A very warm welcome to you all.
My name is Alex and I'm a 21 year old recently diagnosed Type 1 Diabetic, I thought I would share my thoughts.
I apologize for the likely length of this, it is constructive for me to articulate my path, it has been like walking underwater gasping bubbles while drowning, and I only endure to leave some record that may be useful afterwards, hence my post. I am sorry if this is not a positive outlook, but being diabetic, I cannot smile the way I used to smile.
I have had three near DKA's this year alone, having 7 teeth removed due to a large infection in my mouth that due to my Diabetes I could not fight off and spending weeks in hospital, and at home continually feeling ill, being in the same ward as my Gran who was dying of cancer and passed away last week. I had a near hypo at her funeral after being a pall-bearer on Tuesday. Type 1 Diabetics especially, have been the bravest people I've come to know. I've tried to make Diabetic friends, but they seem to only exist in the US when I reach out on forums, Facebook and such. Eventually, I've came here to see if it is possible, but I don't think I'm much of an interesting person at all for someone to engage and enjoy chatting to me about such a terrible condition.
Despite applying for 5 jobs each and every day for over 3 years, I'm unemployed, now with Type 1 Diabetes, I have even less chance of employment. I did wish to learn how to drive, to become a taxi or bus driver, that was a goal of mine. But when diagnosed, I was told I cannot be a bus driver due to my Diabetes, and that some people are not allowed a drivers license at all. That is the one thing I only had some hope for.
While I'm experienced with building computers, I have no qualification in IT, I can't count how many times I've been asked by an employer, job centre or agency if I can even type because of this. And Colleges won't accept me due to my low entry level qualifications and are now full. I left school without good qualifications due to excessive physical and mental bullying to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. Since then, I've did very little admittedly as I've been too ill or tired to do anything, despite my youth. Eventually, it all built up to the point I hit a near coma like state last September weekend which led to my diagnosis of being Type 1.
On occasion, I feel so ignoble, inutile and wretched to where eating is often so laden with hypocrisy as to make me gag. Even today, I've had nothing to eat, skipped my morning insulin and couldn't care for what my blood sugars are, as I know they'll be about as low as I feel.
I have lived every day with only able to exist if I can serve, and when that evaporates, have no will to exist, yet another defect to some...I have come to feel like the tree in the forest whose falling will not make a sound as there are no ears..I am sorry to ever be shadow when I meant such light, rather expect to be gone very soon, not to be grim, I just have no place in this age it seems, and I am not by nature egocentric enough to find any meaning in the face of this neglected primary reality. Once all is lost, I will determine an ideal place to hang myself nearby, for I have shed the illusions that enable enduring this world.
Thank you for reading, I wish you all well in the future, despite not speaking to any of you. I know all of your struggles and hope for a cure, and I can only hope a cure will be found one day, for all of you to live to your full potential. If not for yourself, but your children's futures.
My name is Alex and I'm a 21 year old recently diagnosed Type 1 Diabetic, I thought I would share my thoughts.
I apologize for the likely length of this, it is constructive for me to articulate my path, it has been like walking underwater gasping bubbles while drowning, and I only endure to leave some record that may be useful afterwards, hence my post. I am sorry if this is not a positive outlook, but being diabetic, I cannot smile the way I used to smile.
I have had three near DKA's this year alone, having 7 teeth removed due to a large infection in my mouth that due to my Diabetes I could not fight off and spending weeks in hospital, and at home continually feeling ill, being in the same ward as my Gran who was dying of cancer and passed away last week. I had a near hypo at her funeral after being a pall-bearer on Tuesday. Type 1 Diabetics especially, have been the bravest people I've come to know. I've tried to make Diabetic friends, but they seem to only exist in the US when I reach out on forums, Facebook and such. Eventually, I've came here to see if it is possible, but I don't think I'm much of an interesting person at all for someone to engage and enjoy chatting to me about such a terrible condition.
Despite applying for 5 jobs each and every day for over 3 years, I'm unemployed, now with Type 1 Diabetes, I have even less chance of employment. I did wish to learn how to drive, to become a taxi or bus driver, that was a goal of mine. But when diagnosed, I was told I cannot be a bus driver due to my Diabetes, and that some people are not allowed a drivers license at all. That is the one thing I only had some hope for.
While I'm experienced with building computers, I have no qualification in IT, I can't count how many times I've been asked by an employer, job centre or agency if I can even type because of this. And Colleges won't accept me due to my low entry level qualifications and are now full. I left school without good qualifications due to excessive physical and mental bullying to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. Since then, I've did very little admittedly as I've been too ill or tired to do anything, despite my youth. Eventually, it all built up to the point I hit a near coma like state last September weekend which led to my diagnosis of being Type 1.
On occasion, I feel so ignoble, inutile and wretched to where eating is often so laden with hypocrisy as to make me gag. Even today, I've had nothing to eat, skipped my morning insulin and couldn't care for what my blood sugars are, as I know they'll be about as low as I feel.
I have lived every day with only able to exist if I can serve, and when that evaporates, have no will to exist, yet another defect to some...I have come to feel like the tree in the forest whose falling will not make a sound as there are no ears..I am sorry to ever be shadow when I meant such light, rather expect to be gone very soon, not to be grim, I just have no place in this age it seems, and I am not by nature egocentric enough to find any meaning in the face of this neglected primary reality. Once all is lost, I will determine an ideal place to hang myself nearby, for I have shed the illusions that enable enduring this world.
Thank you for reading, I wish you all well in the future, despite not speaking to any of you. I know all of your struggles and hope for a cure, and I can only hope a cure will be found one day, for all of you to live to your full potential. If not for yourself, but your children's futures.
