Hba1c, 38 Cholesterol 5.7, Everything else normal including insulin levels, but except kidney and liver function, as with all my results, slightly up on last year. It is not surprising for a few reasons. I was furloughed, then found out by phone that my company had changed my contract, without my consent and tried to avoid paying redundancy. I have acted upon this and finally came to an agreement, but I was so devastated by their attitude and their treatment of my employment, it was a disgrace. I have been treated with my no respect at all! I have never been out of work since I left school, over fifty years ago! This has come as a major setback for my retirement as I don't receive any pension until next year. I have already had to spend some money that I may need in the future. Losing my job, not being as active, the thought of being the only one in my house who could go shopping and bringing the virus back with me to my disabled wife, as she was on the at risk list. News of being as resolute in my diet as I should be, the fear of getting the virus and my anxiety levels became more entrenched and the viscous circle became too much for me and I had a breakdown. Because I really didn't want to out and only went to the shop very reluctantly, when the shop was empty, I couldn't control the situation, I would freeze and have had up to now three panic attacks in the shop. I have also started shaking and hiding away from everyone, my irrational behaviour, my irritating attitude, I am angry with life, I am so disillusioned with my life, I have rage, I have no patience and everything is too much for me. I have no life! All my interest in my normal life has gone. My family has been so supportive especially through the pandemic and helping me get my money. They deserve a better me. But I just can't do it! Since all that, I had a few phone calls and a couple of face to face meeting with my doctor, who has been so understanding of my condition and circumstances, I was immediately referred to a counselling service and have had two introductory sessions, just awaiting further appointments. I am on meds for my depression and anxiety, it is helping but it is early early days yet! I am determined to get through this, everyone is telling me that it's going to take a while to get through this, but having not have had depression before, it is a new challenge that I have to beat. I am very unlikely to take my life, not even considered it, because who would look after the wife? Today was a good day, I have had some awful days lately, some really awful and despite it all, things have to get better. I apologise for the tone of the post but it has helped to write this. Keep safe.