Husband refusing to accept T2

Messages
12
Hubby was diagnosed T2 10 years ago, in mid 30's.

Had been doing really well during all that time with diet /exercise / testing x6 per day. Then about 2 years ago, our (pretty good) GP said it was ok to not test, and just get the HbA1c done every 3 months, and took the tester strips off his prescription. (He was then on 2x 500 metformin.) From that point his bloods steadily rose, as he seemed to lose interest in exercise, and starting eating the junk he used to have before being diagnosed. His meds were increased to 2x850 metformin and 1x30mg gliclazide last summer, when his HbA1c was 66. Still he continued to eat what he liked, and only do some occasional exercise. He was due for another HbA1c test last October, but didn't go. At Christmas he got the flu, so had to see his GP, who booked him for a fasting blood test. It came back at over 100 - (he wouldn't tell me the exact figure, but said it equated to something like 16 in old money.)

His GP gave him a talking too. Increased his glicazide to 2x30mg, (plus the 2x850 metformin), put tester strips back on his prescription, and said he must test, and get his bloods down. I thought getting such a high HbA1c may have shocked him into taking action, but here we are 4 weeks later, with no real changes to diet, and him only testing occasionally once a day before breakfast. The other day we had a massive row in the supermarket, when he was putting cake and biscuits into the trolly. I said he shouldn't be doing that -he said he didn't care. I had to leave the shopping to him, and go to the car for a good cry. He has a wife and 2 daughters who love him. I want us to have a long and happy time together, but he seems to have hit the self destruct button, and there is nothing I can say or do to change it. He is a loving a gentle man, but very stubborn. I try and do him healthy / low carb food wherever possible, but he snacks on junk. IE last night I made a chicken and veg casserole. He had that; then a hour later ate the best part of a family packet of crisps. The other night he brought in a choc Boost bar he'd got from the petrol station. I am at a complete loss as to how to try and help him go back to his good ways.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed to get it all off my chest....
 

douglas99

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,572
Type of diabetes
I reversed my Type 2
Treatment type
Other
Maybe he just doesn't like low carb?

Have you tried swopping his snacks for low Gi food, and trying to wean him off that that way?

Corn tortilla chips aren't bad with me, maybe not family sizes admittedly.
I made a corn mal loaf last night, a slice of that with the stew maybe?

I have the occasional oat biscuit with low fat cheese, and almond flour cakes aren't bad.
 

pavlosn

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,705
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
It sounds to me that there might be deeper issues behind your husband's self destructive behavior than just not liking low carb food.

You say that he was diagnosed ten years ago and he managed successfully for most of the years since. Yes, there is always the danger that we may grow tired of always doing the right thing. There is the danger that we may grow complacent. But his deteriorating HbA1c scores should have shook him out of any complacency.

So why does he persist with the self destructive behavior?

I suspect that this has something to do with his age; we men tend to go a bit crazy as we reach the mid forties and realize that we are not as young as we once were!

You need to talk to him about your concerns and explain calmly about how you feel and about your fears. Try talking to him not only about diabetes but about your life in general, your plans and hopes for the future.

Talk to him and give him space for him to give you his thoughts when he is good and ready. But do not pressure him for these or to take better care of himself. Sometimes the more someone argues that we should do something the more we resist.

At the end of the day he is the only one who can decide to take better care of himself. Frustrating as it may be, you can not do this for him, nor can you be there all the time to police him.

At least he is now testing his fasting sugars so that is a start in the right direction.


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 

Andy12345

Expert
Messages
6,342
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
Doctors
lol douglas

hi, im sorry to hear your story :( it must be so frustrating, watching him destruct :( at the end of the day all you can do is try to steer him in the right direction, you cant force him to change, is he aware of the needless suffering he could cause himself and you guys? maybe print out the dangers of complications and get your girls to give it to him, perhaps that will tug on hes heart strings, making him low carb options is an amazingly good idea but if hes going to buy and eat the junk food it is pointless, he so very lucky to have such a caring loving wife, i wished i could give you a secret weapon to make him wake up to it but im afraid i dont know the answer :( hopefully someone will come along with some ideas to help you help him

best wishes


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2 people

pavlosn

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,705
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
lol douglas

hi, im sorry to hear your story :( it must be so frustrating, watching him destruct :( at the end of the day all you can do is try to steer him in the right direction, you cant force him to change, is he aware of the needless suffering he could cause himself and you guys? maybe print out the dangers of complications and get your girls to give it to him, perhaps that will tug on hes heart strings, making him low carb options is an amazingly good idea but if hes going to buy and eat the junk food it is pointless, he so very lucky to have such a caring loving wife, i wished i could give you a secret weapon to make him wake up to it but im afraid i dont know the answer :( hopefully someone will come along with some ideas to help you help him

best wishes


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
I do not know how young your girls are but, personally, I would only bring them into this as a last resort. He may resent you involving them if he takes that as you using them against him. The whole experience may also be upsetting for the girls.

