Feeling suicidal !

[justconfused]

I am totally devastated by this condition and all its negative aspects and complications are horrendous. I wonder whether I can choose to have euthanasia in the most painless way ? It is much better than this constant battle, it feels like you have suddenly been denied of life !!!! I am dieting and exercising as well as taking medication but all docs and research say, this is not enough. There is no cure. It can only get worse not better ....

My husband is supportive but it is also challenging to him as our liestyle is also affecting him. I love cooking and love to cook for him. Suddenly I am denied of these simple pleasures of life. It feels worse when I have never lived a life of excesses. It runs in the family, so there it is ! :x

I do not how long I can hang on like this .....

 

[Cameraman]

Suicide is never an answer.

Please try and speak to someone even ring the samaritans if you can't find anyone else.

You sound very low, but we all have low points in our life and we have to try and work through them.

Diabetes is not as bad as people make out, and with a few changes to your life you can adapt. Talk to your husband or anyone but talk it through.

I wish you the best of luck, but try to look on the bright side, try and find something good about yourslef or your life and work on that aspect.

 

[Thirsty]

justconfused, Cameraman is correct.

Have a look at this site before doing something stupid. Believe me, it's no fun waking up in hospital after a failed suicide attempt, and it's even less amusing for your friends and family.

Go and get some help ASAP

Please.

 

[justconfused]

there's no such thing where I live currently, i,e Vietnam, where my husband is working. No friends, all expats socialising which involves a lot of partying, drinking, eating and bitching. Not my interest at all besides mundane shallow thinking. No kids also means no real motivation. I work from home mostly online and this condition has affected this a lot. There's no joy to wake up ! all so bleak

 

[justconfused]

friends and family in UK, my hub will not like that I tell my personal stories even to close friends. He is very personal. I just feel so vain and lifeless .... I have no siblings, only mother who is far away living somewhere else.

 

[brianb]

HI
Sorry you are going through a bad spot. I do know how you feel, i too felt like ending it at one point, even though i have a very supporting wife and a beautiful 9 year old daughter i could not help feeling it was unfair and how it was going to deny certain things in life. I love my food and here was this disease that was going to deny me this.

Dont get me wrong im not an obese slob, at diagnosis about 9 months ago when i was a mere 42 years old i was a little overweight, did not drink or smoke and was(and still is) very active, walking, scuba diving, squash etc and now this has effected my scuba diving. Not because of what the diabetes may do BUT becuase those that normally dive with me have read the horror stories of diabetics having hypos underwater and they dont want that responsibility with me, i cant blame them. Of course im only a type 2 on diet and exercise at the moment so this could never happen but there you go you cant chage peoples attitudes or there preconceived ideas.

Anyway with time i came to realise that it was not a curse and if treated with respect it becomes no more than i minor inconveniance, I found other more healthier foods that i may not have other wise tried, started to dive with other diabetics so they know what to do with hypos and i know how to help them SO i made more new friends.

What i am trying to say is given time it does get better, using forums such as this. Talking to other sufferers DOES help, especially as you are anonomous(forgive spelling) you feel more able to say what is on your mind than you might to a loved one.

I will shut up know but if you want to talk feel free to chat on the forum or a private message if you want it to be private :?

Brian

 

[IanD]

I suggest you look around your circle of of ex-pats to see if any would form a supportive friendship. Even look outside your immediate circle to Vietnamese women - servants? - who may help.

Keep coming back - we are with you.

 

[Administrator]

Dear justconfused,

I am confident that you will find that this site is packed full of really brilliant, helpful, caring human beings. I hope you are feeling better now, and that this place can help you.

Regards,

Admin

 

[witan]

Hi justconfused,

I think we all experience some degree of depression after diagnosis, if your BG is still high it may be some time before you can restore some balance to your prevailing thoughts and fears.

Please keep in regular touch through the forum, there are many other 'boards' besides this where you can pick up information on food and recipes, get on your soapbox or just tell us all about that beautiful country where you have found yourself, or tell tales of those bitching ex-pats.

Don't try to keep your diabetes hidden from those in your new circle - you will certainly get support from some (those that don't are probably not worth knowing!) Chances are you'll find others with special dietary requirements if not diabetic.

If you're in need of a diversion from the partying and social circuit perhaps it may be worth investigating some local charitable work - easier if you can find another ex-pat to do it with, but if not try contacting the British Embasy in Vietnam (UKinvietnam.fco.gov.uk.en), save the children and action aid are both active in Vietnam and can be googled. The kianh foundation is another British charity working in Hoi An - if you are anywhere near that (my vietnamese geography is not that hot).

One thing is for sure you will always find someone on this forum who will be there with help or suggestions, a friendly word or stimulating thoughts, In the few months since diagnosis I've found this the greatest help in overcomming all those fears and mood swings that are part of the changing metabolism. And with the internet the world is a very small place indeed...

