Difficult daughter

[tina19]

Hi I don't come on here or post very often, but might start trying to.
I have a 9 year old daughter who will be 10 in July. She is type 1 diabetic and has been since September 2011. Her name is Aislin (Ashlin) and she is the youngest of our children, who are quite a bit older than her. We all thought that we had been coping quite well with her diabetes and things have started to get easier. Our daughter has always been a difficult child and always waned her own way, and I know as parents we have given in to a lot of it for an easier life, but since she got diagnosed with diabetes her attitude and behaviour has got a lot worse and I mean a lot worse and we don't know where to turn! Aislin has a lot of anger and is always shouting and causing arguments with everyone, even over the simplest of things eg: Like getting ready for bed, getting her dinner, getting ready of school, or even talking to you. She won't take no for an answer and won't listen to reason, she thinks she is always right!.. Aislin has started to shout at everyone and call all of us names as well telling myself and her dad that she hates us and we are horrible parents, which is really heart breaking to hear. We are beginning to feel like we are failing her!
Has anyone else had a child like this and how did you cope?
Aislin's mum Tina x

 

[parviniqbal]

My daughter was diagnosed with type 1 in February, it was really heart breaking and we did not know what had hit us. She is 10 years old, she had a very similar attitude but is beginning to come to term with things. Still she will take ages coming out of bed. Acts like a 4 year old according to her mood. Whatever she is saying, she probably does not mean at all, she wants to just blame someone for it. Contact your dsn and explain she will also say to contact the child physiologist who will help. when my daughter is angry I don't say anything and keep quiet and try to listhen to her if within reason. When she is calm I talk to her give her a hug and tell her she is the most precious person in the family. Just keep on loving her and she should.say why she is like this?

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[anna29]

Hello tina19 .

I have one of these - a difficult daughter
She is 28 years old this july [our one and only child ]
She hates me to know 'anything' about herself - probably because she knows - I know her too well
and I do indeedy . Wish I didnt sometimes truth be told!

She has always been secretive and difficult with me - dotes on her DAD though .
So I usually get him to talk her 'down' from her moods and stroppiness etc ...

With your daughter at the age of 9 , soon to be 10, there will be massive hormone changes happening
and some days she herself wont know if she is coming or going !
Mood swings will certainly be quite evident and part of the changes too .
Add onto the this the Diabetes condition. If one of these isnt affecting Aisling the other certainly will be .

All I can suggest and advise is who? is the person she will listen or talk with the ' best '
Family person, friend,teacher,neighbour,aunt,sibling,any outside interest hobbies/interests friends etc
Look for 'this' person - quiet word with them [ask them to help you out ]
This person will have to gain her trust first and she will gradually open up to this person .
Do it in bits and stages and tell her to use this time with this person wisely and well .
You can find out loads in this way and approach - peer pressure at school/bullying/if she
feels very different as a Diabetic and resents it a bit or a lot ? How she is really feeling etc ?

I had to take a real step back, with our daughter and let her her DAD talk to her .
She was so unapproachable with myself , still 'is' even now sometimes . [daddy'o' is her favourite person]
Hated my job and 'me more' with being a qualified counsellor .
I had to do, what I was trained to promote/advise other's - take a step back - this helped with the hurt
and anger I felt myself with her being as she was with me .

Space creates a 'gap' in which we can breathe and think things through in the gap .
The gap will signal to her - you recognise to let her have this space to express herself
to someone else .
She will over time respect this action gradually ...
When progress is made - goal orientate her - maybe let her have or buy a treat .
[book,cd,hair accessory,new top, etc]
Our daughter asked daddy'o' for her first mobile :shock: I well remember this one ! :thumbdown:

Being a child with a Diabete's condition will make her feel different anyways and its now
maybe about how to diffuse and calm her non directly as a parent .
I had to do this with our daughter , let her dad calm her and offer her space to express herself.
We explained to her 'what' we were doing too, so she didnt feel tricked or set up .
The space gave me the chance to see many more good points to doing things this way .
[thanking my training for this one too ]
Her daddy'o' found his place as our daughters prefferred choice person to talk and share things through .
I never have felt jealous strangely - more relieved if anything!

