Managing the Mental & Emotional Side of Diabetes

[KerryElizabeth003]

Hello Everyone

I'm reaching out and need help and support.

I'm a t2, diagnosed almost 2 years ago. I've physically managing everything quite well. OK, well enough I guess. At first I was able to control my levels with lifestyle... the lifestyle of a top-tier athlete. So of course I couldn't keep that up so after a while I conceded and started taking Metformin.

I thought I was doing well. My H1abcq73cowemoji9whatever measurements were what my doctors were targeting, my annoying migraines and random vomiting was happening far less frequently. I stopped measuring regularly and just coasted on what seemed to be an acceptable lifestyle.

Then I got the flu around Christmas time and suffered a major bout of depression due to personal problems. And ever since then I've been constantly dying of thirst.

I knew that thirst is a symptom of diabetes being out of control so at first I did some random blood sugar checks. I seemed to be a little elevated considering that I was on medication but I refused to believe I might be in trouble because I wasn't doing anything worse than when I started taking Metformin and got a great 3-month reading.

I stuck my head in the sand and refused to deal with diabetes anymore. I ignored the thirst. I wouldn't measure. I drank alcohol a bit like a normal person. I ate some pasta and bread occasionally like a person trying to do keto or paleo a bit but just not fully committing. I kept following my doctor's advice and avoided "researching" on the internet like the plague.

I was mostly fine. The thirst stayed and I just got used to it. I drank drank drank and would wind up in the bathroom every 15-20 minutes. I was annoyed but refused to acknowledge there could be a problem.

Then last Thursday I got a headache and started vomiting out of the blue. Just like before I was diagnosed. Even then I wouldn't acknowledge there was something wrong with my diabetes management. I blamed tomato soup.

Now with an irritated esophagus my thirst was even worse. A couple of nights ago I noticed my throat was a bit red so finally I was like "enough is enough". And I decided to see online what other things could possibly cause incessant thirst.

Diabetes
Diabetes
Also diabetes
Diabetes out of control
Diabetes with a side of diabetes
Ketosis... Because of diabetes

And I just broke.

I asked my doctor if she thought I should see her. She said yes of course. I was crushed but I was already crushed.

I changed my lifestyle drastically. I live more healthily than ever and certainly more healthily than before I was diagnosed. But now I realize I've done next to nothing to manage the mental and emotional side of this. I've avoided it completely. It's like I was in a weird semi denial.

Sure, I was sad, upset, and depressed, and acknowledged that I was not pleased to be diabetic. As time went on I came to falsely believe that I could find some acceptable lifestyle and diabetes would just be some background annoyance that I check up on every 3 months - like a pap smear or dentist visit, just more often.

Reality finally body slammed me and the emotional floodgates opened. This is serious. Fear, anger, frustration, and guilt that I've actively ignored, avoided, and pushed down for nearly 2 years is finally exploding all over the place.

I've finally decided to do something different and do something about my thoughts and feelings about being a diabetic. I've finally decided to stop briefly admitting but then quickly denying and avoiding the terror and fury.

I'm scared of this disease. I'm scared of what having this disease means. I'm afraid it means that my quality of life is going to be diminished and diminished and then finally extinguished painfully and prematurely.

I'm angry that I can't eat my favorite foods anymore without it costing me so much pain, suffering, and eventually death.

I'm furious that other people can just eat freely with no consequences. I'm jealous.

I hate how people for fun and shitsandgiggles suffer to maintain the diet I HAVE to maintain just so they can be cute and skinny and how they talk and complain about it all the time. I hate that for them it's optional and for me it's mandatory.

I feel guilty because I feel I didn't try hard enough and maybe if I hadn't eaten all those snickers and slices of toast and carbonaras and French fries to self medicate a pretty rough existence, I wouldn't be in this mess. This is my fault.

I'm angry and frustrated and embarrassed because I was wrong. This is not something I can just put to the side and coast through.

I was at first baffled and then furious and hopeless that even if I manage my diabetes well I will still be punished with severe fatigue, migraine, and vomiting. I'm terrified that possibly I'll be punished with even worse "complications" no matter what I do.

I'm super angry about this euphemism "complication". I don't want to hear it anymore.

I'm angry at the media and uninformed people framing t2 as something I've done to myself. I'm afraid they're right that t2 kills people and it's going to kill me and it's my own **** fault.

