Duck jokes !!!

[Hobs]

Johnny Cochran was duck hunting in Montana recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot. A farmer suddenly pulled up in his pick-up truck, jumped out, and asked Mr. Cochran what he was doing on his property. "Retrieving this duck that I just shot", he replied. "That duck is on my side of the fence, so now its mine," replied the farmer.

Mr. Cochran asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to. "No", replied the farmer, "I don't know, and I don't care." "I am Johnny Cochran, famous lawyer from Los Angeles", came the reply. "I am the lawyer that got O.J. Simpson off. I'm the reason he is a free man today. And if you don't let me get that duck, I can sue you for your farm, your truck, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless on the street."

"Well," said the farmer, "In Montana the only law we go by is the kicks law." "Never heard of it," said Johnny. The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3 times, and if you make it back to your feet and are able to kick me back 3 times, that duck is yours." Cochran thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured he could take this old farmer. "Fair enough," he said.

So the farmer kicked Johnny violently in the groin. As he was doubling over, the farmer kicked him in the face, and when he hit the ground, he kicked him hard in the ribs. After several moments, Johnny slowly made it back to his feet.

"Alright, now it's my turn," said Johnny trying to stand upright. . . .

"Aw, forget it," said the farmer. "You can have the duck."

 

[cugila]

Duck jokes !!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Hobs .......- just lurve jokes about Ducks ! Brings back so many happy memories. :twisted:

 

[cugila]

Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St Peter says, "We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks."

They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man."

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He is tall, tanned, slim and muscular.

St Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity."

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

 

[noblehead]

Duck jokes...............mmmm! There's one big Duck joke that resides on another forum, to read his dribble is more laughable than any joke! :wink: :lol:

Nigel 8)

 

[Hobs]

Building site duck

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck"!
"I see you're eyes are working" replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see you're ears are working" says the duck, "now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly," says the landlord, " sorry about that, it's just we don't get many talking ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road" explains the duck.
So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for about 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ring leader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him: "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous" says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call, he could earn thousands"
So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The landlord says,"Hey Mr Duck I reckon I can line you up with a top job. Paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus" says the landlord.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right" replies the landlord.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?"
"That's right!" says the landlord
The duck looks confused. "What the hell do they want with a plasterer?"