T1 Males unlucky in love.

[bmtest]

Hi Tony

You have my full respect as you are doing things honestly but you may have change and adapt slightly, you need to be thinking more on the lines of Swiss Tony it is a fact women do like fine wines and Belgian chocolates and do help yourself to an odd chocolate it does not get much more complicated than that.

Basically it's all about creating opportunities and getting out there practise till you become a master of deception.


Good Luck

 

[fergus]

Hi Tony.

Had the same thoughts rattling round my head when I got lucky with a beautiful girl 20 years ago. I kept my type 1 a secret for as long as I could, for all the reasons you mention. When I did pluck up the courage to tell her, she couldn't have cared less and was actually more disappointed in the fact I hadn't told her earlier.
Fast forward 20 years and here we are with 4 children, though there have been good times as well. :wink:

All the best,

fergus

 

[clarentina]

Have you had this happen, Tony? Or are you just worried about it? I see diabetes as a positive, like another facet to your personality, and I've only ever had positive experience with diabetes and boys.

Clare

 

[Spiral]

Your biggest erogenous zone is in the space between your ears, if you can't manage to stimulate that part you might not be worth the effort. If all you are thinking about is your nether regions and your pleasure, she may well be dissapointed, whether or not you have erectile dysfunction. It isn't just about you and your pleasure :shock:

And that is before you get to the deep and meaningful bit about what you are willing to put in to something to make it work. While sex is nice and pleasure is good for you, I wouldn't want a relationship simply based on sex. It does not hold you together if/when things get a bit rough.

 

[lionrampant]

Your biggest erogenous zone is in the space between your ears,

Are you calling us ****heads? :wink:

 

[Spiral]

Your biggest erogenous zone is in the space between your ears,

Are you calling us ****heads? :wink:

Well, if the cap fits. That question certainly appears to have been inspired by your nether regions rather than a conscious thought process Hope that clarifies things :roll:

 

[lionrampant]

My my, aren't you the cheerful fellow.

 

[WhimsicalWays]

I understand your worry, but I can honestly say if you find the 'right' person, diabetes will not be a big issue. I, too, remember worrying about this when I was younger and struggling with a lot of hypos - after all, I do see it as a responsibility to be the partner of a T1 diabetic. Nevertheless, I have an amazing partner, and we met quite young (18 years old!). We didn't talk about diabetes too much in the beginning, and the first few conversations were casual. I think it is key (at some point) to educate the person you are dating, but you don't 'owe' it to them in the beginning if you are uncomfortable. But I honestly think if a woman/man is uncomfortable with it after getting to know you (or, further, bails BEFORE getting to know you because of T1), good riddance!!

I just asked my husband what he remembers thinking about my T1 diabetes when we first met and he said he really didn't... In other words, diabetes wasn't a huge issue in our relationship - we fell madly in love but this happened gradually so, by that time, he wouldn't have traded me for anything! So just live healthily, be yourself, and someone will fall for your personality... It might have helped that he was from a fairly 'medical' family (Drs and nurses in the immediate family) and so he was comfortable with seeing me inject myself etc. [ie: I also made sure he felt comfortable injecting me with my insulin - just for kicks, but also b/c then he'd be more comfortable with a Glucagon kit]. So, yeah, maybe you won't get into a relationship with a needle-phobe, but oh well. Yes, my partner has had to deal with a lot but he's more than happy to do it [and I have to deal with his grumpy days, eccentricities, etc., too!]. In the great scheme of things, it's all about your connection - as cliche as that is!!

Good luck, and hang in there!

 

[diabeticgirl24]

I am a diabetic girl of 24 years old. I have also been with a male diabetic lover believe it or not so least he understands the same problem.

I think it shouldn't matter what medical condition you have. If the person loves you for who you are as a person then it should definitely not be an issue. If they don't then it is their loss and you can meet someone who deserves you. Try not to worry about what can happen in the future. Just make the most of your live without worrying.

Good luck in your hunt.

x

 

[claridge]

ha l think its hard enough without having to worry about diabetes- actually finding a man you want to be in a relationship with and one that wants to be in one with you! So many other issues haha. Well actually l guess when its the right man all these other issues are not really issues any more... l hear! Not just T1 Males unlucky in love.... men and women in general! But its how you look at it.... l have been single for over 3 years- 25yr old nice and fun girl but lm very independent and love life! So being single is great... until the universe decides to set me up with mr right that is ... that is how it works isnt it?... l hope!

