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I'm so SICK of diabetes

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by Amina9191, Jan 20, 2015.

  1. Amina9191

    Amina9191 Type 1 · Active Member

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    I've been type 1 for 12 years now and I'm 23 years. I'm just soo sick of it now that I've literally stop caring about it. I really need to get back on track and could really use some support. It's really unfair that I have to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life.
     
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  2. CarbsRok

    CarbsRok Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Put in simple terms life either goes on or stops. So in order for life with quality to go on you need to care for yourself.
    If you do not have a hospital care team then ask your GP to refer you and ask for help. No one will know how you feel unless you say something.
    As to it not being fair to be stuck with it for the rest of your life, think along the lines of it could be worse. There's no reason not to enjoy life and do most things in life just as long as you control your condition and it doesn't control you. :)
     
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  3. AndyS

    AndyS Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hey Amina,

    Sorry to hear that it's gotten to you. On the positive side you have at least admitted that you need to do something though I guess working up to doing something is the hard part.
    The way I often explain what T1 is like to people, when they ask, is it is like work an extra job and a half but one that will kill me if I quit. That gets some odd looks but it certainly is how it feels sometimes.

    I think this is one of the truly insidious parts of this condition is that you do pretty much have to carry most of the responsibility yourself, there is no end in sight, no breaks, no holidays and when you do start to slip all the healthcare community seems to do is berate you. I know that is a sweeping generalisation about HCP's since there are some really good ones but I know that is a common experience.

    How to deal with it is a tricky one since we are all different and our personalities and mental landscapes vary dramatically along with our moods at any one point in time. Maybe a first step is to tell your DSN how you are feeling, my experience is they tend to be the most help and have a much more practical view of the world or T1D management.
    I have had my down ticks with this, even though I have a few years to go to catch up with your 12 years. What seems to have worked for me is to try and simplify the things that I need in order to manage this condition. This really means food and knowing the carb count.
    I will either buy or make a bunch of known CP meals so that I do not have to work it out or think then I can deal with the shots with little or now thought and be confident that it will be correct.

    The other thing I do is just run it one day at a time. I shut down at looking beyond the end of the day, if I get to the end of the day and all the BG's were good then great, if not then forget it and move on to tomorrow.

    All up this approach may not be the best or may not be especially advisable but the point is it works for me.

    I have no doubt that there will be plenty of other great advice to come from other members of the forum. If you are struggling in specific areas then maybe chuck it out there see what suggestions come back that may help you. Of course sometimes just venting will do the trick just as well since pretty much everyone here will understand more or less where you are coming from.

    You are on the right path so far I would say, take it small steps and you will find something that works for you.

    /A
     
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  4. PepperTed

    PepperTed Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Aww Amina, I really feel for you. I'm sure most of us have felt like this at some point - I know I have - and it's horrible. :(

    I have a similar history to you - diagnosed at 11 (actually 10, I had my 11th birthday in hospital!) and I'm now 25. When I dwell on it too much I start feeling like an innocent victim of the disease and get angry at it. What helps me feel better is taking control of my diabetes. Okay, we're stuck with it, but we don't have to let it rule our lives or cause us pain and complications. By managing diabetes carefully, I'm refusing to be a victim to it. It all sounds a bit dramatic but, psychologically, it helps me.

    It also helps to talk to other diabetics, so make sure to keep posting x
     
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  5. chippers

    chippers Type 1 · Newbie

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    Hi Amina, ok yeah your right, it can be tough, and having it from a young age I can only imagine what it's like. I got diabetes at 21, and now 21 years later, there have been good, not so good and some bad times with it. Sadly though, not looking after yourself will cause more problems later in life. Bottom line is, (and I don't want to preach here) it pays to look after your diabetes as the health problems later in life may be a lot worse than how you feel now. Everyone is different in how they approach things. That we all know. Coming on the site and sharing how you feel is a good start. I am sure there will be plenty of advice here. What I would suggest though is go and see your Diabetic Nurse Specialist. Ideally they are best placed to help you through this period with advice and suggestions on how to get through this. The problem with diabetes is that you might not notice any problems related to poor control until you are older. Eyes feet circulation etc all get affected. So make sure you look after yourself, this will pass and you will get back on track. Hope you feel better about it all soon.

