Supporting partner

[gareth87]

Hello. My fiancé has just been diagnosed with Type 1. From your experience, can anyone tell me what I can be doing to support him. He is obviously, right now feeling really down about this new news. He is 28. Thank G

 

[CollieBoy]

Great that you are trying to support him.
Don't smothe him but offer to attend his meetings with HCPs so that you have 2 pairs of ears listening.
Be understanding as he tries to come to terms with the condition.
Learn how HE responds to hypos/hypers so that you can be ready/understanding.
Remember it is HIS diabetes and it is HIS way of coping, support him, not corral him!
Good luck!

 

[gareth87]

Cheers, great advice thank you

 

[CollieBoy]

BTW
any questions, just ask!

 

[becky.ford93]

All I would say is to just learn as much as you can about it. My boyfriend and I seem to just laugh about it really, perhaps that makes us a bit weird but there's no point getting down about it. It does take time to sink in, I'm 21 and didn't see this coming at all!! One thing that's helpful is that when we go for a meal he'll start sorting my insulin pen for me while I check my sugars and carb count, weirdly romantic? haha. Just be there for him and accept he's gonna have days when he feels like ****. Also, once things have calmed down a bit, try to make sure your whole lives aren't about diabetes, I know that's hard but just make sure that once he's getting used to everything it isn't brought up every five minutes.

 

[Curly604]

Find out as much information as you can, read any leaflets left laying around and be supportive on the food front. Mainly don't tiptoe around it. Agree with Becky above me and my partner laugh about it a lot and it helps make it seem less scary and more manageable.

 

[azure]

Be a listening ear. The first few months after diagnosis are hard and can be a mix of feeling down and feeling angry. If he wants to let off steam and have a good old moan about it, listen and support him. Sometimes he may need cheering up, but other times he might just want to offload.

Also, while having his diabetes in mind, don't treat him any differently. Being diagnosed can be a real knock to your sense of self so make sure he knows you understand he's still exactly the same person. When I was diagnosed, my parents took every 'different' thing as being to do with diabetes eg if I was in a mood, they'd immediately say "Is it your blood sugar?" It wound me up as I felt like I wasnt allowed to have emotions any more without someone thinking it was because of my sugar levels.

Read up about hypos and how to treat them, as well as general diabetes info.

Mainly, be patient and react to what your partner needs, which may vary day to day

 

[CollieBoy]

One thing that's helpful is that when we go for a meal he'll start sorting my insulin pen for me while I check my sugars and carb count, weirdly romantic? haha.

Maybe just pragmatic : when you're in it for the long term, you want your loved one to stay "in good nick" for as long as possible.

 

[JBlaza]

Don't take it personally when he does get stressed and takes it out on you! I had a go at my husband when I had a hypo early on and he offered me ice cream, not understanding I would need sweets/ glucose tablets first. I agree with not making a fuss about food, and if he does/doesn't want to eat something then support that decision. I also like a second opinion on how much insulin I am going to need when eating out and I can't weigh or check the packet.

 

[Natalie1974]

There is a huge adjustment period, both physically and emotionally. Right now he is probably still in shock and will most likely be struggling to get his blood sugars under control...bare in mind that erratic blood sugars can also trigger mood swings...be patient with him...it might take some time for things to settle down.

Another thing to remember is that even once he has managed to get good control of his blood sugars...the emotional aspect of dealing with everything on a day to day basis can be quite trying...even for a hardened diabetic with years of practice...be prepared to listen and let him have a good moan if or when he needs it.

As @azure said as well...try to avoid saying things like 'is it your blood sugar?' 'Have you checked your blood sugar?' especially mid argument...to me that is worse than someone asking me if it's 'that time of the month'.

 

[Heathero]

A change of diet for both of you, would not only healthier but much easier for families/ partners increase protein veg, reduce / change carbohydrates there are wholemeal, beans salads etc. (if only my partner had shown some support I would have less problem coking and eating differently to him and my teenagers. Lots of good books to help. Good luck to you both.

 

[gareth87]

Thanks to everyone for their words. All very helpful x

 

[Dec_O]

Hi, I was also 28 when diagnosed 2 years ago. All the info above is great and like people have said, there will be a small adjustment period where he tries to get everything under control. My partner was/is great in the sense that she helps out but without being over-bearing or panicky.

Minor things like helping with carb-counting, grabbing some stuff during the cupboard during a low, listening to a bit of a moan on a bad day etc may seem small acts, but it means a lot to know someone is helping you out. Especially when at first, things did tend to go a bit slightly wrong with getting levels under control . Also, a decent diet goes a long way to feeling better generally.