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i want this to end

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by gabi__, Apr 9, 2021.

  1. gabi__

    gabi__ · Newbie

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    hi my name is gabriela i’m actually 14 but needed to talk
    i have diabetes and i’m so tired my blood levels are out of control and i feel ashamed of myself because of it, for the past month i have done nothing but cry about this i worry about the present and future, how will i get a partner a job a life with diabetes! it will get worse as i get older and i am so scared. i hate that i have to do things differently and miss out on things that other people think are everyday normal things i hate saying that i can’t eat something because i’m disabled i hate it all!! i have a phycology appointment on the 16/4 but i don’t think it’s going to help i don’t want to live on like this. i am sick and tired of everything
     
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  2. Morganconti

    Morganconti · Newbie

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    Hi Gabi, I’m Morgan and I’m 16. I know I’m much older but going to try to help. I feel what your saying, blood sugar levels are almost impossible to get perfect!! I think we all get upset with it at times because it is very hard to handle, but you are doing amazing!! I used to experience the same thing with being left out due to my diabetes. It’s not fair but the only thing you can do is educate. Maybe, try teach your friends a little or I actually hosted diabetes day at my school to learn about diabetes. I hope your appointment goes well, diabetes can be tough and speaking about it is always a good thing. Please don’t give up, I promise that it will get better with time.
     
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    #2 Morganconti, Apr 10, 2021 at 12:19 AM
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2021
  3. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi gabi
    Good for you for posting. It's really brave and good to reach out and to say how you are feeling
    Its a bit late so not sure how many others are still up and posting now but I am sure there will be loads along to offer encouragemt and advice over the next few days.
    I'm type 2nd and a lot older than you so not even in the same boat but I do know from what I read on here that these days people with diabetes do lead long and happy lives. Some where there's a thread where people post who've had it over 60 years. Thereslso threads were other young people post nd I see Morgan has already replied to you.
    I am so sorry you are feeling so bad right now. Its tough being 14 sometimes anyway and if your sugars are playing up that might make you feel physically rough too.

    Sometimes it helps to talk sad feelings with people called the samaritians who are o the phone 24 hours a day and night. The number is 116123
    Or of course your parents would like to know how you feel. We get lots of worried parents posting on here.

    I'm just wittering on becuase i dont really know what say, except we all get down sometimes but having diabetes isn't a life sentence, it can be managed and lived well with. Steve Redgrave the Olympic rower has it, as do lots of other successful people. People with diabetes do find love, have children and careers and you will too.

    I do hope this helps a little. Do keep reading nd posting. Lots of us will be worrying about you and will want to help
     
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  4. EllieM

    EllieM Type 1 · Moderator
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    Welcome to the forums @gabi__ . Most of the UK posters are asleep now so you'll probably get lots more replies in the morning.

    I'm so sorry you are feeling depressed at the moment. It is very common for people to feel depressed at your age and being T1 just adds to your woes. I am 59 (ie ancient by your standards) and have been diabetic since I was 8 and I can honestly say the most miserable time of my life was when I was your age. In fact, whenever I've felt depressed as an adult I look back to my teenage self and remember how miserable I was and it got better, and remembering that time pulls me out of depression.

    Please don't feel guilt or shame about your current levels. Puberty is a crazy time for diabetic control and things will get easier as you get older. Yes, T1 is a pain but modern treatments are infinitely better than when I was your age and I honestly think that the future is very bright for young T1s like you. There are very few things that you can't do as a T1 (I guess astronaut and army is out) and I really don't think it should stop you from any other life goals. There are loads of long term diabetics on here who are still in good health and have had normal careers, partners, children etc etc.

    It's good that you have an appointment next week. Do you also have anyone you can talk to at home about your feelings? (Friends, family?). I understand that it can be hard to tell people how you feel but it helped me.

