Denial or natural reaction?

[gingercat]

Hi all,

My plea is to those members who are both sympathetic & knowledgeable Yeah, ok I know you all are! :lol: But seriously folks..please I really need advice or help or whatever..

I was diagnosed T2 in september last year with a HbA1 of 13.2. Was put on metformin and led to practice's own diabetic nurse. Ok no problems with that. However, alot of stress came about at the 'wrong' time..in brief, I have 4 children all with special needs. Naturally, I was so concerned with getting my children's needs sorted out (Asperger's, ADHD, behavioural and autism), no support etc other than a meagre few hours a month from social service for my youngest.

That, in brief, brings me to today..visited the doctor on my regularly reviews for depression (antidepressants too). Told her I have been feeling weak, thirsty, tired, skin breaking out in wounds. She did a BG and the reading was 29.4. So she was really concerned and told me by rights she should admit me to hospital. But she knows my family situation..

All of these problems and stress levels have resulted me, unintentionally, not thinking about myself and so I put diabetes to the back of my mind and now I really can't accept I have it..She is a nice and caring doctor and knows how I feel..

The really big question I have is this: Is this denial.. a natural thing? I have diagnosed 4 months ago and I suppose I had time to get 'used' to the idea...but I don't feel able to. Now I don't expect any magic wands waving here :lol: :lol: , but can anyone give me some good, worth hearing advice?

I would really appreciate it from those of you on this forum, the people in the know and who live with it day in and day out.

Thank you.x Sorry as I feel a fool posting this kind of thread

 

[Toms Grandma]

Hi gingercat,

First can I offer you a big hugggggg, cos you need it. I am not the expert here as I am only recently newly diagnosed but instinct tells me that this is a bit of both denial and natural reaction. You have enough on your plate and then you get this. The good news is, with a bit of help from those that know, on this forum, there is a way forward. With your blood sugar levels well controlled you will have more chance of coping with everything else going on in your life . So from that point of view you owe it to yourself.

I won't give any advice about your diabetes except that you listen to those that give the advice on here, as they have certainly helped me. Read, read, read this forum as much as you can. I come in every day and learn something new. I do know a bit about Aspergers and so if it helps to share stuff about that I feel sure there is somewhere on here or private message me.

Love and Hugs, Tom's Grandma

 

[daisy1]

Hi gingercat, denial is a perfectly normal reaction. There are stages that most people have to work though in order to be able to cope with their diabetes diagnosis. I am quoting a post by Sue about this:

Postby sugarless sue » 05 Jan 2010, 18:18
After any major trauma in our lives we go through the 5 stages of grief. This can happen with a death or a diagnosis of illness or even stressful things like moving house !

The stages are :

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me".

2-Anger-"why me?".

3-Bargaining- wishing things could be changed.

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity.

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept what has happened, not just try to bear it quietly.In the case of her diabetes a positive attitude to controlling it may happen so that she is once again in control of her life.

sugarless sue
Forum Monitor

This may reassure you. You just need time to adjust.

Here also is a document given to newly diagnosed diabetics which should help you to control your diabetes as well as possible:

Here is the advice we usually give to newly diagnosed diabetics. We hope that these few ideas gained through experience help you to gain control and give you some understanding of Diabetes. This forum doesn't always follow the recommended dietary advice, you have to work out what works for you as we are all different.

It's not just 'sugars' you need to avoid, diabetes is an inability to process glucose properly. Carbohydrate converts, in the body, to glucose. So it makes sense to reduce the amount of carbohydrate that you eat which includes sugars.

This is NOT a low carb diet suggestion, just a reduction in your intake of carbohydrate. You have to decide yourself how much of a reduction will keep your blood glucose levels in control.

The main carbs to avoid OR reduce are the complex or starchy carbohydrates such as bread, potatoes, pasta, rice, starchy root veg and also any flour based products. The starchy carbs all convert 100% to glucose in the body and raise the blood sugar levels significantly.

If you are on Insulin you may find that reducing the carb intake also means that you can reduce your dose of insulin. This can help you to keep weight gain down as Insulin tends to make you put on weight and eventually cause insulin resistance. This should be done slowly so as not to cause hypos.

The way to find out how different foods affect you is to do regular daily testing and keep a food diary for a couple of weeks. If you test just before eating, then two hours after eating, you will see the effect of certain foods on your blood glucose levels. Some foods, which are slow acting carbohydrates, are absorbed more slowly so you may need to test three or even four hours later to see the effect that these have on your blood glucose levels.