She still has her moments even now - then its back to 'dad ' space and time for her .
Kids eh I still love her and always 'will' do , as I sure you do with Aisling and very much so
It isnt easy , it can feel both grim and 'very' hard at times I know and understand .

Please ask as many questions you may feel/need to .
We are here to help and support .

Anna.

 

[Blondie153]

I have a 9 yr old daughter too diagnosed aug 2012. You describe a lot of what we are dealing with ourselves. She is beyond slow getting up and with it in the morning and can't get to sleep until late every night. She seems to have one speed slow! The arms seem to be folded and the eyes rolling most days. I never know whether we are dealing with hormones/diabetes or a combo of both. If you find a solution please share! M


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[onthegow]

Hi tina19.
I have had t1 for nearly 3 years it was my 30 th bday present lucky me. What you describe is no different to what I went through as an adult so god knows how a young person goes through it. My family all were ready to kick me out into the shed. I am now in a different place there is the 5 steps to acceptance and most people get stuck at step 4 before acceptance. With a child it's a huge thing to get your head around. Be patient it will come right. I only say this because it seems no matter how old you are when you become a diabetic the pattern to coming out the other side with acceptance is much the same it just may take your daughter little more time due to her age. Good luck.


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[tina19]

Thank you all for your kind words & support. It is nice to know that we are not alone. I have spoken to our diabetic team who suggested we talk to our school family liaison counselor, which we have done. On meeting with her, we have fill out a CAFE form. They deal with areas of help in difficult times and can suggest different ways to handle bad behavior. So we are just waiting now to see if they can help.
Tina x

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[Lovelylivpet]

Your daughter sounds like me. I never want to take no for an answer, and always want my own way - I'm 11. I also go on and on about things a lot. To tell you the truth, I feel like nobody understands. Which is true, because even if you have a twin sister with T1, she would take a different approach to diabetes. My point is that your daughter needs to find a different (good) approach to diabetes. Try a philologist (like I did), or try and make diabetes fun. Somehow...lol

 

[janeclark53]

ok...i will post a different view. i was diagnosed at 30. does that make me more mature? nope..i hate rhis bloody disease with a passion. u take puberty plus diabetes...two rhings u cant control. im a mature mother of two kids....somerimes i feel luke throwing my pens in the bin!!!!!

 

[Mr Happy]

Another consideration is the sheer physical turmoil her body may well go through. Though my sugars are relatively well controlled I wake most mornings feeling like I've been hit by a bus. At anytime of the day if my sugars are high I am tired, lethargic and potentially snappy. If my sugars are low I get confused by any noise or simple instructions, needing time on my own to cope.

Now, I am 35 and don't always get this right, imagine that pain, responsibility and lack of feeling of fairness in a young girls head. When my ball and chain gives me grief about my diabetes I wish she could sample it for 48 hours. It can be a lonely, scary, confusing, painful and never ending place.

I am not suggesting you are not being supportive but diabetes is a bit of an invisible condition. We wouldn't shout at a person in a wheelchair to get up and walk. All I can say is keep hugging her, reassuring and supporting her. However difficult, she needs to know that you are in her corner every second of every day!

Good luck!


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[clarke8828]

Hi Tina,
Your def not alone my daughter is 11 and was diagnosed march this year and i also have another daughter not diabetic who is 9. I have to say that although some of your daughters attitude is probably down to the diabetes alot of it sounds like a normal child of her age and as someone has already said hormones are now kicking in as well as having diabetes.

My daughter acts now like she is ok with it, then she will be in a mood and say things like why did i have to get this why cant such and such get it. She has also had times where she has had a hypo then had orange juice and then refused to eat carbs, which as hard as it was i had to explain the ugly horrible truth about what could happen to her.

