Aarrgghhh Teenagers

[Anonymous]

I have been trying to get my 17 year old lad interested in applying for university - he's just finished the 1st year of A levels and done a bit worse than he/we hoped. I spent an hour this afternoon digging through the net and a book on universities trying to get an idea of where he might go and trying to draw up a list of subjects etc..

There's some really exciting stuff out there and he is likely to have the points to do some interesting and exciting courses but can I get him interested? Can I ...

Maybe I should leave him to it and go to university myself. Just makes me soooo cross to have that opportunity and not take it.

Aaarrrrgghhh !

(rant over - thanks for listening)

 

[Fraddycat]

Hi Swimmer, I am in the same boat, my son just finished the first year of his A levels ... he got 2 Ds and 2 Us, disaster. He is smart just incredibly lazy. However his sister is already at Uni, so he knows what he could be experiencing if he put his mind to it. He's decided to re-do year 12 which I think is quite a brave decision, but I just have to nag him much more about his homework etc. I have a suspicion that he might be relieved to be at home for another year, he is much younger in his head than his sister and is a bit of a homebody.

I would strongly recommend taking your son to a uni open day - although that means you have to pick a subject - but there is no committment needed. Looking at the uni, accommodation, the other students, the union bar etc really gets them excited.

Good luck!

 

[desidiabulum]

Writing as one who might end up teaching your son, I would endorse Fraddycat's suggestion of taking him to a univ open day, but also stress that there is nothing wrong in his taking a year out before applying. Students often come to university before they're ready or truly interested, just because of peer or family pressure, and as a result they waste their first year and underachieve. If you give him time to get interested (and to get miffed if he has friends who have gone and now feels he is missing out), and to mature a little, then he will almost certainly get more out of being at university. I could cite so many examples where this has worked. Good luck!

 

[Neicy0412]

My son horrified me, when just before his AS level exams he announced he wanted to drop out of college! He had always maintained he wanted to go to Uni, he wanted to become an electrical engineer. After the initial shock, and working through his reasons, ( he didn't want to start his adult life in debt) amongst other things. We looked at other options, he applied and was lucky enough to get an electrical apprenticeship, which combined college and "hands on experience" and also offered a wage, while learning on the job. It was a five year apprenticeship, which he passed with flying colours and is now successfully employed in a job he loves, he has his own house, a wonderful fiancé and has not one moment of regret that he did not attend university. I know he was very lucky, but truly there are other choices. Don't despair, when one door closes, a window somewhere opens. Good luck.

 

[borofergie]

I have been trying to get my 17 year old lad interested in applying for university - he's just finished the 1st year of A levels and done a bit worse than he/we hoped. I spent an hour this afternoon digging through the net and a book on universities trying to get an idea of where he might go and trying to draw up a list of subjects etc..

There's some really exciting stuff out there and he is likely to have the points to do some interesting and exciting courses but can I get him interested? Can I ...

Maybe I should leave him to it and go to university myself. Just makes me soooo cross to have that opportunity and not take it.

Frustrating isn't it? However, University isn't the be-all and end-all. Many of the best people that I encountered at university and in my professional career were the ones that didn't follow the standard route. Lots of them ended up at university a bit later, when they'd realised what they really wanted to do, and with the massive benefit of real working experience behind them.

If you try and persuade him to go and do a course that he's not interested in, then it'll probably end up in tears, failure, and massive student debt.

If doesn't go to university, then the only other possibility is to go out and get a job. It doesn't matter what job, because when he works out how hard it really is, and how little he gets paid, then a few years at university will end up sounding like a very good prospect.

Don't let him consider "a year out" or "going on the dole". At 17 it's time to start behaving as an adult.

 

[Fraddycat]

I agree with Boro, and also with Swimmer, I never went to Uni, I qualified from the school of hard knocks and I am really happy with my career - its beyond anything I could have anticipated when I was 18. Uni is not the be all and end all, however I am so jealous of the opportunities my kids have now. What a thrill it would be to just focus on learning stuff!! No responsibilities just learning and having fun - they have no idea how lucky they are! But then that is the folly and joy of yoof

 

[borofergie]

I agree with Boro, and also with Swimmer, I never went to Uni, I qualified from the school of hard knocks and I am really happy with my career - its beyond anything I could have anticipated when I was 18. Uni is not the be all and end all, however I am so jealous of the opportunities my kids have now. What a thrill it would be to just focus on learning stuff!! No responsibilities just learning and having fun - they have no idea how lucky they are! But then that is the folly and joy of yoof

:thumbup:

That's exactly the point. University should be a regarded as a privilege not as a right, especially when people like Fraddycat (who have never benefited directly) end up funding it from their taxes.

Of all my friends, the one with the highest salary, is the only guy who didn't bother completing his A-Levels. I think that a solid work-ethic is more important than any qualification.