I'm livid that the public perception of a t2 diabetic is a fat or obese person who's lazy. I'm triple furious and livid that apparently I also believe this nonsense.

I'm still confused and in disbelief. I'm not fat, I've never been overweight. OK yes I'm lazy but I've always maintained a healthy size and that's all that matters right?! I can't have diabetes. This isn't possible. After 2 years I'm just now realizing I'm in denial.

I'm embarrassed and ashamed for having these thoughts. I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I'm at home writing this message and bawling and on sick leave instead sucking it up and going to work.

I'm afraid people are going to keep on telling me that I think too much and invalidate all these thoughts I've also invalidated and buried and refused to deal with.

I'm afraid people are going to skewer me for my politically incorrect thoughts.

I'm afraid people are going to lambast me for feeling so awful when my diabetes isn't even that bad. I should just be happy it isn't worse.

I'm tired of people being right in telling me I need to take care of myself and take this seriously so that I don't wind up with "complications" because I'm in denial.

I'm coming undone.

So I'm reaching out hoping that people here will 1. Understand and 2. Be able to help me finally deal with the mental and emotional ordeal that goes along with living with diabetes with support based on experience (please tell me I'm not crazy).

 

[LouWilk059]

Wow, that's a lot to respond to. I'm glad you've accepted that you have diabetes. Now you can deal with it. I was diagnosed as type 2 when I was 12 (I'm now 59) and I'm still healthy. I see you've been a member since 2016 so you may have noticed that Type 2s do well on low carb. Have you tried low carb?

 

[Mike d]

Brave post first up. Bared your soul. I won't mention names here, but many have not only diabetes but a lot of associated conditions. Anger simply fuels your issues. Don't let it.

 

[Happyhomelands]

Kerry you have taken a step today. You have taken a sick day, and are using the time positively. You have reached out to the forum. It's all good.

You say that you have an appointment with your GP, do keep the appointment. I'm hoping this means that you will eat sensibly today. Fresh start style.

It's healthy to take time for yourself. Another poster on a difference thread suggests making a list of goals and putting them in order of priority. This could be your goal for tomorrow. Today is about speaking to your GP.

Well done for taking the first step, celebrate this. I have found that being outdoors helps me, gentle walks for contemplation. Different things work for different people.

Good Luck

 

[SueJB]

Hello Everyone

I'm reaching out and need help and support.

I'm a t2, diagnosed almost 2 years ago. I've physically managing everything quite well. OK, well enough I guess. At first I was able to control my levels with lifestyle... the lifestyle of a top-tier athlete. So of course I couldn't keep that up so after a while I conceded and started taking Metformin.

I thought I was doing well. My H1abcq73cowemoji9whatever measurements were what my doctors were targeting, my annoying migraines and random vomiting was happening far less frequently. I stopped measuring regularly and just coasted on what seemed to be an acceptable lifestyle.

Then I got the flu around Christmas time and suffered a major bout of depression due to personal problems. And ever since then I've been constantly dying of thirst.

I knew that thirst is a symptom of diabetes being out of control so at first I did some random blood sugar checks. I seemed to be a little elevated considering that I was on medication but I refused to believe I might be in trouble because I wasn't doing anything worse than when I started taking Metformin and got a great 3-month reading.

I stuck my head in the sand and refused to deal with diabetes anymore. I ignored the thirst. I wouldn't measure. I drank alcohol a bit like a normal person. I ate some pasta and bread occasionally like a person trying to do keto or paleo a bit but just not fully committing. I kept following my doctor's advice and avoided "researching" on the internet like the plague.

I was mostly fine. The thirst stayed and I just got used to it. I drank drank drank and would wind up in the bathroom every 15-20 minutes. I was annoyed but refused to acknowledge there could be a problem.

Then last Thursday I got a headache and started vomiting out of the blue. Just like before I was diagnosed. Even then I wouldn't acknowledge there was something wrong with my diabetes management. I blamed tomato soup.

Now with an irritated esophagus my thirst was even worse. A couple of nights ago I noticed my throat was a bit red so finally I was like "enough is enough". And I decided to see online what other things could possibly cause incessant thirst.

Diabetes
Diabetes
Also diabetes
Diabetes out of control
Diabetes with a side of diabetes
Ketosis... Because of diabetes

And I just broke.

