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Family and diabetes

Discussion in 'Type 2 Diabetes' started by HpprKM, Aug 30, 2014.

  1. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    Btw no he does not have a supportive nurse. Sees neurologist once a year and nurse once a year ie hospital once every 6 months. He tells them and GP he is doing ok. He cannot or will not see the problems.
     
  2. donnellysdogs

    donnellysdogs Type 1 · Master

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    The carers are so often forgotten.

    Fist off make sure you are registered with your gp as your partners carer. This does make a difference and they need to know.

    Second- if your husband needs a care plan, then make sure you ask for one. GP's have to give 2% of their patients a care plan. It's up to them who they choose, but you can ask for one. Again, this is necessary for some of the future possibiltity of difficulties to be taken off you.

    Personally, I hate talking diabetes to friends or family that aren't diabetic. Why should my illness of 30+years impact on others? Yes, I'm type 1 so easier to manage, but life doesn't revolve around an illness. So I wonder why you should be needing to talk about your diabetes to others?
    I know I have 2 friends coming round for a chinese tomorrow night, but my choice of food will be my choice.. And nobody will say anything about my choices etc. so I just wonder why your diabetes is subject of conversation with his family? To my non diabetic friends or family nobody except my mum ;who I have banned!) ever talks about my diabetes. Never. There is so much good to talk about, why weigh others down with illnesses?

    I know the latter paragraph is hard to read, i just try to also see things from 'outside the box'.

    If you have both got wills, "living wills" DNR's wtc and you have both discussed short n longterm plans together and have these written down then I do not understand talking of illnesses with family... You have to have your life's sorted out first with wills, carer registered, care plans, DNR's etc etc and then tell children etc your wishes..

    Then tey to move on with your life's and enjoy them. Diabetes is a serious, critical illness but not one that that needs to be at top of list of chats..
     
  3. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    Very quickly as late. Wills are something I tried to broach. Hit a brick wall, long term care is an important issue. But cannot come out and simply say so. Very delicate situ.
     
  4. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    Hubbies illness is causing lots of confusion with his family and caused friction. They have no idea of difficulties and ends up me being bad guy. Just gets too much.
     
  5. donnellysdogs

    donnellysdogs Type 1 · Master

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    Totally understand that... Are you registered as Carer n does he have Care plan?

    Really difficult when family or friends can't see reality, and future....
     
  6. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    Hi It's very difficult with a partners children, so I know exactly how you feel. As for your diabetes, do you take Insulin, or hypo unawareness, complications with eye's ,or kidneys etc ?( sorry, didn't have time to look properly), as this could play a big part on your diabetes management with worry and stress. Take care ps I am a carer for my elderly dad and it is not easy, there are 5 of us, but I am the only one who bothers.

    Take good care, with my best wishes.
     
  7. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, no only metformin, not really complaining about db, but everyone looks to me as fit one all the time. Row caused by hubbie not passing on correct info. I tried to tell his daughters he gets muddled but I feel they think I am just criticising their dad. Asked them to come directly to me re arrangements etc but they still don't. Think they feel I should cope but sometimes it gets toi much. Most of all, without being unkind, I need a break.
     
  8. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    I also cared for elderly parents in mid 80s, it feels the same except hubbie just 63.
     
  9. Ruth B

    Ruth B Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    The Parkinsons' website might be bleak reading but unfortunately that s the case with Parkinsons, maybe you can get his daughters to look at it, it might be the wake up they need as to how bad it can get and what you are having to cope with. If you are concerned about joining the forum then maybe you could find relavant threads there, other people may have had similar problems. I don't know if your husband would be interested in learning more as well, it might be worth joining together, it might help him understand the pressure you are under looking after him.

    Unfortunately everyone is different and has a different way of coping with disease, for years my Father refused to admit to it, the tremor was a side effect of some other medication. Then he was admitted to hospital for something else and they sent the specialist nurse to see him and she told him in no uncertain terms it was Parkinsons, she wouldn't let him deny it any longer. It was harsh but in the long run it helped as he now has the proper treatment.
     
  10. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    Appreciate all of this, daughters promise to get involved. Hubbie very independent won't admit to things unless forced and I have mentioned therapy, he just said won't help. His speech is difficult to understand I said he could get therapy for that. We are getting there but it is very painful and stressful progress.
     
  11. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    I did try to start a thread on here for PK and DB but little response.
     
  12. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    Quick update his daughters not getting involved. One of his daughters got quite snippy about it so I gave up.
     
  13. Ruth B

    Ruth B Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Maybe its time to be the 'Wicked Witch' so to speak if they are refusing to help or acknowledge that you are doing your best. I don't know how much contact the daughters have with their Father, but leaving them alone with him while you do other things might help. After all you have to have your diabetic eye checks to make sure you aren't going blind. Try being blunt as it seems that asking nicely is just being thrown back at you. It seems that his daughters need to wake up and realise that both of you are ill even if the Parkinsons is more obvious.

    I should add that I don't have children or step children, so maybe I am not the best advisor on how to handle them.:)
     
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  14. donnellysdogs

    donnellysdogs Type 1 · Master

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    I like Ruths answer above.. I would do the same tbh, leave them alone for a whole day or even a weekend to be with your hubby.

    I wonder if it is because they don't want to be burdened with any care? Physically, I mean.
     
  15. Brunneria

    Brunneria Other · Guru

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    Like Ruth B, I suggest you leave them alone together for a while.

    I would suggest a whole week. You obviously need a break, and they need to get to experience reality.

    Have you got any friends you haven't seen for a while?
     
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  16. mo53

    mo53 Type 2 · Expert

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  17. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    Nice idea, but there is no way they would stay with him, he'd just stay at home, they visit for few hours. The daughter who got snippy apparently recently asked him, at family bbq, if he needed helped getting potatoes from dish to plate and both said they were worried about his driving - yet she states she has seen no decline. Other daughter seemed to recognise some things about PK and she suggested the family councelling. Referred onto her sister - who messaged me saying she asked her dad if he was doing ok and he said he was and she didn't see that we had family issues. I explained that it was PK meetings for family and carers but she didn't want to know. I finally replied that we would leave it as she felt her dad is ok. Up against a brick wall the three of them thick as thieves, their mother is out of their lives. Snippy daughter, almost argued with my daughter by insisting PK is not a horrible disease. It may be she can't face it, but she also said that her dad like her and keeps stiff upper lip. All well and dandy in some situations, or for them. As for my diabetes, after 18 years when for many years I thought we got on well I am sorry to say this last week was an eye opener. Myself, daugher and her family are the outsiders - I really don't think how I feel matters. So as far as this goes I am in alone - at least for now. But thanks for advice.
     
  18. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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    Loved the Wicked Witch suggestion, but think I'm already the proverbial wicked stepmother. Recently organised famiky bbq for hubbies birthday as we woukd be away on the actual date, the trouble I had trying to get day and time right for them you'd think I was doing something to upset them. Never again!
     
  19. Anie

    Anie Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    How old are the daughters?
     
  20. HpprKM

    HpprKM · Well-Known Member

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