Coming out...

Spiral

Well-Known Member
Messages
856
How do you do it? Who do you tell?

I have been very open about it, after all, diabetes is such a public illness if you are actively managing it to reduce the BS readings and have a strong family history. People can't not know.

I have been very open about it, this has elicited all kinds of responses, including those who make decisions for me, such as the "you can't have one as you're diabetic". I have a very well meaning colleague who was doing this for a while :x :roll: to people who have changed what they bring in for treat so that I can participate without angst :D and everything in between.

It isn't a secret. Friends, family and colleagues know. With one noteable exception. My mother. Now I inherited my diabetic genes from my dad, who died last year (bowel infarction) after several years of poor quailty life as the age of 81. His first heart attack was at 58. he went on to insulin about 2 years before he died. He never quite got the hang of his diet (traditional NHS recommended :( ) or what his blood sugar readings meant. I know these were long term diabetic complications.

My mother has been telling me for years that if I don't lose some weight I will get diabetes and end up having my legs amputated (really) like my grandmother, then it turned out to be my great grandmother :roll:, not even from her side of the family, and it is possible that the amputation was the result of an accident. 10 minutes later she will offer me cake/chocolate/biscuits :| :? When/if I say no she will offer me something else :roll: it is sometimes easier to accept than keep on refusing.

She has nagged me about my weight for most of my adult life. She has this way of tutting quietly before mentioning the diabetes if I don't do something about it. I have told her I don't need her to give me this advice but still get the "for your own good" routine, with the reminder of amputations to come. Now don't get me wrong, we actually have a really good relationship, with the exception of how we relate around food in relation to my weight.

So I have not told her. I'm seeing her at the weekend. There is usually about 250 miles between us and I tend to visit during the school holidays. We will be visiting this weekend. She can't not notice how much weight I have lost in the month since I saw her last. She can't not notice I am eating differently. But I just don't want to discuss it with her, I don't want the lecture, which I suspect will be along the line of "if only..." and I only have myself to blame if I tell her and the diabetes risk lecture if I don't. I'm sure I will tell her eventually, I just don't want another lecture :(

I'm not asking for advice about this. I'm just curious to hear other people's "coming out diabetic" stories to check how normal I am compared to the rest of you :wink: So...

How open are you about your diabetes?
Is there anyone you haven't told and why?
What kind of responses do you get?
 

viv1969

Well-Known Member
Messages
409
I'm not much help to you I'm afraid.....My husband and colleagues / boss are the only folks who are aware of my diabetes. I haven't actively kept it a secret or ever denied being diabetic, it has just never come up in conversation nor been asked about. I don't consider my health to be anyone's business but my own, and whom I choose to tell is my decision.

I hope you come to a decision, and if you do tell Mum, I hope she suprises you with a little support and congrats on the weight loss. She might surprise you.
 

peppiB

Well-Known Member
Messages
101
A lot of people I have told have surprised me by saying 'welcome to the club' as they are diabetic as well! To me, it is no great deal - using this site I have adjusted my diet and lifestyle and feel a lot better for it. As far as i am concerned the condition is nothing to be ashamed of and I certainly won't be letting it curtail either the quantity or quality of my life.
 

chocoholic

Well-Known Member
Messages
831
If you feel the moment is right at the weekend, then tell your mum. If you feel you really can't just yet, there is an alternative.How are you at writing letters? Because of the distance between you and your mum, I think, in your shoes, I'd avoid the expected lecture (you might be wrong) and sit and write a letter to your mum. Tell her of your diagnosis and say you are still coming to terms with things yourself and that you hope when you meet up again or phone,she'll offer you her support.
I expect your Mum is just concerned for you and sometimes a mum's concern can come out in a funny way. I expect she'll be really upset to think of you too now having diabetes and even if she does have a bit of a rant and says 'I told you so', that'll pass and I expect genuine care and concern will take over. Us Mum's just want our offspring to be happy and healthy and when that is threatened we don't always get our reactions right.
Whatever you do, don't hide your diagnosis from your Mum. She needs to know, so that she can start to help you in both support and dietary ways.
Good luck.
Choccie.
 

ma5on

Well-Known Member
Messages
61
I had a good think about this, and you know what? Mum's nag cos they care, right?

Obviously she's been worried about you inheriting Diabetes - my mum was the same (Type 1 dad, I was diagnosed the same at 21), and still, I think it came as more of a shock to her, despite spending 20 years prior to this worrying!

All I can say is that I would be so proud of you for losing weight and changing your diet the way you have. That is a tremendous achievement and shows great maturity in accepting your Diabetes and managing it responsibly.

Once she gets over the initial shock of your diagnosis (which, let's face it, was inevitable!), I think she'll be proud of you!!!

Always try to be open about this though as you never know when you might need help!