I asked my doctor if she thought I should see her. She said yes of course. I was crushed but I was already crushed.

I changed my lifestyle drastically. I live more healthily than ever and certainly more healthily than before I was diagnosed. But now I realize I've done next to nothing to manage the mental and emotional side of this. I've avoided it completely. It's like I was in a weird semi denial.

Sure, I was sad, upset, and depressed, and acknowledged that I was not pleased to be diabetic. As time went on I came to falsely believe that I could find some acceptable lifestyle and diabetes would just be some background annoyance that I check up on every 3 months - like a pap smear or dentist visit, just more often.

Reality finally body slammed me and the emotional floodgates opened. This is serious. Fear, anger, frustration, and guilt that I've actively ignored, avoided, and pushed down for nearly 2 years is finally exploding all over the place.

I've finally decided to do something different and do something about my thoughts and feelings about being a diabetic. I've finally decided to stop briefly admitting but then quickly denying and avoiding the terror and fury.

I'm scared of this disease. I'm scared of what having this disease means. I'm afraid it means that my quality of life is going to be diminished and diminished and then finally extinguished painfully and prematurely.

I'm angry that I can't eat my favorite foods anymore without it costing me so much pain, suffering, and eventually death.

I'm furious that other people can just eat freely with no consequences. I'm jealous.

I hate how people for fun and shitsandgiggles suffer to maintain the diet I HAVE to maintain just so they can be cute and skinny and how they talk and complain about it all the time. I hate that for them it's optional and for me it's mandatory.

I feel guilty because I feel I didn't try hard enough and maybe if I hadn't eaten all those snickers and slices of toast and carbonaras and French fries to self medicate a pretty rough existence, I wouldn't be in this mess. This is my fault.

I'm angry and frustrated and embarrassed because I was wrong. This is not something I can just put to the side and coast through.

I was at first baffled and then furious and hopeless that even if I manage my diabetes well I will still be punished with severe fatigue, migraine, and vomiting. I'm terrified that possibly I'll be punished with even worse "complications" no matter what I do.

I'm super angry about this euphemism "complication". I don't want to hear it anymore.

I'm angry at the media and uninformed people framing t2 as something I've done to myself. I'm afraid they're right that t2 kills people and it's going to kill me and it's my own **** fault.

I'm livid that the public perception of a t2 diabetic is a fat or obese person who's lazy. I'm triple furious and livid that apparently I also believe this nonsense.

I'm still confused and in disbelief. I'm not fat, I've never been overweight. OK yes I'm lazy but I've always maintained a healthy size and that's all that matters right?! I can't have diabetes. This isn't possible. After 2 years I'm just now realizing I'm in denial.

I'm embarrassed and ashamed for having these thoughts. I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I'm at home writing this message and bawling and on sick leave instead sucking it up and going to work.

I'm afraid people are going to keep on telling me that I think too much and invalidate all these thoughts I've also invalidated and buried and refused to deal with.

I'm afraid people are going to skewer me for my politically incorrect thoughts.

I'm afraid people are going to lambast me for feeling so awful when my diabetes isn't even that bad. I should just be happy it isn't worse.

I'm tired of people being right in telling me I need to take care of myself and take this seriously so that I don't wind up with "complications" because I'm in denial.

I'm coming undone.

So I'm reaching out hoping that people here will 1. Understand and 2. Be able to help me finally deal with the mental and emotional ordeal that goes along with living with diabetes with support based on experience (please tell me I'm not crazy).

No lambast from anyone. You are who and what you are now. Don't think about others or compare yourself with them or with you now and you in the past or possible you future. Be here now.

 

[ickihun]

@KerryElizabeth003 wow!
Well done for getting it all out. Or maybe half of it?

You know I have to say this is all a built up frustration and no none to talk to about your feelings incase some idi*t critizes you.
NEVER MIND THEM.

Look. Why is it all built up to this?
You are a strangling your emotions to prevent others thinking bad of their perception of diabetes.
STOP IT. NOW!

If your favourite or closest friend/relative told you this.... What would you be saying to them?

I would be saying...... Ask your diabetes carer to provide you with psychological support. I'm getting mine. Where's yours! Call your dn or gp practice what is available in your area.
YOU WANT YOURS NOW.

Pick up the phone and call your GP now!
You are asking for help.