 

[elainechi]

my son has just repeated his as level and now is in year 14!!!!!!!!! he wants to go to uni but unsire what course....looking to do lab work when he gets a degree
but it so frustrating trying to have a converdation with him about options.. revision etc. i think i.m more concern than he is...they.ll make up his own mind eventually when the time comes...im sure we all did....at least i won.t have to worry about diabetes with him just the 1001 otherthings when kids grow up
xxxx

 

[Giverny]

I'm not a parent myself but I went through this decision a few years ago. I studied at sixth form because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do in the future. My brother went to university and my parents always just assumed I'd want to go too. Finished up my AS levels and wasn't a huge fan of the whole academia thing so decided to go to college the following year and do a slightly more vocational course in graphic design. This course didn't really live up to expectations so I dropped out. Needless to say, my parents were pretty crushed. I spent the next few months stuck in a rut trying to find a job, which was harder than I expected since I had no experience. I found a job in a local café and hated it right from the start. I was treated badly and always felt I should be doing something I enjoy. The staff budget was halved after a month of me being there, and as one of the people that wouldn't just blindly follow orders, I was one of the first to go. Spent the next 6 months unemployed and claiming job seekers allowance. During that time I felt like the scum of the earth and was trying really hard to find a job that I wanted to start a career from. I dropped really lucky when I found an apprenticeship in ICT, and here I am today. I'm not on the greatest of wages, but it's a small price to pay for the qualifications I'll be getting that will potentially keep me in employment for the rest of my life.

Apologies for the wall of text, but I just want to reassure you that it's not the end of the world if your son doesn't go to uni! My parents thought in a similar way to you and were furious when I turned down the opportunity, but now they couldn't be more proud of me for getting up and going to work every day (especially when my brother has had his degree for 3 years now and only just managed to get a job). I'm now 19 and on the verge of starting a promising career as an ICT professional.

 

[catherinecherub]

I have been trying to get my 17 year old lad interested in applying for university - he's just finished the 1st year of A levels and done a bit worse than he/we hoped. I spent an hour this afternoon digging through the net and a book on universities trying to get an idea of where he might go and trying to draw up a list of subjects etc..

There's some really exciting stuff out there and he is likely to have the points to do some interesting and exciting courses but can I get him interested? Can I ...

Maybe I should leave him to it and go to university myself. Just makes me soooo cross to have that opportunity and not take it.

Aaarrrrgghhh !

(rant over - thanks for listening)

You cannot live your life through him Swimmer and expect him to take the opportunities that were not available to you.

There are plenty of people in the world who did not go to University and have made a great success of their lives so as long as he has a worth ethic and doesn't doss about, be proud of him and encourage him in what he wants to do.

If all else fails, pin a copy of this where he can see it. :wink:
___________________________________________

TEENAGERS.

Are you tired of being harassed by your parents?

ACT NOW.

Move out, Get a job,
Pay your own bill while you still know everything.

_____________________________________________

 

[elainechi]

giverny........that is good to hear and reassuring to me

catherinecherub......made me laugh....so so so true......can.t use that on my nearly 13 year old hormonal daughter.....if she could she would get a job leave school and live on her own probably quite well. but got to wait another fews years.... xx

 

[Patch]

University isn't the be all and end all. And with respect - it's not your decision to make. You might want to persuade him to take an interest in university, but it might make him go the other way.

University is basically a giant ****-up for most of the people that do go, anyway. Tell him that - see if it changes his mind.

I know if I'd gone to university, I would have had the best 4 years of my life. But I wouldn't have had a degree at the end of it! (And, I wouldn't be where I am today if I HAD gone to university!)

 

[Nikkig]

I had a place at uni, then gave it all in for another career, loved it but had to leave when I had my daughter, I diversified into teaching the job that was part of my career and loved teaching so much that I took a degree. I started it in 2002 and finished 2004.
I would agree with others, that sometimes 18 is not the right time for uni, I loved the course and couldn't wait for lectures, not sure I would have been the same at 18 (especially on a morning after the night before!) :sick:

 

[xyzzy]

University is basically a giant ****-up for most of the people that do go, anyway. Tell him that - see if it changes his mind.

Yes when the eldest came back and told his siblings what a giant ****-up university was we had little resistance from the other three :lol: However despite the great time they all did well. Either university or any job was the choice we gave ours as I think both ways are fine as both ways tend to turn children into adults. Wouldn't have accepted the year out or going on the dole option.

 

[borofergie]

University is basically a giant ****-up for most of the people that do go, anyway. Tell him that - see if it changes his mind.

Ahhhh yes I remember it fondly! When I went it was still a taxpayer funded 3-year ****-up. Those were the days.

 

[anna29]

Are girls more difficult than a lad ?
When my daughter went through her teenage years all I
heard from other parents that had a lad 'was' their boy
wern't as strong willed or as self destructive as the girls...
Made me feel like I had to battle with the devil everyday she did... :crazy:
It was the worst phase as a parent/mother I felt and went through.
Never "again!"
Anna.

 

[Anonymous]

My daughter was certainly more 'trouble' as a teenager but she pretty much sorted herself out at Uni and is now in her third year and loving it.

Thanks for all the feedback folks. Nice to be able to let off steam amongst friends, even if it isn't about the DB.

 

[sallylondon]

Both of mine had a 'Gap Year'. One went to do volunteer work in South Africa for three months (which she repeated the next year as well ) and one went diving and surveying coral reefs in the Bahamas for 6 months. As much as it killed me with them being so far away it really did help both of them grow up and learn all sorts of life skills which were really useful when they did get to university. They both worked to earn their Gap year but we did help out financially too - amazing how much this volunteering costs :roll: .

I will say that my son graduated with a 'good' degree but found it really hard to get a job when he finished: over-qualified for some things, under-qualified for others. When he did get a job it was due to his CV being well-rounded.

They need to find their own way in life but it does not mean they don't need a helpful shove as well!

 

[Giverny]

Wouldn't have accepted the year out or going on the dole option.

Sometimes going on the dole can be a real culture shock. It was for me anyway, as I'd had a quiet middle-class upbringing and all of a sudden I was thrown in to the cess pool with people who just couldn't be bothered. Did me the world of good, as I just wanted to get a job and get away from the cursed job centre :lol: