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It’s all too much.

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by Lillytan, Dec 28, 2021.

  1. Lillytan

    Lillytan · Member

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    Hi, I was diagnosed late Nov and am still in denial. I did try to cut back on carbs (my actual diet isn’t too bad although I am a carb addict)
    I’m finding it very hard emotionally because it all just feels like too much.
    I have had brain surgery in 2005 to remove a tumour. I was hours away from dying from the tumour due to its size and positioning. Since then I’ve lost my once very good memory to the point where I can not recall a lot of past events or where I put my phone down two seconds ago!
    I then had to have a lung biopsy in 2013 to find I’ve got hypersensitivity pneumonitis which has caused pulmonary fibrosis (I’m on oxygen) and this now impacts my ability to go on my much loved long walks.
    I’ve also been living with depression and anxiety all of my life and now I have T2 and should no longer eat anything I love to eat and can’t go on even a shorter walk because I get bad feet after doing a few miles. I’ve had enough of this and feel unable to cope.
    My levels are going up instead of down. My GP gave me three months to lose weight and get my BS under control before trying metformin, although he also said I need to go on medication for high cholesterol (apparently my level was fine as a non diabetic but now I’ve diabetes it’s too high) ugh, this truly is all too much. I don’t know what to do…of course I do know what to do….
    I just don’t know if I can or if at times (today) I even want to bother trying.
    • Hug Hug x 8
  2. Jo_the_boat

    Jo_the_boat Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Sympathies, Lillytan, you're trying to cope with so much.
    This is my amateur, non medical advice.
    What you need I think is something positive, almost anything to give you even the smallest boost. Everything now seems to be a downside for you.
    I suggest first not bothering too much about the cholesterol. If you enjoy reading have a look at a Doctor called Malcolm Kendrick. He has some sensible advice here. Non mainstream, but sensible.
    Secondly, you say you have cut back on carbs. Well, perhaps have another go. Try and find foods that you enjoy, if you can manage that you may well find yourself losing a bit of weight naturally, without trying too hard. What you would do in that case is give yourself a filip.
    Other folk on this site have benefited hugely by that change of diet, though I realize that most of them (including me) don't have all the other stuff you're coping with.
    Good luck and keep talking.
    • Like Like x 3
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    #2 Jo_the_boat, Dec 28, 2021 at 2:51 PM
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2021
  3. NicoleC1971

    NicoleC1971 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hello there.
    I am so sorry you are feeling so rubbish and overwhelmed with all of your medical issues which is why I gave you a virtual hug.
    You do have choices and one of those is to carry on eating carbs for comfort to self medicate your depression. But I wonder if there anything else you could try instead? e.g. talking to someone to help you get things in perspective a bit, joining a walking group for short walks if you can't do long ones? Walking for Health has local groups and your council might run its own health walks for people like you. You recognise you are down in the dumps but can you remember how things got better with past bouts of depression?

    Your doctor has told you to lose weight before going on meds but again ;your choice might be to eat less carb and avoid metformin and statins. Metformin is a safe drug and may help with weight loss though it won't reverse your diabetes so if you have to take it in 3 months please don't feel bad about that and it may help.
    I just wanted to emphasise that although you feel overwhelmed you could take it one choice at a time , 1 meal at a time aiming for no more that you can manage that day. Remember your blood sugar will come down if you eat less bread, pasta and rice so can you do that for just 1 meal a day or could you cut out carby snacks or eating after 7pm or skipping breakfast? I think the key is to start with whatever change you think you can actually live with (might be taking a 10 minute walk a day and going 2 days without biscuits or whatever) rather than expecting to change everything and consequently feeling there's nothing you can do. There is always something and little things do make a difference if only to your self confidence.
    Please give yourself a pat on the back for reaching out as I think you probably do want to try but maybe don't know if you can. You can do something.
    I also like Malcolm Kendrick (the Clot Thickens which is about heart disease) but am currently reading Tools for the Trenches Elizabeth Benton Thompson. She is someone who has lots of practical tips for getting out of a rut. Her rut was losing a daughter very early in infancy so the advice is genuine not trite. She has also written Chasing Cupcakes about losing weight with a history of failed dieting (mindset again).
    #3 NicoleC1971, Dec 28, 2021 at 3:52 PM
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2021
  4. Lillytan

