UPDATE ON HUBBY

[andreaabbott1]

Had an appointment today with a back specialist, he looked at hubbies MRI and said the pain he has is in no way connected to his back.
made hubby do loads of stuff like try and touch his toes balance with his eyes closed. laid him on the bed and moved all his limbs which apart from weakness in his left leg the pain is nothing at all to do with joints, trapped nerves or injury.

he said hubby is an interesting case because the leg pain is definitely neuropathic but he cant understand the weight loss and muscle loss from all over the body, obviously the right leg now is much skinnier than the left

but hubby has been diabetic for 15 years out of 15 years he has had 6 weeks where his bloods are at an acceptable level.

he also hasnt been able to get or maintain an erection in more than 7 years even with Viagra

3 years ago he was put on amitriptyline because firstly it felt like he had been stung by a wasp on his shoulder blades but nothing was there then the pain spread to the front the DR then said it was neuropathy.

hubbies feet recently are always cold even to touch but his blood is running normal in both legs but he is cold to touch all over but especially his hands and feet

I personally feel he has several types of neuropathy going on and the abuse over the years his body has now just had enough and cant take anymore
we have to wait now to see a neurologist this can take 6 weeks in the UK

they didnt give him any pain relief at all, so what will work for the pain in his leg is there anything I can try?

 

[Squire Fulwood]

Not allowed to prescribe and I wouldn't know what would work anyway. I suppose you could try an over the counter pill and see what happens. I tried Hedex once and it helped my back so the doctor prescribed a sack full of them. (I didn't say that).

 

[andreaabbott1]

I just wondered if there were vitamins or supplements I could add to his diet that may help a bit, its very hard controlling his diet I am about 55% successfully, but like now I just walked in the room and he is finishing off a bag of sweet popcorn my daughter had left in her bag from a trip to the cinema

My daughter now throwing a hissy fit at him for nicking her pop corn

 

[Squire Fulwood]

He might be a bit of a lost cause then. Tell your daughter that if she wants to leave her popcorn about then she should put a sign on it saying, " I have spit on these".

 

[Totto]

I just wondered if there were vitamins or supplements I could add to his diet that may help a bit, its very hard controlling his diet I am about 55% successfully, but like now I just walked in the room and he is finishing off a bag of sweet popcorn my daughter had left in her bag from a trip to the cinema

My daughter now throwing a hissy fit at him for nicking her pop corn

I don't think you should control his diet, as you put it. If he has decided he rather eats what he knows will maim and eventually kill him there isn't much you can do about it. His choice. He is an adult.

 

[AndBreathe]

Had an appointment today with a back specialist, he looked at hubbies MRI and said the pain he has is in no way connected to his back.
made hubby do loads of stuff like try and touch his toes balance with his eyes closed. laid him on the bed and moved all his limbs which apart from weakness in his left leg the pain is nothing at all to do with joints, trapped nerves or injury.

he said hubby is an interesting case because the leg pain is definitely neuropathic but he cant understand the weight loss and muscle loss from all over the body, obviously the right leg now is much skinnier than the left

but hubby has been diabetic for 15 years out of 15 years he has had 6 weeks where his bloods are at an acceptable level.

he also hasnt been able to get or maintain an erection in more than 7 years even with Viagra

3 years ago he was put on amitriptyline because firstly it felt like he had been stung by a wasp on his shoulder blades but nothing was there then the pain spread to the front the DR then said it was neuropathy.

hubbies feet recently are always cold even to touch but his blood is running normal in both legs but he is cold to touch all over but especially his hands and feet

I personally feel he has several types of neuropathy going on and the abuse over the years his body has now just had enough and cant take anymore
we have to wait now to see a neurologist this can take 6 weeks in the UK

they didnt give him any pain relief at all, so what will work for the pain in his leg is there anything I can try?

Is or was your husband a smoker at any point?

 

[noblehead]

@andreaabbott1 , without stating the obvious but the best thing your husband could do to help with his on-going health issues is to get his bg levels under control, what sort of diabetes care does he receive from his HCP's?

