Hey Q007
The loss of your brother is still very recent and you are still at an early stage of grieving. Please give yourself the time and self-care you need to get through this. If you need more support, there are bereavement helplines and organisations that can help, so don't feel too uneasy about picking up the phone and asking for help. Your GP may be able to help too.
It must be even worse to be living with diabetes when your brother suffered so horribly with complications, but that doesn't mean you will. My sister's husband was diagnosed diabetic over 20 years ago but was probably undiagnosed for at least 10 years before that, and had complications since that time. I know that feeling of sensing that you are resigned to some horrible fate, and that sense of helplessness and hopelessness, but it doesn't have to be that way. You have already proven to yourself that you can control this condition, and by doing so you can avoid the worst case scenario. So please don't give up on yourself.
It's a common reaction to want to comfort yourself with food, especially after a major bereavement. We associate food with love and family occasions, and it's an understandable reaction. You need to be quite robust in spirit to stick to the self discipline of dietary control too, so perhaps bear that in mind. Accept that it's tough but you'll get to that place again. Just start with one small step at a time, one day at a time.
The earliest stages of grief are the most difficult and there is no shortcut, but please be assured that the worst will pass, and you will start to think about getting your diet back under control. In fact, I suspect that desire to get back to your previous success is lurking in there somewhere. If you had really given up you wouldn't have posted at all! So you haven't given up by any means.
It's tough, but you will get there. You've done it before! You'll do it again and if you need a bit of help to get there, there are plenty of good people here that will be rooting for you. Be kind to yourself, it's OK to feel like you do right now. Grief can feel unbearable at times but it gets easier. The first year is the worst, with all those anniversaries, birthdays, memories associated with certain times of year–so be prepared. But it gets easier and there will come a time when you will feel better.
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