Hi Steph (and everyone else),
I found your article when browsing around the web, looking at depression. It had never occurred to me that depression could have such a massive affect on my diabetes but going from a HBA1C of 6 for 8 years up to a 9 was a bit of a kick in the ass to be frank. I had before now considered myself to be quite good at controlling my sugar levels (I'm type 1) with minimal effort but recently it's like my whole world has been turned upside down.
I'd like to consider myself quite a strong willed person so admitting that I think I need help has been a bit of a problem (I had a rather rude awakening after many months of a list of bad feelings, I finally broke down in front of my friends which isn't really the environment I would have chosen!).
Initially when I started feeling the way I did I didn't know what to do, I'm still a little unsure where to turn as I'm not very good at asking for help for even the smallest of things. At the moment I'm under review at work due to 3 bouts of illness in the last 12 months, although I wouldn't really consider them related to my diabetes they are all part of my deteriorating health over the course of about 2/3 years if I look back now. I have been in a similar position previously where life just got on top of me and it's hard to find people who can truly empathize with your situation, which I guess is why I've left it so long, feeling a bit stupid and pathetic that I feel this way at all.
I'm 27 and I've only been diabetic for 9 years and I know a couple of type 1 diabetics (my mother included), who don't seem to be phased by it which makes me feel isolated and that other people wont understand because of the way they are, how I feel at the moment.
I think work has been the hardest thing for me because where previously I've been very good at my job, I've started feeling very unmotivated, like I'm failing at everything I try and I lack any level of concentration longer than a minute, meetings are particularly hard. I wouldn't consider myself a lazy person and before I tore my ACL ligament 3 years ago I was very active, which I think is part of the reason why I've got to this point.
I am monitoring my insulin around 5 times a day now but my control seems to be getting worse rather than better, I have a feeling that something has changed since the change in my fitness levels but it just feels like it's all piling on top like a giant anxiety sandwich...
This is actually the first time I've put everything down, because I'm usually very good at shrugging things off - which I guess is why I've typed it here rather than talking to anyone about it properly, because it's far easier to do it this way than look someone in the eye and admit that I feel this way.
My other reason for writing here is to see how you are getting on and if you have anything you could share that may inspire me to stop being scared of sharing in a face to face environment :? (I apologize for the length of my message - I get a bit carried away when typing)
Jay