Terminal and Scared

[Chris A]

I Guess many of you guys will think me weak, silly and pathetic, but honestly, other than that, I hope I'm a nice guy,

I'm 52, just !

I'm very very happily married, we have a 23 year old butter of a son, he's the apple of our eye,

My darling wife is the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person EVER to have walked this earth, and to me the MOST Beautiful too,

OK, you get the picture, All is perfect.

OK except I'm in a wheelchair now, I have to take phone number quantities of drugs each day, just to take the edge from the PAIN I am and never will be free of,

Why ? Well the truth is that almost 19 years of excuses, no real effort, and leaving things too late, I am amongst many other things a Type 2 Diabetic, with almost an entire collection of complications of the Diabetes,

I sit here in the dark, at 6.49 am in terrible pain having had less than an hour's sleep, and I'm balling my eyes out, crying like a new born baby because I'm SCARED,

I'm dying, amongst many things it's due to Diabetic Autonomic Neuropathy, I also have End Organ Damage, and a multitude of other problems,

It's too late for me, I can't be saved,

So WHY am I here now ?

Really because I needed to scream, and I guess to warn you all, PLEASE look after yourselves, DON'T let you'd Diabetes get out of control, be GOOD, be SAFE,

DON'T be ME !!!

I feel for you Kman, I'm 62 and just found I have a severe case of type 2 myself . I dont know how I would feel being told I was terminal, but I do know I would be scared & feeling lonely , and worried about the time I had left , and also , where this new journey would take me , all I can say is , Hang in there , and although you may not realise it , people do care about you Mate !!....Take Care....

 

[kman]

I think that's a lovely reply - from the heart

Sable_Jan you are so right, Mud has a wonderful heart, and she often cheers me at the darkest of times !

 

[pavlosn]

Dear kman

Your story has touched me and literally moved me to tears. Here I was, a grown man, sitting alone in a busy restaurant at lunchtime, wiping away tears while not taking my eyes off my phone. I just hope not too many noticed!

I am almost your age,being 48, and like you I am a type 2 diabetic who has been blessed with a lovely wife and a 10 year old son who is my pride and joy. So I guess your story is a bid too close to home to leave me unaffected.

But for your traumatic experiences in the army, that undoubtably contributed to your subsequent attitude towards food and your your diabetes and but for a cast of the genetic dice, like many others on this site, I could be sitting in you shoes right now.

I hesitated to write initially as what could I possibly add to what others have already said. But then the desire to communicate and express my sadness at what you are going through,as well as my support to you and your family,was too strong.

I admire your fighting spirit and your thirst for life so that you can be with your wife and son despite all the pain you are now going through. You are indeed fortunate to have such a loving family around you.

Rather than feeling angry and bitter about your situation, you have chosen to turn it into a cautionary tale and an alarm bell for us all. Numbers and statistics about diabetes complications may be scary but they are remote and impersonal and so can easily be put out of mind. Your tale is one that will stay with us for ever. I thank you.

I hope that the kind words expressed by others on this forum are a source of comfort and support to you. I also hope that through telling your story you are able to give meaning and purpose to your situation as well as gain catharsis and self-absolution for any past "sins" you may feel brought you to your current position. No matter what mistakes you may have made, and who amongst us makes no mistakes, you do not deserve your "sentence" and you should free yourself of any guilt or regret.

I wish I knew what I could do or say to make things better for you.

I just hope that knowing that your words had such a profound effect on me all the way In distant Cyprus, gives you some measure of satisfaction.

Wishing you and your family the best

Pavlos


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

 

[carraway]

What a lovely thing to write Pavlos!

I echo your sentiment

Cara

 

[kman]

What a lovely thing to write Pavlos!

I echo your sentiment

Cara

Agreed Cara, a very touching post from Pavlos, I'm also glad to see now that many Men as well as the Ladies are reading the thread, and are taking a look at their own health, nice to see you on the thread again Cara sweetie !

