Always depressed... Suicide awaits

Meghalton · Mar 23, 2016

I am sick of this world, sick of people that make life ****. I have had depression for such a long time and don't want to be here anymore. I know that diabetes is affecting me and one day it will cause major problems in my life. I'm sick of diabetes and having to cope with it. I don't want to do any injections or blood pricks again, so from this moment I have decided to stop. Why carry on when it will kill you anyway.

Alzebra · Mar 23, 2016

I'm a non-insulin-dependent type 2 and can't possibly imagine how draining it must be for all those who do have to rely on insulin. I do know a bit more about depression though, and really sympathise with your feelings at the moment. Have you spoken to your GP about your depression? It sounds pretty bad at the moment and you shouldn't struggle on alone, please do ask your healthcare team for help.

Meghalton · Mar 23, 2016

Alzebra said:
I'm a non-insulin-dependent type 2 and can't possibly imagine how draining it must be for all those who do have to rely on insulin. I do know a bit more about depression though, and really sympathise with your feelings at the moment. Have you spoken to your GP about your depression? It sounds pretty bad at the moment and you shouldn't struggle on alone, please do ask your healthcare team for help.

When I saw a councillor for it they told me that my problems weren't as bad as others and I felt ashamed to be seeing her. So I don't feel I can talk to anyone.

Alzebra · Mar 23, 2016

Meghalton said:
When I saw a councillor for it they told me that my problems weren't as bad as others and I felt ashamed to be seeing her. So I don't feel I can talk to anyone.

That's appalling, even if they were trying to get you to see the positives in your current situation they shouldn't have done it in such a way that you felt ashamed. Depression is an illness, you don't have to justify that illness any more than you would have to justify asthma or cancer! You are currently feeling like looking after your own health isn't worthwhile, and that sounds pretty serious to me, I wonder if there's anyone who could go with you to see a GP and ask to see someone different?

Meghalton · Mar 23, 2016

Alzebra said:
That's appalling, even if they were trying to get you to see the positives in your current situation they shouldn't have done it in such a way that you felt ashamed. Depression is an illness, you don't have to justify that illness any more than you would have to justify asthma or cancer! You are currently feeling like looking after your own health isn't worthwhile, and that sounds pretty serious to me, I wonder if there's anyone who could go with you to see a GP and ask to see someone different?

I don't want to see anyone and waste their time. I just don't want to even be. I've tried for a long time to cope but it's getting worse and I don't want to do anything about it now.

Juicyj · Mar 23, 2016

Hey Meg, so sorry you feel this way... I cannot believe what your councillor said to you, that was highly unprofessional, there is no comparison as far as depression is concerned, please call your GP tomorrow and talk to them about how you feel, you shouldn't feel that you can't talk to anyone because of this. You also can feel OK to talk to others about how you feel, talking is a form of therapy and you need to confide in someone about how you are feeling. It can get better but please keep testing and taking your insulin it will only make you feel worse. Carbsrok recently posted on here about living 50 years with type 1 and not having any complications, please see his post, it is testament to keeping good health. Big hug it can get a lot better x

Alzebra · Mar 23, 2016

I hear you, I can remember feeling like that in the past. It's a horrible place to be and you DO deserve better. You aren't wasting anyone's time.

Meghalton · Mar 23, 2016

I'm sorry I feel like this and I know you all have it too. I actually feel bad feeling like this and know that other people have it and that other people also have worse things. I really am sorry.

lovinglife · Mar 23, 2016

So sorry you are feeling like this - I won't churn out all the usual platitudes but have you tried talking to the Samaritans? I know from personal experience that talking to a stranger can be beneficial and they won't be as judgemental as your so called excuse for a counsellor - sending you healing hugs xx

Meghalton · Mar 23, 2016

Is there such a thing as a diabetic councillor? Xx

Alzebra · Mar 23, 2016

Meghalton said:
I'm sorry I feel like this and I know you all have it too. I actually feel bad feeling like this and know that other people have it and that other people also have worse things. I really am sorry.

