Type 2 under control but not if you know what I mean!

iph888

Active Member
Messages
25
Hi & firstly I want to introduce myself.

I'm a new dad, 32 & relatively fit, I was diagnosed type 2 just before my 31st birthday with a HbA1c of 16 and in the year afterwards lost about 5 stone (from 18 1/2 to 13 1/2) & came down to a more normal HbA1c.

The reason I am posting now & not then is because I have become less & less motivated recently & am struggling to keep up what I was doing right. This may sound really insensitive given the everyday hassles & hardships I know that some of you go through especially the Type 1's who I have great sympathy with as I don't know how you do it & don't look forward to insulin injections at all. I debated with myself long and hard before posting but felt that this should be a support network and everyone is entitled to support no matter how trivial their issues may seem to others. I just don't want anyone to think I am rubbing their faces in my success so far with my treatment as that's not the point in fact it is why I can't talk to my nurse or family & am on here.

On the surface my diabetes control is better than ever & my HbA1c last week was 4.9 & my nurse told me to come off Metformin completely (I was on 4x 500mg a day). All my other results are OK and my cholesterol is 3.3 so why am I now struggling more than ever?

When I was diagnosed I knew I would have to do something drastic & did & overnight changed my diet completely & started exercising. I still do the exercise & eat (mostly) the right things but I am eating much more again now & chocolate every day.

My father died at 39 from a heart attack after only just being checked over by a heart specialist (it’s possible he had diabetes and it wasn’t found). Both my grandfathers died from heart problems relatively young so I was always aware that I would have to look after myself later in life. I think this is why I was doing the things I shouldn’t have been before I was diagnosed and why when I was I then turned everything around so quickly.

What my nurse doesn’t seem aware of is that although her scales say my weight is the same as 6 months ago I have been at least ½ a stone lighter than I am now (now around 14 stone). I am worried that whilst she & everyone thinks that everything is now OK, I am actually losing my willpower especially as I have been told she doesn’t want to see me for a year now.

I even went and bought a large bar of chocolate during the day at the weekend and finished it all off! I feel terrible because I know I’m not controlling this but I am getting praise for what I’ve previously achieved (not helped by a massive promotion at work & the attention that comes with my daughter).

I guess I feel a bit of a fraud & just wanted to share it with someone as I am having trouble getting the halo off when talking to those around me! I hope no one minds my cathartic story & I know I should get some perspective but this is the first time I feel I can’t really talk to a support network I have grown to rely on.
 

Eliminator

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Hi Iph888,

Welcome to the forum, I just read your message and thought I had wrote it myself at first as it is basicly just what I am about to write, except I am 38 and my dad was heart attack at age 56.

I wish I had my type 2 under control as much as you, but mine is off the scale. The chocolate thing happens to most of us when we are doing well, I want choc all the time but try not too, then after a few days of normal bloods, I treat myself with some chocolate, then the next day I do the same again and give myself another treat. Then I see my bloods go up again and think, I better stop this or I am gona be dead in 12 months with heart attack or some other nasty way of going and then I think what my kids faces are going to be like when they find me dead in the bedroom or something.

Sorry for the nasty thoughts but I am only telling you how I think for myself...

Anyway, this stops the chocolate thing for me for the rest of the week anyway.

So I think most of us when we know we are doing well, have to give in from time to time, but it's just saying to yourself, ok I have had a treat and it's always there if I realy do need it. but I don't need it today.

I hope you understand what I am trying to say, but I am not very good at typeing.

Mark.
 

iph888

Active Member
Messages
25
Thanks Eliminator

I guess I have just been very tired recently with a 6 month old daughter & needed to get it off my chest!

I've used my daughter as motivation in a similar way that you have & it certainly helps when I'm really pushing myself hard in training to visualise her smiling at me.

I try not to think of leaving her without me as I was only 14 & my sister 11 when my father died but I use the more positive version of the same thought (that if I'm doing this as I'm going to watch her grow up) when I am getting stared at or comments made when I am running & that really helps as well.