    All the best

    And most of all take care

    Andy
     
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  6. Nyadach

    Nyadach Type 1 · Member

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    It's a vicious circle and been there myself. You stop caring about your levels, and they throw your body chemistry out of whack and that fuddles the brain into not caring even more...or worse. It really got to me hard in my 20's.
    Think my turn around was more knowing I was being so out of control then oddly for some reason I saw it as a challenge and ever since have refocused myself totally to beating it. Yes I know it sounds utterly daft but I went hardcore testing of everything, testing testing testing, really getting crazy of monitoring me, which brought my levels more under better control. Did DAFNE and eventually got a pump which all helped further. Levels came back to being pretty solidly stable and controlled and with it my mind supposedly. Family and friends say my personality utterly changed when I got my control back, as did getting heavily into sports.
    It was hard, but think that first step was the hardest point knowing and taking it to beat it and put it back into the little box it should be chained up in.
    Go kick its behind :)
     
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  7. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    I do understand how you feel, you are not alone in this. But it's taking control. You have diabetes, don't let it over whelm you. It's part of who you are and unless there is a cure in the not to distance future, we just have to get on with it.
    My granddaughter was diagnosed aged 2 1/2 years and was fighting to stay alive, thankfully she did and the guilt I had because I didn't spot it sooner and because I have type 1 and blamed myself, it tore me up at the time.
    This forum is such a great place for support and helpful advice. What about writing all these lousy, annoying, frustrating negative feelings down in a journal or do it every night on a piece of paper, then tear it up into little pieces and throw it in the bin, where it belongs. You're the boss :)
    You could also make an appointment to see your GP and have a talk about how you really feel, let it all out.

    Please look after yourself and take good care

    RRB.
     
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  8. yingtong

    yingtong Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I was 14 when I was diagnosed and I am now 66 I'll not kid you it's not easy,but the more you look after this bloody condition the easier it gets.I have only a couple minor complications and I have achieved many things in my life and I have four wonderful children,I have played semi-professional football and many other sports.If you get to grips with the diabetes you can look forward to a good life and achieve whatever you want.
     
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  9. Diamattic

    Diamattic Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    We can all tell you our success stories, tales about how we pulled up socks and got over the blues but in the end YOU have to reach that mind frame on your own. Sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you realize how far from the top you really are.

    Coming on here shows you realize that you have been neglecting it and are ready to change. It seems like you've made that decision and actually that's all it takes. Like a light switch in your brain. Switch it on.

    Its unfair, no one knows that better then us, but it doesn't have to be any worse then you let it be. Don't let it consume you, just say F*ck it, and do what you have to do.

    There is a difference between ignoring it, and not caring about it. Ignoring it is when you don't check when your supposed to, or eat with injecting because you don't want to. When you make the choice not to do something - that is dangerous.
    Not caring is when you leave your emotions out of it. Check when you have to, inject when you need to, eat what needs to be eaten without being emotional. Just do it because it needs to be done, and don't feel good or bad about it. Like putting on socks, or doing laundry - its gotta get done right?

    If you do what needs to be done, everything will be okay. There is nothing else to do.

    Thinking about the bad things, and the down sides will just make you feel awful, its good that you know what they are and how to avoid them but leave it at that. Negative thinking will make life so much worse then it has to be. If you treat every day individually and do what you need to do to hit your targets each day, starting fresh every morning that's the best you can do, thinking bad things wont make it better.

    So next time you feel bad just think - Why are you wasting time feeling lousy when you could be awesome? Only one of those two options leads to a good life.
    So when you feel sad, stop and just be awesome.
     
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  10. Caerdobi

    Caerdobi Type 1 · Active Member

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    If you feel like you don't care about your diabetes, look down and examine your toes. And your fingers. Now imagine what your life would be like without some of them. Also, now imagine what it would be like if you couldn't even see to examine them in the first place. That alone should make you start taking notice of it.

    Life deals us all shıt hands sometimes - some more than others. But we aren't dead, we aren't disabled, we can walk, talk, laugh and love, and we have all the necessary equipment at our disposal to handle this. I always imagine what my life would be like if I were born in a war-torn country, or somewhere without running water, or I was born deaf and blind - and think "shıt happens - but it could always be worse".
     
  11. dancer

    dancer Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Sorry your feeling this way. We all have our down moments.

    I was diagnosed Type 1 at the age of 24. I was admitted to a ward from the diabetic clinic and was there for 8 days. I felt so sorry for myself and wondered how I would cope with it all.

    One evening, after visiting time, when I was feeling particularly down, the hospital chaplain came to see me. He saw the tears streaming down my face and asked me, "Is it terminal?"

    I actually laughed because I knew how ridiculous I was being. I remembered what my consultant had told me in the clinic. He said, "This isn't a disease, it's a medical condition which, in time, you will learn to control, rather than have it control you."

    That set me on the right track. I wasn't terminal so I was going to get to grips with the blasted diabetes.

    Don't get me wrong, there have often been moments when I've wondered why I bother being so careful with my diet etc. but my life has been worth it. Despite the diabetes, I regard myself to be healthy. I have 2 wonderful grown up children and look forward to many more years with maybe grandchildren in the future.

    I hope you can find your moment to be set on the right track.

    Speaking to your DSN would be a start. Don't let this get on top of you. Remember that us diabetics are more prone to depression. Speak to someone - you don't want things to get out of hand. Take control!
     
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  12. Flowerpot

    Flowerpot Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Amina

    I'm sorry you are struggling with your diabetes.

    Great advice on coping with diabetes from everyone. It is a tough thing to deal with and we all get sick of it sometimes and want time off from bothering but it's better to be occasionally sick of diabetes than to be sick from diabetes.