 

[mekalu2k4]

what is his age?

you really have some complicated situation

 

[Enclave]

Has he been sent on a pain management course ..if not you could ask your Dr if they still do them, it really helped the wife with her pain problems

 

[andreaabbott1]

yes he has been to the pain clinic but one of the tablets stop the pain, he did smoke
he smoked from when he was young gave up for 13 years and started smoking again when he was 48, gave up when he was 55 because he had a heart attack and had to have a quadruple heart bypass.

He hasnt smoked since then, but 1 thing that winds me up is the amount of table salt he uses, everything has to have salt on and it has caused lots of rows and thrown away food when he has put salt on the children's food even at the stage of weaning them onto solids.

he blames his parents for his bad eating habits saying his mum used to feed him rubbish, he was born in 1947 but maintains his mum kept the best bits of meat for herself

My argument is you're an adult and adults have choices so you choose to eat like that.

his father died when my hubby was 17 his dad was 50 had some heart related condition,

unfortunately my hubby blames every thing on everyone else
for example the reason he eats cakes is because there are so many on the shop shelf, Again I say to him so dont even walk down that aisle

the reason he drinks fizzy drinks is because he doesn't like water, I have tried giving him the kids sugar free lemon squash but still he wont drink it.

I will be honest right now I am angry and I keep saying to myself I didn't sign up for this
my daughter who has Downs syndrome, wont even come into the living room alone (its where hubby sleeps as he cant climb the stairs) but she is convinced her dad is dead
because hubby keeps saying dieing would be better than the pain
he shouts at her when she has the tv on or her little music channel yelling nasty at her telling her to get out of his way because he is tired
this is like 3pm in the afternoon, weekends are hell he is always shouting at her because he is tired, she cant understand why a daddy that loved her is suddenly nasty to her and its unfair to her

I am going to call social services tomorrow as my daughter has a social worker and tell her we need some type of support or hubby needs to leave the family home

I dont think I can do this anymore

 

[AndBreathe]

@andreaabbott1 - Has your husband had his circulation thoroughly checked? For may years my mother had a "bad back" which was put down to arthritis, age, worn hip joints, you name it, but it was finally realised she had a real blood supply to her lower limbs that was causing the pain in he lower back. Once the light-bulb moment occurred, she could be treated accordingly.

She had other health issues, and so was never really very well again, but I think all of us in the family felt she'd had needless suffering that had negatively impacted her quality of life.

If he hasn't had a thorough check - and I don't just mean applying a doppler to his ankles or big toes - please do try to get one sorted. The doppler approach didn't unearth things for my dear Mum.

Edited to add that Mum also had loss of sensation in her feet that made her unsteady from time to time. She wasn't diabetic at any time in her life.

 

[Brunneria]

Forgive me if this has already been discussed (i don't think i have seen any previous threads by you).

Is he on statins?
There are reported contraindications of pain and muscle wastage.

And have his vit D and Vit B12 levels been checked? These can cause similar symptoms.

Nevertheless, it sounds like your family situation is unbearable, and your daughter should not be afraid of her father. I suggest she is your first priority.

Good luck.

 

[andreaabbott1]

he has been on statins for about 14 and a half years but has stopped taking them.
but it just seem the DR is not taking this seriously enough

we keep getting told I will refer you for this and that and we wait and wait
I do feel like screaming out and say hey this is how OUR life is this is how my already vulnerable children are now suffering

This is how I am NOT coping I have a 17 year old daughter with Downs syndrome and profound learning problems and also an autistic son who is coping with the change in the family both these two need lots of care and now on top I have a hubby who is permanently glued to the sofa and expects the family to revolve around his needs

when i say I am tired i mean TIRED

 

[AndBreathe]

he has been on statins for about 14 and a half years but has stopped taking them.
but it just seem the DR is not taking this seriously enough

we keep getting told I will refer you for this and that and we wait and wait
I do feel like screaming out and say hey this is how OUR life is this is how my already vulnerable children are now suffering

This is how I am NOT coping I have a 17 year old daughter with Downs syndrome and profound learning problems and also an autistic son who is coping with the change in the family both these two need lots of care and now on top I have a hubby who is permanently glued to the sofa and expects the family to revolve around his needs

when i say I am tired i mean TIRED

Perhaps that's exactly what you need to do,........... Explain exactly the impacts it's having? At least on that basis, they would you that you and your family need help too.