 

[Resurgam]

But there are consequences - even if people do not become diabetic, the modern high carb diet means that to remain the right size and shape millions are spending money on 'slimming' pills and shakes and packaged foods, spending time in the gym or pounding the pavements to burn off the carbs they should not be eating in the first place.
It isn't you who is wrong - it is the diet the supermarkets want you to buy - it is the multimillion pound franchising of carb selling shops on every high street and shopping area. It is also the advice to eat low fat foods, to count calories, not carbs.
There are no essential carbs - it is that simple, it really is. You will not harm yourself by avoiding them though finding out just what you can eat of the truly healthy things such as salads and light nutritious veges should give you something to engage your mind and energy, and bring you vitamins and minerals you might be short of - but what is 'wrong' with you is - to my way of thinking, your body reacting in a perfectly normal and natural way to the onslaught of sugars and starches to which it should never have been subjected.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

You're not nuts or unreasonable. You're feeling some of the same things I have, and sometimes still do, a year and a half after diagnoses.Keep the appointment, make the changes you need to make... And know you're not alone in how you feel. At all.

 

[KerryElizabeth003]

Wow, that's a lot to respond to. I'm glad you've accepted that you have diabetes. Now you can deal with it. I was diagnosed as type 2 when I was 12 (I'm now 59) and I'm still healthy. I see you've been a member since 2016 so you may have noticed that Type 2s do well on low carb. Have you tried low carb?

Good Morning Lou,
Yes, there's a lot rattling around in this skull and heart of mine.
I do low carb just not as intelligently as I could. At first I did NO carb, but I couldn't keep up the lifestyle - I didn't want to. In some ways I felt great, high energy, no migraines, no vomiting. But I also felt weird, a bit hypo and dizzy. And I missed my carbs too much.
So I decided to randomly eat some of the things I enjoyed. Before diagnosis I ate tons of carbs everyday. Now it's like I might have some carbs once a day 1-3 times a week. The less than intelligent part is that I don't measure. Obviously that has to change.

 

[KerryElizabeth003]

Brave post first up. Bared your soul. I won't mention names here, but many have not only diabetes but a lot of associated conditions. Anger simply fuels your issues. Don't let it.

Hi Mike,

Thank you for your words - I agree. For me, anger is usually a starting point that is either covering up fear or hurt. In this case it's probably fear. I don't deal with emotions too well and often bury them. I'm finally looking into this firey anger so that I can put it out. If I continue to suppress, it'll continue to fuel my issues and burn everything down.

I've looked into the associated conditions forums as I also have enlarged heart and high BP. The posts are very helpful.

 

[KerryElizabeth003]

Kerry you have taken a step today. You have taken a sick day, and are using the time positively. You have reached out to the forum. It's all good.

You say that you have an appointment with your GP, do keep the appointment. I'm hoping this means that you will eat sensibly today. Fresh start style.

It's healthy to take time for yourself. Another poster on a difference thread suggests making a list of goals and putting them in order of priority. This could be your goal for tomorrow. Today is about speaking to your GP.

Well done for taking the first step, celebrate this. I have found that being outdoors helps me, gentle walks for contemplation. Different things work for different people.

Good Luck

Thank you HappyHomelands

My follow-up appointment is next week and I'll definitely be going. It's unfortunate that I can't go sooner but I'll take what I can get.

I get so defensive at times. I do eat sensibly, but perhaps not sensibly enough for the diabetic that I am. Or maybe it is sensibly enough and I just don't know because I don't measure enough. Well, after taking these days off and using the time to dig deep, I'll figure these and other things out. I've stocked up on lancets and cassettes and started measuring regularly. I'm trying out superduperlowcarbitmightaswellbenocarb and seeing how it goes. I'm going to take your advice and do some goal-setting as well.

 

[KerryElizabeth003]

No lambast from anyone. You are who and what you are now. Don't think about others or compare yourself with them or with you now and you in the past or possible you future. Be here now.

Hi SueJB,

Thank you for your words. You are so right. The comparison game is a losing one especially with other iterations of oneself. Being in the present moment should help to soothe my irritated psyche. I see re-reading Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie in my future lol!

 

[KerryElizabeth003]

@KerryElizabeth003 wow!
Well done for getting it all out. Or maybe half of it?

You know I have to say this is all a built up frustration and no none to talk to about your feelings incase some idi*t critizes you.
NEVER MIND THEM.