Wishing you well

ma5on :D
 

rosqho

Member
Messages
8
Hi Spiral,
Just found your post and would be interested to know if you did tell your mum and what the reaction was as I have a similar mother ! I haven't told her because I just know the first response will be - I'm not surprised I've always told you that you were too fat! - and I'm not sure how I would react.
 

Spiral

Well-Known Member
Messages
856
rosqho said:
Hi Spiral,
Just found your post and would be interested to know if you did tell your mum and what the reaction was as I have a similar mother ! I haven't told her because I just know the first response will be - I'm not surprised I've always told you that you were too fat! - and I'm not sure how I would react.

My aim instarting the thread was to find out about how other people come out about their diabetes. If you intend, as I do, to take responsibility for managing your diabetes you have to make some major lifestyle changes. I think this makes it a very public illness as your body shape changes as the weight drops and you refuse the delicious cookies, hand made by your wonderful colleague, which you used to accept. I ate out with some of my colleagues at lunchtime yesterday and I asked the waiter to hold the carbohydrates, chef made a wonderful low carb suggestion :D I had an interesting discussion about it with my colleagues, which carried on today.

My intention wasn't to ask for advice about how to tell my mother I'm diabetic, I was actually interested in how others deal with the very public side of this condition, especially in the light of all the blame that goes with T2 - it is our fault because we lack self discipline and let ourselves get too fat. I mentioned my mother because this is the line she takes :? and there is a lot of associated baggage :roll:

No, I didn't tell her. I was surprised that she didn't comment on my weight loss. Both my sister in law did, she knows about the diabetes, and so did my auntie, who doesn't know. I expect we will have other, less public, opportunities to talk about it, probably next time we are at her house.

If anyone wants to talk about how you deal with the public side of your diabetes, I'd love to hear :)

Incidentally, in writing this response, I have realised I really don't want to call this an illness or disease, even though I have probably seen more of my GP in the last 5 months than I have for the last 5 years :roll: and I particularly don't want to call myself a "diabetes sufferer" :shock: . I have decided I will refer to it either as my condition (makes me sound like I'm expecting :lol: ) or my diabetes.
 

Iolanthe

Well-Known Member
Messages
58
Dislikes
Carrots, parsnips, beans and pulses. People who don't get to the point!
I have not and am not telling anyone - in the public domain. My husband, father and one friend know and that is all. My eating habits and what I choose to eat do etc, are nobodys business but mine. I have not and will not tell anyone at work either, so far the three appointments I have had have been done at start end of day, lunch hour etc. I also get flexi time, which is useful. I already wear a Medic Alert bracelet, so have just had this updated, so if there is a problem, info is there. I do not want a label that says I have diabetes, this way at least I feel in control
 

mullaneder

Well-Known Member
Messages
722
Dislikes
bullies, bad drivers ,recession,
hi spiral since i went from eighteen and a half stone to fifteen stone everyone i meet comments on this and asks how i did it and i say i have diabetes .honestly its the only reason that i have lost the weight,and i have only gotten positive reactions, and then they tell me who belong to them has it as well(surprisingly how many)it isnt somthing i am embarassed about,its what i am now and i have never felt better,i told all my family ,we have a very close family with quite a few members with diabetes.i had to tell work as i am a train driver and i have gotten great support there also from both management and fellow drivers.so far it has been a positive experience for me. :D dermot
 

sugarybibs

Well-Known Member
Messages
124
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
moaning people who have nothing wrong with them
Hi all.When i got diabetes i was only 17.i was always skinny about 7 stone and ended up in hospital about 5 stone because i had type 1 diabetes.I felt ashamed to let anyone (all my family knew of course cos they were at the hospital when i was diagnosed my poor mum and dad were in schok as it was in the early 70s and none of our family had ever heard of so called sugar diabetes as it was called then.No one in our family had it nor even any relatives.I was the so called first diabetic the whole of our neirbourhood had heard of!!I felt ashamed of my condition in them days as i was just starting to go to clubs pubs etc and if i felt a bit hypo i would try and just go home.We never had blood testing machines in the 70s like we have now.So if you felt strange!!you woudnt know if your blood sugar was too high or too low!!You could have taken a few sugar lumps(that what we were advised then)and been high and this could have made things worse :? Anyway the point of this coming out business is it is much easier now than it was when i got diagnosed as a teenager back in the 1970s as know it is advertised more (type 1 i mean).Then people thought you were dying and coudnt do anything normal because people i knew thought was really ill.Anyway i wouldnt tell any new friends i me especially boys becuse i really felt ashamed and embarrased.Maybe because i was young then now i dont give a dam i tell everyone i meet and that i am type 1 not type 2.Then i get all the questions :roll: :roll: then i have to explain the difference
 

Trinkwasser

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,468
Spiral said:
I ate out with some of my colleagues at lunchtime yesterday and I asked the waiter to hold the carbohydrates, chef made a wonderful low carb suggestion :D I had an interesting discussion about it with my colleagues, which carried on today.

Me too!