 

[WhimsicalWays]

I understand the worry, as similar thoughts crossed my mind when I was younger (more newly diagnosed, and dating around). I have to agree with the majority of other posts: love will prevail! I think it is important to educate someone you are seriously dating (when you are comfortable doing so), but you can bring it up casually initially. It is important that she/he understand some of your actions (taking your blood, injections, and in case you have a hypo you need to treat) and also the lifestyle. But, frankly, I say if he/she is willing to focus on the disease and is uncomfortable pursuing a relationship (or bails even before you start a relationship), good riddance!!!! Personally, some of the most important qualities I look for in others is open-mindedness, compassion, empathy, etc.

I am not saying being the partner of a T1 diabetic is easy - I actually think it's a big 'responsibility.' That said, I met my partner when we were 18 and he was very comfortable with my T1. Also, keep in mind normally romantic relationships progress gradually, so by the time we were in love, my husband wouldn't have traded me for the world!! After reading this post I actually asked him what he remembers thinking of my T1 in the beginning, and he said "I didn't really." While I recognize that we were young,w hen you're falling for someone other things are more important - comparable values, personality, chemistry etc. 7 years later - he has helped me through many terrible hypos (at very inconvenient times!), shifting doses when traveling, eating low-carb, researching new diabetes technologies etc.etc. etc. I really feel like I have a partner in diabetes now... [Let's keep in mind I also endure his eccentricities, all his allergies, our communication differences, etc. etc. etc. ]

So hang in there... Yeah, maybe you won't end up dating a needle-phobe, but oh well! It's amazing what human connection overcomes and, as stated previously by a wise poster, there are hurdles in every relationship. Just take care of yourself (mind and body) and I really don't think T1 will be a problem in your search for that person!

 

[TonyTruthful]

It is something that really bugs me at the moment. It gives me hope to hear stories such as Fergus's.

The thread title 'T1 Males' is because I always find that there are more T1 females with stories of successful relationships. Is this back to the dreaded ED? (not that I don't want to hear female success stories)

I get very embarrassed & nervous about talking about my diabetes and I am concerned because, I really like a girl at the moment and am so scared she going to run off. I just hate the word diabetes, I never tell anyone. I miss injections at night and don't eat because I don't want people to know. I know this is bad, but that's the big D for you.

People tell me that diabetics have to settle for less than attractive partners because when woman choose life partners they don't want 'damaged goods' for a word for it. (not trying to offend anyone - I'm a T1, I can say what I like about it!)

If I settling for a less than attractive partner was the case I think I would rather hide my D and lose control and have at least a few years of normality. I'm the master of deception!

When do you mention the big D then?

Oh and Howie - don't let your gf read my posts. I think all the ED thing should be deleted ha.

 

[sugarless sue]

Jeez Tony,you have a very shallow idea of love!! Love sees no defects because they simply do not matter!!When you find the one you love then your diabetes simply will not matter to her nor any other problem.

 

[cugila]

People tell me that diabetics have to settle for less than attractive partners because when woman choose life partners they don't want 'damaged goods' for a word for it. (not trying to offend anyone - I'm a T1, I can say what I like about it!)

Tony.
Are you for real ?? You must have some odd friends ?

The love of my life is a Diabetic and female, she chose me knowing full well I was a Diabetic. She is also the most beautiful person I know, inside and out. Neither she nor I consider ourselves 'damaged goods.' If one day you ever fall in love you will then know what it is all about. As for not offending anyone.....I think there are a lot of Diabetic females who might well be. So I should get out your tin helmet. :lol:

Ken

 

[Celtic.Piskie]

People tell me that diabetics have to settle for less than attractive partners because when woman choose life partners they don't want 'damaged goods' for a word for it.

You honestly think all women are that completely shallow?
If you have such a bad opinion of women, maybe that's your problem. No-one wants to date someone who thinks that way about us.

If I settling for a less than attractive partner was the case I think I would rather hide my D and lose control and have at least a few years of normality. I'm the master of deception!

Hide it, lie to people, jeapordise your health, 'less than attractive'.... Honestly, would you date someone who thought like that?
Someone who is proud of the lies, someone who willingly jeapordises his health, someone who thinks everyone will run a mile at the sound of a medical condition.
Someone who doesn't think women deserve to know and make their own descisions.

