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Finally Cracked

Discussion in 'Alternative Treatments' started by Faith*, May 13, 2013.

  1. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    Hi all,

    So here's my story because I think I've finally cracked over the weekend.

    Type 1 diagnosed in 1996 aged 10. Been on injections until 2009 where I started a pump. Since being on the pump my control has definitely improved dramatically. Current HBA1c is 6.7% which I'm so chuffed with as it's the lowest I've ever been. I've become obsessed with weighing absolutely everything to ensure the correct amount of insulin is given. All my basals have pain stakingly been worked out and I am on the correct I:C ratios.

    Been looking after my mum for years as she has had numerous operations for various things, then she was bullyed in work and became heavily depressed, I ended up having to look after her, cook, clean, motivate her etc. Thankfully she's now fully recovered on medication and is looking after herself. She's told me I need to let her go now as she's ok and to start worrying about myself, Obviously this is hard for me as I'm so used to always being at the phone ready to 'pick' her back up etc.

    Since then I'm planning my wedding which is happening in less than 3 months. I'm really excited but obviously this has it's stresses.

    My job in the last 2 years I'm wondering if it has taken it's toll on me, it's become increasingly stressful, i'm working extra hours over my limit, taking flack of the managers etc and being blamed for things I cannot control (they know this but still insist I could do better at reporting breaches etc). I wonder if my job has added to my little breakdown.

    Over the last year I've had no periods and lost interest in sex, I went to a specialist who said even though my hormones are in normal range there slightly lower so she put me on the contraceptive pill. Which I swear have made me moody, aggitated/aggressive so i've stopped them.

    Anyway over the weekend I just cried uncontrollable for hours on end, my partner didn't know what to do with me, ended up going to mum's for a bit and we had a good chat. She thinks i've been depressed for years - but you see I always just get on with it and put it at the back of my mind as there is always something else I have to think about. When I think about it she might be right though. My partner and I are ok, we had a long chat and he is as understanding as he can be really.

    So my question is, do you think it's all got to me and I'm heading towards anxiety / depression?

    I've got an appointment at the Docs tomorrow to have a chat with them. Thing is I don't really want to be on anti depressants if i don't need to be on them, i'm already looking for a new job so if it's work that's got me down surely I'll feel better once I leave - I even contemplated handing in my notice and just going on the temp agencies but obviously that would be incredibly stupid.

    I'm short tempered, really angry and I don't know why and writing this I'm starting to cry a little. Am I depressed guys? I don't understand why I've been fine and now I'm not?

    I'm so sorry for the length of this post... I don't know who else to talk to at the moment....
     
  2. robert72

    robert72 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Faith, you poor thing - you've really been through a lot and it's no wonder you're feeling like you do now. You really need to see your doctor tomorrow and tell him your story. None of us are doctors here, but if he offers you anti-depressants they would probably help you through this.
     
  3. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks robert72. It's so strange because I'm usually fine and just get on with it. I don't know where this has all come from lol
     
  4. izzzi

    izzzi Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi,Faith :)
    You are just GREAT,
    I think reading your thread has revealed the 3 most important priorities for you right now , Your Mum,Your Partner and this lovely Wedding.
    Sorry but this so called job you have is exactly what your mum has experienced ( a form of bulling).And you young lady are letting them get away with it.
    Let your Mum see her little girl happy and enjoy the good stress together sorting out things for the wedding.
    You Partner seems strong and will support you all the way.
    You are also right not to leave work just yet, however give them hell and throw all your bad stress back in there face.
    All I wish is you have a lovely and well deserved Wedding.
    Of what you have done for your mum,"and you will always be there for her", must be the reason for you to be strong.
    Your Doctor will listen to you and wont prescribe medicine that you don't want.

    Again all the best to you and your Partner, Wedding Bliss.

    Roy. :)
     
  5. weeezer

    weeezer · Well-Known Member

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    First off, virtual (((((hug)))))) I have been against anti depressants forever, thought there are far better ways to address problems. Won't go into it, but have had a tough and fairly stressful few years. Have been offered ad's on a few occasions by docs, always refused. I wasnt depressed, just always anxious and worried about health.