Look. Why is it all built up to this?
You are a strangling your emotions to prevent others thinking bad of their perception of diabetes.
STOP IT. NOW!

If your favourite or closest friend/relative told you this.... What would you be saying to them?

I would be saying...... Ask your diabetes carer to provide you with psychological support. I'm getting mine. Where's yours! Call your dn or gp practice what is available in your area.
YOU WANT YOURS NOW.

Pick up the phone and call your GP now!
You are asking for help.

Good Morning Ickihun - you are so right, thank you for your response. I plan on going through my post and responding to each point as if advising someone I love. This will be a great exercise.

There are definitely other issues swarming around inside but this giant moan and groan is a good start I think. I've struggled with clinical depression in the past and I didn't want to "succumb" to it again. I simply focused on the physical, kept myself busy with work, music, and friends and figured this would be enough. Well, as positive as all that was and is, it's not enough.

My follow-up appointment is next week and I'll ask for some psychological help as well. Isn't strange how society is so good at fixing physical problems with all sorts of various and appropriate treatments but the mental and emotional side of illness isn't even considered?

 

[KerryElizabeth003]

But there are consequences - even if people do not become diabetic, the modern high carb diet means that to remain the right size and shape millions are spending money on 'slimming' pills and shakes and packaged foods, spending time in the gym or pounding the pavements to burn off the carbs they should not be eating in the first place.
It isn't you who is wrong - it is the diet the supermarkets want you to buy - it is the multimillion pound franchising of carb selling shops on every high street and shopping area. It is also the advice to eat low fat foods, to count calories, not carbs.
There are no essential carbs - it is that simple, it really is. You will not harm yourself by avoiding them though finding out just what you can eat of the truly healthy things such as salads and light nutritious veges should give you something to engage your mind and energy, and bring you vitamins and minerals you might be short of - but what is 'wrong' with you is - to my way of thinking, your body reacting in a perfectly normal and natural way to the onslaught of sugars and starches to which it should never have been subjected.

Resurgam, I think you're the hero I'm looking for. I agree with everything you say. I'm basically a carb addict. I tried to get off the stuff and it improved my condition greatly. But like an addict, even though my life was greatly improved, I still needed my hit. When faced with the choice between a healthy life and french fries...I chose french fries. Methinks I need to try again.

 

[SueJB]

Try Alan Watts. Live here now

 

[KerryElizabeth003]

You're not nuts or unreasonable. You're feeling some of the same things I have, and sometimes still do, a year and a half after diagnoses.Keep the appointment, make the changes you need to make... And know you're not alone in how you feel. At all.

Try Alan Watts. Live here now

Is there a link you could share? I tried searching for Alan Watts in members and he wasn't found.

 

[KerryElizabeth003]

Is there a link you could share? I tried searching for Alan Watts in members and he wasn't found.

AHHHHHHHH! I'm a silly goose! It's a book! Not a member who's live on the site now! LOL!

Thanks for the tip

 

[LouWilk059]

So I decided to randomly eat some of the things I enjoyed. Before diagnosis I ate tons of carbs everyday. Now it's like I might have some carbs once a day 1-3 times a week. The less than intelligent part is that I don't measure. Obviously that has to change.

You seem better today.

I find it helps if you can get something under control (one step at a time). You should continue "low carb" instead of "no carb", it's less restrictive. I would recommend that you log your carb intake and eat to your meter to find out which carbs you can tolerate. In the meantime, keep posting. We're here to help.

https://www.diabetes.co.uk/blood-glucose/eat-to-your-meter.html

https://www.diabetes.co.uk/diet/low-carb-diabetes-diet.html

 

[SueJB]

Is there a link you could share? I tried searching for Alan Watts in members and he wasn't found.

Alan Watts was a writer. He died in 73.

 

[Resurgam]

Resurgam, I think you're the hero I'm looking for. I agree with everything you say. I'm basically a carb addict. I tried to get off the stuff and it improved my condition greatly. But like an addict, even though my life was greatly improved, I still needed my hit. When faced with the choice between a healthy life and french fries...I chose french fries. Methinks I need to try again.

Every time you can make a good decision, think of it as taking one more step up a staircase towards getting up onto a higher level of health and fitness. You do have to leave all the high carb foods on the floor below - but the things available on the next level up are worth the climb.