    Diabetic practicalities. How are you off for treatment? Do you have an insulin pump and/or a cgm such as the freestyle libre? They can make diabetes control a bit easier, though honestly with hormones and stress ploughing through your system I'm not surprised that your levels might be a bit crazy. Some diabetic clinics are friendlier than others, I hope you've got one that understands teenage issues and just doesn't try to blame and scare you into improving your levels.

    Well done for being brave enough to post on here and seek help.

    If you feel like you need to talk to someone confidentially on the phone there are a number of UK helplines for young people who need to talk to someone right now.
    eg

    Childline
    Childline offers 24-hour free, private and confidential service to children and parents throughout the UK. Whatever your worry, whenever you need help, they can help you anytime.
    Tel: 0800 1111

    Good luck. I hope you feel better soon
     
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  5. VashtiB

    VashtiB Type 2 · Moderator
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    Hello and welcome and a virtual hug,

    I am also ancient unlike you but also just wanted to say how courageous you are for posting. It takes real courage to admit how you are feeling.

    Don't be too hard on yourself- 14 is a tough age without anything else- it just is. Trust those who say life will get better. I know it doesn't feel like it though.

    Don't worry about getting a job or a partner- with all the treatment possibilities now your diabetes won't stop you.

    Take care and keep posting- know that there are many here who have been in your shoes and they have turned out to be some of the most amazing people I have ever met.

    Another virtual hug.
     
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  6. searley

    searley Type 1 · Moderator
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    Ok… controlling diabetes aside..

    Relationships.. diabetes is only a small factor and most people won’t be bothered and if they are then they are not the right person anyway. The biggest thing is to make sure you don’t have a serious hypo in the fist few dates as this can scare people.. and if you feel you like the person tell them honestly.. if they are right they won’t care and will even help… I’m 47 and single.. but that’s not due to diabetes.. diabetes has never really been an issue in this sense.. its everything else..


    Work.. nowadays you can do pretty much what you want only a few jobs like airline pilots that you can’t get.. some jobs like I have (HGV driver) have extra hurdles to jump to prove you can do it…. So if you want something go for it.. legally speaking you are disabled and things like the ‘equality act’ are there to help you and companies have to comply. So whether it is working time changes or assignment of duties to others to make the job better it can be done if it’s considered reasonable.

    I’ve not hidden my diabetes from an employer and still not been unemployed

    Unfortunately the diabetes will never go away, but accepting it and doing your best is all you can do.. learning from it as you go and yes it gets easier, but life is still more complicated. Can’t just pop out for a dog walk without having to consider extra stuff like food, insulin, hypo treatment. But for me planning ahead.. and having ‘go bags’ makes things much easier

    The hardest part.. certainly for me is finding some to talk to.. that understands.. I have people I can talk to but most don’t really understand so I feel I’m wasting my time…. I think what you need is someone of a similar age or a couple of years older that is a bit further ahead in their diabetes journey as they will understand what you are going through and offer advice on life issues.. and I see there is already an offer above consider it.


    Ultimately life will be what you make it.. so have the attitude that you are not going to let it get you down..

    All the best -hang in there
     
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    #6 searley, Apr 10, 2021 at 6:54 AM
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2021
  7. In Response

    In Response Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I believe you CAN become an airline pilot with Type 1.
    So, with T1 you can even fly.
     
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  8. luceeloo

    luceeloo Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Another ancient person here!

    Diabetes can be so difficult to cope with because we have to think about it most of the time - and that can be so time-consuming and mentally draining. I had a really tough time dealing with my diabetes recently. I stopped caring about myself, so stopped checking my bloods and stopped using insulin. By the time that I started to physically feel terrible, I realised that I had to do something.
    I was given a psychology appointment too, and from that, I was given counselling. It was tailored towards Diabetes, so it was all about changing my negative feelings about being diabetic, and creating some new positive ways of thinking. It really helped. But it hasn't been easy and wasn't a quick fix. The first couple of appointments will leave you thinking, "What? is that it?" because it's just about the therapist learning information about you and your problems. After that, they get a lot better and more focused on the actual problems. So go into it with an open mind, and be prepared to work towards feeling better.
     
