when I got him to calculate my insulin doses.
He would do some carb counting and then be surprised when my diabetes didn't behave as he expected.
He then learned that doing the full time job of a major organ in our body (which most bodies do automatically) whilst carrying on with a full life is tough.
This is really very smart- beneficial to both of you: there's no better way to understand something than to actually do it and live it. It might even be useful in the original poster's case.
 

Juicyj

Expert
Retired Moderator
Messages
9,018
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Pump
Dislikes
Hypos, rude people, ignorance and grey days.
Somehow I still ended up with a dangerous low and when I tried to explain that for some reason my sensitivity changed, he refused to accept it and just started berating me.

Wow that's not on at all, he needs to reign it in, particularly when you are low and your brain is already depleted of glucose, I wouldn't cope with this mentality, you need support as you already have enough on your hands to deal with.

Hypos happen, they are mostly unpredictable, and we only get an alarm when going low, but the sooner you can catch it, the quicker you can treat it.

Hope he starts to learn some empathy soon, and yes try walking in your shoes for one day, he would soon learn.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lainie71

Soplewis12

Well-Known Member
Messages
368
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
Grumpy People
I've been type 1 for 32 years now & with my husband 30 years in total. In all that time I've had 3 major hypos that I've needed support with. The last one pre libre 2 & pump my son was very distressed & my husband was furious, insisted I apologised to my son. Not on at all as the guilt he made me feel for something out with my control was terrible. In hindsight I think he got the biggest fright of all of us but it didn't excuse his reaction.
I love @In Response suggestion!
 

JohnEGreen

Master
Messages
13,188
Type of diabetes
Other
Treatment type
Diet only
Dislikes
Tripe and Onions
I've been type 1 for 32 years now & with my husband 30 years in total. In all that time I've had 3 major hypos that I've needed support with. The last one pre libre 2 & pump my son was very distressed & my husband was furious, insisted I apologised to my son. Not on at all as the guilt he made me feel for something out with my control was terrible. In hindsight I think he got the biggest fright of all of us but it didn't excuse his reaction.
I love @In Response suggestion!
You know divorce is still a possibility even after 30 years.
 

Zhnyaka

Well-Known Member
Messages
635
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
Homophobia, racism, sexism
Ask him "are you thinking I'll feel better if you scold me?" It is really difficult. I'm 26 too and I have T1 for 18 years. Sometimes the glucose level in my blood changes from 3 (55) to 20 (360) during the day and it's terrible. Say your boyfriend that you need his love, not his reproaches
 
Last edited:

Lamont D

Oracle
Messages
15,796
Type of diabetes
Reactive hypoglycemia
Treatment type
I do not have diabetes
I just wonder what he's like, when he has man flu?

Ignorance is not an excuse!
 

Fenn

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,405
Type of diabetes
Type 1.5
Treatment type
Insulin
Oh this makes me angry, you are doing amazing MB!