I suppose what im trying to say is that diabetes is alot to take on for these poor kids even though they act all cool about it i know it scares my daughter who still stresses out and wants me to wake her at night because thats what they did in hospital, i dont unless there is a need to but its alot for them to take on at this age where their hormones are also kicking in and probably school chnages depending on your school system.

Just hang in there and she will grow out of it and maybe she is looking for someone to take her anger and frustration out on about her diagnosis and when people are faced with situations like this where they feel they cant cope they lash out at those closet to them so after maybe a bit support and time she will feel happier, but keep your chin up, its hard being a parent somedays and it sounds like your doing the best you can. Lets face it at her age i dont know about you but i thought i hated my mum too! But i never did.

Take care
Emma x

 

[Simbabunny]

Hi, my daughter has T1 she is now 10 also lots of mood swings, She has had what we call a moment in school which led to her being sent home. It's horrid to see because she can be lovely, she now has a caf in place and is receiving help to deal with her feelings, still a few walking on egg shell moments but getting better, Hope you all get the help you need.
Tina x


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[hanadr]

My only daughter is not diabetic, but she was "awkward" round the years from 10 to 14/15. Luckily she evenually grew out of it and is married with 2 children of her own and a job as a primary teacher with a management role.
Hana
It's probably worse with diabetes and much more scary to the parents, but being awkward is part of growing up and being a teenager. Pity they start early nowadays.

 

[LilahandMick]

Oh no! Is my Daughter gonna be like this! Don't Worry I wouldn't feel bad parents at all! You are right ton be concerned I told this to my diabetic husband he laughed and said it sounded like his sister who is also diabetic! He said the way his mother did it is went to a diabetic camp for child and parent! Just you and her! And when you get home take a long talk with her about it! Hope this Helps you alot! My Husband and I are taking my 5 yr old to camp this Year!!

 

[laura1981]

Hi tina. My daughter is 10 and type1. Nothing can prepare any loving parent for the change in there child when diagnosed with diabetes. 8 months ago my daughter turned from a happy carefree 9 year old into someone i hardly recognised it broke my heart. I was a 30 yr old single mother to start with she blamed me wouldnt talk to me and shouted and screamed and slammed doors told me she hated me. So i started taking her to a local support group where she met other kids babies and adults just like herself. It gave her confidence and encouragment and the day she stood infront of the group and thanked me for being patient and loving i felt so proud. Its not easy no parent will tell u it is. We still have good and bad days(mostly good) and im sure as she reaches her teenage years there is worse to come. However this year she is going away with diabetes uk camp and im sure she will come back happier than ever knowing they are all the same. Just sit ur daughter down and tell her how unique and special she is and ur always there when she is ready to talk try and find a local group and try not to take things to heart. Good luck n im always here if u want to chat.x x x

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[kellibabi]

Hi tina19,

I used to work in my local council for the CAF Team.
They can be really useful for getting professionals together, supporting a family & making sure everyone is singing from
the same songsheet. They should also have (or be able to get for you) details of local groups for kids with diabetes. She may
benefit from being around other people her own age who have diabetes - she'll be able to have a chat/moan/rant with them as she'll realise they understand exactly how she feels. It might take a little of the pressure off you/your partner etc.

Hope all goes well!

 

[nicky_gg1]

I'm going through alot of what you describe, too! My daughter was diagnosed with T1 when she was 4, just after starting school. She's now 11 and has started secondary. Everything seems to be a battle, from getting her to check her blood sugars to trying to stop her eating in secret without insulin etc. She tells me I'll never understand what it's like for her; she's right, ofcourse. But it's heartbreaking when you've tried to do everything the 'right way' and teach her to 'look after her diabetes' for years so that she's healthy and then to be fighting to maintain the basics. I feel like a bad parent alot of the time now.

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