I think my issue is more that I am eating (or eating more) for no reason and don't seem to be able to show willpower for long periods of time in the evening.

It's good to hear others with similar issues as at least I know I'm not the only one in my position but I am worried I'm slowly starting to fall back into my old unhealthy ways!

Look forward to hearing your post about your own situation!
 

hanadr

Expert
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It's not just willpower, but mindset. You need to find some way of getting back in tune. Try telling yourself it's not lack of will, but that you CAN do this.( It might work!)
 

Eliminator

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About the eating, we have just found out about this with my son, he can eat a large meal and at the end of it still want to eat more, ecpesially of a night. The hospital specialist said it's a growing spurt, the body needs more energy, hence more food.
If your training and have burned up your energy you will also need more food. So if you want to eat of a night then eat of a night, but try and make it something healthy.

I used to have chololate and crisps and pepsi every night of the week and chocolate bars while working. Then all the doo gooders told me to eat more veg with my meals. Well I never eat veg with my meals as I don't like it, but what I did find is that raw veg as a snack straight from the fridge is quite nice, so when I wanted a choc bar, I wend and got a large raw carrot, cut both ends off and ran it under the tap, this is nice and you find yourself biting the outside off to get the the nice juicy bit in the middle, it also takes longer to eat than a choc bar. it's no were near as tasty as a choc bar don't get me wrong and I would have choc all the time if I could. but we are unlucky and if we have too much of if we are going to harm ourselves which in turn will harm our family.

Sorry if I sound like a depressing git, but it's how I convince myself to stay off it for a few days. So now I don't say I am not going to have chocolate, I just say to myself I am gona wait till the weekend, so now I just have some at the weekend and thats it.

So don't feel bad about eating more, just eat more of the healthy stuff.

Mark
 

Aadrgon

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Messages
670
Hi

Just read your post. My father dies of heart attack 13 years ago sometimes it still feels like yesterday. I was diagnosed type 2 a year ago - took the tablets followed the Doctors advice and didn't improve so I went into denial, I thought nothing of eating several packs of crisps or three or four chocolate bars at a time (easily done when you own a village shop). A couple of weeks back I spent most of one Sunday sleeping, on my wife's insistence I checked my BG which was 19. I found this site a week ago my average BS has dropped from 12+ to 7+ and I'm think Im losing weight ( haven't got around to checking yet but I can see my toes again - just :) )
You've done well so far my friend and I know it is easy to lose motivation but you have to keep telling yourself you're not just doing it for you it's for your friends and family.
If you feel the urge for chocolate - have a small amount if you must as a treat ( just not too often )
and if you need to 'talk' put something into words in here - someone is bound to be able to help in some way.
Above all remember You are not alone
 

Trinkwasser

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2,468
Hint: 85% chocolate

I buy Green & Blacks and Co-Op Fairtrade, both are about 17 - 19g/bar so a couple of squares are quite doable. Lindt also do one but they mainly only sell the 70% here

Other than that you're doing very well, most people don;t get anything like the improvements you've shown already

DON'T BLOW IT NOW!

It's been a long dull winter, maybe the change in light levels and daylength will turn off the stuffing yourself with food prior to hibernating response. Seems to have been very common this winter. I sailed through the holiday season with ridiculously good numbers but have weakened a bit since.

I'm a skinny ******* who seldom puts on weight but even I put on a few pounds during the last two months. :(
 

iph888

Active Member
Messages
25
Thanks everyone for your support it's been very helpful.

I know what I should be doing and my problems are probably not related so much to my diabetes but more to do with the pressures of work and family which I won't go into here.

I don't want to concentrate on my issues too much here as I know others are in a worse position (& I may well be one day) but it was very useful to get my thoughts out in the open somewhere.
 

dippydeedi

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You sound like the sort of person who responds well to a challange and now you feel as if you've achieved your goal and lost the cause. Triedness is a great demotivator and being a new dad is hard work and a lot of responsibility, don't be too hard on your self, get back on track and feel in control again. Good luck.