Buy yourself a carb counter book (you can get these on-line) and you will be able to work out how much carbs you are eating, when you test, the reading two hours after should be roughly the same as the before eating reading, if it is then that meal was fine, if it isn’t then you need to check what you have eaten and think about reducing the portion size of carbs.

When you are buying products check the total carbohydrate content, this includes the sugar content. Do not just go by the amount of sugar on the packaging as this is misleading to a diabetic.


As for a tester, try asking the nurse/doctor and explain that you want to be proactive in managing your own diabetes and therefore need to test so that you can see just how foods affect your blood sugar levels. Hopefully this will work ! Sometimes they are not keen to give Type 2’s the strips on prescription, (in the UK) but you can but try!!

If you are an Insulin user in theory you should have no problem getting test strips.

The latest 2010 NICE guidelines for Bg levels are as follows:
Fasting (waking).......between 4 - 7 mmol/l........(Type 1 & 2)
2 hrs after meals......no more than 8.5 mmol/l.....( Type 2)

2hrs after meals....... no more than 9 mmol/l ......(Type 1)

If you are able to keep the post meal numbers lower, so much the better.

It also helps if you can do 30 minutes moderate exercise a day. It doesn't have to be strenuous.

The above is just general advice and it is recommended that you discuss with your HCP before making any changes. You can also ask questions on the forum on anything that is not clear.

Sue/Ken.

 

[Eiche]

My only worth-hearing advice is this... Research the complications that come with untreated/ignored diabetes and think about if you want your kids to grow up with or without you... Very harsh I know, but you have to concidder what could happen if you don't pay attention to your own body.

 

[gingercat]

Thank you so much! I feel very humble that 3 of you have taken the time to reply. I have read all the replies and have been listening..I just have to keep telling myself this.

Eiche: your words are not harsh and worth hearing. Thank you.

daisy1: Thank you for giving up your time to get that quote.

Tom's grandma: thank you for those hugs! I need them! It is nice to know that I can chat to others who may be familiar with aspergers.

Thanks again everyonex

 

[mannasage]

Hello Gingercat:

Listen to what EICHE has posted, he/she has it right. The complications of either T1 or T2 are the same, you must not ignore this disease, T2 c/b reversed, I'm doing it presently & I'm elderly but I was elderly when struck down with adult onset T2!

Good luck to you,

MannaSage (USA based)

 

[gingercat]

Hello Gingercat:

Listen to what EICHE has posted, he/she has it right. The complications of either T1 or T2 are the same, you must not ignore this disease, T2 c/b reversed, I'm doing it presently & I'm elderly but I was elderly when struck down with adult onset T2!

Good luck to you,

MannaSage (USA based)

Dear MannaSage,

Thank you for taking the time out to reply. I do feel as if I am getting used to the idea which to me is a massive step. :roll:
I hope you are keeping well?

 

[jumbleannie1VDJQ]

Hi Gingercat, Don't be so hard on yourself. Over the past two years I have gone through all the phases quoted above and I am still drifting between bargaining and acceptance, so for someone who was recently diagnosed, and has all your problems, putting it to the back of your mind is quite normal. We all put our kids first, that too is normal, but you also need to look after yourself. This forum is a great place to start, and the advice on here has kept me sane through some tough times. Keep reading and keep posting. You are not alone

 

[squishychickfi]

Hi I can understand a little of what you are going through as I have a son with ASD and ADHD and know how much time you spend on trying to make sure they are safe and sorted - and you have that x 3!
I also understand the denial bit - I did too, but am trying to turn it round! It is hard and I have lapsed, but the people on here are great and are so supportive so hopefully when you have problems and feel low you can come on here and chat.

And from me a big hug xxx

 

[gingercat]

Hi jumbleannie and squishychickfi,

Thanks for your kinds and understanding words. It is nice to know that they are people out there you have similar probs too.


Thanks again and I will keep posting!
:mrgreen:
:lol:

 

[JUSTFOCUS]

Hi gingercat
firstly i really don't know how youve kept your sanity with so much goin on
you are a wonderfull mother to your children. I feel your another genuine case of the current financial crisis our country is in ( few measly hours break ) Is no way good enough your tests scores are very high to say the least .I think you should certainly be entitled to more help. Would your Gp be able to write you a letter so you can push your case forward for chilcare entitlement. Please keep us informed and i wish you and your children all the luck in the world x JF

 

[viviennem]

Hi Gingercat

You sound to me as if you've been doing a great job coping so far. Denial is a perfectly natural reaction, and don't beat yourself up about feeling down/angry - you don't need this! But unfortunately you've got it.

