I fell off the wagon.

Type2Guy said:

It’s been more than a month since being crowned a diabetic and my head often feels far too heavy from the weight of it all. The monotony of a low carbohydrate diet with portion control and my forced participation in The Hunger Games has left me constantly wanting to retreat to a life before all of this culinary restriction. This afternoon, while working from home, I could not stave off the panic of collapse from setting in as I explored my kitchen cupboards for remains of the past like an alcoholic in contemplative recovery perusing the liquor cabinet, initially as a measure of my success before very quickly devolving into a dangerous game of just-a-taste.

I came across a seemingly impossible forgotten can of Pringles that was being blocked by a concerned Quaker on a large drum of oatmeal like a Just Say No to Drugs bumper sticker on the lamppost of a dealer’s corner. And like any fiend in desperate need of a score, I wasn’t going to let age old wisdom create an obstacle in my self-destructive path towards the Pringle Guy’s sacred starch offering.

I had purchased what seemed like a crate of cans of my favorite ersatz potato chip snack while they were at a very special price about a year ago in a big box store, which I distinctly remember visiting just to walk through their cavernous aisles as exercise to push through the exhaustion and unfortunately not the irony that most of its food was causing me to feel. Fortunately, for their corporate shareholders and unfortunately for their customers, that retail establishment not so subtly plays both sides of a profitable game by providing their everyday low prices on most of the junk food that sends too many like myself directly across the aisle into the pharmacy where they corner the market on the cheapest diabetic supplies anywhere in the country. And even when the vicious cycle eventually peters out for good, it's reassuring to know they have unbeatable prices on caskets.

That first bite of pringle was the miniscule size an anorexic mouse might nibble off just to appease her rightfully concerned mother, but still guiltily enjoyed by allowing the complexity of flavor to echo far beyond the dissolution of its form. And then I took several gluttonous handfuls, the size equivalent of the poor anorexic mouse, her mother, father, twenty siblings and the entire overpopulated neighborhood of Mouseville, shamefully stuffing myself into an almost forgotten state of nausea, delight and for once in a long time a feeling of being full.

I am going to start over again tomorrow. This is really hard at times.

Click to expand...

Type2Guy said:

It’s been more than a month since being crowned a diabetic and my head often feels far too heavy from the weight of it all. The monotony of a low carbohydrate diet with portion control and my forced participation in The Hunger Games has left me constantly wanting to retreat to a life before all of this culinary restriction. This afternoon, while working from home, I could not stave off the panic of collapse from setting in as I explored my kitchen cupboards for remains of the past like an alcoholic in contemplative recovery perusing the liquor cabinet, initially as a measure of my success before very quickly devolving into a dangerous game of just-a-taste.

I came across a seemingly impossible forgotten can of Pringles that was being blocked by a concerned Quaker on a large drum of oatmeal like a Just Say No to Drugs bumper sticker on the lamppost of a dealer’s corner. And like any fiend in desperate need of a score, I wasn’t going to let age old wisdom create an obstacle in my self-destructive path towards the Pringle Guy’s sacred starch offering.

I had purchased what seemed like a crate of cans of my favorite ersatz potato chip snack while they were at a very special price about a year ago in a big box store, which I distinctly remember visiting just to walk through their cavernous aisles as exercise to push through the exhaustion and unfortunately not the irony that most of its food was causing me to feel. Fortunately, for their corporate shareholders and unfortunately for their customers, that retail establishment not so subtly plays both sides of a profitable game by providing their everyday low prices on most of the junk food that sends too many like myself directly across the aisle into the pharmacy where they corner the market on the cheapest diabetic supplies anywhere in the country. And even when the vicious cycle eventually peters out for good, it's reassuring to know they have unbeatable prices on caskets.

That first bite of pringle was the miniscule size an anorexic mouse might nibble off just to appease her rightfully concerned mother, but still guiltily enjoyed by allowing the complexity of flavor to echo far beyond the dissolution of its form. And then I took several gluttonous handfuls, the size equivalent of the poor anorexic mouse, her mother, father, twenty siblings and the entire overpopulated neighborhood of Mouseville, shamefully stuffing myself into an almost forgotten state of nausea, delight and for once in a long time a feeling of being full.

I am going to start over again tomorrow. This is really hard at times.

Click to expand...

Pasha said:

@Type2Guy

Before I had to cut carbohydrates drastically i had gained a lot of experience with "addictions" Mine were cigarettes and red wine,
I didnt really stop smoking, smoking stopped me, heart attack,emergency room etc ,no smoking there. Effective way of giving it up, but very health damaging. Later on I slowly discovered the joys and pleasures of wine, red wine, all varieties and very generous amounts. I soon slowly realised that I was beginning to develop a problem with controlling the amount I drank, so I knew I needed to stop. I did it overnight. It was pure hell going through the withdrawal. Now I am 26 years without cigarettes and two and a half years without a drink of red wine so thats well behind me.

Giving up carbohydrates was very hard, but I had the strong determination and knowledge/experience gained from the above situations. So that you can see that everybody must choose the pathway that suits their character traits. Alisonjane can eat a SMALL PORTION of everything , I cannot , and must shut out completely many foods. I dont even keep them in the house, if I dont see them I dont think about them. Even now I can break loose with a wild uncontrolled attack on a jar of sour cream or a big lump of Pecorino cheese. Of course these slips are rare, the secret is to hold low stocks of food in the house.

By the way my wife makes toast every morning, filling the house with its enticing aroma.I had to get used to that. She eats chocolates, fancy fruits, roast potatoes etc. I sit opposite her at mealtime and like in a Woody Allen film see all those goodies as big lumps of glucose with diabetic tentacles. ie its all in the head.

All the best for finding your own pathway, just tough it out and dont give up., after all YOUR FUTURE depends on it.

Click to expand...

Jaylee said:

@Type2Guy great post. Though I feel it's important not to "beat yourself up". I did find your acount of the last Pringle temptation an enthralling & entertaining write up. Thanks!

@Pasha I'm not a man of "faith". I personally attribute the events in the bible surrounding exodus to a volcano erupting somewhere in Santorini Greece? Though I do respect the essence of your link.

Peace to you both..

Click to expand...

Pasha said:

Type 2guy had mentioned earlier that he ate according to the rules or laws of kaskrut. It was in that context that I looked for an article that would be relevant to his needs. Everything to do with his beliefs, nothing to do with mine, I am totally atheist.
Shalom.

Click to expand...