Dee
 

iph888

Active Member
Messages
25
Thanks Dee, I think you may be right as I seem to always be working towards challenges at work & I am probably looking at this totally the wrong way now.
It was probably the right way to attack it initially but then I have to learn to adapt to another approach.
Anyway the way I am feeling at the moment I will probably have to go back to what I was doing as I think I've put the best part of a stone back on since my lowest weight. Not sure if coming off Metformin will put on weight as I think I saw something about that somewhere but probably just looking for excuses for bad habits!

I must remember reading Men's Health isn't the same as actually working out!
 

sandymaynard

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696
Hi iph888,

i can fully understand where you are coming from! When i was 12 years old my grandad died of a heart attack, my grandma died a few months later! i think she died of a broken heart bless her! Married for 58 years!
He had a heart attack! I was there and saw it all!
I am 33 years old and female, my grandad and mum are both type 1! i was diagnoised a few months ago! Sounds like you have will power the sort i wish that i had!
By the way congrats on your daughter! Well done on the weight loss as well! You should give yourself a pat on the back!There must of been times when you have felt like giving up with everything!
You have lost some motivation! how about this just a thought your daughter is 6 months now! why not take her for a little walk in the pram maybe to the park and see the ducks etc!
Motivation is a big word, there again for you just think not long and your daughter will be walking around and then running around wanting you to walk with her and play!
You must be worn out, I know i don't have children but i get worn out and tired from normal every day things!
I know that you have the get up and go, you have already proved that once! just think in a few months to a year top's! You will be a proud dad walking down the road holding his daughters hand! What a great feeling that will be for you! You may have gained a little weight! You can lose it again i am sure!
Take care,
Sandy
 

iph888

Active Member
Messages
25
Hi again,

Thanks again to everyone for all the kind messages I have been reading them but some of the stories are so close to home (sandymaynard, aadrgon, eliminator, et al) it makes it difficult for me to think about it and I inevitably end up chickening out of posting again.

I know this sounds a bit stupid since it was so long ago but my father's heart attack when I was 14 had a big infulence on my life. He died in a field in France whilst we were on a family holiday there whilst out horse riding. The guy leading the ride and I resusictated him and kept him alive and stable until the ambulance crew arrived. Then when we went back to the stables to go on t the hospital we had to send the the french rider back to the field to find out which hospital he was going to. He came back saying that my father had had a second heart attack (whilst unconcous) and had died. I had to translate this for my mother and of course our world fell apart. I was snt back to the UK to finish my education (we were living in Andorra) at the end of the next term and my mother and sister followed about a year later.

It changed everything and I think that without him around I had a lack of self control which led to my being overweight and ultimately my diabetes. This may sound like I am blaming others for my faults but as a young lad with a lot of issues I missed out on his way of helping me sort my issues out. He would have put an arm around me at the right time and told me to buck my ideas up at the right time (something I apparently ended up doing for my sister instead).

I know it may seem like I had willpower in losing weight but I don't think I have I just think I am stubborn. When everyone looked at me like I was a lazy good for nothing sod for letting myself go to the point of being diagnosed with diabetes I think it inspired me to show them. I felt like the doctor & to a lesser extent the nurse had written me off as a rdrain on resources who was only going to get worse (I can't remember the number of times I was told that metformin was the first step and that I would ultimately be on insulin all the time). I firstly wanted to make them all see I was not just a statistic and secondly as I have seen sugerless sue put it so elequently I wanted to die with my feet on!

I love every day with my daughter and feel like I would do anything to extend those days as much as possible (she is 9 months now and so cute). This just doesn't fit with my eating when I know I don't need it and despite my conciously telling myself what I am doing even as I put the food in my mouth.

I am desperate to stop myself from self destruction on one hand but on the other am able to keep up the destructive behaviour whilst in full knowledge of what I am doing to myself.

I probably need a professional opion of my issues but, when I can get past my feelings when reading similar stories to my own, i does help just to write them down!
 

