A Light Hearted Look at Stupid People

[maxies-mom]

:***:
We are 4 weeks into our T1 journey, Max, my 8 year old and the rest of us.
The support and love showered on us from near and far has been absolutely wonderful and humbling and heart warming and so so good. We feel wrapped in a blanket of care by most everyone, even a dear old lady in the Mall who demonstrated her kit to Max and reassured him (at the age of 87) that her life has been full to overflowing even though she has been T1 for 61 years. That's love.

As his mum, I am battling with comments and "advice" given to me by those that can only be described as terminally stupid....and i am wrestling to find suitably graceful replies and a way to stop the conversations before they rattle me completely off my very emotionally wobbly foundations.

For example, what do you say to the well meaning lass who says "Lucky you caught it so young!" (all wide eyed and earnest)
Can someone please demonstrate this "luck" to me, or why on earth anyone would think that having T1 at the age of 8 is in any way lucky?
Or the chap, who is actually otherwise a rather sensible bloke, who decided to tell me that T1 killed (and yes he used that word exactly) both his grandfather and all his uncles before their 55th birthdays? Why would anyone tell a mother of a newly diagnosed 8 year old this information?
Or my absolute best, the mother of 3 who wrote on my FB page, "so sorry you are going through this, makes us realise how lucky we are". Gosh, fantastic.

I am known for my acid wit as much as for my very hilarious outlook on life but I am at a loss with this lot. I just end up sobbing. And seriously, I can't be crying anymore!

Anyone else having similar "retort" issues?

Much love
Philly
xx

 

[Very lost 101212]

Hi Philly," how's at least its not cancer!" on your richter scale? Or my favourite " you'll get through it, look at those who have to be gluten free"... I,m sure being on a gluten free diet isn't easy but it's a little different from my 10 year old boys type 1! In situations where I don't know what to say...I say nothing...just a "here if you need me" Ignore these well wishers who mean no harm...they just don't know what we go through...on the crying front... I think I am close to dehydration. X

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi Philly," how's at least its not cancer!" on your richter scale? Or my favourite " you'll get through it, look at those who have to be gluten free"... I,m sure being on a gluten free diet isn't easy but it's a little different from my 10 year old boys type 1! In situations where I don't know what to say...I say nothing...just a "here if you need me" Ignore these well wishers who mean no harm...they just don't know what we go through...on the crying front... I think I am close to dehydration. X

Hi it is difficult I really don't think people think before putting their mouths into gear. I'm a long time type 1 my grandaugter was diagnosed 18 months ago,aged 2 1/2 yrs but luckily noone has said anything crass about diabetes to me, well not to my face anyway :roll:

I have a very good friend, but does moan and groan about her blood pressure and not having enough sleep at night so she cant function the next day, especially at weekend :roll: I thought if she had diabetes and alot of the other medical conditions that go with it, she would probably be an invalid. Bless her, she's just returned from another holiday. People really do not have any idea. I get frustrated at times with things I've read or heard about diabetes. But both of you, I'm sure, will just get on with doing a great job looking after your childrens needs, medically and emotionally

ps very lost, I loved the bit about gluten free, I was daignosed with Coeliac in November 2012, so a double whammy there :lol: :wink:

Take care and remember, those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter :clap:

Enjoy the rest of the weekend,

With best wishes RRB

 

[maxies-mom]

Take care and remember, those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter :clap:

Oh RRB a Seuss fan...

I am going to start giving the answers i want to give and have been biting my tongue not to say... like this

"Lucky he caught it so young!" A: "Yes , isn't it? We are hoping for more luck like this definitely!" :shock:

"It killed all my relatives!" A: "Oh wow. I feel so reassured now and soothed. You really have a way with words of comfort, thank you!" :crazy:

"Makes us count our blessings/realise how lucky we are!" A: "You must be so proud. Bless" :roll:

"At least its not Cancer/ It could be so much worse/ Its not the worst that could happen!" A: "Yes, we feel lucky he caught it so young too. Fabulous!" :***:

Hahahahaha, actually feeling fab for just having shared my frustration on this subject. I could actually have a whole heap of fun with my answers too.

Loads of love from the middle of the forest where truth be told, actually, we do feel **** blessed. T1 has given us far more than it took away (so far). We are closer, warmer, talk more, eat together, hug more, love more, are grateful for more and we live life in the moment, together, loved and close and laughing more than we cry.

Philly

 

[Robinredbreast]

Take care and remember, those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter :clap:

Oh RRB a Seuss fan...

I am going to start giving the answers i want to give and have been biting my tongue not to say... like this

"Lucky he caught it so young!" A: "Yes , isn't it? We are hoping for more luck like this definitely!" :shock:

"It killed all my relatives!" A: "Oh wow. I feel so reassured now and soothed. You really have a way with words of comfort, thank you!" :crazy:

"Makes us count our blessings/realise how lucky we are!" A: "You must be so proud. Bless" :roll:

"At least its not Cancer/ It could be so much worse/ Its not the worst that could happen!" A: "Yes, we feel lucky he caught it so young too. Fabulous!" :***:

Hahahahaha, actually feeling fab for just having shared my frustration on this subject. I could actually have a whole heap of fun with my answers too.