    Tried counselling and a cbt anxiety course, both v helpful. But found myself there again recently, but this time in a more desperate way. Had a huge panic attack out of nowhere and was extremely shocked and embarrassed at the time (was catching up with a friend I hadn't seen for years! Bad timing or what!). Ended up a complete wreck at docs surgery.

    Anyway, this time, I accepted the help of anti-depressants, unwillingly but desperately. Honestly? I didn't expect much, but this is my 5th week on them, and I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel I've been stuck in. I've actually enjoyed my day today, it's the only day I get child free (up to 330 anyway! Big one @school, little one @preschool) and I have dreaded it, the thought of being alone - and in this weird mind set, awful.

    So, my advice, accept help if its offered. Wish i had ages ago. You have been through a lot. I never had a problem being diabetic for years, but it takes it's toll. That's not to say you can't be in control, but sometimes it's overwhelming. Which adds to it all!

    You are not alone!




    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  6. hot lily

    hot lily Type 1 · Newbie

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    Dear Faith,
    You need to prioritise yourself. Do things you want to do. Plan a fabulous honeymoon. Give up the rotten job. It will be ok. Live up to your name and have faith in yourself and the Universe. We are not here to be unhappy. Your job is to look after yourself - if you are not ok then you are no good to anyone else. Give yourself permission to enjoy life and do whatever it takes. You are a good and worthwhile person who deserves to be happy, and you will be. Go and see your GP. Find a Tai Ji class - it's great therapy. Sent with love.
     
  7. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    thank you so much, I know I'm not alone but I think you do forget sometimes don't you. I've tried to be a little more positive and try to 'look forward' to off-loading on the docs in the morning.

    I burst out crying at lunch and then couldn't stop laughing at why I was crying so that was a funny 20 minutes. :crazy: I think for the first time ever, even though I've always half understood, but now I really understand what this feels like (Sorry if this is making no sense, my brain has practically switched off today).

    Your all right, we can't wait for our honeymoon, off to the Lake District, UK. We can't afford anything bigger just yet but I think it will be a welcome relief. Hopefully the sun will come out.

    I don't know what to say to work really, should I tell them I'm having a mini breakdown? I'm scared they'll use it against me and I'll end up in a similar situation that my mum was in....? I work in the NHS too, the good the bad and very ugly!

    - Thank you - this made me smile. I will try. I'll have a think over this weekend about my options, even if I can find something part time but permanent maybe.



    Weeezer
    - Same, I'm trying to weigh it up, I should probably just take it if offered like you said, I guess I wouldn't need them eventually.
    I'm glad you've had a good day today - hope you got on ok if you went out for your little exercise trial. sounds like you've been through the ringer as well. Would you say it took a few weeks for the tablets to work then? I guess there is no harm in trying it out for a while. Maybe I do need a bit of a boost..

    hot lily
    I've just arranged my first bridesmaids fittings to cheer myself up. Thank you xx
     
  8. qbix

    qbix · Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    Definitely speak to the doctor. I had a lot of nasty things happen in my life over the last 6 years. Too many to go into. I have been going to counselling for last 3, and my wife finally persuaded me to go to the doctors. I have been prescribed prozac and have been taking them for just over 2 weeks. I feel like they might be starting to work now as I haven't been really low for a week or so now, but my wife still thinks I am not me. If you do get prescribed ads then you need to give them enough time to work.

    Good luck and keep us posted

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  9. mickey121

    mickey121 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    A short course of tablets will give you the break to start getting your life back in perspective good luck for the future


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  10. CollieBoy

    CollieBoy Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Faith*,
    Let it all out!
    Here, hopefully you are among people who understand,or try to understand. If we can't help, we can let you unload it all and you can find your own solution.
    Good luck. :thumbup: :thumbup:
     
  11. noblehead

    noblehead Type 1 · Guru
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    Faith ,sounds like you have had an awful time of late and I hope writing the above has helped in some way, good luck at the doctors tomorrow and I hope you and your partner have a long and happy life together.

    btw, I really think a change in job would do you the world of good... although I appreciate its easier said than done!
     