Grumpy

Well-Known Member
Messages
127
hanadr said:
It's not just willpower, but mindset. You need to find some way of getting back in tune. Try telling yourself it's not lack of will, but that you CAN do this.( It might work!)
You not only CAN do it, you HAVE been doing it. We all get hacked off with it at times - I have myself got fed up with bad BS today because of infection and thought 'sod it' and eaten a pizza and a pud. But tomorrow is another day...keep your chin up!
 

sandymaynard

Well-Known Member
Messages
696
iph888
I feel for you so much! You have had a rough time of it! Must admit i cried as i read!
Your daughter is lucky to have you as her dad! As i am sure you love your daughter to bits!
She will and can be your willpower, when you feel down look at her! It will not be long before you will be proud dad walking down the street holding onto her hand!
Remmeber the good times with your dad! Remember the fun times! He would not like to think of him with sadness! Your dad would want you to think of the fun that you shared!
Chin up and think of all the fun stories you can tell your daughter! Tell her stories of the fun that you and your dad had! I feel for you! I know there are hard times.
Trust me i gained weight because of great sadness! I feel from you that you are a strong willpowered person! I know that you are doing well!
All we can do is try to do our best! Everyday is a journey, make your's one to remember with plenty of laughs on the way!
help your daughter to remember the granddad that she never had! I am sure that you loved him very much! I can feel that from you!
It takes a man to be able to say I am hurting and I need help!
Well done you! You have reached out for help, We are all here for you!
We will give you as much support as you need!
You take it easy!
You can Pm me anytime if you feel the need to have a listening ear!
Sandy
 

Trinkwasser

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,468
Dunno if this helps any but your family history of heart attacks is a bit of a red flag. NOW you may well have genes which predispose you to Type 2 and cardiovascular disease. The difference is that now you know this you may be more motivated to beat them into submission.

Try radically dropping the carbs and seeing if that doesn't cut the food (carb) cravings. It may make you feel temporarily worse but if this is the problem and your body resets its metabolism it'll be worth it. Lots of low carb veggies, protein and fat instead, and test the results

http://loraldiabetes.blogspot.com/2009/ ... -test.html
 

Spiral

Well-Known Member
Messages
856
You have Type 2 diabetes because you have a bum set of genes. You may well be overweight because of these very same bum genes. Not everyone who is overweight and insulin resistant will become diabetic, because they haven't got the genes.

Your situation may not be as (immediately) bad as someone else's, but it is your situation and you don't need to make excuses to ask for a bit of attention to deal with it because you are not at death's door. Not taking action now could well put us in the seriously ill and poor quality of life category a few years down the road from here and I don't think any of us want that for ourselves or for anyone else... We are all predisposed to being a bit egocentric, give yourself a break.

I'm overweight, well... actually, I looked at a BMI chart today and realised that I wasn't overweight at all :D I'm clinically obese :roll: I got my bum set of genes from my dad, who died last year at the age of almost 81, but his quality of life in the last few years wasn't good and I think the physical things were down to the long term complications of diabetes, he had his first heart attack aged 58 and his T2 diagnosis followed soon after.

What an awful experience you had when your dad died. It would have been awful at any age, but my guess is that the child that you were at 14 did not have the emotional resources to deal with it. I'd hazard a guess that you have been dealing with it ever since in all kinds of very physical ways, especially around food. I'd hazard a guess that some of the things that are causing you the most stress now are related to this experience - these traumatic events cast very long shadows in peoples lives.

Have you had or considered finding counselling? Even if you have had counselling in the past, it might be worth doing it again because the major life changes you have had, what with becoming a parent and the implications of your diagnosis, mean that you re-prioritise and re-evaluate. Your family history does not have to be repeated in this generation - diagnosis has got better, we understand so much more about the things we can do to help ourselves and you are heading in the right direction. A bit of a blip does not have to become an established pattern of behaviour.

Our relationship with food is about so much more than fueling and maintaining our bodies. Our weight, like our blood sugar, I think is in a constant state of flux. I think we are far harder on ourselves than others would be on us - just take another look at the understanding replies you have got here.