I hate to see it, but I keep wondering if the HCPs aren't taking things as seriously as you feel they need to because they are seeing a great deal of acceptance and apathy from your husband?

Clearly, we only have your view of what's going on, so I may be being unkind to others in making those judgements. If I am, I apologise.

 

[ButtterflyLady]

Andrea I hear your frustration and tiredness and concern for your children. They need to be your priority now. Contacting your daughter's social worker is a great idea. Hopefully this can open up some options, and ideally he will have to leave, at least temporarily, to give you all a break. What he is doing would qualify as family violence, and it must be having quite an impact on the children. Hugs.

 

[andreaabbott1]

So this is what happens today we had to go to surgical appliances for daughters new splints and boots as she has grown and the new ones needed fitting,
yesterday we were at the pain clinic for hubby they asked him if he had pain in the chest he answered no
pain in the shoulder he answered no
and breathlessness he answered no
suddenly today he had all these things
and this is what happens everytime anyone gives him a slight suggestion of things he gets them

it wasnt until this afternoon when my son who has a cold went wait for it mum you know dads going to get flu

I had in the back of my head often made a mental note that when anyone is ill hubby has something worse

even after I had an operation this year the day I came home and needed help he suddenly had stomach pain worse than mine and stayed in bed.

I have an appointment tomorrow to see our family GP I am going to tell her the truth how hubby uses the whole I am not eating that routine and makes us all feel guilty at mealtimes, to how he then snacks on cakes biscuits fizzy drink
like this evening I cooked lamb chops ,broccoli, runner beans, cauliflower mash and he just pushed it around his plate saying he couldnt eat it

this evening he has munched through a whole tin of ambrosia rice pudding, helped himself to cream crackers and cheese ( a secret stash he has as i had thrown all that type of stuff away)

I honestly think he has some odd personality disorder where he likes to feel he is the most needy
my oldest step son said his dad is narcissistic I havent looked that up
but I am going to tell the GP how he is and how he is now being unfair to the children and the fact that I cant cope

if he has another fall I will call an ambulance and when they want to discharge him it will need to be with care plan in place and I am going to refuse to have him home

sorry if i sound a ***** but i have tried and now have found out you can throw someone a lifesaver but if they choose not to grab it , it isnt your fault

 

[Enclave]

Right Andrea, you are NOT sounding like a ***** at all, but your husband is sounding like a hypochondriac .. With attention seeking tendencies .. He has hit his self destruct button and all you can do is stand clear .. He is refusing your help so not a lot you can do now .. Has he a one he can stay with for a while ? Family member of good friend of his ..it would give you a well needed break and he may just wake up and see his diabetes

 

[MaryCanary]

Andrea, it is clear to me as an outsider, taking on board what you have said, that your husband has some serious psychological issues. However, he is an adult and your children - vulnerable as you rightly say - need you more than he does. Please have a think about how you want their lives to proceed and act accordingly. As a first step, please see your daughter's social worker and see if she can support you all in some way. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[Indy51]

Sounds like you have three children, not two - and your husband is the most demanding of all. What a big baby

Hope you can get some help to sort things out, @andreaabbott1

 

[tim2000s]

Hi @andreaabbott1 , your last post made a couple of points that reminded me of a friend of ours. She spent 10 years in an abusive relationship with a type 1 diabetic. He wasn't physically abusive towards her, however he used to deliberately manage himself into hypos in unpleasant situations and overnight to keep her on the edge, stop her getting sleep and most importantly control exactly what she did and how she did it.

Your situation rings similar bells to hers. I have no idea what your husband was like beforehand, but it seems as though he is using a lot of the same types of technique as a control mechanism on both you and your kids. This is a very unpleasant form of psychological abuse because many times, it is only with the benefit of hindsight that you realise that it has been going on.

I would strongly advise you to talk to both your GP and maybe somebody else about what you are experiencing.