No need to apologise honey, you've done exactly the right thing by posting about how you feel. I feel OK at the moment but I will remain on medication for the rest of my life to try to avoid relapses into depression. It's only once I feel better that I am able to realise how distorted my thinking was at my lowest ebbs, how the feelings of worthlessness were actually a symptom of the illness itself and not a true reflection of how others felt about me. Honestly, if you had cancer instead of depression would you feel it necessary to apologise for being a bother?

philchap1 · Mar 23, 2016

Hope you feel better soon.

Notorious · Mar 23, 2016

I'm so sorry you feel like this. Your councillor was wrong to say that to you. It's not your fault you have depression any more than it would be your fault you have T1 diabetes. Please speak to your GP tomorrow, you need urgent support. I haven't had depression but my mother had it for some years and even attempted suicide, but she got some help and has now put her life back together. You deserve help too. Hugs x

Meghalton · Mar 23, 2016

Thank you for all of the kind words you have all given. I do feel guilty, I don't know why I even wrote anything.

Notorious · Mar 23, 2016

Don't feel guilty.

himtoo · Mar 23, 2016

Meghalton said:
I'm sorry I feel like this and I know you all have it too. I actually feel bad feeling like this and know that other people have it and that other people also have worse things. I really am sorry.

try not to feel sorry( really hard I know ) --
it is quite a few years ago but I had to have time off work for depression and nothing was important -- but it was everything but the Diabetes that was getting me down -- the Diabetes was like my twin and I knew I had to look after it -- because it couldn't do it by itself ( so I sort of became a carer for my D )

noblehead · Mar 23, 2016

Meghalton said:
I'm sorry I feel like this and I know you all have it too. I actually feel bad feeling like this and know that other people have it and that other people also have worse things. I really am sorry.

No need to apologise @Meghalton, but whatever you do don't stop taking your insulin as there is help out there even if you've had a bad experience of counselling in the past.

Take care and do pop back to the thread in the morning to let us know that your OK, as others have said make an appointment asap to see your gp and share your feelings with them.

Lynz84 · Mar 23, 2016

Hi Meghalton

No need to apologise at all!!! Its a tough illness to deal with and then throw depression in the mix and its mental chaos. Life seems very s**t at the moment but as much as you think youve given up....you still posted your thoughts so theres still fight left in you which is good. It may be good to speak to your gp asap but if you dont feel like it, why not try something like the samaritans and look for another counsellor. If you check out the BACP website it has counsellors with appropriate qualifications and you can choose which one you feel suits you. Will you let us know youre ok tomorrow? Xx

Robinredbreast · Mar 23, 2016

Meghalton said:
I am sick of this world, sick of people that make life ****. I have had depression for such a long time and don't want to be here anymore. I know that diabetes is affecting me and one day it will cause major problems in my life. I'm sick of diabetes and having to cope with it. I don't want to do any injections or blood pricks again, so from this moment I have decided to stop. Why carry on when it will kill you anyway.

I wish you

When you're lonely
I wish you love

When your sad
I wish you joy

When your discouraged
I wish you hope

When your spirit is low
I wish you beauty

When you're troubled
I wish you peace

RRB x

paulfields · Mar 23, 2016

Hi Meghalton

I have type 2 diabetes and a mentle health illness and about four other illness. Life can be really bad,but the thing that keeps me going is my wife and children. They believe my depression started when i was six. My other illness iv'e collected over the last nine years at least one a year. I can tell you that how you feel will pass but you don't need that. What you do need is help with the way you are feeling right NOW. By not taking your insulin you are harming yourself and how you feel is not your normal self if you feel that you are suicidal you need too do one of two things . phone your gp NOW or phone 999 and tell them how you feel.Please they will understand and help you .you are not worthless you are worth everything and so many people would miss you take the first step and phone the help is there be strong

Always depressed... Suicide awaits

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