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  9. searley

    searley Type 1 · Moderator
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    I believe there are still limited pilots license’s mostly ppl not commercial

    However things are changing all the time and even if not possible not it will become possible just as it did with hgv
     
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  10. Mike d

    Mike d Type 2 · Expert

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    Nope .... there are commercial airline pilots with T1 ... so incorrect on that score @searley :)
     
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  11. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
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    Hello @gabi__

    Another ancient here :)

    Please talk to someone close about your feelings, talking is good therapy.

    I know at this current time it doesn’t feel like it but the goal for all type 1’s is to live a ‘normal’ life, Ellie mentioned above that puberty throws curve balls as hormones affect glucose control so despite your best intention it will be hard at times to manage your levels, the trick is not to feel guilt for this, it’s like driving a car in the snow when the window wipers don’t work, you can be doing everything right but it’s still impossible to move forward. Take each day slowly and carefully - don’t forecast the future as it’s not possible, set goals that are achievable and each day write down 3 things you are grateful for, whether it’s minor or major but try and see some positives.

    We can help support you here too so don’t feel alone- share your worries and we can help support you x
     
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  12. NicoleC1971

    NicoleC1971 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hello Gabi - how are you doing now? You have your appointment on the 16th but how did you feel hearing from all these diabetics? I hope you are handing on in there and have taken on that type 1 diabetes get how you are feeling and can remember their teens yet the fact that we're chiming in years and years later tells you something!
    I am 50 but got diagnosed aged 10.5 . I got depressed and got an eating disorder which I think had something to do with the diagnosis and is a thing. But I did get my A levels, did go to university, did get boyfriends, get a job, have children even though I can remember thinking thoughts just like yours. I was also badly controlled throughout my 20s and whilst this wasn't consequence free, I am here and much healthier now than some adults who haven't had to think bout all this stuff! I did have a rule that I wouldn't let diabetes stop me doing anything and have continued to follow this. My other rule is not to use it as an excuse or to accept the pity of kindly strangers or relatives. However you don't have to go to your own pity party to at least tell yourself that this is a tough thing to handle as a teen and that you have done so well just to ask for and accept some help. Remember as you go through this that high blood sugars are very tiring mentally and physically so I hope you will give yourself the best chance by taking your jabs. I really hope you get on well with the Psychologist but there are always people hear to listen too.
     
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  13. Jaylee

    Jaylee Type 1 · Moderator
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    Hi,

    Welcome to the forum.

    To be frank. Teens go through these negative outlooks as a matter of course. It's only human. It's all part of finding your way in the world?
    I was diagnosed as an 8 year old. Been teased about certain things, (which can manifest as self doubt.) however looking back I never let it slow me down..
    I certainly wasn't a "model T1" back in my youth.. (What is that anyway?)
    Fluctuating BG levels may set back the more positive thoughts you should be having too? But it's easier said than done when balancing hormones with a night out..

    I certainly won't undermine how you are feeling right now, but my non-D wife found a "journal" (personal diary.) from her teens a few months back & decided to give it a read...
    It's safe to say she's in a secure place now to the young woman writing neatly in the journal..

    Best wishes.
     
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  14. searley

    searley Type 1 · Moderator
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    Excellent so now there are very few barriers on the employment front
     
  15. Rokaab

    Rokaab Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I think you cant be an astronaut, but that kinds makes sense, difficult to get hold of more insulin if you're half way to mars :)
     