Loads of love from the middle of the forest where truth be told, actually, we do feel **** blessed. T1 has given us far more than it took away (so far). We are closer, warmer, talk more, eat together, hug more, love more, are grateful for more and we live life in the moment, together, loved and close and laughing more than we cry.

Philly

That'll girl :thumbup: and good for you, you tell it like it is Philly:clap:

Have a lovely, warm and cosy weekend

Best wishes RRB

 

[GraceK]

Perhaps we're the stupid people for expecting others to understand our medical condition, when there are MILLIONS of other medical conditions out there that WE have no clue about either?

What makes us expect others to understand the ins and outs of such a complex condition when in truth, most of us find it puzzling ourselves?

Why should the average Joe and Flo know anything about diabetes unless it directly touches their lives?

How many people know what Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia is or how it affects the lives of the babies who are born with it?

I knew nothing of that until my grand nephew was born with it and then I learned fast. But I don't expect others to understand the complexities of it. Why would I?

My sister is epileptic and has been since the age of 16. Very few people understand what that's all about either or what to do if someone is having a seizure or how it impacts the person's life.

I have a friend with Aspergers and people regularly insult him and don't understand his behaviour. It's hurtful but he lives with that and doesn't call people stupid because they don't understand his condition.

I'm ignorant about lots of things that I haven't yet encountered. We all are.

People say daft things to me every day about what they think would be good for me to eat. Daft to me because I know that porridge raises my blood sugar. They don't. The see it as healthy for everyone. That doesn't meant they're stupid and it doesn't mean I'm on a mission to educate them about MY diabetes.

Some people say 'stupid' things like 'at least it's not cancer' out of a feeling of sympathy and because they're searching for something to say to make us feel better. I don't think they intend to be crass or insulting. They just don't know what to say to make you feel better and that's really what they want to do.

 

[maxies-mom]

People say daft things to me every day about what they think would be good for me to eat. Daft to me because I know that porridge raises my blood sugar. They don't. The see it as healthy for everyone. That doesn't meant they're stupid and it doesn't mean I'm on a mission to educate them about MY diabetes.

Some people say 'stupid' things like 'at least it's not cancer' out of a feeling of sympathy and because they're searching for something to say to make us feel better. I don't think they intend to be crass or insulting. They just don't know what to say to make you feel better and that's really what they want to do.

We all live through challenges GraceK. My sister was an epileptic, Max was born with Pyloric Stenosis, my gran an un-managed manic depressive. I had plumbing issues that caused 11 miscarriages.

My post was not about the condition or the lack of knowledge of it. It was about the insensitivity of the things people say.
Telling me my child is likely to be killed by T1 or that we are lucky or that they are so lucky not to have it is just plain insensitive, and stupid. And none of this from strangers to the family.

My dear friend in Aus just got diagnosed with Ovarian and Uterine Cancer, a real double whammy. She went through similar insensitivity from friends including a comment about how sad it was she didn't have kids first before this happened - as if she had a a choice as to when she would "catch" her cancer.

People just do not think, as RRB pointed out. I am sensitive enough to realise why people blurt. Any life condition is a shock to the core, especially when you know the person it is happening to. That's why I can laugh a little and forgive the blurter. But it HURTS.
My post was essentially about diffusing the hurtfulness of the comment without hurting the blurter in return. Shared in a closed community where other parents will relate. And perhaps give other new mums a chance to share their stuff, because as mom's we hurt like hell, constantly, for our children and we do it silently and behind closed doors, and we isolate ourselves in our pain terribly, and yes, we blame ourselves constantly.

We have had loads of advice on what to eat, including all raw food - and this is not stupid or insensitive but a show of care and genuine concern. Included in this are the handful of people who have heard of other children being completely cured. This is an outpouring of hope and a show of faith no matter how misguided.
Telling Max he is going to die young is not. It is stupid.

 

[Vic70]

My son was 5 when he was diagnosed one of the first comments I got was oh mummy obviously gave you too much chocolate at Xmas then I nearly punched the guy wasn't impressed.


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[Blondie153]

Hi Philly, I think that there is a point during this journey with our children that we become a little bit more thick skinned about people and their stupidity. In the beginning I felt that I had to keep explaining to them how awful it was for my daughter, and on really bad day I wanted to do physical damage to them. But I am finding as the months go on that I just give an internal sigh at them, offer up a silent prayer that it never happens to them and move on. Maybe this comes from back when having twins, being sleep deprived and always short of time, complete randoms who should have known by the look on my face that this was not a "good time" have constantly said stupid things. My advice for what it is worth is you are not alone and if you need a laugh look up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFIVVHQod5o to see it must be quite a common occurrence! Keep the chins/chests up and live to fight another day!!!!!
Mx

 

[serankine]

Hi I think in the end you just have to try and laugh it off its not easy to do. But others just dnt understand. I didn't till Leah was diagnosed. Then she was diagnosed with coeliac. And my man still try's to give her sandwiches or sweets. Leah laughs it off and says nanny I think your trying to make me ill!!
Leah now understands that people say thing to her since they dnt understand her 'condition' and she will now talk them through it. I think some of the comments we have had has actually
tuffnd her up.