  12. weeezer

    weeezer · Well-Known Member

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    Job wise...my brother just resigned and left his job as a primary school teacher. He deliberated over the decision for such a long time, he felt like a failure, but also couldn't continue at the same level, his mental and physical health was declining at a steady rate. He finally quit and his stress is over! He is doing supply now until he figures out what to do next, but has got some breathing space back.

    If your job is that stressful, it isn't healthy for you! Could you start looking for another one? Or even temping like you suggested? would give you space to breathe like my bruv. You've got loads to look forward to and it would be lovely to be able to do that rather than in a stressful state. Xx


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  13. weeezer

    weeezer · Well-Known Member

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    To answer your q, yep I think the first couple of weeks didnt feel different (just completely wiped out & knackered at night! But this was lovely, to actually want to sleep & be able to was lush!) after 2-3 weeks felt a cloud lifting and this weekend and today (week 5) is the best I've felt in aaaaages, just felt 'normal' and able to enjoy normal things! Didnt realise I hadn't been at all.

    Hope the chat with doc is good, and you work something out. I realise they're not the right solution for everyone. X


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  14. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    Aaahhh faith bless your heart, things just come to ahead sometimes. I look after my elderly parent, its very hard and I had to get up there yesterdaymorning, Sundaym, by taxi, because he was taken ill, I was very worried, GP came to see him at 4,45pm, a relative was sounding off on the phone, but I felt so alone, just waiting on my own, trying to clear up stuff and a few tears as well, hoping he would be ok. I do understand where you are coming from. It's hard being a carer and trying to cope with medical issues as well, juggling so many balls in the air. Hang on in there, your partner sounds wonderful and I'm sure your wedding will be wonderful too. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're not superwoman and you can't do it all.

    Take care with my very best wishes RRB : )
     
  15. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    Yes just writing it all down made it all a bit more real actually. I have been looking for a new job for a long time but no luck, I keep saying I'm daft and should just be lucky I'm in a job given the current situation of the world but as you said, would probably be better if I did leave. Thanks for your kind words,
     
  16. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    wow, I'm glad he's doing well, that must have taken a lot of strength to go ahead and leave his job. At least he can think more about what he wants to do as you say. My job has been quite stressful from day one really but I just kept on going and tried to muzzle through (don't want to kick up a fuss when you first start do you - and then you get sucked in)
    Kit, my partner, has said that we can manage for a few months if I do want to leave and get something part time, I'm just petrified to do so. I don't want to stress myself out even more.

    At least maybe I'll feel a little more happier for my wedding, I've got 3 months left to 'perk up' and get myself excited for it x
     
  17. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. How long have you been caring for your parent? Hope they're ok? I find that too, family get involved expecting you to take care of it all. My family don't help. They just praise me for 'having to deal with my mother'. I think only now do I fully understand how mum's felt all these years.
     
  18. weeezer

    weeezer · Well-Known Member

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    Faith*

    How did you get on at the docs?? Hope they were helpful and you've got an action plan x


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  19. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    Sorry, my mind has been everywhere today,
    Well, I burst out crying the minute I got into the doctors. My mum ended up having to tell them what had been going on until I calmed down. Felt so embarrassed. She basically said that she thought I had depression 100% so she's given me Citalapram 10mg for 28 days just to check i'm ok on it and she's going to review me in 3 weeks and prescribe a longer course of the Citalapram as long as I've been ok on it. So that's good.

    Still feel completely emotionless though. I forced myself to clean the house as I used to love cleaning, it used to cheer me up... nothing tonight though.

    I feel happier that this might help to perk me up a little. One day at a time until then x :)
     
  20. weeezer

    weeezer · Well-Known Member

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    Same stuff & same dose I'm on, prepare yourself for the tiredness! (Doesn't last) Really glad doc listened, good job you had your mum there for support. I am still cynical, but honestly do feel so much more able to cope after a few weeks on them.

    So pleased you've got a way forward x


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
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