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  16. gabi__

    gabi__ · Newbie

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    hell
    hello thank you for the reply honeslty i didn’t think people would actually reply to me but wow!
    i recently (a month or so ago) got the libre freestyle 2 (i am also on the omnipod) although it does help me since i went for a most of 2020 not doing my blood and taking care of myself i keep having highs and it puts me down so much i changes so many things on my pump but nothing is working but i know its because of my lack of schedul since when i was at school everything was fine i had times to eat, exercise by walking to school and around to do my bloods everything had a time
    however now at home it seems to have disappeared
    i think to help myself i have to realise that i am intact not “normal” and i can’t be doing stuff other people are i just learned that i can’t have my tea the way i did because i added a sugary syrup to it however i did overcome that by adding lemons instead into it
    it’s simple things like that; that often get me down and wish that i was just healthy but i try to do my best

    regarding talking to someone of course i have my mom but i don’t like bringing these things up as for my friends they know and don’t care that i have diabetes but i can’t talk to them about it
    that’s why i turned to here i thought that i would just post this and go on but because people replied to me now i feel like i could have someone to understand
    :)
     
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  17. searley

    searley Type 1 · Moderator
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    We are all in the same boat here.. we all suffer one way or another..

    In my case I was ok until the age of 35.. so 35 years of being normal.. then bang all change.. and even more change late last year when I went on pump

    So struggling is nothing to be ashamed of.. not here

    Because we’ve all struggled in our own way… but as you’ve found it’s just ways of making small changes that will make things more bearable

    So come here have a mini rant if it helps

    Xx
     
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  18. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Phew @gabi__
    I am so glad you posted again. I was so worried last night.
    Of course you are normal! Each of us is normal for us, everyone in the world is different to the next person in some way or other. As for your friends they just don't realise yet what diabetes is, but did you know that about half, yes half, of your friends may well get some form of diabetes in their lifetime? You are merely the trend setter, the first and will be the expert they turn too?

    I'll stay mostly out of this now as my knowledge of t1 is minimal, but I am a Mum and know that your Mum would welcome you talking to her rather than excluding her. She's probably worrying herself silly about how best to help you and would so understand if you said to her "Mum some days I don't need you and I want my independence, but other days I don't want to do it all myself and would like you to be more involved. I'm 14 and will probably change my mind several times each day." She'd be so pleased to hear that she'd probably cry, a bit. Mums do!

    We are here for you, so is she and your friends , they just need you to be clear what you need from them as they probably don't know and don't realise.
    Just remember you are not alone, there are thousands of t1s I the uk, and more and more everyday
    Xx
     
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  19. Andydragon

    Andydragon Type 2 · Moderator
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    Hi there

    Everyone is different, therefore no one is “normal” and that’s okay. Well that’s what I think anyway. You have a lot to go through and there are people on here who can relate and be there to talk to.

    we are a very mixed bunch, all of us having different stories

    I agree on covid changing our schedules and that’s hard. You said you have your mum to talk to, so that’s good. Maybe your friends can help too, you said you can’t talk to them about it but friends are there to share with. But if not, share here

    good luck and welcome
     
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    #19 Andydragon, Apr 10, 2021 at 8:48 PM
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2021
  20. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    Awww gabi, bless your heart. You're going through a tough time with everything and it feels like a big cloud is getting darker overhead. Talking about it is a great thing to do, it helps to get emotions out that we shut away or just can't deal with. We think we're alone and no one understands or they can't help, but we know what Type 1 is like and it's a real stinker at times, such a lot to do at times and we wish it would go away, or a cure will be found.
    Your hormones are probably all over the place, but it can get easier, take a stand and tell diabetes it's NOT going to ruin your life, as you are in control. Don't let it overpower you or burden you.
    You could write all the negative diabetes things down, then tear it up, get rid of it. Then start to write more positive things, even the tiniest little thing like testing your BS.
    I had my daughter at 42 1/2 years old, and it was my best diabetes moment ever. As for relationships, you will think differently as you mature and one day, a nice guy will come along and love to have you as his girl. Remember, diabetes is just a small part of who you are, take deep breaths in and out through your mouth.
    Maybe you could find a hobby, something to focus on and enjoy. Do you have any pets, or would you be allowed to get a small pet to love and care for it ?
    Take care X
    ps please go to your appointment.
     
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