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[cknmonster]

Lol. Shame there are so many ill informed people who have no idea about diabetes, nor do they want to. I get so fed up with people saying it's because they ate too many sweets. Grrrr

 

[laura1981]

There r some incredibaly thick and unthoughtful people out there. My daughter was 9 when diagnosed. One of the mothers came up to us after school one day and infront of my daughter said so sad to hear about ur diabetes my friends dad had it and made him blind. COME ON my girl is nine how insensative. Of course trying to explain to my daughter she wasnt gonna go blind was both upsetting and draining for us both

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[Dillinger]

Here are some replies;

"Lucky you caught it so young!" - "If that's your idea of luck I'm not taking any more horse racing tips from you."

"T1 killed both my grandfather and all my uncles before their 55th birthdays" - "That's a coincidence because if you say that again you will also die of diabetic complications; this diabetic's mother will kill you."

"So sorry you are going through this, makes us realise how lucky we are". -"You're quite right; for a moment there I thought this was about my son and not you; how inconsiderate of me that was."

Best

Dillinger

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi Philly

I see your post has resurfaced. How is Max doing now, a few months on ? It's a big learning process for the child and family and a BIG emotional one too. Having a child diagnosed with Diabetes is shattering news, but they are so tough and can carry on with life and enjoy it to the fullest

I hope things have settled down for you and Max and all is well.

Take care and best wishes RRB

 

[Robinredbreast]

There r some incredibaly thick and unthoughtful people out there. My daughter was 9 when diagnosed. One of the mothers came up to us after school one day and infront of my daughter said so sad to hear about ur diabetes my friends dad had it and made him blind. COME ON my girl is nine how insensative. Of course trying to explain to my daughter she wasnt gonna go blind was both upsetting and draining for us both

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Hi laura1981

Yes, I agree with you there, unfortunately there does appear to be many thick and un thoughtful people out there.
As you said, your child is just 9 years old :shock: I bet you thought of giving them a slap :wink: I probably would, if it was my child.

Last year my daughter had a very traumatic year, her dad died and obviously her class were informed, a classmates mother said, something on the lines of 'I'm sorry to hear of your loss/what happened, but everyone has to die', cheers for that :thumbup: she was just 11years old and the 5 months before that was awful. I steered clear of this woman, because I didn't want to upset my daughter by biting back, as it a devastating time for her. But there were lots of lovely cards and good wishes from others, her school and close friends.

quote' If brains were made of Smarties, some people wouldn't have enough to fill a tube' :roll:

How's your daughter coping with it all now?


Take care and best wishes RRB

 

[lizzibuzz]

Perhaps we're the stupid people for expecting others to understand our medical condition, when there are MILLIONS of other medical conditions out there that WE have no clue about either?

What makes us expect others to understand the ins and outs of such a complex condition when in truth, most of us find it puzzling ourselves?

Why should the average Joe and Flo know anything about diabetes unless it directly touches their lives?
...
Some people say 'stupid' things like 'at least it's not cancer' out of a feeling of sympathy and because they're searching for something to say to make us feel better. I don't think they intend to be crass or insulting. They just don't know what to say to make you feel better and that's really what they want to do.

I am AS, my mum is Type 2 and both of us have separate, unexplained chronic illnesses which are being investigated. Two of my aunts, my grandfather, my great-aunt and my great-grandfather had terminal cancers. My nan has COPD and my grandma had Parkinson's. I have three friends with Type 1, my grandad has Type 2, another aunt has rheumatoid arthritis… I could go on. I don't expect people to be experts on these things. I know they are trying to be good people when they say, "It could be worse" or "at least it's not terminal" or "at least she has a few weeks left" or "so and so had that and they're doing fine", which is why we don't say anything to their face unless it is obviously cruel and hurtful, like when someone said to me that they really wished I would "just shut up" about my aunt (she was given a couple of weeks to live due to met breast cancer) because "breast cancer's not so bad".

That is why there are forum threads like this in which people can vent safely and without hurting the feelings of the person who made the well-meaning comment, or indeed to a group of other people who understand when someone makes a cruel comment or an obviously thoughtless one such as "thank God I'm not diabetic!".

It also serves as a point for those of us who are friends, family and co-workers/classmates of those with diabetes, as we can see at least some of the things which other people have not wanted to hear, and thus we will think more on what we say before we say it. We can also vent about some of the things people have said to family/friends of those with diabetes to people with diabetes who can see where we are coming from.

No-one expects anyone to understand. But if no-one can vent, how are we going to hold back when well-meaning, wrongly-informed non-diabetics make the kind of comments that rile us diabetics/better-informed up?

 

[lizzibuzz]

My son was 5 when he was diagnosed one of the first comments I got was oh mummy obviously gave you too much chocolate at Xmas then I nearly punched the guy wasn't impressed.


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Ooh, that's bad, especially if you were standing right there! I think that's another case of people making assumptions about diabetes… :roll:

 

[dizzydoll]

Thats the type of comment that would have sent me into type 1 education mode!

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