    Lillytan · Member

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    Thank you both for your replies, I much appreciated reading them. I’m trying hard again today, which has been made easier now I’ve got a blood monitor to keep an eye on my numbers.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
  5. Mrs T 123

    Mrs T 123 Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    Hello & Welcome @Lillytan

    I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed by everything, I will tag @JoKalsbeek who has a nutritional thingy list that could help you out food wise and also @bulkbiker may have some advice for you as I believe he lost a shed load of weight doing very little/no exercise which I think would probably not be practical for yourself to exercise if you are on oxygen. Please do not despair and try and keep your chin up you will get there. We have all been where you are when first diagnosed with diabetes and you do have more than most to deal with by the sounds of things. If you have to go on medication it is not the end of the world and I think Metformin has other health benefits too. I am sending a virtual hug your way x
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Lamont D

    Lamont D Reactive hypoglycemia · Master

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    Hi, I have in the last couple of decades had my fair share of low points both physical and psychological.
    I have a rare condition that no one has heard of and the number of deaths in friends and family, and every other bad news day, more than the good days.
    I was use to compartmentalise each bad one and each good one and because of life and work, I had the capacity and strength of mind to be knocked down and get back up. That was until a couple of years ago, when covid hit, I lost my job badly, I lost my income, the half of my concious that wasn't family.
    Since 1968, I had an infinity with my job, it was my hobby, my main source of entertainment, my dream job, my wife summed it up as the second woman in my life.
    It was taken away from me, and I couldn't understand why.
    My dream job was taken away from me by owners who wanted to place a family member in my job. My letter of recommendation was unbelievable.
    Because the half of my brain couldn't cope with any more bad news, and the consequences of my family being shielded from covid and their disabilities, boredom, my anxiety levels rose and I wondered and second guessed my life. I was hogtied to my family, even though I love them, I was a prisoner of my anxiety and my circumstances, I had nowhere to go or do. The depression set in, I was useless, I was guilty of everything and did everything wrong, I couldn't do right for doing wrong, I fell off the wagon and couldn't control my condition, which is bad! As long as the family was okay, I was in no mood to get off my arse and it was so hard to be asked to do it. I had gone from a very busy and as they often quote in my line of work, proactive.
    I was now, inert and retroactive. I just wanted to be in my room alone with the Tele and my space. But of course we needed shopping for dietary reasons and whenever we did, an online shop and delivery was our way. But at that stage in July '19, you couldn't get one, so my wife persuaded me to go down to the local big asda.
    I had a huge panic attack, and this upset the wife enough and we had quite an argument. And I went OTT!
    And I had a massive breakdown. I just couldn't cope with my life.
    Anyway I phoned my surgery and had a long, long, long talk with her. She ordered tests and a request to ageUK to get me counselling. I must add, that I was well and truly broken. And my resilience to open up and talk about me! I'm a man, in a man's world, I didn't do medical care especially about me, if you had had the hypo hell, I had been through, and the misdiagnosis and all my doctors didn't have a clue. I was totally unprepared for depression and severe anxiety. I hate meds, I hate drugs, I hate being ill and I was totally ****** off to have to fight for my health and my life.
    Coping with everything, I couldn't, wouldn't, , I just wanted, needed my own company.
    Life could just go away.
    Of course the worst was having to go the shop for food and vital house things and I had to get up the courage to go, family could only do so much, mainly because all the adults were front line workers, another worry. But I learned to develop a way to get my head around the anxiety and get it done, one or two setbacks, one or two panic attacks, walking, being on my feet all day was a norm. I just couldn't go walking.
    I didn't want to go out.
    I had twenty counselling sessions, I had scans, blood tests, a couple of stays in hospital, and I gradually got through it all. It was baby steps and the antidepressants and support and if I eat bad day, nobody bothered me, and I found solace in my own quiet.
    So six months ago, (ish) I developed after all this and started noticing little traits, that I had never noticed before, my GP, who all through this helped me to get back to some sort of life and help me back on the wagon, also noticed these symptoms and referred me to a neurologist. And a face to face appointment later, I was diagnosed with Essential Tremor syndrome. And a couple of months later, Restless Legs syndrome.
    All because of the severe anxiety, he said, more tablets, this cocktail of tablets, was causing me vertigo and brain function issues, so gradually I came off the antidepressants, the the dosage on all my tablets reduced and finally one week before Christmas, I was to some extent my old self. So three conditions all non curable, all needing control, all needing my full attention, all day every day, my disabled wife, a strong woman with a non operable spine, three crumbling discs and her nerves are trapped in between, in constant pain and on morphine patches.
    I'm nearly me again, everything that has happened to me, is to do with being there for my wife, the family and their troubles, and big decisions that can be awful, so much drama, I don't need to watch soaps. The last twenty years have been the worst but also because all my grandkids were born in that time, my kids getting married, my other horrible experiences of death, the rest is now a blur of highs and lows.
    Then Christmas eve, my wifes father was admitted to hospital and died in the early hours of boxing day. Not covid, but age and a lifetime of alcohol. Pneumonia and the usual underlying conditions.
    But I'm getting there. I don't do people sympathising with me. I do need help and the support I have received has been brilliant all through the pandemic.
    I have always been a fighter and been positive about my lifestyle that I have adopted.
    I'm one of those people who have had to work hard and long hours, all my life, and I have been successful in my work, but fate or karma gets in the way of my good sense and keeps me having to eek an existence for my family. We have never had much luxury,, every pension day is a blessing. Not getting the help my wife deserves from the government, not having any respite from the day to day regime of care, no days out, no holidays because of her disability and of course money.
    This is life not a sob story. Not a soap opera, but the life, fate has dealt us.