TBH, I wouldn't date you. Not with all that deception, lies, and complete lack of self-respect. You won't take care of yourself.
You need to come to terms with having diabetes. You have it, it won't go away.
It has never gotten in the way of anything for me.

I didn't have to 'settle'. That attitude of i will get what i can, rather than someone i like... Would you date someone who thought they were'settling' rather than someone who likes you?

I hate to offend, but i'm just being honest.

 

[claridge]

Well said!! Id much rather be single than settle for less! Everyone has issues- whether outside or inside.. its how they handle them that is part of what makes them beautiful. Embrace it! Diabetes could be a blessing in disguise!

 

[TonyTruthful]

Celtic.Piskie in lightest possible terms.

Right, first off: the English language is full of ambiguous words - so when repeat the word 'settle' it's just from what I have read from someone else's point of view, it was a female poster from another site - she got a bad reaction from her view - so I should of known. But the whole knight in shinning armor thing just made sense to me. Nothing like a bit of banter!

"Deception" again probably the wrong word to use, but I just reckon I could hide it . Is that with holding information or lies? Again ambiguity plays a part.

Secondly: you will do very well to offend me! Water off a ducks back honest to God.

"Do you think all woman are that shallow" ..... Not at all! But if someone did that would that automatically make them shallow? There is situations like this happening all the time. Why would I do that to someone? Put them through unnecessarily emotional strain i.e. mood swings, restrictions, passing T1 to any children possibly. Not true to for everyone and Ken definitely not true for diabetic females, but lets be realistic it has got to be a concern!

Please forgive me when I type " I would rather let myself slip than admit my D" I mean this is lightest possible terms. As you put 'this would amount to a total lack of self respect' AGREED. I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want to get ED anyway. A problem you will never have to deal with yourself personally or hopefully ever! But I would be f***** p***** if I knew it was cause of a break up! I would only hide it if I knew the reaction would be like this, but that would be near impossible to find out. I would only hide something to protect someone else.

I wouldn't date you either :lol: - " No-one wants to date someone who thinks that way about us." INVALID. I am very choosy in the wording I use. I practice law - I'm not very good!

Tony who respects and loves all woman.

 

[claridge]

Think your making it all a bit too complicated.... love is meant to be a good thing...

 

[Celtic.Piskie]

"Deception" again probably the wrong word to use, but I just reckon I could hide it . Is that with holding information or lies? Again ambiguity plays a part.

Why hide it though? That's what you have a problem with. Someone that you love, or even like, shouldn't be lied to. Deliberatly choosing to not tell someone is lying.
Plus, why shouldn't they know? You're assuming that women will automatically dump you because you have a medical condition. That is patronising.

Put them through unnecessarily emotional strain i.e. mood swings, restrictions, passing T1 to any children possibly. Not true to for everyone and Ken definitely not true for diabetic females, but lets be realistic it has got to be a concern!

Having mood swings with no explanation is better how? You cannot change your medical condition.
T1 is very, very rarely influenced by genes, mostly in the african descent population.

I think the one thing that really buggs me, is that you don't think women deserve to be given the choice because you think we'll make the wrong one.

I would only hide something to protect someone else.

We need protecting from what exactly? What can't we cope with?

Love based on lies is no love at all.
If someone dates you, they should know you. All of you.

Take it from me, get some councelling about this. It is a sucky diagnosis. But you have problems with it, you can't even type it most of the time, and you feel it's something to be ashamed from, or something that people need protecting from.
It's not. It's just diabetes.

P.S, nearly all men get ED at some point. 10% have reccuring problems with erectile dysfunction.
Again, really not that big of a deal

 

[TonyTruthful]

OK Celtic Piskie point taken.

Not telling someone you are a diabetic is not lying. Not telling a partner you are a diabetic and hiding it from them is deceitful and no grounds for a meaningful relationships I agree with you.
I am the master of deception, but even the feat of hiding the big D would be a very difficult and a near impossible task. (even harder without telling at least 1 little white lie swell) It was only a bit of light hearted banter though, so forget that!!!!!

Quoting myself "I would only hide something to protect someone else." (I aint worked out how you do that fancy quote thing "

This doesn't read right and I agree with your response. The only person that I would be protecting would be myself from rejection, was what I meant get across and incidentally that is what I was trying to talk about in my original post - Rejection because of the big D'

P.s. - Thank you for assuming I have a problems with diagnosis, your right. This one is quite close to my heart at the moment aswell!

Peace Out