 

[kman]

Dear kman

Your story has touched me and literally moved me to tears. Here I was, a grown man, sitting alone in a busy restaurant at lunchtime, wiping away tears while not taking my eyes off my phone. I just hope not too many noticed!

I am almost your age,being 48, and like you I am a type 2 diabetic who has been blessed with a lovely wife and a 10 year old son who is my pride and joy. So I guess your story is a bid too close to home to leave me unaffected.

But for your traumatic experiences in the army, that undoubtably contributed to your subsequent attitude towards food and your your diabetes and but for a cast of the genetic dice, like many others on this site, I could be sitting in you shoes right now.

I hesitated to write initially as what could I possibly add to what others have already said. But then the desire to communicate and express my sadness at what you are going through,as well as my support to you and your family,was too strong.

I admire your fighting spirit and your thirst for life so that you can be with your wife and son despite all the pain you are now going through. You are indeed fortunate to have such a loving family around you.

Rather than feeling angry and bitter about your situation, you have chosen to turn it into a cautionary tale and an alarm bell for us all. Numbers and statistics about diabetes complications may be scary but they are remote and impersonal and so can easily be put out of mind. Your tale is one that will stay with us for ever. I thank you.

I hope that the kind words expressed by others on this forum are a source of comfort and support to you. I also hope that through telling your story you are able to give meaning and purpose to your situation as well as gain catharsis and self-absolution for any past "sins" you may feel brought you to your current position. No matter what mistakes you may have made, and who amongst us makes no mistakes, you do not deserve your "sentence" and you should free yourself of any guilt or regret.

I wish I knew what I could do or say to make things better for you.

I just hope that knowing that your words had such a profound effect on me all the way In distant Cyprus, gives you some measure of satisfaction.

Wishing you and your family the best

Pavlos


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

Pavlos,

Firstly Thank You for deciding to post. ... You can't know how much it means to me that you did, Secondly there is NOTHING else you can or need to say, your post this time said and did more than enough, I do fight, I do hope to ALERT others to the dangers of following my path, and until the day I die, I will keep sounding the alarm to warn all that Diabetes can NOT be ignored, forgotten, or swept aside,

I wish you all the very best, with your health your family and the long long life I hope so dearly you have ahead of you, I know you'll make the most of it, and not diaBetes win,

So Pavlos Thank You so much for your Encouragement, your Empathy and your abounding Kindness, but most of all the Bravery to post all that you did,

Stay with us Pavlos, and post again as I share this final Journey with all the Readers on here, all the dear Friends.

Warmest. Regards.

Hugs.

 

[kman]

Well Wendies Birthday yesterday went very well. We had a lovely day, and spoilt ourselves with a chocolate Birthday cake, today has been quiet and fairly comfortable, though my Pain levels are rising and I hurt just about everywhere, I guess today I'm a little down, but it the scheme of things doing OK.!

 

[Mud Island Dweller]

Naa you not down till you carnt get up xxxx

Choci cake sounds good

 

[2christine]

hi Kevin, would you give me some advise please your views on things seem so wise. I have tried to be cheerful the last few weeks but I am feeling a bit down this evening and its to do with feeling greedy.
I have the chance to rent a really nice bungalow near where I live (a very nice flat but not much room) I want to go for it hubby wants to go for it,but feel greedy for wanting it. its like I don't deserve it and its upsetting me.

 

[kman]

hi Kevin, would you give me some advise please your views on things seem so wise. I have tried to be cheerful the last few weeks but I am feeling a bit down this evening and its to do with feeling greedy.
I have the chance to rent a really nice bungalow near where I live (a very nice flat but not much room) I want to go for it hubby wants to go for it,but feel greedy for wanting it. its like I don't deserve it and its upsetting me.

I wish you hadn't thought me wise Christine Sweetie, I'm the least wise person know. ... in fact I'm a bit of a Looney. !