 

[chocoholic]

Hi justconfused,
The first thing to remember is that you are not alone. If you feel you just need to talk, there are so many ready on this forum with a listening ear. Nothing you say will go unheard and that is itself is worth hanging on to.
Secondly, there is always someone else worse off than yourself. That might seem an insensitive thing to say right now but it is true. Yes, having diabetes is a pain in the bum that we are all stuck with. We all have days when we feel we could cheerfully throw in the towel BUT when you feel as low as you do you have to believe the only way is up. Someone who is terminally ill, has no way up. Diabetes is not a terminal illness.Okay, it won't go away but try to look upon it as only a "part" of your life...... an annoying part, admittedly but everybody has positives in their life and right now you have to hang on to those positives. You have a husband...positive number one. Maybe your life has changed but that needn't be purely negative. If you enjoy cooking (as I do) you can use your cooking expertise to invent delicious lower carb recipes. Make some yummy home-made soups for a starter. Have a go at Fergus's low-carb bread or cake. You can still enjoy cooking.
I have said this to others before but I'll say it to you too. Take up walking. It doesn't have to be far to begin with but it will lift your spirit. Honestly, it will.
Most of all, do not feel alone. Just unburdening your worries can be extremely helpful.
The things I've recommended don't sound very special but they are things that have worked for me in the past and trust me, I've been as lowas you can get.
Take each day as it comes and I hope soon you'll start to see that life still has a lot to offer.
All the best, choccie.

 

[fergus]

Hi justconfused,

I hope we can offer you some encouragement and a positive outlook.

A diagnosis of diabetes doesn't have to be a setback, I promise you. It may be difficult right now to see how this sudden change in your health can be a source for optimism, but I believe it can be.

Nor does it have to be restrictive in how or what you cook, if that is a real source of pleasure for you. It will need you to think differently about food, but it can be an opportunity to learn so much about what a healthy diet should be. If you take up this challenge, you can find a really satifying and healthy way of living.

The understanding you develop can be a positive thing for you and your husband. Don't be daunted by the challenge, you may both emerge from this happier and healthier than when you started! The many inspirational members of this forum will help you to achieve that.

Good luck and very best wishes,

fergus

 

[lilibet]

Hi justconfused

Am so sorry you feel this way but I bet everyone on this forum has felt like that to some degree or other and probably will again. The important thing just now is to get through each day.

I was diagnosed type 1(so straight to insulin) four months ago,early 30's, no family history very healthy before diagnosis, two days of symptoms only before admission to hospital etc etc so can completely identify with the attack of the 'not fairs', and of course the shock! :shock:

However, I decided there and then that I would do my best to make sure that I would do everything in my power to avoid the complications I read about (and boy, would they put the fear of god into you) . The reality is you cant predict the future but you can do your best and then hope for the best. Given i might be diabetic for 40 years (if im lucky lol) its all I can do.

I am by no means skipping and clapping on a daily basis (mind you, I never did........) and have been reduced to tears by the strangest of things,including O.H eating a choc muffin in Ikea. :lol: : However, accept that you will feel like this but dont let it take over you. Know its easier said than done.

You have a wealth of power at your fingertips (your brain, this forum, the internet) and Fergus is right, your passion for cooking will actually carry you a long way. I never had a passion for cooking or food for that matter but have had to do it, as can no longer carry on being lazy and just living on toast, pasta, fruit and yoghurt.

So, have a read, lurk about, check out how many wonderful type 2's we have on here who manage brilliantly and by taking charge I guarantee you will feel better. Diabetes is a lonely condition at times because only YOU can manage it and I appreciate your predicament. However, there is a chat room which likely gets busier at night so why not log iin and talk to people when you feel lonely.

Take care

L

 

[Jay3109]

I am so sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. This is a wonderful site for information and support. But just sometimes, when the topic gets all a bit technical diabetes may seem daunting and just too complicated to deal with.

But if you persevere and read on you will I hope come to realise that while you may be thousands of miles away, while you have this site, you ARE NOT ALONE and the world is really a very small place. We have all been where you now are to a greater or lesser degree. Sometimes in our enthusiasm to share our knowledge and discoveries we can forget that there are many who are 'new to the game' and need time to adjust and understand all the terminology and language of our condition.