    I see it as my constant companion, some days it behaves just fine and we get along and others it exasperates the hell out of me and I want time away. I went off the rails seriously when I was in my 20's and I'm living with the dire consequences. The older. hopefully wiser me cannot believe that I didn't care and dismissed all the good advice I was given as people preaching to me and trying to control my life. It really is not worth risking your future health. Talk to your diabetes team about how you feel and ask for advice and help from us all, we all get where you're coming from.

    I really hope you are able to get back on track and give yourself all the care you deserve. Best wishes.
     
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  13. LucySW

    LucySW Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    What a great post Diamattic. :) cheered me up and I wasn't even feeling down! Lucy
     
    #13 LucySW, Jan 20, 2015 at 7:26 PM
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 20, 2015
  14. Ricketts17

    Ricketts17 Type 1 · Newbie

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    I can relate to how you feel Amina, I'm 20 and have had type 1 diabetes for 11 years, i'm feeling just how you described, I decided to go to my doctor and ask to see a diabetic specialist, since I haven't seen one in a while because of moving away with university, that has helped me to have a more positive outlook on the whole situation, with the motivation to get back on track, basically i'm just letting you know you're not the only one out there! Good luck :)
     
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  15. Debloubed

    Debloubed Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    You are absolutely right, it is horribly unfair, I mean, nobody bothered to ask us if we wanted type 1, did they?! If it helps, I think that often but I also think about what I have in my life and what I have achieved and what I plan to accomplish, type 1 or not! It's not fair but it's the path you've/we've been given. I was diagnosed at 13 and I made some mistakes and looking back, I wish I'd had access to websites like this one! There are many other online groups you can join for support with your journey and you will pick up tips and tricks along the way which should help lighten the load - I find that just chatting to someone else who 'gets it' a big help :) good luck! xx
     
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  16. anna29

    anna29 Type 2 · Well-Known Member
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    There are always people far worse off than ourselves .
    Diabetes is permanent - but it isn't terminal .

    Yes it can feel hard going and overwhelming at times .
    But we can cope , amend , adjust , adapt , live life with a fabulous future .
    Keep going sensibly and avoid any further negative complications .
    Think positive and get through this to a more positive life and future for yourself .
    It can be done @Amina9191 :)
     
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  17. solitaire65

    solitaire65 Type 1 · Member

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    Hi yes I fell for you as I have been diabrtic since age of 3 and im 49 now. I have had many long term problems, that's lead to things like blindness heart and osteoporosis so bad im wheelchair bound now. and kidneys neuropathy and loads more. my insulin has rejected my body on numerous occasions. and I am very illat the moment with sky highs 33-40s and too lows 1to 2s. they cannot control. and awaiting now the new omnipod simplicity, as this will not ruin the rest of my life. its not fair on anyone in this state, but thank god you never had it back when I developed it. stainless steel syringes and massive needles that had to be boild. it took 3 people to hold me down when 3 and has frightened the fear of life out of me, even to this day I sweat every time I have to inject. goiod luck sweetheart.X
     
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  18. Charles Robin

    Charles Robin Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Generally speaking, people get into your situation because they have been failed by their healthcare professionals. There is a whole shed load of information on really, really successful management of diabetes. The problem is, you have not been given it. If you're anything like I was, your teenage years were spent constantly hungry, and you were desperate to eat. Your control suffered, and instead of being supportive, your health team told you off.

    As of now, that is in the past. If you are serious about changing, this is the truth. You feel so defeated by this condition right now. Imagine what it will feel like when you find it easy to control. I didn't say if. I said when. Because you can do it. It will take effort. There will be good and bad days. But you can get there. This time last year, I embarked on a low carbohydrate diet, because I had been plagued by poor control. Diagnosed at 3, I had spent 23 years struggling, and mostly failing. This year has been amazing for me. My control has never been better, and I have never enjoyed my food more. Check out this video, it explains a lot about the rationale behind this way of eating.

    Regardless of how you proceed, the best thing you can possibly do is educate yourself as much as you can. To manage diabetes, you have to look much further than your healthcare team, because they generally aren't much help on their own. I suggest reading Dr Richard Bernstein's complete diabetes solution. It gives loads of information on managing diabetes. Another good book is Think Like A Pancreas.

    As I mentioned earlier, you can do it! You have joined the forum, and that is a huge step in the right direction. Keep posting, asking questions and learning. At the moment, you see this part of your life as a dark place with no hope. Take the right steps, and you can look back on it as the turning point where you took control, and ultimately won against your diabetes.
     
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  19. SamJB

    SamJB Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Whenever I feel like this, and I often do, I remind myself that out of the 2.5 million years of human existence, only within the last 100 years have Type 1 diabetics survived. For that, I'm extremely grateful. I'd much rather put up with managing diabetes, than to have died 11 years ago.
     
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  20. donnellysdogs

    donnellysdogs Type 1 · Master

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    Amina please come back and talk to us...
     
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