Having said that and trying to be serious and sensible. Christine my dear Friend you have I think answered your own question. ... you both want to go for it. ... That's not Greed, that's striving to give yourselves a little comfort in life,

Everyone here will I'm sure agree there's n o thing greedy in that,

I can't make your decision for you sweetie, but I wholeheartedly agree with the decision you have both made. ... especially if the invite still stands LOL. !

Don't worry, Don't beat yourself, Enjoy your decision, Have fun,

Love and Hugs Always.

Kevin and Wendie.

xxxxxxxxxxxx.

 

[kman]

Naa you not down till you carnt get up xxxx

Choci cake sounds good

You do make us both laugh so much Mud Thanks Sweetie HUGS. xxx.

 

[kman]

Just 97 Minutes until I can take my next Morphine dose. ... Clockwatching due to the pains. !

 

[fatbird]

"Just 97 Minutes until I can take my next Morphine dose"

I am into precise btw I have a new melon-squeeze away.

FB

 

[Mud Island Dweller]

Christine enjoy life while you can . So long as you are both happy you can afford it, that it isnt full of mould and the heating is sensible running cost then go for it, life is to short not to.
I just double checked on the greed definition and for sure you don't fit it. If you did you would want a mansion, not a flat a bit smaller than where you live you have both fallen in love with.

Brian used to say both the sayings at the bottom of my signature. l should add enjoy life before the bus you don't see hits you and you can not enjoy life.

Sorry to hear it is bad Kev get Wendy to take the clock/s away and move the hands backwards in time so that you can not work out how much time that way it may not go so slow for you a sort of confuse the brain move. She will know that is what matters.

MID

 

[kman]

"Just 97 Minutes until I can take my next Morphine dose"

I am into precise btw I have a new melon-squeeze away.

FB

FatBird. .... Ooh la la Don't tempt me like that fb as for precise, 9am and 9pm. Just to spread the doses evenly, had been on patches but developed severe allergic reaction, , so changed to Oral last week, dosage upped to 14 times as much, but still not always much use, so yeah I get a bit precise, Tonight it's precisely of No Use at All ... LOL !

 

[kman]

Christine enjoy life while you can . So long as you are both happy you can afford it, that it isnt full of mould and the heating is sensible running cost then go for it, life is to short not to.
I just double checked on the greed definition and for sure you don't fit it. If you did you would want a mansion, not a flat a bit smaller than where you live you have both fallen in love with.

Brian used to say both the sayings at the bottom of my signature. l should add enjoy life before the bus you don't see hits you and you can not enjoy life.

Sorry to hear it is bad Kev get Wendy to take the clock/s away and move the hands backwards in time so that you can not work out how much time that way it may not go so slow for you a sort of confuse the brain move. She will know that is what matters.

MID

Good Advice. MUD Thanks " Mummy " !

 

[2christine]

thank you guys ,I feel better about it now, sorry you are in so much pain Kevin, do you mind if I ask ,have you got a Macmillan nurse input, and have they considered some amitriptyline ?not spelt right, but in small doses has been known to give nerve endings relieve or a shot of whisky can help.
and the offer of a break still stands always.

 

[kman]

thank you guys ,I feel better about it now, sorry you are in so much pain Kevin, do you mind if I ask ,have you got a Macmillan nurse input, and have they considered some amitriptyline ?not spelt right, but in small doses has been known to give nerve endings relieve or a shot of whisky can help.
and the offer of a break still stands always.

Thanks Christine, not Amytrip but a more modern member of the same group of drugs Duloxetine, among the drugs I have for PAIN. ... now 7 different meds for it lol

Forgot to say NO Macmillan Qnurse but a good team of Drs,, Nurses, IT, Physio, Chiropodist, and Pschologist to help me plus others as needed, New GPS. Since we moved . Seem very very good !

 

[Mud Island Dweller]

No need to worry if you keep up the mummy crack

 

[kman]

No need to worry if you keep up the mummy crack

Now Mummy you wouldn't hit your poor little sonny boy would you Mummy