    Things for you to do.
    Talk to someone, anyone who you can trust. If you post stay anonymous.
    Get a GPs appointment, talk to your doctor about your mental health. Not about physical health until they understand your feelings.
    Talk to someone who has counselling experience.
    Take baby steps.
    If you don't feel like it, don't do it.
    Get a hobby that is stimulating. (I haven't found one yet!)
    Plan your day, your meals, your chores, what you need and don't do it! Never do today what you can do tomorrow!
    If you do get through a busy day, congratulate yourself and have a treat.
    Do try and be proactive, if not, tomorrow is a better day.
    Take the meds and tell yourself, I can get off these, look forward to doing so.
    More baby steps.
    Find your norm. Extreme changes do not work.
    Plan better meals for your conditions and mood.
    Keep positive and despite everything try and be more social and outgoing. (If you can).
    Have a day off, sod it!
    Talk is good!
    Spoil yourself because you feel better.
    Help and support someone else by talking and understanding what they are going through.
    Find something you can laugh to. And enjoy it.
    Tell everyone that you can do this.

    Ok, the real question is, if you really want to get your mental health issues sorted. You need to contact the mental health services even the Samaritans, they will listen to your issues at this difficult time. Google your local area, even your GP, you do need help. Please do it. If it's anything like I was, then it will help you, talk and try and be more positive about the future.
    One of the most important pieces of advice I have ever received other than 'talk' was,
    Unfortunately only other people with the best of motives can help.
    You are the person this brain belongs to. There is no one else but you, who can sort your depression and anxiety, there are meds, but it is only you who can do this.
    And believe you can get through this.
    And be kind to yourself.

    My best wishes.
    And this is the first step, you have reached bottom, and your climb back starts today.
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Mrs T 123

    Mrs T 123 Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    You might like to have a read of this, it could be of some use to you ... https://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/blog/jokalsbeek.401801/
    • Like Like x 1
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