Remember, while there is life, there is hope. And very few of us on here have any intention of going anywhere soon!!! Many of us come from backgrounds where diabetes is 'the family disease' For others it is like a bolt out of the blue. Research is happening all the time. No one can promise you a cure today, tomorrow or next year. But a cure WILL be found of that I am sure. And I hope you and I are around to benefit from it. Good Luck

 

[saz1]

Hi there! I'm so sorry you are feeling this low, but like everyone has said, diagnosis is not worth suicide!!!! I have just been diagnosed as type 2 yesterday officially but have known about a week. But I have decided this blasted illness is not going to rule my life but just the opposite. It is the push to adopt a new lifestyle and diet that us humans are meant to eat... I bet there were no Mars bars and Twixes hanging off trees in the stone age!

And besides, you have found the right place to come and chat, send private messages etc and personally I quite envy you in there in tropics! Vietnamese cuisine is lovely, fresh fish, seafood, meat and vegetable dishes to drool over. And instead of having a mountain of rice, have a little and then some veg and salads. We still can eat same or similar foods than before but in different quantities and your cooking skills will make it so much easier to cope.

Try and keep your chin up and get some further help if needed! Just remember there are millions and millions of people in the world living with diabetes and having a normal life. For each complication there is many with no complications. If you take care of yourself, you have a good chance of avoiding trouble and live completely normally!

 

[justconfused]

It is a big myth that Vietnamese food is real fine cuisine and heaps to eat. Everyone who comes and live here are thouroughly disappointed. Hygiene and uncontrolled farming using harmful pesticides is a real threat here. We are still of those very few expats who buy and eat ordinary vegetables from the market and not from fancy specialised mini markets. Chicken is a no-no as it is still banned. Eggs dito, but we still buy and eat them. Lots of green vegetables available and this is what we eat mostly but again it has to be soaked and washed thouroughly in special veggies solution otherwise your month still gets the sting of the pestcicides ! Street food is plentiful but then you are calling for disaster ... as the water is so poor and food hygiene is something Vietnamese do not believe in. If you fancy the delicacies like boiled tripes and intestines, or dogs paws, then probably you will find it nice. Not to mention that all dishes get their basic ingredient thrown in, that is fermented fish sauce ... which is vile as it is anchovies left out to rot with salt in vats ...no offense to fish sauce lovers ! Just the plain truth. Unlike Japanese or Koreans who understand fermenting, Vietnamese on the other hand just like their pungent delicacies ...
So, that leaves you with little choice of eating out and best to cook at home.
That's another reason for my distress as I am finding hard to face the daily challenges of finding food here and all Western junk being taken as Nouvelle Cuisine here. So, Western food is only available in limited quantity and variety, usually the worst quality.

 

[witan]

Although I've never travelled to Vietnam I have been on business to many Asian countries and understand about the impression and the reality.

On this issue and some of the others you mentioned your husband's company does owe you a duty of care. I understand that you/your husband may not want to make a fuss, but you/he will not be much use to them if you are taken ill through poor food/drink hygene.

 

[chocoholic]

Hmm, I can see a bit more clearly how frustrating living like that must be. We tend to take things like clean water and 'safe' food for granted here in the U.K.
Do you have a freezer? Silly question I know but the reason I ask is that if the answer is yes, would it be beneficial to you to cook in 'batches' when you can get your hands on the odd batch of better food and freeze portions for the times when getting good fresh stuff is harder.
I really wish I could think of a way of helping you. All I can offer, as I said before, is a listening ear.
Oh and I can send a virtual hug.......sent with kind wishes..... from one diabetic to another.

 

[hanadr]

Dear justconfused
Have you tried to find people who need your help?
Perhaps there's a group of diabetic children that you could teach to do something?
Think what you have to offer and who you might help. Perhaps you could join a faith group, who could use your services?
Keeping busy and giving to others could really help you.

 

[Trinkwasser]

I'm going to give you another way of looking at this.

I spent too much of my life with my symptoms being written off as "neurotic", "hypochodria" etc. (even when I was passing gallstones in immense pain and going bright yellow from jaundice) and being accused of not complying with my diet when my lipids and blood pressure were getting rapidly worse.

When I finally discovered what was actually wrong it was actually a liberating experience, there was something I could DO about it.

All the negative outcomes are from people who are poorly controlled. So I decided I would become well controlled.

Now my BG is mostly in a normal range, my lipids are better than a lot of nondiabetics, my blood pressure has come back into a safe range (admittedly I take meds for the latter two conditions) and more to the point I feel a lot better both mentally and physically.

Start here

http://loraldiabetes.blogspot.com/2006/10/d-day.html

you don't HAVE to follow the path you describe

 

[bigredruss]

hi, it's a terrible shock to find out. it nearly killed me, and was off work for 3 months without pay and had very poor sight also. but i followed the instructions and was soon on my way to a normal life. it took about 4 months for me to see a person to chat with due to the mental health trust so busy. but with the right support you will come round, i wish that i hadn't lived as i couldn't see a way out of it but my daughters and girlfriend made me realise that life was worth living even with T1. keep your chin up it will improve