Pavlos


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 

AndBreathe

Master
Retired Moderator
Messages
11,323
Type of diabetes
I reversed my Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
As a stubborn person whose OH can be stubborn2, we have had the odd stand-off over the years. One thing I do know is that pushing and pushing a stubborn person to change is likely to make them dig in even further.

In your shoes, I would want to have a conversation with him, but it would be more acknowledging the issue than pleading for him to change. I would then ask him to plan the meals for a while, or to compile a list of the meals he would like to eat. You may get some fresh ideas and some of his list might actually be OK, and may give you some common ground to move forward from. If they're all horrendous, diet wise, perhaps you can agree how often you could cook some of his preferences. Food and mealtimes are so fundamental to the dynamic of the family group, it's not good if the dinner table becomes a battle ground.

I am assuming the whole family eats the food you cook, and you're not cooking differently for him?
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2 people
Messages
12
Thanks for you replies and kind words. I am not expecting a miracle over night; and I do appreciate that its him that needs to make the move to change his ways. Our girls are early teens. They understand he needs to eat the right foods to stay healthy. We all eat the same foods together, but he now wants the 'occasional treats' as the regular stuff. He wants to treat himself at the weekend after a long week at work, which is perfectly understandable, but not when they then continue into the week days as well! I did manage to talk to him a bit after Christmas, and he did say that he knew he had to change his ways, but each weekend is always the last one he will have this cake or that sweet, and he will start to exercise again from next week........
 

douglas99

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,572
Type of diabetes
I reversed my Type 2
Treatment type
Other
Thanks for you replies and kind words. I am not expecting a miracle over night; and I do appreciate that its him that needs to make the move to change his ways. Our girls are early teens. They understand he needs to eat the right foods to stay healthy. We all eat the same foods together, but he now wants the 'occasional treats' as the regular stuff. He wants to treat himself at the weekend after a long week at work, which is perfectly understandable, but not when they then continue into the week days as well! I did manage to talk to him a bit after Christmas, and he did say that he knew he had to change his ways, but each weekend is always the last one he will have this cake or that sweet, and he will start to exercise again from next week........

Personally a weekend treat breaks the pattern, and I found it was easier to accept they were gone, and stick to my diet 7 days a week.
It sounds like you husband could be the same, as the diet always starts after the next treat.......

Did he have a low carb diet 10 years ago, then stopped it, or is the low carb a recent diet?
 

Yorksman

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,445
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Sounds like typical mid life blues to me. Men often go through a change mid 40s. Upto that point it might all be about career or finding one's place but sooner or later, possibly subconciously, thats stops and one starts to look at what's left. Few men think about forging ahead in their mid 40s and most start to coast towards retirement.

Love of family and how family members will feel is one thing for him to consider but also he needs to realise that life is not over by any means and that great moments of joy and excitement are still there to be experienced. I too was on a long and slow downhill slope for 15 years and my quality of life suffered. 'Just getting old' is what is I told myself, 'people slow down, get aches and pains, can't do what they used to'. I took solace in a packet of biscuits, many other men take solace down the pub.

I am 60 now and have very definite and active plans for the future. I look forward to holidays and going places with my wife. I want to see new places and try out new things. I have new hobbies and interests. I have met new groups of people. Two years ago I could hardly walk from the hotel to the car park and now I am planning to walk up alpine mountains, cycle along the greenways, give lectures on historical topics, organise groups visits, go sailing and many other things. Your hubby probably needs to find some new interests, convince himself that he is not old and stop resorting to comfort eating.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3 people

pavlosn

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,705
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
I agree with Yorksman that the issue is probably not directly linked with diabetes but with his current state of mind towards life in general. As such it is only when his outlook is sorted that his attitude towards diabetes will improve.

Rather than confronting him about diabetes and food in general which will probably have a counterproductive effect, concentrate on helping him see that there is plenty for him to look forward to in the future. Hopefully the realization that keeping himself healthy for this future is worth the small sacrifices demanded of him today, will soon follow.


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • Like
Reactions: 2 people