Look at it this way - you have to take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life, because if anything happened to you, what would happen to your kids? Take time out, as and when you can, to look after yourself. Even the odd 10 minutes making yourself feel better will make everyone else in your life feel better too. While you are coming to terms with the diabetes thing, call in a few favours and ask your friends and relations to help out a bit while you get your head round things. I'm sure there will be people out there able and willing to help out.

Even little things, like getting someone to come round and sit while you have a long, slow, hot bubble bath, will do wonders for you, 'cos you won't be always listening out for the kids while you're in the bath!

And yes, go to your GP and push for his/her assistance in getting whatever support is available in your area. You deserve it!

Big hugs to all of you

Viv

 

[gingercat]

Dear Justfocus & Viv,

Thank you so much for your caring posts. Although I felt silly posting this, I am glad I did now as the replies have been great. Fortunately, I do have a great GP - she is involved in trying to get us extra help but my son's social worker is not really up to the job and so here we are. :|

Anyway, I plod on and hope! But thank you for your kind words and virtual hugs! xx

 

[gingercat]

Hi again,

Sorry I meant to add that all children who are classed as disabled are allocated a social worker. After this they are then supposed to get care for that child. Therein lies the problem, because each county is different in how they allocate their budget, ie, my county which is Cambridgeshire, use both Crossroads and their own community support workers. A child's hours are decided by a panel! We were allocated 10 hours a month! :evil: :evil: We have taken it further up the social services ladder and they agreed and insisted our son's social worker get us extra hours with immediate effect, that was back in December. The extra support would be in either extra hours from the community support or a link family. A link family would have been ideal as they have our son overnight!
But of course with a new government some changes will follow such as what is happening with the disability living allowance which my son gets. Oh well....

 

[viviennem]

You could always contact your MP. A good site is the parliament web-site (can't remember the url, but google 'parliament'). It has all the MPs direct email addresses, so you could probably find yours. Most of them, I don't care which party they are, have no idea about how real people live! :shock: Just send a simple email, listing your kids, their problems, your problems, how much help you get, and ask how your MP would cope? politely!

Copy it to your local newspaper - their email address will also be available by google-ing to find their website - and sit back to see what happens :roll:

At worst, you'll get some satisfaction from having done it. At best - who knows?

Viv

PS it's parliament .uk; go to 'Lords and Commons', and if you look around a bit you'll be able to search either by constituency or by your MP's name. Their email addresses are there. I plague the life out of mine - I pay his wages!! And I always get a reply, though some are more useful than others. I haven't started on him about diabetes yet! V

Anyone who gives a retired intelligent woman access to the internet deserves all they get! V

 

[jaykay]

Hey gingercat! Do you have a good support network of other mums of special needs children? I know they can be a fantastic resource. My friend has one rugrat with Down's Syndrome and one within the autistic spectrum and I think she's wonderwoman coping with just those 2! She was also diagnosed T2 about a year or so ago. If you would like a chat with her I could ask her if she minds me giving you her e-mail address. Her children are a bit older than yours I think and she has a huge amount of experience with fighting the 'powers that be' on her childrens behalf but also on trying to get the balance right. She might be able to give you some words of wisdom

 

[bernie.freeman]

Hi Gingercat,
What an amazing lady you are !!!! You are an inspiration to us all.

i too was in denial for quite a long time, I realised the implications of not controlling my diabetes, I am now careful with my diet, however I do have days when I find it hard to stay in control. Keeping the carbs as low as you can is the key, it is not easy but it is worthwhile.

Keep up the good work matey.

Bernie

 

[gingercat]

You could always contact your MP. A good site is the parliament web-site (can't remember the url, but google 'parliament'). It has all the MPs direct email addresses, so you could probably find yours. Most of them, I don't care which party they are, have no idea about how real people live! :shock: Just send a simple email, listing your kids, their problems, your problems, how much help you get, and ask how your MP would cope? politely!

Copy it to your local newspaper - their email address will also be available by google-ing to find their website - and sit back to see what happens :roll:

At worst, you'll get some satisfaction from having done it. At best - who knows?

Viv

PS it's parliament .uk; go to 'Lords and Commons', and if you look around a bit you'll be able to search either by constituency or by your MP's name. Their email addresses are there. I plague the life out of mine - I pay his wages!! And I always get a reply, though some are more useful than others. I haven't started on him about diabetes yet! V

Anyone who gives a retired intelligent woman access to the internet deserves all they get! V

hi Viv, good idea! :wink: :wink: :mrgreen: